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Casey looks through all of the apartments that Brett had found for him, as they sit across from each other at Molly’s. The truth is that none of these apartments really feel right for him, and maybe it’d just be better to stay with Severide for now.
After all, they’ve lived together before, quite happily, and he’s going through a lot right now. Almost as much as Casey’s going through.
“I appreciate everything you’ve done,” he starts, as he gathers up all the paper into a single pile. “But I think I’m gonna stay with Severide for a while. He’d never admit it, but I think he needs me looking out for him and honestly, I think I need him, too.”
“Are you sure there’s not another reason that you want to stay with Severide?” Brett asks, eyes soft, smile light.
Casey laughs. “Like what?”
“Like I don’t know… feelings beyond friendship.”
He freezes with his beer half-way to his lips. Did she just… ?
“Are you – you’re not – no,” he stutters, heart beating fast.
Severide’s his best friend, he doesn’t know what he’d do without him, but he’s not … he doesn’t have a crush on Severide. He doesn’t.
Severide’s just a friend, a good friend, a best friend, but not – there’s no feelings there. He loves him, just not – not like that.
“It is really such a ridiculous thought?” Brett wonders.
“Well, I – I was married. To a woman.”
“And? Bisexuality exists,” she retorts.
She does have a point. There are people that are interested in both. That swing both ways.
He’s not sure he’s one of them, but he knows people that are.
“And-and Severide’s been half-dating Kidd,” Casey says, giving a half-shrug.
“But he’s not anymore,” Brett counters.
“That doesn’t mean he’s into me,” Casey replies, and there’s a bit of a twinkle in her eyes.
“That’s your objection? That he might not be into you, but nothing about your feelings?” she prompts, small, reassuring smile. She’s kinda looking at him like he’s a kid she’s trying to slowly walk through something she needs him to understand.
He shakes his head. “I don’t – I don’t have feelings for Severide.”
He doesn’t. He can’t.
Because if he did then he’d really be cursed when it comes to love, since there’s no way Severide would ever like him that way.
So, he can’t, and he doesn’t.
“Are you sure about that?” she asks, clearly thinking she knows something he doesn’t about his best friend.
“Positive. He’s just my best friend.”
“Alright, then,” she says, but she doesn’t look like she believes him. “Stay with him, maybe it’ll do you both some good.”
“It will,” he retorts. “Just not – not the kind of good you’re thinking.”
“If you say so…”
***
It’s no surprise that he can’t stop thinking about what Brett suggested.
Feelings for Severide? Absurd, really.
But every time they get a little close, every time Severide nudges him, or he squeezes his shoulder, or every time they give each other hugs – which he didn’t realize they do a lot – he feels little butterflies in his stomach. His heart beats a little faster, and sometimes, he thinks it’d be so easy to kiss him.
Sometimes he wonders what it would be like to kiss him.
But he’s not about to fuck things up.
He can’t.
So, he reminds himself that they’re just friends and friends don’t kiss their friends.
He’s just… a little lonely that’s all.
He doesn’t have feelings.
He doesn’t.
***
“You okay?” Severide asks, as he joins him on the couch and hands him a beer. “I know I’ve been a bit out of sorts since Benny… but if something’s wrong, you can tell me.”
Casey shakes his head as he pops the top and puts it on the little table beside the couch, focused on the game on the TV.
“I’m fine,” he offers. “Really.”
“Come on, Case, you don’t have to lie to me,” Severide assures him. He’s half-turned towards him, a knee bent in, his right arm on the back of the couch. “Haven’t we been through enough that you can tell me anything?”
“I – it’s not –” he’s stuttering, which clearly worries Severide given the look he’s giving him. “I’m just working through something that surprised me and shouldn’t even be a thought, but… is a thought and I’m trying to wrap my mind around it.”
He glances at Severide, who is giving him a soft look when he finishes.
“Okay. I’ll still be here when you’re ready,” he assures him with a smile that sends a wave of pleasure through him. “Because you can tell me anything.”
Maybe he does have a crush on Severide.
Even if he just isn’t ready to tell him, yet.
Or ever, really.
“I know, thanks.”
“Always.”
***
Severide’s surprised when he walks into the kitchen after his run and shower to find Casey practically dancing around the kitchen as he cooks.
His smile is bright and gleeful as spies Severide entering the kitchen.
“Hey, Sev, try this,” he says, taking a little bit of whatever he’s making onto the stirring spoon and offering it to him with his other hand underneath the spoon to catch anything from spilling.
Severide opens his mouth to accept it because whatever high Casey’s on, he’s definitely not going to ruin it. Even if it’s a little odd for him to feed Severide.
The chili he is making is honestly amazing.
“Delicious, Case,” he says, once he swallows.
Casey’s smile gets even more impressively bigger if that’s possible. “Glad you like it. It’s probably just about done if you wanna get some bowls out.”
“Sure,” he offers as he moves to the cabinet. “Is this a sign that whatever was on your mind is no longer bugging you?”
Casey hums. “Actually, I’ve just come to accept that it’s true.”
“What’s true?” Severide asks as Casey dishes the chili into their bowls.
He looks hesitant for the first time since Severide spotted him dancing away in their kitchen, but he takes a deep breath and says, “I’m just going to throw this out there and if … if you – you don’t agree with it, we can just pretend that I didn’t say it, okay?”
Severide puts the bowls down on their counter and asks, “What is it? Is something wrong? Are you sick?”
“No, no, nothing’s wrong,” Casey says, shaking his head. “I just – I like you.”
“I’d hope my best friend likes me,” Severide jokes, not quite understanding what the big deal is – wasn’t that obvious?
Casey laughs, looking up like he can’t believe Severide doesn’t get it.
“No, Sev, I like you – as more than a friend.”
It takes a second for his words to sink in. “Oh.”
He hadn’t – Severide always thought that Casey couldn’t possibly be as into him as he’s into Casey – expected that to be it at all. He’d been surprised when he realized that he’d had a crush on Casey after they lived together for two years, but then, Casey had gotten married, and he tried to push those feelings away. Tried to fall for someone else, even given Casey’s recent divorce, but now… now he likes him, too.
Casey flushes and swallows hard. “Yeah, I just – I needed to admit it, even though you clearly don’t –”
Severide cuts him off by grabbing his face and pulling him in for a kiss. It’s slightly bruising, and he tastes like chili, but Casey quickly drops the spoon into the chili and puts arms around Severide’s waist, pulling them flush against each other.
He could easily get lost in Casey’s lips forever, the sparks practically flying off of them, but there’s the sound of their stomachs, clearly hungry and he remembers how giddy Casey had been get him to try this dinner and breaks the kiss.
“You – I – really?” Casey stutters, a grin on his face. “You – you like me, too?”
Severide laughs. “Yeah, Case, I’ve liked you for a while, but I didn’t think you’d like me back and you know me, I don’t pine, so I tried to forget …”
“And now you don’t have to,” Casey says, with a smile. His hands still on his waist. “I kinda wanna just kiss you senseless and never stop, but I did work really hard on the chili.”
Severide laughs. “How ‘bout we eat this delicious chili, and you tell me all about how you’ve been spinning out over your feelings for me and then, when we’re done with dinner, you can kiss me all night long.”
“Sounds like the perfect first date.”
“Good.”