Work Text:
When everything gets too much Ryder runs.
He runs one lap because all the letters on the board were upside down and he was too embarrassed to ask for help, meaning he got an F for his history paper.
He runs another lap because he keeps having nightmares where he's ten years old in his shower again, and vomiting when he wakes up.
He runs his third lap because the person he put all his trust in wasn't who they said they were, and now he doesn't have a Glee club to fall back on anymore.
He runs his fourth lap because when he told his Dad that Glee club won regionals he asked how he did on his history paper.
He runs his fifth lap for Jake, for dark skin, and brown doe eyes, and video games 'till one in the morning. He runs for late night phone calls, and bro-talk on the swing set in Jake's backyard.
He runs his sixth lap for all the friends he's lost, for everything he can't do, for all the goals he won't achieve, and for unrequited fucking love.
He runs his seventh lap, with his head running in a mantra of not good enough not good enough not good enough, and collapses. His skin prickles with sweat and his lungs burn and his legs ache. He lays down on the gravel and looks up at the sky, and breaths.
And every intake of breath says Jake.
And every time he breaths out it says not good enough.
The trees in the woods next to the school sway in the wind and every rustle of their leaves says Jake, but every pant that escapes Ryder's lips says not good enough.
And every bone in Ryder's body screams JAKE JAKE JAKE but his head tells him you're not good enough.