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It took way too long for Benny to realize how deep he was.
The realization wasn’t slow, but it was late. It didn’t come when he took Eds on a drive for the first time, it didn’t come when he stayed his first morning after, and it didn’t come even when he agreed to watch the guy’s pet turtle (most BORING animal in the world, by the way) for a few hours.
No, it was when he was listening to a ramble about literal math and smiling about it.
It had been a pretty normal day. Boring too because Eds had to work during it, but Benny managed to win a few low-risk races so it wasn’t too bad. After taking his car to the shop for some maintenance, he and Eds met up at a bar to hang out.
A few drinks in, Benny had made the decision to ask how Eds’ day had been. That gave the older all the opening he needed to rant about how much of an asshole his boss was, and then refuse the generous offer to run the dick over, and eventually list all of the reasons why he wanted to keep the job. Past the obvious monetary ones, there was also the important factor that, by some miracle, Eds actually liked his job.
Benny then asked why, as if he hadn’t heard the explanation a million times before, and Eds broke into an explanation of what he did. What he did being statistic work, which meant that what Benny spent the next 20 minutes listening to was a drunk guy spewing about math and he liked that.
It wasn’t like he was actually paying attention to the math, but Eds just looked so happy to be talking about it. His voice was nice, and there was a cute smile on his face, and- holy shit he should not be trying this hard to justify it to himself.
There were a lot of things he would be willing to do for a sexy man. There were a lot of things he would be willing to do for a cute man.
This shouldn’t have been one of them.
Which brought him to now, lying in bed next to Eds (because that’s obviously something you do with friends), wide awake. He couldn’t even use the excuse that they had sex, because despite them both being shirtless, Eds had been way too drunk to do anything really fun.
It was still pretty funny to watch. Hug that nearly broke his back aside, it was nice to see what Eds did when his inhibitions were limited. He was a quiet drunk, at least when people weren’t actively trying to piss him off. He was also clingy as hell, but it was a cute look on him.
Benny shot up. No. Nope. Nuh-uh.
Clinginess was a horrible trait to him- it was a reminder of the chains serious relationships like that brought. Why in the world would that be cute??? He wasn’t thinking straight- not that he ever did- maybe he was too sober actually, either way he needed something to snap himself out of whatever spiral this was.
He got out of bed- careful not to wake Eds, since he was able to be considerate once in a while- and stumbled towards the bathroom. He locked the door upon entering, then hunched over the sink to stare at himself in the mirror.
Jeez, his eye bags were worse than Eds’. Is this really what one night of unrest can do to him? Maybe he didn’t drink enough tonight, drinking typically solves his problems long enough to find a permanent fix.
Ugh, but if he drank too much tonight then Eds wouldn’t have trusted him to drive, and he would’ve stayed sober, and Benny would’ve missed out on a drunk Eddie. Benny would never have forgiven himself for that.
A tipsy Eds had less impulse control, which typically led to bar fights, which gave Benny ample entertainment with the added benefit of having the opportunity to steal drinks. A drunk Eds, on the other hand, had a lack of impulse control and a wandering mind. This meant hilarious ramblings, copious amounts of blackmail, and cheesy statements that would never come from the man if he were sober.
Which unfortunately brought him to a part of what he was spiraling over today.
“…You’re worth it. You know that, right?”
A lovely statement spoken through an inebriated slur, one of the ones that convinced Benny to get Eds as drunk as he could as often as possible. It was also the first of many red flags that should have convinced him to flee ages ago.
Look, the thing about Benny was he knew when to quit. It might not seem like it, with how much he gambled, but he did.
He knew when to stop flirting if someone was uninterested, he knew how long to stay at a party before the cops were called, and he knew enough of the difference between someone looking for a sneaky blowjob and someone looking for a kidnapping victim to run the other way. Most importantly, he knew what to avoid so he could stay free.
At least he thought he did.
He thought he could see the signs of a romantic quickly. The ones who would ask him to stay for breakfast or who would convince themselves that they would be the one he fell for. He thought he was good at finding them and telling if they would actually let him leave or if he was better off elsewhere.
But with Eds…
Drunk conversations became a friendship, then a friendship became a situationship, and that situationship snowballed into something with too many complicated emotions for Benny to know what to do with. Despite his reputation as an adrenaline-filled speed demon, he felt like the entire thing happened too fast for his taste.
To fall to the point where he was listening to math willingly was mortifying.
He groaned and buried his head in his arms.
All of this introspection shit was making his head hurt. He should have left ages ago, it was stupid of him to keep dragging this out. He pushed off the counter and left the bathroom, immediately looking around for his shirt in the pile of clothing around the bed.
He should go to Busan after this. It was far enough away and had enough cheap bars for him to forget about this for the next year. Maybe he could go back to his parents’ place for a bit. Not too long, but he knows his mom has been asking him to visit for a while.
“Mrgh… Benny?” The man froze in place. Slowly, he turned to the bed, where Eds was leaning against his elbows with some of the worst bed head known to man.
“What’re you doing up?” Benny blanked, which was, of course, one of the most stupid things to do. He could’ve just lied, said he needed something from his car and then booked it. Even if Eds had seen through it, he probably didn’t have the energy to call him out on it considering the alcohol still in his system.
He didn’t even need to lie! He could just leave, he knew Eds wouldn’t be fast enough to stop him. Sure he was shirtless, but he had spares in the car, and he knew from experience that his dignity was practically nonexistent where nudity was concerned.
So why did the idea of leaving now make his chest tighten in a way it hadn’t in the past decade?
Maybe it was because leaving now would be leaving Eds to his horrible hangover in the morning. Maybe it was because of how pitiable the man looked alone in that bed. Or maybe it was because of Benny’s lifestyle finally giving him some kind of heart disease, he didn’t know but he knew one thing.
All of this thinking really didn’t suit him.
“Go back to sleep, Eds. I’m just getting some water.” Benny heard a snort, but the other fell to his pillow without pushing. Still tipsy then, he doubts the guy would have let it go so easily if he had slept enough for the hangover to kick in.
Quietly sighing, Benny got to bed and pulled the covers up. Almost immediately afterwards, he felt strong arms lazily pull him close. Strangely, they didn’t feel restricting at all. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.
He would just figure something out in the morning.