Chapter Text
Chapter 1: I HATE IT HEEEEEEEEERRRRREEEEEE
You know, life has a very funny way of putting you in the right place at the right time… Or the exact OPPOSITE in most cases. Whether people find it a coincidence, fate, or in my case god, it doesn’t matter. Why do you ask? Well, because it doesn’t change the situation you find yourself in. Such as my situation, where I found a shady ass guy, in a hoodie(i know very stereotypical), walking to the area my family was in. Go figure the one fucking time we go to universal studios some jack ass decides go off the damn rails. Back to the main point, I see him walking with both hands in his pocket to the area and I find myself with two choices, ‘Ignore it and get my hotdog’, Or, ‘Tail the weirdo and make sure he doesn’t do anything crazy’.
Naturally, I chose the second option to make sure my family was safe. Unfortunately, I had watch in slow motion as he points a fucking gun towards the crowd and once I saw my little sister and little brother there, I blacked out. When I come to, all I hear are screams as the hooded guy is beneath me, his face damn near unrecognizable from all the blood, his gun clattered to the side of his hand with broken fingers. I then realized another thing, my family was crying and others were screaming not because of him and the gun, or because of me beating him senseless… I got fucking shot, Multiple times I realize as I look down and see the holes in my shirt.
I look to the side as the paramedics take me away. I see my siblings crying and begging me to be okay… I did what any big brother would do. I smiled and told them everything was gonna be okay as they loaded me up in the ambulance. So that was clearly a fucking a lie is what i thought to myself as I floated around this endless dark void.
Damn, I can’t BELIEVE that fucking prick killed me RIGHT before sonic 4 came out!! I had plans to watch that with my little brother…
It was here and now I found out I cannot cry . Honestly should have been obvious seeing as, well I don’t know, maybe because I AM FUCKING DEAD!!!
I don’t know how much time has passed. All I know is I was screaming at how unfair it was. I had died before me and my little brother could complete our bucket list. There was so much fucking shit i wanted to do with him and my little sister. I spent the next indeterminable amount of time moping around and at least attempting to cry… More time had passed before I felt… A presence. A disgusting sensation of like fucking spiders or something crawling all over me!!! EUGH!!!! I felt myself try to shriek as they changed something within me. Maybe my soul? I don’t freaking know, ALL I KNOW IS I FEEL UNCLEAN!!!!!!!
I felt myself relax and slump as the sensation had finally faded and I could FINALLY relax and huddle in on myself. Shivering at the sensation of whatever the FUCK that was!!!!! I then proceeded to freeze up in sheer PTSD as I saw a black window with yellow text pop up in front of me.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Adjusting…
Finding Form- ERROR!!!
Recalibrating…
Error!!!
Recalibrating…
Form has been found.
Calibrating…
Complete!
The Gacha System is Now Complete!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I found myself completely still and utterly TERRIFIED of the black screen with yellow text. Why you may ask? Well, as someone who has little siblings. One of them had roped me into watching a cool little show called ‘Murder Drones’. In said show, there was a literal fucking Robo Cthulu Satan esque cosmic horror known as ‘The Absolue Solver.’ Now you are probably wondering. Oh yeah, sorry for the late introduction, my name is Alek but my friends call me Isaac. Back to the main point!
You are thinking ‘Isaac why does this harmless window of text scare you?’, the answer to that is ITS THE SAME FUCKING FORMAT THE ABSOLUTE SOLVER USES!!!!!! So you can imagine my relief when I saw the gacha system at the bottom instead of proceeding to get my soul slurped like an over-easy egg.
… How do I interact with you?
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Like you are right now User.
Congratulations on your new lease on life with the Gacha System!
Usually we would roll for a random world to drop you in but… there was a catastrophic system error.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
What kind of system error?
I ask with only slight worry.
I am DEFINITELY, NOT, currently trembling with dread and fear
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
It seems while the system was reaching out to you, something took notice.
But not to worry, we were able to repel them off honored User.
However, due to the immense power of said entity, you are now Perma-Locked to appear on a certain world on a specific planet.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Which planet and which world!?!?
I would be fucking crying right now if i could. I am begging to my lord and saviour at this point to let it NOT be fucking Madoka Magica or some equally fucking cursed to shit doomed world!!!... PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T PUT ME IN FUCKING WORM!!!!!! I DON’T EVEN CARE IF I GET INTO MADOKA MAGICA JUST NOT WORM!!!!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
The world is Murder Drones User, please calm down!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
THANK THE FUCKING LORD AND SAVIOUR HIMSELF!!!!
The sheer amount of relief that flooded my body at the news. While dealing with the solver isn’t ideal, at least I HAVE A FUCKING CHNACE OF LIVING-... oh fuck. I then felt the system cringe(?) as I realized it.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Yes, unfortunately you are to reappear on the wasteland of Copper-9 and its unbreathable atmosphere.
Don’t worry though, we will compensate you for this inconvenience with extra tickets!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Oh… Yeah I can work with that.
I honestly can work with this. My luck is definitely spotty at best but it can come in clutch when least expected!
Just in case I don’t manage to get the ability needed, Is there ANY way I can get more rolls before I get ‘deployed’?
I ask with a hopeful stare.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Not to worry, you can roll for a curse in case you don’t get the perk needed!
The higher the curse the higher the roll!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
OH HELL YEAAAH!!
I screamed to the heavens!
How many rolls do I have?
I asked with excitement.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Due to how powerful the entity is, and the conditions for the world you are spawned in. It would count as an extreme curse.
Because of these we will be granting you 10 random rolls instead of 3.
3 rolls for the inconvenience and almost permanent death of user-
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
‘The almost WHAT-’
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
And 4 more rolls due to the extreme and inhospitable environment the User shall spawn in.
The Tiers are as follows:
-Trash
-Common
-Uncommon
-Rare
-Elite
-Epic
-Legendary
-Mythical
-Divine
-Transcendant
Due to the precariousness of this I will grant you the chance of getting a divine, however I will lower the value to the lowest possible setting.
Are you ready to roll User?
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I would have given a grin full of teeth if I could
YES! I then began praying for good rolls.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Desert Elemental]
|Rarity: Rare Familiar|
Calamity Mod - A pair of sister elementals born from the shifting sands of the desert. One sister can create and manipulate sand to attack and defend while the other can cast healing magic.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Okay that’s useful! But I need something to help me with the atmosphere.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Speckled Stoneplate Ring]
|Rarity: Rare Item|
Dark Souls - Stoneplates, the symbol of a true knight, grant the strength to face various hardships. The precious rare speckled stoneplate grants a small boost to defense against all elemental effects.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Huh, that can be useful!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Water Manipulation]
|Rarity: Rare Ability|
Allows you to control and shape any water you are in physical contact with, you cannot control water you aren't touching. As long as you maintain contact you can freely morph the water and move it as you like, the more energy you expend, the larger quantities of water you can control and the more power you can exert.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Alright, that's pretty cool but it won’t help me with the air.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[Animorph]
|Rarity: Elite Ability|
Allows you to freely morph into any mundane animal you are aware of, you can still utilize all of your abilities as an animal but you inherit their physical abilities and characteristics.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Oh hell yeah! That’ll definitely help until I can get stronger!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Efficient Cells]
|Rarity: Rare Trait|
Your cells are supernaturally efficient at converting sustenance into energy, you regain your energy significantly faster.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
…..
Huh, kinda reminds me of Toriko.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Geyser]
|Rarity: Uncommon Ability|
Allows the user to create geysers of water that erupt from the ground around them, the more energy you expend, the more powerful the geysers.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Hey! This pairs awesomely with that waterbending skill!!!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Adept Hand-to-Hand Combat]
|Rarity: Rare Skill|
You are very talented in unarmed combat, on the level of a veteran martial artist. You know how to move your body to unleash powerful blows, at this level your arms and legs are lethal weapons.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Okay, starting to panic now!!!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Expert Mechanics]
|Rarity: Elite Skill|
You are an expert mechanic, your skill at designing, fixing and building machinery is comparable to a low-level Tinker ability. You can fix and build any mundane machine without a problem and even design your improved versions. With enough time and practice you can even build low-level tinkertech.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
THAT’S REALLY FUCKING USEFUL HERE HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[Susanoo Ribs]
|Rarity: Rare Ability|
Naruto - Allows you to form Susanoo's ribs around yourself, a construct made up of your own energy that is very durable and selectively intangible, allowing you to attack from inside it.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
….knowing my luck this next roll is going to be absolute dogshit
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[Curse Breaker]
|Rarity: Rare Ability|
Curse Breaker allows you to break curses by touching them or an area around you with some training. The strength of the curses and charms you can break scales with the amount of energy you expend.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Ugh, System roll a curse for me please.
I instantly regretted this fucking decision
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Warning!
CATASTROPHIC curse rolled!
Any and all traits that change your race to anything other than human have been permanently locked!
Can only be unlocked when getting a race change to a god or getting the curse broken BY a god!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
…I…FUCKING… HATE IT HEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
U-User!
P-please calm down! You get a free Diamond advantage ticket for every role because of this!
I will even be generous and up the potential to be divine!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
It took a LOT of screaming, cursing, crying, and finally just pure silence for what felt like hours. It was after all of that i finally decided to start rolling again starting with abilities.
I swear to fucking god if i don’t get something to take care of the atmosphere problem. I might actually spawn in right now just to die again
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[Reaper's Scythe]
|Rarity: Epic Ability|
Allows you to conjure a scythe made of pure darkness that you can alter the size and shape of, the scythe completely ignores the durability of physical objects and barriers while also preventing regeneration and resurrection from the wounds it causes.
OR
[Burden Breaker]
|Rarity: Epic Ability|
Calamity Mod - "More speed" When Burden Breaker is active, your speed is completely unbound by such frivolous things as physics, you ignore air resistance, gravity and friction. In addition, you will continue gaining momentum until Burden Breaker is deactivated, making you gain speed indefinitely, warning, incredibly uncontrollable and may cause you to end up at the edge of the universe with misuse.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
… I pick Reaper’s Scythe I say trying not to cry as i do my next roll.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Titans Thunder]
|Rarity: Epic Item|
Hota - A sword of thunder that grants its user the power and might of the giants. It grants its user extreme physical strength and the ability to rain down thunder by expending their own energy. Enhances the power of lightning-based abilities when used as a focus.
OR
[ Cloak of the Undead King]
|Rarity: Epic Item|
Hota - A cloak of the legendary undead king. When worn, boosts the power of all necromancy and soul-based abilities and removes the limit on the amount of undead the user can control at once.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
HOW IS IT I GET SHIT LIKE THIS BUT NOT A WAY TO BREATHE IN THE ATMOSPHERE DAMN IIIIIIIT!!!!
I scream out to the heavens as i pick Titans Thunder
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[Majin’s Physique]
BZZT
[Brand of Khorne]
|Rarity: Epic Trait|
Warhammer 40k - You wear the brand of Khorne, the Blood God. Greatly increasing your propensity for combat, your instincts are greatly heightened in the midst of combat, you have greater intuition into using any weapon or skill in combat, making you a natural killing machine. You can track blood and are able to sense killing intent like it is second nature. Note: Brands do not connect you to the Chaos Gods or Warp.
OR
[Master of Arms]
|Rarity: Epic Trait|
You are a Master of Arms, being able to wield any weapon you lay on your hand as if you have been wielding it for 10 years, in addition, you are able to bypass any requirements a weapon might have to wield it such as being an angel or a chosen hero. In addition, all sentient or conscious weapons adore you and weapons would love to be wielded by you.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Word’s could not describe the sheer amount of fucking WRATH that surged through me seeing the majin physique get denied.
… I Fucking Pick Master of Arms
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[ Master Massage]
|Rarity: Epic Skill|
You are a master masseuse, better than any mortal can be. Your massages can even heal injuries and ailments, your massages are therapeutic and cause immense pleasure and comfort. Even the bodies gods are like putty in your hands.
OR
[ Divine Blacksmithing]
|Rarity: Mythical Skill|
Your blacksmithing skill is qualified to be on the level of a god, with enough training you could Hephaestus a run for their money. With enough resources and time, you can forge your own Excalibur, Gugnir, Longinus, Mjolnir etc.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I immediately pick divine blacksmithing while screaming at the top of my fucking lungs.
LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO!!!!! Watch out Cyn! Your ass is getting fucking DELETED NOW!!!!.... Ah shit I still need a way to breathe air.
With that I move on to the next roll
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
[Nakime]
|Rarity: Epic Familiar|
(Character)Demon Slayer - As one of the Kizuku, Nakime has formidable physical strength and regeneration, although lacking compared to her peers. Her Blood Art manifests as a pocket dimension called the Infinity Castle under her control, Infinity Castle is an infinite realm of the inside of a wooden medieval Japanese castle. She can create portals to this realm in the form of sliding wooden doors she can manifest on any surface she can perceive.
OR
[Blue Diamond]
|Rarity: Epic Familiar|
(Character)Steven Universe - Blue Diamond is a former intergalactic with her own gem empire. As a Diamond gem, she has great physical abilities and durability with her gem, her core being insanely durable for her tier. She is capable of using energy-based attacks and unleashing emotion-manipulating aura. As well as possessing all of the abilities of the average gem such as shapeshifting, storage space, fusion, and restoring her physical form as long as her core is intact.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I scream in joy as I finally get a chance of survival with these two lucky rolls! Before stopping at the fact I STILL CANNOT FUCKING BREATHE AIR!!!!
System! Can I roll a curse in exchange for 2 traits that can help?
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Well, depending on the severity of the curse I can take 2 away at random and give you two in exchange that’s perfect for your situation.
I might even throw in an extra roll~!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Hmm, in that case. Roll a curse for me please!
little did i know, just this one action alone. Would cause so much complete and utter fucking chaos, that even discord would be jealous.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Alright!
Rolling curse....
Oh…
Heh…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I could only float there and watch as the text box was flooded with laughter before stopping.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I will switch the two traits you have user, for somehow managing to have quite possibly.
The Greatest and Worst Luck I have ever seen~!
[ Breathless]
|Rarity: Rare Trait|
Your body doesn't need to breathe, your body still acts like you are breathing and receives all of the benefits from it even if you don't breathe or are in an airless environment. You can also speak without air.
AND
[ Photosynthesis]
|Rarity: Rare Trait|
Who cares about food or breathing? Natural sunlight is all you need in this life. You regenerate energy faster under sunlight and when under the sun you also feel satiated and don't need to breathe as your body can function off sunlight alone. Water is still needed though.
Also, I will give you three completely random rolls.
If You want, I can even replace one of those with one diamond advantage ticket under the condition you don’t ask what the curse is~!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I contemplated this for a while.
I decided to go with the offer, only because of the duo of rolls being divine black smithing and blue diamond.
I accept the offer, start with the random rolls please
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Initiating rolls…
[ Tamamo no Mae]
|Rarity: Epic Familiar|
(Character)Fate - A fragment of the Goddess of the Sun Amaterasu in the form of a Kitsune who specializes in course craft. Tamamo is an accomplished mage who is a master of Japanese curse craft, being able to invoke a magnitude of curses such as immolation, freezing, lightning, bad luck etc. If she manages to get stronger and acquire more magical power she will slowly metamorphosize back into the form of Amaterasu and gain more tails. As a Heroic Spirit, she is only as strong as the amount of mana her master gives her.
AND
[Bow and Arrow]
|Rarity: Uncommon Ability|
You are able to conjure a bow and arrow made of energy in your hands to shoot down enemies and targets. The more energy you put into the arrow, the stronger it is.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
I felt my currently nonexistent jaw drop at the first roll.
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!
I cheered!
Alright system! Please roll my diamond advantage ticket for me!
I asked politely
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Gladly User~!
[ Blackrazor]
|Rarity: Epic Item|
DnD - A legendary sentient greatsword sword capable of devouring souls, the souls Blackrazor devours are added to you as health and invigoration that fades over the span of 24 hours or can be stored inside of the blade. In addition, when wielding Blackrazor you can sense all souls in a 100-meter radius. But not letting the sword devour souls for a long span of time may make it grow restless.
OR
[ Expert Blunt Weapon Mastery]
|Rarity: Elite Skill|
You are an expert of blunt weapons like hammers and clubs, the might with which you swing these weapons can brown the pants of any common man. If these were the old ages, there would be folklore about how you splattered a man across the battlefield with a simple mace.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Hmmm… I pick … Fuck it. Blunt weapon mastery!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Choice has been made!
Are you ready for your new life?
[Y/N]
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
…. You know what, who cares.
I’m as ready as I will ever be!
Thank you so much for this, really!
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
… It’s no problem Isaac, enjoy your new life.
Initiating Transmigration…
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
Let’s get dangerous!
I yelled in confidence before I felt myself get pulled-
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
… He’ll be fine.
That was oddly generous of you.
!!!!!!
Oh relax, you know I ain’t no snitch sis. So, why the generosity?
… The solver wasn’t the only one who noticed his soul.
Okay?
I… pulled his soul from the void
WHAT?!
HE HAS NO WAY OF GETTING HERE CALM DOWN!!!!!
… Alright, that's… BETTER. Would be fantastic if you never even tried to-
Don’t…. You know why I had too.
Ah… She was in the crowd too wasn’t she?
… The point is it's gonna take a lot more than just one divine skill for what he is up against. I owed him THAT much at least.
Fair enough sis. I’ll just go double check, would rather not get stuck in HIS WORLD… eugh!
…
Thank you Isacc. Please be careful, you goofball.
— — — — — — — — — — — — —
(Uzi Doorman - Sunday, Vespera 10th, 3062)(around the same time)
Today was nothing special, really. If anything it was definitely one of my better days as I was hanging out with my cousin Doll along with my other friends… Wow, still having a hard time believing those words. But, anyhow I was debating with cuz on the merits of using a railroad spike-launcher. It was only when i opened my mouth to give her a rebuttal when she suddenly gasped and bent over, she stumbled back onto the couch with her hand over her right optic visor. I got worried since it was flickering and figured she must have caught a virus. I then watched as Joe darted over to our side.
“Doll are you okay?” He had asked with a face full of worry and… fear?
“ I … I got a migraine all of the sudden,” Doll had said with her hands over her visor.
“Cuz, whats wrong? Can you run a system diagnostic?”
“Doll?” I blinked in surprise as Lizzy practically teleported next to her before cuz had winced and rubbed her optics.
“My … oil’s low and temperature is up again? But it’s only been 2 months,” She trailed off
“I don’t think medical is gonna just give you oil again, so soon after the last time,” Thad commented
“Shouldn’t you be making enough of your own?” Kelsey asked. “Are you eating right?”
“Is there anything either of us can do?” Rebecca had asked with Darren nodding beside her.
“I …” I watched as cuz had trailed off and winced.
“Uh, I might– –” I was then surprised as Lizzy cut off Joe with determined optics.
“I’ll take care of it.” I then watched as Joe tried but failed getting through to her.
“Liz? I have an – –”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“Lizzy? She’s my cousin, I might be able to come up with– –” I was then cut off by a only slightly terrifying Lizzy… Why was she nervous?
“I’ll. Take. Care. Of. It.” She stepped forward and grabbed my cuz’s wrist and pulling her as my cuz let out a surprised gasp. “She’s my bestie. I’ll walk her home, figure out what’s wrong, and she’ll be fine tomorrow.”
“Liz?”
“I got this dolly.” I then watch as she tugged my cousin away.
“So… Was that weird to anyone else?” Joe asked.
“Oh totally weird.” Thad agreed.
“Yeah/Yup/Uh-huh/Totes,” I along with Kelsey, Darren, and Rebecca had added.
“Sooooooo… I am gonna head home because I don’t feel comfortable hanging out here while worrying about Doll.”
And with that I left, their words fading into the background as I find myself worrying what could be wrong with my cousin.