Chapter Text
Kurt opened his eyes to a pile of debris around him, and pain shooting through his limbs.
The afternoon had not been their finest series of events.
Kurt and Logan had been sent to investigate a warehouse that had reportedly served as a covert lab for anti-mutant activity. The plan was simple—Kurt would teleport them in, Logan would sniff out whatever it was they were up to, and they would teleport away with something to study back at the Institute. And, to destroy anything especially dangerous before it could be used against them.
It was nothing they hadn’t done before, and the two of them had always worked so well together. It should have been simple, straightforward, with the two of them already flying home in the Blackbird by now.
Instead, Kurt had gotten a building dropped on him.
They had been spotted far sooner than expected—really, they should not have been spotted at all, but when had the X-Men ever been that lucky—and evidently, the scientists and soldiers within were not keen to have them come away from the experience with anything to show for it.
What materials could be grabbed by the scientists were absconded with, and what could not be had been set ablaze. All while their soldiers had shot at them in an unending stream.
They were the best of the X-Men to be caught up in this, really—with one who could teleport faster than they could shoot, and one who could heal through near any injury—but it was still a situation he would rather have not found himself in, much as he enjoyed his outings with Logan.
Their attacks had been easy enough to dodge. But as the scientists had made their final getaways, Kurt had caught how one of them raised a different sort of gun. Something about it made his fur stand on end, as time seemed to slow as his focus narrowed in on the needle tip shooting towards him—and towards Logan, as the woman turned and fired another shot.
Kurt vanished in a puff of purple smoke, the projectile meant for him traveling instead through empty air, as he reappeared at Logan’s side to shove him out of the way of the second dart’s path.
But he had not been fast enough. Even as Kurt pulled him back, the dart cut through the side of Logan’s arm, as he shouted out in fury and whirled to face their attacker. But all was obscured in smoke as they at last withdrew from sight.
In Kurt’s worry as he held on to Logan, he had processed too late the crashes sounding from above them, as their withdrawing foes triggered the building to fall.
One more teleport. A simple displacement from inside the doomed building to safety outside. That's all it would have taken.
Instead, he found himself here, collapsed against Logan’s side, in the ruin of what once was the warehouse’s ceiling, and aching all over.
Kurt groaned as he shifted in place, raising himself up by one arm, but the stab of pain told him that it was best to stay where he was a while longer, as he breathed out a quiet hiss and fell back against Logan.
Logan was still breathing. He would always still be breathing. Kurt took comfort every day that he would never lose him so easily.
It was not so bad of a place to be, if Kurt could lie still and ignore the pain. He always felt comforted in Logan’s presence. By his side, he knew he would be safe and protected.
Light flooded his blurred surroundings as Logan shifted to lift a large piece of stone from above them, throwing it off to the side.
As injured as he felt now, had all of this fallen on him directly, it likely would have killed him, Kurt observed with widening eyes. As his vision sharpened further into focus with each blink, he was able to witness truly how perilous of a situation he had been in.
“You protected me. Thank you,” Kurt breathed out with a grateful smile as he pressed deeper against Logan’s side, a small purr rising in his chest.
Their mission had most certainly ended in failure. But any imminent danger had now passed. They could take a moment to rest, and renew their efforts another time. For now, his slowed, pained mind told him, all he wanted was to rest against Logan.
And if Kurt was being honest, it was what he always wanted.
He appreciated the rare moments when he could show it, under the cover of drink or injury, the times he could let the careful mask of his feelings for Logan slip off without becoming something too honest, without complicating what they were. Affection under a careful layer of deniability, without crossing a boundary that would require a discussion of what exactly they were to each other.
Kurt loved Logan. He was his dearest companion, his brightest light on this earth. He loved him in ways more than one would love a friend, but… not in the way that Logan often did with others.
And he loved Logan too much to let that complicate things.
But here, now, it didn't matter, as his purrs built in volume, and his eyes slipped shut again with the weight of the pounding in his skull. Logan was here for him now. That certainty was more precious than anything.
But in the back of his mind, he caught now how Logan stiffened, leaning away from his touch.
“...Yeah,” Logan said slowly, as he gently pried Kurt from his side to raise to a crouch, looking down at him with a tilt of his head. “An’... who would you be?”
Kurt blinked, staring back at him. But Logan only continued to stare at him expectantly. The purr died in his throat.
“...Kurt?” He responded questioningly.
“Well. Kurt,” he said, extending a hand towards him as he rose from the rubble, “best you run along now. Don't get mixed up in whatever this is.”
Kurt took his offered hand, rising to his feet alongside him, even as confusion ran through his mind.
But Logan only gave him a polite nod and turned away, sniffing the air as he left Kurt behind standing amongst the wreckage.
Kurt rushed to hurry after him, pulling his tail free from the debris that still trapped it with a sharp hiss, hopping along through the pain as he called out to his friend through the world spinning around him.
“Logan? Schatz? You did not damage your head, did you?”
Logan chuckled, still walking away. “Not really a thing that happens to me, bub,” he said plainly, his attention elsewhere as he continued to survey his surroundings. “I’m fine. It's you that needs to worry about getting a building dropped on you. Not me.”
Logan stopped, crouching to the ground where he appeared to have caught a scent, before looking back out into the distance, mumbling to himself. “Damn. Already long gone.”
The word caught in Kurt’s mind as he stopped in place. Bub. Logan’s nickname for everyone else, but not what he called him.
“Ja. But you seem to be acting a bit… strange,” he said, continuing to walk closer. “Are you sure you are alright?” he asked, placing a cautious hand on Logan’s shoulder.
Logan turned back to stare at him now, looking over him questioningly.
“An’ what would you know of how I act? I’ve only just met you.”
Kurt froze in his tracks, eyes widening as he pulled his hand back.
“Only just…” He shook his head. “No, mein Freund, we have known each other for years.”
But as Logan looked to him now, Kurt caught no hint of recognition in his eyes.
“We came here on this mission together. Something must have happened to your memory, perhaps the fall, or some effect of their bullets…” he swallowed. “Tell me what you remember, Liebchen.”
Logan’s gaze turned from mild annoyance to suspicion, as he turned to face him fully, stepping towards him as he looked him over, crossing his arms.
“I remember things just fine, bub. Just not you.”
A stab of pain went through Kurt’s heart, his expression falling, tail drooping to the ground.
This was not normal. Could Logan even get a brain injury? With all the adamantium in his skull, there could not be such a simple explanation for this.
Then he remembered the dart, in their final moments of the confrontation.
That must be it, he thought.
Kurt looked back up, frantic to explain. “Wait—” he called out, as Logan had started to turn from him again.
He stopped, tilting his head at Kurt with a look of mild exasperation. But he was listening.
Kurt took in a breath as he gathered his thoughts.
“Right before the building collapsed, one of the scientists shot at us both. I dodged, but you were not so fast. I… ah, it must be around here somewhere… it was a dart, needle-tipped, it must have done something to you, made you forget…”
Kurt looked back to where they had crouched before the ceiling fell, hurriedly turning over sections of stone, pulling back the pieces that had fallen around them, searching for what would make Logan believe him.
He stopped, his shoulders drooping. There was too much rubble to begin to look for a single dart. And of course, Logan had already healed from any wound it had left behind—physically, at least.
A familiar hand dropped onto his shoulder.
“Look, bub,” came Logan’s voice behind him. “I know whatever this place has done to you must have been a lot. But you don't have to make something up to get help. I'll get ya’ out of here.”
Kurt looked up to see the way Logan’s sympathetic gaze turned into something sharper as he took in a breath to speak again.
“But I've done memory loss before,” he continued. “Don't much appreciate that story being spun on me now.”
Kurt stood up shakily, placing his hand over Logan’s as he rose to face him, smiling sadly.
“I am spinning no story, mein Freund. We are X-Men together. You are my dearest friend. You will remember me again, I know you will.”
Logan sighed. “I've got friends that can read minds. If yer lyin’, this won't last very long, bub.”
His ears perked up, tail waving behind him.
“Then that's it! We just need to get back to the Institute. Xavier can confirm what I say, and Beast can run tests. They all know me. You know me. I promise you, Logan.”
Logan looked at him for a long moment, then sighed, crossing his arms.
“Alright. Say I believe you,” he said in a voice that conveyed he most certainly did not—not yet, at least. “Tell me what yer thinkin happened here. ‘Cause apparently my memory’s fuzzy.”
Kurt breathed in, considering the situation.
The scientists had been in a panic once they had known they were discovered by the X-Men, desperate not to let Kurt and Logan get their hands on anything. Enough to destroy their entire lab.
“They knew they could not meaningfully injure you. So they targeted your memory instead.” Kurt stopped, taking in their surroundings, his tail dragging against the rocks and debris as it swished in thought.
“Something… something to suppress the memories of what was before our eyes. To make us forget anything we had seen in the lab. But it was not a direct hit, where I had pulled you away. And when it did take effect, what you saw was me.”
He stumbled through his explanation. He was a man of faith, not of science, and he was still processing that such a situation had even occurred. He had no idea how one would even invent such a thing.
But it was all that made sense.
“I suppose Beast would know the finer details of how exactly that would work, but,” he looked up at Logan, “that is my thought.”
Logan sighed. “I'd like to trust ya’. But this sounds like some kind of trap. Even if all that were true, as it stands, I don't know you.”
Kurt tried not to let it sting, hearing those words from the man he cherished more than anything in the world.
He sighed, then offered his signature grin, extending a three-fingered hand towards Logan.
“Then let us begin with introductions,” he said, injecting lightness back into his tone. “My name is Kurt Wagner, known to many as Nightcrawler. Longtime member of the X-Men, dashing acrobat, and teleporter.”
And your best friend in the world.
Logan stared at him for a moment, eyes flicking to his unnatural hands, and Kurt did his best to fight a frown at the sight of his wary, studying expression. His tail moved in a small, nervous lash before he forced it to curl still against his ankle.
Then the man took his hand, shaking it briefly. “Logan. Though apparently, you already know all there is to know.”
Kurt gave a small exhale of relief. It was a start. Wariness still flickered in his eyes, but they were at least still talking.
If they could make it back to Xavier, his memories could be restored, he hoped. Or at the very least, Kurt’s story confirmed. Surely, the man could trust him that far.
“Then I suppose I will simply have to win you over all over again,” Kurt said with a smile.
Logan looked him over with a smirk, exhaling in a short laugh as he released his hand. “Sure.”
He noticed a crowd was starting to form around the fallen building, citizens peering over the crumbling walls to see what had caused such a collapse. Kurt shrank back from their stares on instinct, quickly turning so that his appearance would not be so obvious, wrapping his tail tight around one leg. They would at least not immediately be faced with such the obvious sight of a devil before this destruction.
Logan glanced towards the crowd, letting out a low growl under his breath.. “Wasn’t even us wrecking things this time. Their own damn fault,” he muttered.
The other man’s gaze slid back to Kurt, taking in his reaction.
“Teleporter, huh? That’s useful. Can you get us out of this mess?”
Kurt smiled in relief. “I can,” he answered. “Though I will warn you, you hate coming with me on these.”
“Take me somewhere I don’t want to be, and I'll kill ya’,” he stated matter-of-factly. “But I'll trust ya’ here. Do it,” he said, as he stepped closer, blocking the crowd’s view of him.
Kurt nodded in relief, hoping with all his heart that Logan would continue to extend him that trust.
He took Logan’s arms in his hands, sadness running through him at the way Logan gave a small flinch from his touch. But the man quickly stilled, looking at him expectantly.
“Alright. Hold on,” Kurt said, pulling on his connection to the dimension between.
He looked out in the direction of the forest beyond where they had landed their Blackbird. It was some distance away, as they had not wanted to give their foes warning they were coming, hoping to recover at least some of their materials, to learn of what was planned against them.
Not that it did them much good in the end. They had nothing to show for their efforts—except, maybe, if what was affecting Logan could be studied. And, he prayed, reversed.
He cursed the distance now, knowing the travel would strain him. But he just had to get them home. The sooner he could stop seeing that mistrust in Logan’s eyes, the better.
He closed his eyes and focused his awareness on where he wanted to appear. Then the dimensions folded around them both, as they disappeared in a burst of smoke.
When they emerged, Kurt landed on the grass, fallen forward onto his knees, and not nearly as far into the forest as he meant to take them. But his head was swimming in a way that let him know it would be unwise to try it again so quickly, as he reached out to stabilize himself with his arms pressed against the ground.
“Huh. You weren’t lyin,” Logan breathed out between coughs as the smoke dissipated from where he was similarly doubled over at Kurt’s side.
Logan truly looked terrible from the experience. Kurt knew his teleports were rough on Logan, but they had learned to work together through it. But now, it was as if it was the first time.
“I really do hate that. You—” Logan’s words were broken off by another cough. “You handle that all the time?” He asked incredulously as he rose into a crouch by his side.
“Your senses make it worse, mein Freund,” Kurt responded as his vision stabilized. “And I have had many years to grow used to it.”
He looked up at Logan, who stared at his reaction with disbelief clear across his face.
“Passengers make it more difficult. Usually I can go farther, but… Getting a building dropped on me took a toll, it seems,” He explained, before taking in a wheezing breath.
Truly, he was not much better than Logan at the moment, even without the man’s heightened senses.
“We will have to walk the rest of the way. I just… need a moment,” Kurt said, hanging his head in exhaustion.
He could hear Logan sniffing the air behind him, and turned to see him now standing guard, gazing out into the darkness beyond the tree.
“Take your time. Nothin’ followin’ us here.” He breathed in again, glaring out into the trees with a low growl. “There’s the scent of more a’ the guys that attacked us, but they’ve already passed through. We’re alone.”
Kurt breathed out a sigh of relief, closing his eyes as he took in deep breaths, kneeling further against the ground.
Even weakened, fighting for breath, he could feel the weight of Logan’s gaze upon him, as the other mutant took the opportunity to study him.
Kurt allowed it, taking the time to recover properly. He needed Logan to know that he was no threat to him.
Most, so vulnerable in front of an unfamiliar Wolverine, especially already under suspicion, would show more fear. The man had earned his reputation for violence in the field.
But he was not an animal. Kurt knew, or hoped he knew, that Logan would never harm him, even through his current mistrust.
And surely, he would remember him again.
When everything felt steady again, Logan was in front of him, his expression shifting into something softer, as he offered a hand his way.
Kurt smiled as he took it, and Logan pulled him to his feet effortlessly. He caught the way Logan’s hold lingered longer than needed, Kurt’s heart skipping lightly in his chest at the contact. Then, how his blue eyes flickered to Kurt’s three-fingered hand, the other man tilting his head as he studied it.
“Huh. Fur,” Logan observed quietly, running a thumb across the back of his hand in a light touch that caused all of his fur to stand on end and his tail to whip back and forth in surprise.
“Thought that's what I felt earlier,” Logan commented, thumb ghosting his skin once more before drawing away.
Kurt noticed a tear in his gloves now, no doubt from the building’s collapse, allowing his blue fur to poke through the white fabric. He would have to repair that again, when they made it back to the Institute.
“Yes, yes, I am quite odd. You are used to it,” Kurt said with a chuckle, pulling his hand back from where it remained frozen in the air.
“You’re somethin’ interestin’, that's for sure,” Logan said in a voice tinged with fascination. His gaze traveled over the planes of Kurt’s face, studying now the light covering of fur over his features, while a smile pulled at the man’s lips.
Kurt’s eyes widened at the sudden weight of his gaze, and ducked his head as his skin heated.
“Ah—thank you?” he breathed out, voice jumping in pitch at the end, his tail flicking in a nervous motion.
Kurt was an oddity to see for the first time, he knew. Surely it was not that the Wolverine was… interested.
Mercifully, Logan pulled away to stare back out at the forest, and Kurt felt the air return to his lungs.
He lifted his gloved hand to stare at the exposed fur beneath, rubbing a thumb over it longingly where Logan’s touch had been.
It was Logan who had always encouraged Kurt never to hide himself. Pleaded, really. Kurt’s use of the image inducer to hide his appearance had always bothered Logan on a deep level. The relief that filled the man’s expression whenever he convinced Kurt to turn it off, to let his fur show through again, was immeasurable.
Kurt had never understood why it had always seemed to affect Logan so much. Kurt’s appearance was off-putting, unusual, frightening to many. It made it easier for everyone for him to blend in instead.
But now, he wondered at how much of his reaction was his concern for Kurt… and how much was that Logan wanted to look at him?
He took in a shaking breath as he steadied himself, as all the thoughts he’d long held back descended upon him now.
He wanted to feel Logan’s hands on his fur again.
He squeezed his hands into fists, lowering them to his sides. None of this was helpful right now. Logan did not even remember him—anything the man felt for him now was not what he was looking for.
“Any other helpful abilities ya’ got here?” Logan asked as he sniffed the air, before tilting his head Kurt’s way.
It took his brain a moment to catch up, still lost in stunned contemplation.
“My… charming presence?” Kurt suggested with a grin and a hand pressed to his chest, his tail waving behind him for balance as he leaned forward in a bow.
Logan snorted, looking away. “Sure. ‘Ya certainly got that.”
Kurt smiled, his heart skipping a beat again, a small chuckle escaping him.
“My mutation is limited to my appearance and my teleportation, which I can assure you I am typically much better at,” he explained. “But I am quite a skilled swordsman as well. We have fought alongside each other many times.”
“Well. Let's get goin’ and hope we don't have to test that. ‘Sooner this all gets cleared up, the better. I want to be back to huntin’ those fools before they can do worse.”
Kurt crossed his arms. “I assure you, mein Freund, we will hunt them down together for this.”
For as much as he disliked violence, in this, they would be deserving of it.
Kurt had always been comforted that he would never lose Logan. And though that remained true in the way he had always thought… in this, those who hated and feared them had found a new way to wound them.
Logan frowned. “Can't seem to fully remember where we’re goin’.” He huffed. “Maybe I did hit my head or somethin’.”
Logan looked back at him, tilting his head. “You say we came here together. You would know where we landed that Blackbird then, right?”
“Of course I do,” Kurt answered. “One does not have a power like mine without an excellent sense of direction. We were this way,” he said, beginning to walk north.
“And,” he added, looking back to Logan over his shoulder, “you would not remember, because I teleported us close the first time.”
Logan blinked, seeming to search his memory, then breathed out a low growl of frustration as he moved to follow him. “Guess that makes sense.”
Kurt’s tail gave an anxious wave. “Do you trust that I tell the truth yet?”
“This still all seems like some sort of trick.” He looked him over as he walked now alongside him. “But ya’ haven't done anythin’ yet.”
“And I won't, mein Freund. We should get back to the Institute before anything else. Let them run tests. We must know what we are up against, and… and make sure that you are alright.”
Logan laughed. “Gonna take a bit more’n that to stop me, bub. If we let em’ get away, if you're tellin’ the truth and we’re leavin’ memory-wiping weapons out where any anti-mutant idiot can get their hands on it…”
He trailed off, then looked back at Kurt with a serious expression.
“This your plan? Distracting me to let ‘em get away?”
Kurt frowned. “Nein, Logan. I am concerned for you.”
Logan snorted, turning away. “Then maybe we don't know each other that well after all. No one needs to worry about me.”
The words stung in his heart. Words he had heard from the man so many times before, things they had spoken of in late drunken nights, as Kurt had pleaded for Logan to see himself as more than what his mutation made of him.
“I do. I always do.” He stared after Logan with wide, pleading eyes.
He stepped closer, a hand lifting towards him, before stopping in place, his tail waving nervously behind him.
Logan stilled, turning back to face him. “And why in the world is that?”
His voice was flat, full of quiet disbelief. Kurt could not take it.
Kurt breathed in, then crossed the remaining distance between them, reaching out cautiously to take one of Logan’s hands in his own.
Logan would not remember those conversations, now. The reassurances Kurt had given him, the forgiveness that Logan had sought from him. If this poison had erased all that they had been through together…
Did Logan once more think of himself again as someone who could not be loved?
Or, had he still thought of himself this way under the surface, all this time?
“Logan,” he said, eyes softening. “You matter to me. I know you do not remember me, but I do care for you. I hope you have not continued to view yourself this way.”
He took in a breath, eyes flicking across Logan’s expression.
This was foolish, he thought. They were not on the level for these talks yet, Kurt was a stranger—and yet it wounded Kurt to hear him speak that way of himself.
But Logan did not pull away. He remained frozen in place, staring at Kurt with widening eyes.
He gave Logan’s hands a gentle squeeze as he continued.
“I… do not know if it matters to you, hearing it from me now. But it did before. No matter how well you can heal, I know it all still hurts. And the scars it all leaves upon your mind do not heal so quickly. So yes, I worry for you.”
The seconds stretched, each moment they remained connected feeling like a fire flickering across him from their point of contact, settling in his heart in nervous embers.
Logan sighed, breaking their eye contact as he looked off to the side. “Yer strange, you know that?”
“I am painfully aware.” He could not keep the note of sadness from his voice, as he slowly released Logan’s hand to drop from his own at last.
Logan’s eyes slid back to him, taking him in.
“I don’t mind it,” he said, his voice quiet, soft. “I’m just wonderin’ why it is that someone like you would hang around someone like me.”
“That is a long story, and I would love to tell it. But I would much rather you remember it,” Kurt responded, warmth flooding his words.
Logan studied him closer. “No way I could forget someone like you,” he said in a voice of quiet disbelief. Not in denial, as it had been before—but of longing.
“Nein, you couldn't,” he said with a warm smile. “We must get you back to Xavier and fix this at once, mein Freund. It is a terrible tragedy.” He patted a hand against Logan’s back as he led Logan towards their destination.
His heart ached, even as his tone was light and teasing. For it truly would be a tragedy if their history was lost.
But by the way the tension had begun to leave the man’s shoulders, the way smiles pulled at the edges of his lips, and the warmth that grew in his eyes as they walked…
If it was necessary, they could start again.
