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It has been three months since Denia has been constantly receiving surprised gifts and packages right at her doorstep. She knew too well who the sender is. Sometimes, these generous boxes contained things that she never say aloud to a single soul that she needs so much. Like a new perfume, coincidentally her previous one was already empty. Surprisingly, even the gifted perfume is the one she likes a lot. Some days, she received a box full of desserts especially on days that she felt so down.
The strangest one has to be when she got a package of menstrual pads. Every once in a month, she received that peculiar package right around the time her period about to begin. As much as Denia wants to label it as creepy, she finds it more endearing.
Denia can only think of one person who will do all these warm and sweet gestures.
A certain orange-haired girl came into her mind. Sigrika. The future Heliodic Six successor, always lending a hand to help anyone in need. She carries everyone's expectations like golds in her hands but Sigrika still manages to stay positive and shines like the sun that she is through it all. How could she manage to stay radiant even after putting piles and piles of works onto her shoulders so that she won't disappoint anyone?
Guess it's true that nobody's built like Sigrika. And probably also the reason why Denia found it hard to pretend that she's not attracted to Sigrika at all. It's like being a lone flower trapped in a room full of darkness, and suddenly the sunlight shine through the window and the flower wants to be underneath it for forever.
But the sunlight should not always just shine bright for one flower all the time, right?
Sigrika has so many friends, she cares about everyone just the same. That just how much of a heartwarming person Sigrika is. Denia started second-guessing herself and slowly sinks deep into her own thoughts. There's absolutely no way Sigrika finds her that special compared to everyone else, right? If anything, Sigrika probably hates her just a little bit, right? Denia has not been very good at expressing herself yet, and probably has said so much horrible things without her knowing. But Sigrika still stays with a smile on her face. It feels like Sigrika can actually reads through her like an open book.
Can someone like Sigrika even has the heart to hate on anyone? Sigrika is incredible at everything. Sigrika has a heart of gold. Sigrika is like a beautiful field of flowers that you can get lost in for forever and ever.
Sigrika. Sigrika. Sigrika.
Denia suddenly felt so weak and she just let her body slid down against the door. The new box of oranges slipped through her hands and scattered to the floor.
-----
Sigrika was enjoying her lunch with Lynae and Chisa at the canteen on a free-class afternoon. Sometimes she will joined in on the conversation with the other two girls and sometimes she will just listened. Sigrika can't help but laughing when Lynae brought up about one evening when she dragged Professor Mornye to go on a bike ride with her. That would have been such a sight to see.
Sigrika excused herself to throw away the empty packagings and then she noticed a familiar pink-haired girl outside the canteen. Probably on her way back to the dormitory.
The smile that was about to burst out of her lips turned upside down as she watched Denia, quite like she was forcing and pushing herself to keep on walking. There's no light in her eyes, and her face looked so.. dead.
Sigrika started to feel worry. Her heart was thumping over and over inside her chest. She ran over to the table she was sitting with Lynae and Chisa, quickly informed her friends that she has to excuse herself for some personal matters. The two girls just nodded understanding.
So many things running through her mind as Sigrika ran to catch up with Denia.
Sigrika has always been in love with Denia, even though her friend always shrugged it off and kept repeating herself about how it's not good for Sigrika to spend too much time with her. Sigrika did not understand it, she tried but she just could not fathom it at all.
To her, Denia is such a gentle person. Even if she always hides in the furthest corner of their classroom, Sigrika always noticed the smiles decorating her friend's lips and the sparkles in her blue eyes when she watches their classmates in awe.
Sigrika can never agree to the things Denia said about herself sometimes. And the thought of it was making Sigrika a little impatient. And so, she reached her hand out and grabbed Denia's arm from behind.
-----
"Nia."
She felt a hand pulled her from behind. But Denia stay unmoved, unwilling to turn around and face the person that has been continuously filled up her mind these past few days. She is afraid her resolve might crumble if she gives in to this temptation to just turn around and pulls the Royan girl into her arms. She wants to keep basking under that warm sunshine for her whole life, but is she truly deserving of it?
"Nia, please look at me."
Sigrika's soft pleading voice was slowly making her knees weak. She tried so hard to hold the tears from flowing down her eyes.
After a painful silence, Sigrika walked forward to face Denia herself but her friend was quick to turn away, avoiding Sigrika as best as she could. Sigrika walked to the left, and Denia turned to the right. It kept on going until Sigrika had to forcefully grabbed onto her friend's shoulders with all her strength. Denia had no other way than to just slumped her head down, letting her hair covering her face.
"Nia! Why are you acting like this?" Sigrika's voice was loud at first, frustrated, but quickly changed to the usual soft one right after. "Did I annoy you with all those boxes I sent you? If yes, then I will stop doing that, Nia. Just please, don't avoid me."
Denia tilted her head to the side, her hands clenched tight into fists. Hearing Sigrika calling herself annoying, felt like a dagger piercing straight into her chest. But probably this is the door that was suddenly opened for Denia, to finally walk out of Sigrika's life entirely.
Yes. It stings, it burns through her like a scorching hot sun. But it's probably for the best.
Denia faked a laugh. "Yes Sigrika, you are annoying." Don't trust what I said.
"Nia..?"
Denia pressed a hand to her chest, feeling something tearing her apart from the inside. She always heard that familiar low tone from Sigrika whenever she feels afraid of letting people down. Denia always comforts her whenever that happens.
But unfortunately, that will not be a thing for the two of them anymore.
Ignoring the tears that already welled up in her eyes, Denia finally raised her head and she doesn't know if she regrets doing it. Because seeing Sigrika's face at that moment was like a harsh slap to her face.
Sigrika stared back at her, looking like she is about to cry herself. Those always warm green eyes, were now looking shattered like a broken glass.
Denia forced a mocking scoff. "Look at you, silly Sigrika. I told you.." Denia took a deep breath, although shaky, but she proceed with the facade. "..you are just the predictably boring person that I loathe."
"N-Nia!" Sigrika suddenly grabbed her hand tightly, tears already fell down her cheeks like rain. Denia hates seeing the sight of it. Hates seeing the girl that supposed to be all sunshine and soft fluffy cloud, was now a raging storm because of her. "Nia, I-I love you.."
The sudden confession made Denia's body trembling. She felt like if she still stays there for even a minute longer, all the determination she had settle on earlier will all disappear.
Using the last shred of strength that she still had, Denia pried her hand away from Sigrika, and the lost warmth is making her slowly insane.
I'm sorry, Siggy. "Enough, Sigrika!" She looked at Sigrika's face one last time, making sure to carve it into her brain, for the next time she could never see it anymore. "Don't try to look for me anymore."
And Denia pushed herself to walk away with all her might. "Goodbye, Siggy.." It was more like a whisper, either Sigrika hears it or not, Denia will not turn back anymore. She finally let the harsh stream of tears fell down to her face.
How can she ever let the bright sunlight to keep shine for the flower that has long prepared to be wilted?