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It was a chilly morning mid November, the wind hurled the remaining autumn leaves—from the hallways of kamome academy, kids chatted around, exchanging words without a care in the world. They were just beginning their morning, it was a new day, a new start, a new beginning for many, but for some, maybe they’d wish new beginnings never came? What if happy moments were never taken away by time, “time”, the same blessing that provided happiness, but also took it away in a heartbeat—utterly cruel? Isn’t it? But, that’s reality, and nothing can be done about it.
In the old school building’s girls bathroom, a kid had the same “but, that’s reality, and nothing can be done about it” mindset, this was the mentality of a dead 13 year old, who had so much to live for, but all that was stolen from him, in reality, he didn’t have anything worth living for, he was selfish, thus, he took his and his own dear brothers life, he could’ve spared the life of his little brother, he thought, but he didn’t, all because he believed he wasn’t his real brother, he thought his brother has been replaced by a “clone”, all because he refused to accept that it’s because of his “brother” he’s suffering, it was much easier to blame it on a clone right? Rather than the real deal, but, as the knife went through his heart, a glimpse of a lifeless body of the boy he had just killed, he had destroyed maybe the only remains left of his brother, even if he was at the end, just a “clone”.
~~~
Now, he was facing the consequences, protecting people with the same knife he had once used to take life from another, this was his way of atoning, he thought he deserved it all, if he’s suffering in his afterlife, he has only himself to blame.
But, that was only until he met the love of his life, or perhaps, his afterlife, a girl who showed him how much there is to live for, a girl who showed nothing but hope through suffering, a girl with a smile that was brighter than a thousand suns.
She was his star, the brightest star in the universe for that matter, but it’s true that stars shine the brightest before they burn out, and that’s it, their story ends, right there and then,
A day had passed since the death of Yashiro Nene, a girl who shone brightly even in her final moments, “I’m sorry, Hanako kun.” She muttered as she pulled the seal off of tsukasas cheek.
For a second, it felt like the world ended, Hanako wanted to stop her, but he couldn’t, he ran towards her, as she fell into his arms, as she had many times before, but the difference this time was…
The brightest star in the universe was now as cold as the depths of space, Yashiro’s cold, lifeless body, fell right into hanako’s arms, just like that, she was gone, Hanako's gentle hands traced Yashiro’s chest for a pulse, just for a tiny sign of life, but, there was nothing, absolutely nothing, just pure silence, he couldn’t save anyone, what’s the point of “atoning” if he couldn’t even save the brother he killed with his own hands, he couldn’t even save the only girl to ever love him more than she loved herself, the girl who believed she will change her fate, the girl who tried battling against all odds..?
Useless,
Useless,
Useless.
God would grant his and tsukasas wish upon all the yorishiros being destroyed, but what’s the point of wishing anymore? He can’t ask for his brothers return, Infact he can’t even ask for Yashiro’s return anymore, because there’s no point, he didn’t want to wish for anything from a god who took away everything from him, Tsukasa is gone, Nene is gone, and that’s their fate, Nene couldn’t defy her fate, Infact, all her attempts to defy it lead to the fate she had, which was the cruel fate of death.
Nene’s death had taken place in Hanako’s boundary, so nobody on the near shore remembered her anymore, except for a few special people and the supernatural, during the morning, a day after her death, Minamoto kou, a descendent of the Minamoto clan, who due to his spiritual powers, still remembered nene, came running to Hanako
“HANAKO!! I haven’t seen senpai this morning?! Nobody remembers her as well?? What’s going on!!” The kid yelled, Hanako, devastated by hearing Yashiro’s name again, the memory of her death kept repeating in his head, over and over again, like a stain that wouldn’t go away no matter how much it was washed. “ANSWER ME!! You know something don’t you?? Explain right now!” The kid shouted, once again, but there was no answer, instead, Hanako made his way closer to the kid, raising two fingers towards his forehead in attempt to erase his memories related to Yashiro, Kou, who knew what he’s trying to do, dodged just in time. “What are you trying to do.. Hanako?” Said, the kid
Hanako, once again, instead of answering, started attacking Kou, Kou dodged all of his attacks, but, suddenly, Hanako stopped attacking, and fell to his knees, with a distressful look on his face, he said “Hey, kid, there’s no telling what I may do.. could you.. exorcise me?”
Kou fell in shock, exorcise him? Why? Just what could’ve happened to Yashiro that Hanako has to ask HIM, the weak Kou Minamoto, to exorcise him? “Not until you explain what’s going on.” The kid replied.
“Y-Yashiro.. is dead..” Hanako cried.
Kou couldn’t say a single word.. instead, he burst into tears, he held onto hanako, and instead of attacking him, he hugged him, as he cried his eyes out, he asked “Hanako.. why.. didn’t you do anything..? Weren’t you going to save her..? Weren’t I going to save her..?” To this, Hanako couldn’t say a word.
~~~
Kou got up, and just as he was about to say something, he bumped into one of the sinks in the restroom, and something fell down, and that something was..
Yashiro’s diary, she seemed to have left it here yesterday before she decided to enter Hanako’s boundary.
“Huh?”
Why would nene leave her diary there..? Unless.. she wanted them to read it? Kou, who was still in shock over the tragic news of Nene’s passing, couldn’t bare looking in her diary, he knew how dear her diary was to her, he was sure she wouldn’t want anyone looking in it, but, for her to leave it in the girls bathroom..
She must’ve known what’s going to happen in the boundary, she had accepted her fate, and for the diary to be left in the girls washroom, she must’ve wanted hanako to read it specifically.
“H-Hanako.. this is senpai’s diary.. she must’ve left it here before she left.. she must’ve wanted you to read it for her to leave it like that.”
But Hanako was clearly not taking Nene’s death well, of course he wouldn’t, she was the love of his life, he has no purpose for existing anymore, because, his only purpose died yesterday, but he knew that if nene left the diary there, she must’ve wanted him to read it just as Kou stated,
“Um.. I think I should perhaps leave you right now.. I..I’m sorry Hanako, I’m sorry I couldn’t help, I.. I couldn’t save anyone.. at the end, I was useless, I’ve always been useless, even my brother never counted on me even once, this is probably why..” Cried Kou, he looked like he would burst into tears at any given moment, to this, Hanako got closer, and pulled him into his arms, he hugged him tightly.
“Kid.. it’s not your fault.. She had already accepted her fate, if there’s anyone to blame, it’s me.” Hanako said, with a sad tone.
Just as he said that, he pushed Kou out, and.. Kou was gone.. Would Kou even ever be willing to see him again? Hanako blamed himself for Nene’s death, right now, he was being consumed by nothing but pure sorrow and guilt. Kou said he couldn’t save anyone, but, right now, if it wasn’t for Kou, Hanako would’ve destroyed the entire school in a fit of rage, Kou was the only one keeping him away from doing that.
Hanako then decided to read Nene’s diary, it was filled with exchange diary entries with Teru Minamoto, Nene’s former crush and Kou’s older brother, so, ignoring all that, Hanako decided to skip all the pages to the latest diary entry.
He regretted, he burst into tears,
It read,
“To my dearest Hanako kun,
In a twilit classroom, with the raise of the setting sun, I met a supernatural boy who was not from this world,
to be honest, I’ve loved u, I’ve always loved you, I’ve loved you from the start, hell, I love you more than anything, I love you more than the stars, and beyond, it may seem like a stretch, I’ve always been harsh on you Hanako kun, I’m sorry!! Ever since the day, you took my hand in that classroom, and told me that we know share a bond and our fates have been intertwined, my heart did nothing but flutter, I thought it may have happened in the heat of the moment, but as I am writing this now, it probably didn’t, it was my fate,
There was never a moment I didn’t love with you, I adored you, your clinginess, you saving me despite everything, you.. telling me to live.. you telling me that you want me to live.. Perhaps, that was why I thought maybe I had a chance to change my fate, so I could live, so I could stay happy with you, Hanako kun!
Though you were a perverted brat, you’d tease me, you’d make me clean toilets against my will, I still considered you the closest more dearest friend I’ve ever had.
I know you probably don’t have the memories of your living life anymore, but, I went through hell and back, just so I could save you, I cherished every single moment I got to spend with you, Hanako kun, whether it was you, Hanako kun, or Amane kun, even if our time was nothing but suffering, I loved it all nonetheless, it may have been suffering, but, it was suffering.. with you.
Once, you told me you wish that time would just stop, that a good day could last forever, a happy memory, could stay forever, back then, I didn’t know what you may have meant by that, but now as I’m writing this, I understand what you meant, you know, even I wish that things could’ve stayed the way they did forever, I cherish all the memories we had together, from the memory of the moment I first summoned you, to the memories of me being in denial towards my feelings for you, but despite that, I still shared my first kiss with you.
You know, when I first realised that your yorishiro, your most prized possession, is Tsukasa kun, it all started to make sense, you only wanted to help him, you were only trying to save him, but, the way I see it now, maybe.. the only way to truly save him, is by letting him go, letting go of the past, Hanako kun, you might think you’re doing Tsukasa a favour by “resurrecting” him as a supernatural, but is that what he wants? Maybe.. living in this cruel place, not being able to let go of the past, it’s hard for him too.. this isn’t saving him.. it’s only trapping him.
Please don’t take this too personally!! I know I don’t know you that well, I know I don’t know Tsukasa kun that well.. but I think you should consider his feelings too rather than doing everything yourself.
You know, Hanako kun, I always went on about how I want to live so I could wear a pure white wedding dress one day, have a drink at the bar, plant new vegetables, and all that stuff, well.. I still do want to do that, but, the thing that was truly giving me the motivation to live life was seeing you smile, seeing you laugh, seeing you… happy! Because, everytime I saw you in your past, you were always crying. I wondered, were there nothing but sad things in your past?
But.. There was one moment where I saw you truly happy. Back when I was able to time travel to your fourth birthday, your 12 year old self recognized me, and said “it’s you! It’s Nene oneesan!”, I can never ever forget the smile you had on your face at that moment, it was the first time where I saw you smile truly as “Amane kun”.
Even writing about that moment, I feel nothing but pure joy,
Hanako kun, I don’t think I’ve really still made peace with death, but if it’s my fate, maybe it’s for the better isn’t it? Maybe things are infact better off this way, if I die, please don’t blame it on yourself, destroying the last yorishiro is a decision I’ll be making myself, it’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s fault, if you blame it all on yourself, and isolate yourself without me, I’ll never feel at peace even when I’m at rest, so please.. don’t blame yourself, for my sake.
Hanako san, Hanako san, I wish for you to look for me in the moon and the stars once I’m gone, my death isn’t a tragedy, I’ll be up there somewhere, looking back at you, I want you to be happy, Hanako kun, I don’t want you to feel sad whenever you look up at the moon, I know the moon was something you truly cherished, it’d only hurt me if you refuse to hold onto that part of yourself, I want you to find me in the moon, without feeling sad, instead, feel happy, that I’m still looking after you from up there, will you please grant me my wish?
Oh well, if you’re reading this, I’m probably gone, but it also means you must grant my wish, oh and please never forget,
I loved you more than anything and I could never replace the final moments I got to spend with you for anything.
From your dear assistant,
Yashiro nene”
As Hanako finished reading the letter, he had nothing but crystals of tears in his eyes, she.. she was never supposed to die this young, he could’ve saved her, but now, all she asks for him is to be happy even when she’s gone.
Hanako, absolutely devastated, flips the pages in Nene's diary, there he found something that particularly caught his eye.
It read:
“For but a moment, I see your face uncovered.
You’re not my type, and yet….
Why? For what reason
My heart begins to race
I want to know more. More of the secrets
Located in your mysterious heart!”
Though Nene told him not to blame it on himself, he tried his best not to, but.. this all happened just because she wanted to know more about him, what if someday, he did actually sit down and tell her everything, yeah she might hate him for it, but it’s not a fate as bad as death. He couldn’t help but blame himself, but he kept thinking, this is not what she would’ve wanted, she wants him to be happy.
But how?
How could he be happy when the only thing keeping him happy is gone?
A few hours had past since he had read the letter. Hanako felt helpless, humans die all the time, thats just how reality is, Hanako knew that very well, but he still held on the hope that Nene would live, she didn’t.
The moon was coming out, Hanako recalled Nene’s letter, her request for him to remember her in the moon, he went to the school's rooftop, and saw a sky full of stars, he thought to himself, “that’s rare, stars usually don’t show up in the sky this much due to light pollution, what’s different today”, the moon also shone more brightly than usual.
Maybe, just maybe,
She’s watching him from up there.
To this thought, he looked up, with a smile on his face.
I love you, Yashiro.