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Wade woke up and immediately thought his head might explode. He couldn’t remember when he last got drunk like that, but it was a while. He even thought he might still be a little drunk.
He slowly opened one eye and looked around the room, frowning when he didn’t recognise it. This definitely wasn’t his place or Zoe’s, and, as far as he could remember, no-one else’s place who he knew.
Movement at his side caused him to open both eyes, and he wanted to die. He didn’t know the woman beside him, and she didn’t look at all familiar. His stomach churned, and Wade bolted for the sink in the corner, emptying his body of every drop of alcohol he had consumed last night.
He had royally fucked up.
He hurt the one person that he never wanted to hurt. The one person who thought he was worth something.
His stomach emptied its contents again, not stopping until Wade could barely breathe.
He rinsed his mouth out before grabbing his clothes from the floor and fleeing the house.
He had no idea where he was, and his phone was dead, which meant he couldn’t call anyone or check the time.
So he just walked.
And kept on walking.
Until he finally saw a sign that pointed in the direction of BlueBell.
Not that he really wanted to go back. How the fuck could he face anyone?
Last night was a blur; he could hardly remember anything besides drinking, and that didn’t seem like a good enough explanation for anything.
Wade somehow made it back to the gatehouse and just stood in the centre of the room, not knowing what to do.
There were a few things he wanted to do, but he could hardly move, guilt and shame taking over his body.
His mind began to move a mile a minute and decided for him what he would do.
He’d thought about it several times over the years. How could he not? But nothing ever seemed bad enough to do something that could never be taken back.
This, however, was bad enough.
He’d hurt the only person he’d ever loved, and probably would ever love.
He always knew he’d do something to eventually fuck everything up, but he never thought it’d be him cheating on her. Something that would absolutely destroy her, as well as any trust she ever had in him.
He didn’t deserve to be anywhere near her anymore. Not in the same town, nor the same state. Hell, not even on the same damn planet.
She deserved so much better, and she deserved a life free of him.
He thought about how to do it. Obviously, a bullet to the head would be the easiest, but it was messy, and he didn’t want Lavon to have to deal with getting pieces of his brain cleaned off the floor. Slitting his wrists would be good for making him suffer, but again, cleaning blood out of stuff wasn’t easy. He wasn’t convinced that the beams in this place would be able to hold his weight, and if they didn’t, it would be more mess for Lavon.
So he decided on pills. It wasn’t great, since he would basically just fall asleep and have no suffering, but it caused the least amount of mess for anyone else.
He knew that Zoe and Lavon weren’t home as he had walked by their places earlier, so he knew they wouldn’t come looking for him yet. He then remembered that Tom and Wanda’s wedding was today. They’d both be busy helping out. He was supposed to be there too, but he had to be gone by the time it was over, before Zoe came home.
He filled a glass with water from the kitchen, grabbed the bottle of Oxy from the bathroom, and sat down on the bed.
He should probably write a note, right? For what it was even worth. There was a small grocery list on the bedside table that Zoe had written, just basics that he was low on. His heart clenched at that. She was always thinking of him. And he couldn’t even do the same for her.
He flipped the piece of paper over and scrawled a few words in his messy handwriting.
I’m so sorry, Zoe.
I fucked up.
I never wanted to hurt you.
You deserve better.
Then he swallowed the pills and waited for the end.
-
The door was unlocked when Zoe came by, not long after.
“Wade?” She called. “You back yet? Tom’s freaking out and could do with his best man.”
She saw him sleeping, but it wasn’t the position he normally slept in, and he was fully dressed.
That’s how she knew something was wrong.
“Wade?” Then she noticed the empty bottle of pills on the bed next to him. “Wade?” She tried again, this time shaking him.
“No no no no no. Come on, Wade. Wake up! Please!” Zoe was sobbing now. Her hands shook as she took out her phone, fingers barely working to call someone.
“Pull yourself together, Hart. You know what to do. You’re a doctor, and you’ve done an ER rotation! You can do this. Just take a breath.”
She took a deep breath in, held it, and let it go.
Then repeated it once before going into doctor mode.
Or at least trying.
You have to remain clinical and unemotional in times like these, but the love of her life had taken an overdose, and she had no idea why!
Her fingers were a little steadier this time, and she was able to dial 911. It would take a while for an ambulance to get here, but it was better than nothing, and she could help while they were on the way.
Before she could press ‘call’, her eyes landed on the note.
Her brows furrowed as she read the words, not understanding.
“Wade? I don’t understand. What happened?” She knew she wouldn’t get a response yet, but she had to ask anyway.
She took another breath and called for help.
She spoke to the operator while going through the motions, calling his name again while firmly rubbing his sternum, checking his pulse and breathing, grabbing the extensive first aid kit she demanded he keep at his place just in case, before examining the naloxone syringes and finally administering one.
All she could do now was wait.
fin