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"You didn't have to supervise this, Miss Sato." President Raiko said.
Of course he wanted Asami to leave, reporters from all over town were covering the event to celebrate the park's reform and he didn't want to share the front page with her, the one who had personally designed and commissioned it.
"I'd like to be actively involved in my own company's projects, if you don't mind.”
She didn't care if her face would be printed in the morning newspaper as some philanthropist. That inauguration wasn't for business, it was for Korra – the statue, the renaming of the park in her honor, all to remind Republic City that she was still out there, that she would be back.
To remind Asami that she would see Korra again.
President Raiko made a long speech about the Avatar achievements, symbols of hope and all that stuff he really didn't care about.
“What about you, Miss Sato?” One of the reporters asked “Anything to say about what led you to plan this tribute to Avatar Korra?”
Asami didn't answer. She hadn't prepared anything to say, she was never one to do speeches, she'd rather work on the more practical side of things.
“Yes,” another one added “you were good friends with the Avatar. Any comments on her disappearance?"
Asami headed to the mic. The cameras started flashing.
“Korra– The Avatar didn't disappear” – she answered, fiercely – “She was severely injured protecting all of us, as you all know. I hope the people of Republic City can enjoy this park and be reminded of all the good Avatar Korra did here as we patiently wait for her recovery, as we are all human fighting our own fights. Thank you.”
Then she stepped back and for the rest of the event Asami posed for more pictures than she could count, led the press and some city investors through the park and, finally, welcomed the people of the city to the inauguration.
So many people came, even more than she'd expected, the place was all laughs and balloons and cotton candy. The park looked beautiful and lively, just as she had pictured it.
And that's when Asami thought it would hit her, the happiness, the satisfaction, the pride of seeing her work's actual impact on the city. But none of that happened. She felt just the same as she had for the past year, like watching it all play out in a play she had no part in.
She couldn't wait to dive right into another project, working in her office alone was the only thing that helped her escape that feeling.
“The Avatar Korra Park inauguration was a success” Asami wrote as she got home “I wish you were there to see it, there's a xxx tall statue of you in the middle of the city now so don't let it get to your head.”
“It was a shame Mako and Bolin couldn't make it either, things seem to be going crazy for everyone...”
“You asked how I'm doing in your last letter – I'm doing fine.” Liar. “Keeping busy taking care of the Future Industries.” Because if I'm not working I can feel the loneliness sink in my chest like a bullet.
“How about you? How are things in the south? If you change your mind about me visiting, let me know. I miss you.” So much I could choke. “Just… let me know when you're ready and I will be there.”
She looked at her own handwriting for a minute, there was so much more she wanted to say. There was always so much more that she wanted to say to Korra – I think of you everyday, I wish you'd just let me be there for you, I miss talking to you face to face, I feel like you're the only person who has ever truly understood me and I'm in love with you.
But she couldn't risk having Korra becoming even more distant, the South Pole was far enough, so she just signed her name, put her pen down and kept those words all to herself.
-
When she went to bed later, Asami couldn’t sleep. The night was silent and calm, which was always the worst for her because it made that big, empty house feel even bigger and emptier.
She had heard earlier on the radio that it was going to rain by dawn, so it should rain soon and the noise should help her sleep. But now her head felt light, and she knew she would be awake for a long time, so she just got up and went downstairs.
The fireplace in the living room was still burning strong and warmly, she sat on the couch in front of it and watched the flames dance while she waited for the rain to drop.
When she was little she used to sit by that same fire with her dad almost every night during the winter, and he used to hold her and tell her stories of all the places he visited for work until she fell asleep in his arms. Then the next morning she would wake up on her own bed, the warmth from the fire still lingering in her little body.
That was the best part about living in her childhood house, it felt familiar. The worst part was that it felt familiar but different.
Her mom used to help her jump from step to step on those same stairs behind her, she used to wait in that living room for her dad to come back from work so she could hug him. Before her mother was gone, before her father had made all the wrong choices. Now the memories were like ghosts of what it would never be like again.
It was still weird to think that she didn't have a family anymore, maybe it was something she would never get used to. But at least when Team Avatar was around she felt less of the weight of it – sure, they were messy and fucked up and unpredictable, but when it really mattered she knew she could count on them.
Now they were all too busy living separate lives. And everything felt so… empty.
Some days she even considered visiting her father in prison, but she never went or answered any of his letters. She'd rather be haunted in that house than go there and face the man he had become, she didn't even recognize him anymore. But still she couldn't help missing him. They were all each other had for so long, he had raised her to be the woman she was now and he didn't even get to witness it.
Some selfish part of her was more mad at him for choosing to work with Amon, even when it meant losing her, than anything else.
It should be around 3 in the morning now. The fire was getting weaker, the living room getting colder and still no sign of rain so Asami put more firewood on the hearth, went back upstairs and turned on the radio, that noise would have to do to help her sleep.
It was too late and she had a charity ball tomorrow she had to attend.
The radio station was reprising the weather news from earlier.
“And by dawn, stay home, it's going to rain heavily.” a woman's voice said.
It didn't.
-
“You must be proud, Miss Sato,” a man approached her at the ball. “The Future Industries are having its best year yet with the city's reform.”
It was an Earth Kingdom man, heir to a technology company, if Asami remembered right. She was sure she had met him before, but couldn't remember his name.
“I'm just happy to help the city,” Asami answered. She had spent half of the night talking with people who looked just like him, overconfident, intellectual posing men, most were older though.
“I can see that. I liked your speech yesterday, in the Avatar park's inauguration"
“You were there?”
“Ouch, you didn’t even see me? Now I feel dumb.”
Oh, he was flirting with her. And he was terrible at it.
“Why would you feel dumb?”, she asked, going along because there was nothing else to do. That had been one boring night, with consistently bad music, bad conversation and tasteless food.
“Because I was looking at you the whole time. And tonight, too.”
Sweet, and cheesy and, he was right - dumb.
“I’m sure you have more important things in your life to focus on” she said, it came out sounding more like she was making fun of him than she had intended, but he didn't seem to notice because he just kept trying to flirt with her and talking about how great the night had been, with good music, great conversation and delicious food.
Then the music slowed down and people started gathering at the center of the hall. The young man met her eyes and smiled.
“Would you dance with me, Asami?”
Asami. It had been a while since someone had called her that. She had been only business woman Miss Sato since what seemed like forever now.
“Sure.” she answered, taking the hand he was holding out to her and joining the other pairs of people.
Asami was a good dancer, she had been to a million balls just like that one since she was a child, and it didn’t surprise her that her partner was one too, as he must’ve had just as much experience. But it did surprise her how in sync they were, she had had enough dance partners to know not every two people were right to dance together.
She should’ve asked him for his name earlier, now that would be awkward.
“You've got everything, huh?” The guy asked “The brains, the looks, and you're an incredible dancer.”
“You are not bad either.” Asami answered.
She realised how much she had missed it, dancing. It was a game she knew how to play, silently deciding who would lead – she always led –, making up steps as you go, not much time to think, not much time to talk, just instinctively making decisions, being in control. Much like running a business at times, very different from her out of her control personal life.
Her father had been the one who had taught her how to dance in that same hall. She used to stand on his feet and he led her, then her mother would come join them and the three of them would hold hands as she just jumped to the rhythm of the music.
That had also been the place where she had first met Korra. She was wearing that blue dress, the same one she was wearing the last time Asami had seen her…
Part of her was sure Korra had been lying in those letters as much as she had. The poison hadn't just affected her physically, all that pain had taken a toll on her mentally – if only she let Asami at least be by her side, she would leave everything in Republic City behind and run to her.
She sure could've used Korra's company in the past months, she sure could use it right then, in that dance.
“What do you think you're doing?” Asami asked.
She had gotten lost in thought, but feeling the Earth Kingdom man's breath in her skin snapped her out of it, he was too close, about to kiss her.
“You were the one who-”
“I think we better call it a night.” She interrupted, then left the hall, she had stayed enough anyway. And the place was starting to feel way too crowded.
It was raining outside. What a day to not have driven herself there, she waited a bit by the entrance but it was still too early for the taxis to be out there picking up guests.
Damn it, she would just walk.
As she walked the streets the rain was getting heavier and heavier, her dress getting colder, tighter over her skin.
She realised it turned out she never found out the guy she was dancing with's name, she also realised she didn't care. She just wanted to get home, her empty, haunted home.
So she ran faster, her heart racing in her chest.
Maybe that guy was right – she did have everything. Maybe she could be happier if only she tried to move on, but she didn't want to. Loneliness meant remembering, and she wasn't half ready to forget.
She wanted to think of her mother when looked in the mirror, of how she used to brush her hair, and notice how much they looked alike. She wanted to sit by the fire in her living room and remember how her dad had not been all bad, how he had been a good father and husband.
And when Korra came back, she wanted to have all those untouched feelings sitting inside of her, ready to be brought out.
Being haunted was all she had for now, all that was worth having.
Asami could feel the tears start to well up in her throat, but couldn't really tell them apart from the raindrops when they got to her cheeks, so she just let them run.
When she finally got home she went running upstairs, her dress soaking wet, then sat by her desk, picked up her pen and started writing.
“I know I've said before that I understood you wanting to be alone, and I did. But, Korra, it's been a year, I miss you, can't you just let me see you?
I liked where we were going before everything happened. You were the closest person in the world to me, you still are.”
So if you won't let me be there for you, can't you be there for me? I miss talking to you, and sitting beside you in silence and working with you and just being by your side.
I need you Korra, so much it hurts.
I love you, more than just as a friend. I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you that.”
Then she took the paper, crumpled it and threw it away, leaving it sitting in some corner of her room.
She got up, picked up some dry clothes and went to heat some water to prepare a warm bath.
For now that's all she could do.