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Most Pokemon trainers had some idea of what they wanted to do once they set out on their journeys: catch them all and fill their Pokedex, challenge all of the gyms and earn badges, go against the Elite Four to claim the title of Champion in one region, breed Pokemon and raise them for other people, or simply establish a business with the help or support of Pokemon. The possibilities were endless, but Jolyne Kujo didn’t know what she wanted to do.
Jolyne sighed and slumped in her seat. Hermes cast a sideway glance at her and wrapped up her conversation with Gloria. The pair sat at a table at the restaurant Gloria owned (that Hermes refused to work at but gladly accepted the free food Gloria offered), a tray of crispy rellenos, rice, beans, and tortillas between them. Jolyne grabbed a fork and picked at the food, waiting until Gloria walked away before dropping it and sighing again.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Hermes asked, shoveling food to her own plate and shortly into her mouth.
“It’s those kind of lost feelings again,” Jolyne said. “People at my age — hell, even younger than nineteen — are supposed to figure out what they want to do with their lives, have some major goals whether it involves Pokemon or not. But I just don’t know. I kind of like doing a bit of everything, but I don’t want to have too many Pokemon or stress out about losing or overworking my Pokemon. Even you have some idea of what you want to do with your life.”
“I mean, I guess,” Hermes said, “If you include short term stuff like the Pokemarathon. Still need to figure out the best Pokemon to run with me. Machamp won’t help much.”
Jolyne covered her mouth and giggle at the mental image of Hermes running alongside her Machamp, which had its own special memories in Jolyne’s mind. Machop was one of Hermes’ first Pokemon, and Jolyne was honored to help evolve it into its current form when Hermes asked to trade her Machoke.
She tried not to let her mind wander back into bleakness too quickly, but she said, “That’s at least one more thing that I’m not doing.”
Mostly Jolyne lounged around her house, watching TV and movies with her Pignite and Nidorina, scrolled through articles on the Internet, generally not doing anything people would call productive. Sometimes she’d try to go outside and socialize, but what she usually ended up doing was call Hermes and find a place to hang out or stroll through long grass. Occasionally they would find opportunities to participate in double battles with other pairs of wandering Pokemon trainers.
Jolyne knew one thing was for sure: she wanted to stay close to Hermes, not because she depended on her, but because she enjoyed her company. A lot. Even just sitting across from Hermes made her feel calm and warm. Sometimes her eyes would wander to Hermes’ exposed biceps, selfishly grateful that she lifted weights with her Machamp (although Hermes complained about being bested by her own Pokemon).
She hoped that her complaining wasn’t making Hermes feel guilty, but the darker skinned woman pursed her lips as if trying to think. She shrugged and took several more bites of food. “We’ll find something for you eventually,” she said through a mouth full of food. “There’s gotta be something that speaks to you. We just need to find it. There’s no rush to that, you know.”
“What makes it so hard to just explore and shit is knowing that people are gonna ask me what kind of trainer I am. And I’m like, I dunno, I just am one? I’m not particularly an athlete or a breeder or limit myself to a specific type. I’m just here.”
Hermes pushed her plate away from her after having eaten about half of their food. She crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back in her chair, balancing it on its two back legs. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t judge anyone for that. Just try to be patient.”
“I’ve tried being patient for like, eight years,” Jolyne sighed again. Before she could get a bite of a rellenos, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and saw her mom’s face on the device. She tapped the green button and held it to her ear. “Hey mom, what’s up?”
“I know you’re out with a friend right now,” her mother started, a somewhat nervous edge to her voice, “but you should fly back here as soon as you can. This isn’t something that I want to say over the phone.”
Jolyne’s breath almost caught in her throat. Was she in danger? Or was this about her dad? Or did her mom find some of the… hidden paraphernalia in her room? Shit, she really didn’t want to feel guilty now of all times. But her mom usually didn’t panic when she was out of the house, no matter how hard she doted on her. She bit her lip.
“I’ll be there right away. I hope you don’t mind if Hermes comes along with me.”
“That’s fine, dear, just hurry.”
Nothing that her mother said sat right, and Jolyne left the restaurant without finishing the food. Hermes quickly apologized to her sister before following Jolyne out the door. Jolyne struggled to find her Unfezant and released it. Hermes took out her Hawlucha, and the women perched on their respective flying-type Pokemon and headed toward Undella Town.
As they descended and prepared to land, Jolyne spotted her mother outside of their home, wringing her hands together, her lips pressed into a thin line.
“Jolyne, I’m so sorry, I tried to stop him—”
“It’s Jotaro, isn’t it?”
“He’s your father, can’t you please…” her mother sighed and let her hands drop to her sides. She plunged one into a pocket and said, “He just told me he isn’t coming back for the holidays. He’s starting a long term project in Johto, and—”
“Fucking asshole,” Jolyne said through grit teeth. She shut her eyes and lowered her head, fighting back the tears and the thick layer of emotion trying to burst through her stomach. She couldn’t do this now, not outside and with her mom and Hermes.
She took out her Unfezant again and climbed into its back.
“Jolyne, please wait—” her mother started.
Without another word, Jolyne shot up into the sky and flew away. She didn’t stop until she circled around Route 3 and landed, running off into the Wellspring Cave.
As she was growing up, Jotaro had never stuck around home for long. Her earliest memories with her father were fuzzy, blurry. She faintly remembered being lifted off the ground and stretching her arms out in the sky. Another memory was of water, lots of it, head barely bobbing above the surface, then a sudden upward thrust. She laughed, and a low sound rumbled underneath her, one of the few times he had ever laughed or even smiled.
Then came his frequent absences. Jolyne’s mother tried explaining that Jotaro had to venture out and study several coasts and research the marine Pokemon if he wanted to be the Water-based Pokemon Professor he dreamed of becoming. The least he could have done, she thought stubbornly during her teen years, was send souvenirs. Strange and new Water Pokemon to make it up to her, even though a part of her found herself repulsed by them (they were always more important to her father, anyway).
The worst part about his absences were that he never called, not even her mother. It was as if they stopped existing to him and he was happier that way.
Jotaro came home not even two days ago, and here he was already off, and considering how it was a long-term commitment, she might not see him within five years, ten years, or ever again. Having just a mother should be enough, but the thought that she just wasn’t good enough for a moment of her father’s time pissed her off.
Everyone who had some grand goal revolving around Pokemon were going to leave her. Soon Hermes would do the same, going off to be cross country or triathlon star. Jolyne badly wanted to follow her around Unova or wherever she ended up, but she didn’t want to seem desperate or dependent on her. One important aspect of Hermes was that she hated the thought of becoming dependent on someone. Jolyne didn’t exactly know if it applied to people dependent on her, but she feared it did. She didn’t want to lose Hermes, not after all they had been through since they started their Pokemon journeys years ago.
Jolyne pressed her legs against her chest and took in a deep breath. She sat near a waterfall — what an ironic place to go, she briefly thought — and took comfort in knowing people seldom wandered this cave. A place of solitude, a place to think, a place to try to let her anger simmer down to a harmless hiss.
“Hey,” a soft and husky voice said.
Jolyne lifted her head and saw Hermes standing there, the girl on her thoughts.
“Hey. How did you know where to find me?”
Hermes shrugged and grinned. “Just guessed and checked several places before coming here, honestly. Wish I was smart enough to get it on the first try.”
“It’s good enough that you came across me eventually,” Jolyne said with a smile, trying to ignore her thoughts and feelings from her brooding. “So is there a reason you came after me?”
“Because you’re my best friend and were clearly upset with your shitty dad, duh,” Hermes said, sliding down next to Jolyne. “And also you left your house before your mom could give something to you.”
Jolyne cocked her head as she watched Hermes pull a folded piece of paper from her bag. “I didn’t want to read it since it’s for you, but your mom said your dad left this for you. Apparently he’s inviting you to go to Johto to join him.”
“What?” Jolyne snatched the paper from Hermes and unfolded it. And sure enough, it was addressed to her. The letter was brief — Jolyne didn’t expect anything too long or sentimental (though she briefly hoped it was) and a phone number was scrawled at the bottom. It read:
Jolyne,
I’ve been hosting a Pokemon Day Care outside of Olivine City for many years now. You are welcome to drop by and help out if you want to. This is not an order nor am I going to force you to do anything. You choose what you want to do, but you should know the offer is out there.
From Jotaro.
And still Jolyne felt tears biting the edges of her eyes. She lowered the letter and covered her eyes with an arm. She bit her lip and she hated that despite everything, the letter made her feel like maybe Jotaro cared about her and maybe he really wanted her to join him, even though he couldn’t have been bothered to wait at home to talk about it with her in person or include more in his note. And she hated how it was as if he knew what she was going through — telling her she could do whatever she wanted to do — even though she had no fucking clue what that would be.
Joining him in Johto sounded appealing. A new region with new people, and Jolyne could finally spend time with her dad. She might finally get some of his attention and stop feeling as if he never wanted her in the first place. But there was the possibility that he would be just as cold and distant as ever. She could be miserable there or left to do all the work as he wandered off and explored the shore.
And she didn’t want to leave Hermes behind. She didn’t want them to get separated at all or they might lose the closeness they developed over the years. And Jolyne’s selfish feelings toward Hermes only made the thought of separating for long unbearable. Hermes didn’t hide the fact that she didn’t find men at all appealing or attractive, but Jolyne didn’t want to be that weird person who had a crush on her best friend, hoping she’d feel the same, nor did she want Hermes to think she was only interested in her romantically because she was the closest person to her. A whole mess of feelings that Jolyne both wished she could share and wanted to hide forever. No point in wasting a perfectly good friendship.
Jolyne felt an arm sneak around her shoulders and draw her close to another warm body. Hermes didn’t say anything, just held on and closed her eyes, her green lips inviting. Jolyne set the note aside and wrapped her arms around Hermes. She controlled her sobs so that she was barely sniffling, letting her tears drop wherever they pleased. The pair had spent so many times like this in the past, with Jolyne fighting the mess inside her as Hermes held her, that Jolyne knew it must be annoying because she should find a better way to deal with things. But for now, having someone next to her felt nice.
“Thank you,” Jolyne said, withdrawing from the warmth and wiping her eyes, her voice having regained its strength. “For this and… well, for dealing with my bullshit feelings about my dad all the time.”
“Hey, I’m just glad I’m here for you,” Hermes replied. “I can’t imagine how shitty it must be to have a living parent who just up and leaves you like that. If Gloria left me to fend for myself, I’d be pissed, too.”
They stayed silent for a moment as Jolyne recollected the letter and read it again. Hermes watched her face for a while, her eyes darting to the paper to see if she could decipher anything. “So… are you gonna take him up on that offer? I know you don’t really have anything else to do right now, but Johto’s a new place that we’d have to explore before getting to wherever he is.”
Jolyne stopped and wiped her nose. “You said ‘we?’ What for?”
Hermes shrugged and scratched the back of her neck, glancing away. A bit shy, and a rare sight. “W-well you know, I just thought that if you were gonna go there, we could go together. Exploring new places and finding new Pokemon sounds exciting…”
Jolyne blinked. She could not cry in front of her friend again so soon, but her heart throbbed against her chest and she could feel her face growing just a bit pink. “But what about your Pokemarathon? You can’t leave before you participate in it.”
Hermes lifted her head to meet Jolyne’s eyes. “If you don’t mind waiting until after it’s over, I could totally go to Johto with you. Maybe there will be athletic competitions I can participate in there, too. And plus, I kind of… shit, I just—”
Jolyne gulped and lightly touched Hermes’ arm (she couldn’t be doing this, this couldn’t be what she thought it was, she’s just Hermes’ good friend) and said, “I-I really want you to come with me. I didn’t want to ask because I didn’t know if you’d actually want to go. You have so many plans for yourself and your Pokemon. I don’t want you to screw it all up for me.”
Letting out a quiet laugh, Hermes took Jolyne’s hand and squeezed it. “Don’t sweat it so much. I really like being around you, so of course I’d want to stick with you.”
If there was ever a time to confess feelings, it should be now, but Jolyne found it hard to get the words out. She squeezed Hermes’ hand tightly as if it would transmit her feelings for her. Hermes’ cheeks seemed to get darker, but maybe it was a trick of the dim light in the cave. Jolyne blinked.
“Well, it sounds like a plan then!” she said, a bit too excited and shit, Hermes is gonna figure it out—
And then Jolyne held her breath when Hermes’ face drew close to hers, but she hesitated. They simply looked into each other’s eyes for several seconds before Hermes inched back and looked away.
“Hermes?”
“I’m sorry, Jolyne, but I… I should tell you something before we leave. I had this whole thing planned out where I was gonna surprise you with a kiss, but I just fucked that up.”
Time seemed to stop for a moment. “Kiss?”
“So I’ll just say it. I wanna date you,” she said. “And I was thinking, shit, if we’re gonna do something completely new and adventurous like go to Johto, we could do it as girlfriends. Or something. Shit,” she mumbled, covering her face.
Jolyne grinned, her body almost vibrating, humming at these absurd feelings being reciprocated, of all things, and how damn lucky she was. I have to do it, she told herself and she planted a clumsy, wet kiss on Hermes’ cheek. Hermes jumped a bit and turned back around.
“Sooooo…” Jolyne drew out the word, a playful smile at her lips, giggles bubbling up in her stomach. “You wanna do this as girlfriends? I’ll take it. I’ve… I’ve wanted that for a while.”
Hermes chuckled, shook her head, and covered her face for a second. “I didn’t think this would go so well. Shit. I just — now I just wanna get all cuddly and embarrassing.”
With an almost nervous but relieved laugh that tried to contain excitement, Jolyne said, “Me too. Me too.”
They held hands and stared off into the small lake in the Wellspring Cave, inching closer and closer as the minutes passed with bright smiles glowing on their faces. Although the thought of meeting up with her father in Johto tied knots in Jolyne’s stomach, knowing that Hermes would be at her side brought her comfort.