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“This is a silly idea…” Penelope muttered to herself as she made her way up the ladder and into the attic. This was the first time she had done this; she wanted to do something special, wanted to surprise him. Her own voice was taunting her now. Penelope hated heights; she often wondered if she was so short because of it. Her genetic predisposition preempting her fear.
But today she was pretending, today she was going to think tall thoughts and feign like she was at one with the sky.
All because she had a very important item to retrieve, her wedding dress…
It was her and Colin’s first wedding anniversary the next day. He was away for the week on assignment and was meant to be home today, but alas, some rather nasty storms had landed him on a plane in the morning instead. Which was unfortunate, she wanted to wake up beside him, relive what they had been doing at that time the year before, spend the day in bed, far away from any disruptions and distractions…just having time for them. But she couldn’t really complain about missing a single morning when they had the rest of their lives, so she was choosing to make the best of it. This all led her to being halfway up the ladder, doubting every single one of those choices.
“It’s fine…it’s fine” she said, taking another step, then another. Only breathing when her feet touched the flooring they had added when they moved in. Problem number one down, problem number two was actually finding the right box.
It had been dry-cleaned and put away, but she had no idea in the mess of boxes where exactly that was. The boxes of Christmas decorations were easy to rule out; they had used the leftover snowflake tape to close them up again. As was her book overflow, which she had labelled extensively. So she headed to the other side to start there. The first box she opened was her summer clothing, then Colin’s. A couple of suitcases were with those. There was a box with a random assortment of items, mostly cables Colin insisted he had to keep, some adapters and extension leads.
“No, not that one” she said, closing it back up,
She found a box with a couple of old lamps that hadn’t yet found a new home in the new house, despite them living in there for over a year, but were too nice to get rid of. A box of old bedding that they used now and again as dust sheets. In the corner, there was a much sturdier plastic box; just by looking at it, it was too small for the dress, but she opened it anyway.
The top had a few photo albums that her mother had given her (made her take with her) when she moved out. Backed in the Portia special, lime green. She flicked through them, one of her and her sisters at the zoo standing in one of those things that you stuck your head through, so they were all different kinds of animals. There were a few on Christmas morning when she was maybe 5 or 6. When she got to one of her whole family on that same Christmas, her throat tightened painfully when she saw her dad standing behind them. She quickly flicked on before she let it overwhelm her. There was a few of a sports day in primary school with her and Eloise in butterfly face paint that she quickly snapped a photo of and sent to her best friend turned sister-in-law. The next one was the same, but with the addition of Colin, who had opted for Spiderman instead, she sent that one too. There were a few school reports and awards, a couple of trophies, her A-level and GCSE results and a few other random things that she wondered why she ever opted to keep. She had some concert and play tickets from over the years, that she always collected and promised herself she would do something with (and never did), a knitted scarf from her Granny that she was definitely allergic to, but had to keep safe and a little tin box with the dried flower petals from the first bouquet that Colin had ever bought her. She could help but smile as she set them aside.
The other side of the box must have been Colin’s things, she recognised some of the family photos, some before she had become a permanent fixture and even more from after. There were countless from birthday parties, summers at Aubrey Hall and each of the siblings’ weddings (well A-D anyway), when Frannie got married later in the year there would no doubt be another to add. He had his baby blanket that Violet had embroidered with his initials, a couple of birthday cards which she knew were some of the last that he had received from his dad and a couple of souvenirs from his travels that he hadn’t put on display. There were the same school mementoes and concert tickets, some of which they had attended together.
When they were all moved aside, she found a bound journal, not just a notebook from the pound shop, but one that you (she) would have saved for a special occasion. Curiosity had gotten the better of her. When she opened it, it was, to a certain extent, what she had expected. The date was from one of his longest trips, when he had gone to Italy for 8 months when he was 27, and it was filled with plans and rough itineraries, then details of each day he had spent there. Around about September, a couple of weeks before he returned, she came across pages that were different. Her breath hitched, and her eyes began to read before she could stop them;
For Penelope,
I don’t know why I am writing this; you won’t even see it. No-one will. But this is the only way I can get out how I feel before I explode.
I hate this trip. Objectively, it is amazing it was my own idea for God’s sake, but waving goodbye to you at the airport, having to rip myself away from your touch, was maybe the hardest thing I have ever done. My bones ache, and I can’t sleep properly. Do you know how much I would give to be crashing on that tiny green sofa of yours that is at least a foot too short for me? I would give anything, because that means you would be a wall away, I could call out right now, and you would hear me.
I feel like an idiot. Correction, I am, in fact, the world’s biggest idiot. I can’t believe I have walked about the planet for the last eighteen years and didn’t understand just how much you meant to me. I didn’t realise until a couple of months ago that it even had a name. I always loved you; that was clear. You were my friend, are my best friend, of course I did. But somewhere along the line, that little piece of me that latched onto you the day you knocked me off my bike found a comfy home in my heart and just grew and grew until I was deeply, irrevocably in love with you.
Apparently, it isn’t normal to compare every girl you date to your best friend, or to hang on their every word or want to rip off their boyfriend’s arms at every opportunity. Imagine that…(I refer to my earlier point of idiocy)
Do you know how much everything here reminds me of you? In the sea, in the sunsets, in the cats in the street that you would be chasing down to get a picture of. I want you here, so you can see it all with me. It’s like when someone makes a joke, and I always look to you first to see if you laugh too. Like, if you didn’t laugh along, it wouldn’t have been as funny or as good. Everything feels dull, less, when you aren’t near.
I want to tell you, when I get home, I want to not go straight to Bridgerton House, or Ben’s or El’s. I want to go to the place, the person, who has been home for as long as I can think of.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing; I have wasted enough time, but I am paralysed because what if you don’t feel the same?
Is a hopeful heart better than a broken one?
Maybe one day I will be brave enough…who knows?
All my love,
Colin
She didn’t know when the tears had started to stream down her face, somewhere around the fourth sentence, if she had to guess. She wasn’t sure what happened in the two weeks between the day he wrote the letter and the day he arrived home in October, but it had made all the difference.
True to what he had written, he had gone straight from the airport to her flat. Stood on her doorstep, bag in hand and confessed everything. She, of course, felt the same, and they spent the rest of the night making absolutely sure that the other knew exactly how much they were loved.
She traced the edge of the page with her finger, wondering why he never showed her this. Maybe he had forgotten? He had shown her his other journals. But this one was amongst the sentimental items, so surely that was not the case. Tucking it under her arm, she repacked the box and kept on her search for what she came for. It was over quickly when she turned around and saw a box with ‘WEDDING DRESS’ written in overly large letters on it.
“Ah…right”
The next morning she woke early, had a luxuriously long bath, shaved every inch on her body and even used the fancy moisturiser that smelt like heaven. She took time to do her hair and make up as close as she could to how it was on the day, and was rather impressed with the results, if she did say so herself. She had just finished when she got a message from Colin.
Private Message between Colin Bridgerton and Penelope Bridgerton
Colin❤️: Morning babe
Colin❤️: I know what day it is today, but I refuse the first time I get to say it to be over text. So just know I have not forgotten
Colin❤️: My plane just landed and I should be home in 40ish mins
Colin❤️: I love you, I can’t wait to see you
Pen💗: I love you too
Pen💗: See you soon xxx
He was 40 minutes away, which gave her just enough time to set up everything else and figure out how to get herself into the dress. It was going to be perfect.
She had poised herself in the kitchen, which felt odd, but the room was at the back of the house, and she knew he wouldn’t be able to see her through the windows. She was nervous, actually jittery, but excited almost in equal measure.
Her heart picked up when she heard his keys in the door, tears springing to her eyes for some unknown reason, but she did her best to blink them away.
“Pen?” He shouted out,
“In here!”
The faint footsteps got closer and closer until,
“Happy Anniversary P….” His words cut out as his brain finally caught up with his eyes, “Pen” he breathed,
“Hi” she smiled,
He took a step closer,
“Happy Anniversary, Colin”
He took another step closer and was finally able to speak again,
“You look…incredible” he said, voice strangled,
“Better than I did a year ago?” She teased,
“Minutely, but only because this time, the first time I saw you, you are already my wife, and I have had a whole extra year of loving you”
“Col”
“Too much?” He smiled,
“No” she said with a small shake of her head,
“I love you” he said, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips, “Happy First Wedding anniversary, my love”
“I love you too”
“Can you hold on just a second?” He said,
“Ok…?” she said, confused,
He literally ran upstairs, so fast she worried he was going to slip and break his ankle. She felt a little awkward standing beside the air fryer in the most expensive piece of clothing she had ever owned, but it was short-lived.
“I’m back!” He said, completely out of breath and standing in his wedding suit. “It’s a little tight around the arms now…but it still works”
“Oh, poor me” she said sarcastically, “Come here, let me fix your tie”
His hands landed on her hips as she fiddled with the knot,
“You messed it up on purpose because you wanted me to do that, didn’t you?”
His grin was blinding as she burst out laughing,
“I wish I could marry you all over again, I did, I do and I always will” he said, making tears spring to both their eyes, “you are the best thing that ever happened to me”
“And you are my biggest dream come true” she said, the tears now fully escaping,
He pulled her even closer, her head on his chest, listening to every heartbeat as they swayed softly,
“I’m so glad you loved me back” he sniffed, “so unbelievably glad”
“Stop crying, you're making me cry too,” she laughed, wiping the tears away, not really caring what her makeup was looking like,
“I literally can’t help it, I feel like a leaky tap. Every time I thought about coming home this week, they started. Everyone on the trip was getting rather worried”
“It’s a big week, to be fair”
“I can remember every single second of the wedding. I remember standing at the front of the church, absolutely dying because you were taking so long”
“I was perfectly on time, thank you”
“I know, but it felt like an age. It isn’t easy to wait for the thing you always wished for”
“It’s like you are trying to make me sob” she sniffled,
“Then I saw you walk towards me with Ant, who knew a human could survive so long without breathing”
She giggled,
“You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, you still are, you took my breath away earlier, I’m not totally sure it’s fully back yet. Then you were beside me, and the minister was saying some kind of nonsense”
“Welcoming our guests”
“And he said more things that sounded fuzzy”
“Talking about the day and if anyone had any objections”
“I would have fought them if they did” he said sternly, “but then the good bit started”
She rolled her eyes lovingly,
“Then we promised to love and cherish one another as long as we both shall live”
“And you corrected them to say forever because as long as we both live wasn’t long enough”
“I stand by it”
“Then I got to give you a ring this time”
“I haven’t taken it off since” he said, his hands tightening around her, “and then you officially became Mrs Bridgerton”
“One of the best days of my life”
“Only one of them?” He questioned,
“Well, there was the day we met and the day you told me that after years and years of pining after you, you were in fact in love with me too”
“I’ll allow it” he said, dipping his head to capture her lips once more.
“I’m so glad you're home”
“Me too”
“What do you say we open this champagne then?” She grinned,
“Oh, yes, please!”
Colin opened it, pouring each of them a glass.
“So…you went into the attic then?” He asked,
“Yes, but I think it was more than worth it”
“I can’t help but agree”
“And I actually found something else”
“Oh? A spider, perhaps?”
Her eyes widened,
“I hadn’t considered the spiders until just now”
“Ignore me then” he laughed, “what did you find?”
“This” she said, handing over the journal.
“This wasn’t with the others?”
“No, it was in the box of the sentimental stuff”
“Wh…”
He flicked through until he go to those pages…
“You found it” he said softly,
“It was lost?”
“I remember writing it, I could have told you every word from memory, even now” but I thought I had left the journal somewhere. I wanted to show it to you if things ever worked out. I just couldn’t find it again when they did.”
“I read it, I hope that’s ok” she said quietly,
“Of course it is, it was for you after all”
“It is like the perfect gift, it’s paper for the 1st year”
“To me, too, I thought those words were lost forever; you found them”
“I did want to ask, though, it was written two weeks before you came home, and it didn’t sound like you were going to tell me how you felt, then you did. What happened?”
“You are going to think I’m mad”
“I already think you're mad” she smirked,
“Well, Benedict and Sophie were planning their wedding, and Ant texted me asking if I had decided on a date, obviously by mistake it was meant for Ben, he said as much a second later. But it triggered something in my brain; I literally planned our wedding in my head that day. I walked around aimlessly for hours and didn’t get any of the things I went for. I had the location, the music, the cake…”
“Obviously”
“Right?” He smiled, “When I finished, I realised the only thing missing was you. I was scared I would lose you, but I decided that it was scarier if I didn’t say anything and missed my chance altogether. So I changed my flight, I was home a week earlier than planned, and the rest is history, I suppose”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I knew for years how I felt…maybe…”
“No, Penelope, we have ended up exactly where we are and I wouldn’t change this for the world”
“Love you” she said tenderly,
“Love you more”
“Not a chance” she winked,
His hands skimmed over the fabric of her gown.
“Is it bad that I missed this?”
“I mean, it is heavy, and I’d maybe not want to sweat in it for hours on end. But I do see the appeal”
“Do you need help taking it off?” He said far too innocently,
“Colin Bridgerton!”
“What?” He grinned, “I was merely hoping to be helpful”
She narrowed her eyes at him,
“Regardless, I think we should do this every year” he said earnestly,
“We may not be able to do that”
“Why?”
“Well, the dress might not fit every year, not even next year if you do your job right”
“What?” He said, completely bewildered,
“Well, I am assuming you are going to knock me up one of these months, Bridgerton, or did you forget about our plan?”
His jaw dropped, eyes darkening,
“Upstairs…now…”
“Colin” she barked out a laugh, “I have an IUD still”
“Well, isn’t now a great time to see if we can beat it?”
“Not at all how it works” she chuckled,
“Do I look like I care?” He countered, then got an odd look on his face before he launched himself towards her, throwing her over his shoulder before taking off towards the stairs.
“Colin! Put me down”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you”
“You're impossible”
“But you love me” she could hear the smirk,
“Yeah, I suppose I do"