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He entered Buck’s house shortly after ten at night, after working an extra shift at the station. Buck, Theo, and Christopher were dozing on the sofa. His teenage son pressed into Buck’s right side, and Theo snuggled close to Buck on the left.
Buck was beautiful when he slept.
Wait, he wasn’t supposed to be thinking those thoughts, his heart beating faster and his hands becoming clammy. He looked so peaceful, and Eddie’s heart caught in his chest. Something in him broke open, and he was in love with his best friend.
When did that happen?
He thought back to all the times he tried with women, and how it never felt right. Shannon he loved her but looking at Buck in this moment he never felt like this with Shannon. She never made his heart beat this fast, nor did she make him this nervous. He loved Shannon, but he married her for Christopher. Just like he dated Ana and Marisol for Christopher because he was trying to be a good provider, as his father had taught him. He wanted Christopher to have a mother figure in his life, but Christopher never needed a mother; he had one, and she still lived on in his heart. What he needed was someone who loved him, someone he could trust and count on. That fit Buck to a tee. The countless dates Pepa had set him up with, and they never went right.
Was he bi?
Or gay?
He panicked when he heard movement from the couch.
“Hey when did you get home?” Buck asked, like Eddie lived here. He looks down at the two sleeping kids and smiles, then looks up at Eddie. All Eddie wants to do is run his hand through Buck’s curls. He puts his hands in his pockets.
Eddie tried to hide his panic. “Just now. I… um… need to get home. I have errands to run tomorrow.” He rocked on his heels and looked at his best friend who was still waking up, and Eddie wanted to ravish him. The thought makes his face turn beet red.
Buck looked at him, concerned. “Are you okay?”
“Yep. I’m peachy.” His voice came out squeaky. Dealing with all these new feelings was something he wasn’t sure how to do, and Buck wasn’t helping in the slightest. Buck looked so good just waking up. He tried to steady himself, but he had an intense need to crawl onto Buck’s lap and bury his head in Buck’s chest.
“Peachy?” Buck knows him too well, and he knows that’s not something Eddie normally would say. He tries not to make a big deal of it.
“Yep peachy. Chris, bud, we need to get going.” He shakes Christopher awake. Christopher looks up at him and rubs his eyes. He looks up at Buck and smiles before he turns back towards Eddie and forces himself awake.
“Hey Dad, you’re back.” Christopher smiles and leans more into Buck, and Eddie has to fight not to join all three on the couch. He wants Buck to hold him.
“Go grab your stuff, and we will head out.” Eddie runs his hands through his hair.
Buck winces in pain when Christopher goes to stand up. “I’m too old to be falling asleep on this couch.” He whines and Eddie wants to pull him into the bedroom. When he realizes the thought he had, his panic intensified. He doesn’t panic, or at least he didn’t use to. What is wrong with him?
“You need to make sure they get to bed before you fall asleep.” He suggested for the first time, unsure of what to say around Buck.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Eddie sees Buck looking at him with worry. Buck lays Theo, who is still asleep, on the couch so he can stand up. Buck stretches and his stomach shows just a little, and Eddie has to look away. The sexual awareness in the room is intense, something he is not used to. “Yep, one hundred percent sure. Just need sleep and to run my errands.” He says, trying to sound normal and failing.
“Do you want company? Chris could watch Theo? “You are welcome to stay the night,” Buck suggests.
“Nope, I’m good.” He needs time to process his thoughts. How had he gone from best friend to I want to jump your bones it just a matter of seconds?
“Do you at least want a snack for the road?” Buck, as always, tried to take care of him. He doesn’t deserve this man, he cannot help but think. Buck is the sun, and he is like a weight that would weigh him down. Buck can never know what he was feeling. He refuses to watch Buck become a ghost of himself because he can’t meet Buck’s needs.
“Ate at the station.” He is trying to get out of this house before he says or does something stupid.
Buck licks his lips, and Eddie wants to kiss him, and his eyes widen at the thought. “You’re acting weird.”
“I’m exhausted from back-to-back shifts.” He’s lying and Buck knows it but drops it, and Eddie is thankful that he does. Now where the hell is Christopher because he needs to get far away from here.
Christopher walks back into the living room as Theo sits up and looks around. “Are you going home?” He looked at Eddie, his eyes full of tears. No, no, no, he can barely handle the disappointment on Buck’s face; he’s not sure he can handle it with Theo. “Yes, but Chris and I will be back in a couple of days.” Eddie bends down to pull Theo into a hug. “You get to hang out with Buck.”
“Okay.” Theo wraps his small body around him, and Eddie’s heart melts. He leans down and kisses the top of Theo’s forehead.
“You be good for him.” Eddie reminds him he loves this kid, and somewhere along the way he fell in love with Buck.
“I always am,” Theo says, and Buck and Eddie both laugh and lock eyes. Eddie turns away quickly, scared he will give himself away.
“When you’re ready to talk, I’m here, right?” Buck knows something is wrong, and that Eddie just needs time. Time to get over it so they can keep their friendship.
“I know,” Eddie says, helping Christopher with his things.
They leave, and guilt tugs at Eddie as he closes the door behind them. He is a coward; he should have stayed, yet he knows he made the right choice for Buck and Theo. It was bad enough he had to drag Chris down this path with him; he refused to bring anyone else into it.
🚨🚨🚨
He lay in bed looking up at his ceiling and thinking about when he fell in love with Buck, and he cannot pinpoint it. Has it always been Buck? Their first shift together Buck had hated him, and when he tried to offer an olive branch, Buck refused it. Upon leaving that first shift, Eddie had the impression he wouldn’t be at the 118 for long. The following shift, they bonded over an intense moment, and Buck had been a constant in his life ever since.
Buck was the one who introduced him to Carla when he was struggling to figure out caregiving for Christopher. When Eddie needed support, Buck had been there through it all. The loss of Shannon had been difficult, and when Buck initiated legal action against the LAFD and Bobby, Eddie took being cut off from Buck hard. Christopher needed him too, and they had their first big fight. Eddie got he was being selfish, but he never really thought about why he needed Buck so much.
Moving to Texas had been hard because he didn’t want to leave Buck or the 118; they had become family. He had wanted Buck to come with him, but you don’t ask a friend to move to another state with you. Maybe inside, Eddie had always understood Buck was his person, but he never allowed himself to acknowledge it. He had to leave because he couldn’t miss out on Christopher’s childhood. Coming back to LA and having Buck already moved out before he returned had stung, but he never complained because that’s not what Diaz men do.
Tonight, all the emotions he had experienced over the years finally became clear. Why he was jealous of Buck being with Taylor and why he had ended his friendship with Tommy. All the times he wished Buck could just stay at their house forever, and why he was so hurt when he learned Buck was staying with Maddie until he found his house. All the times Bobby had been concerned that he was going to miss out on something real. Is this what he meant? Was Bobby aware of Eddie’s feelings before he died?
“Dad?” He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear Christopher come into his room.
“Hey bud, you’re still awake?” Eddie sat up and gestured for his son to join him on the bed.
“Are you mad at Buck?” Christopher asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“No,” Eddie says, but Christopher gives him a look that says he knows something is wrong.
He promised Christopher in Texas no more lies. “I’m not mad at him, I promise. However, I’m working through some emotions I was unaware of.
“Finally,” Christopher doesn’t seem surprised.
“What do you mean, finally?” He asked his teenage son.
“Dad, do you get how many people have asked me if you two are dating? All my teachers think that you and Buck are a couple. I thought you were after Ana; I only realized you weren’t because you started dating Marisol. Then Buck started dating the death lady.”
The death lady he had to hold back his snarky comments, “So you thought we were a couple?”
“Dad, you two have never been normal about each other. The only two people who don’t see it are you and Buck.” Christopher deadpan stares at him.
“No, I guess we haven’t been. I can’t tell him though.” Eddie knows it sounds stupid, but the risk is just too high.
“Why not?” Christopher rolls his eyes and sighs.
“He doesn’t feel the same way I do.” Eddie leans back against the headboard.
“He told you that.” Christopher's wearing Buck’s confused expression on his face. Man, you really take after the people who raised you. In this moment he looks more like Buck’s kid than his.
“No, but he would have told me if he had.”
'He believes you’re straight, so he’ll remain silent. He would be too afraid of ruining the friendship.' Christopher snickers at the Taylor Swift song reference, and Eddie ruffles his curls. Time needed to slow down; he was growing up too fast.
“Funny, but I’m not ready to say anything.” He tells his son honestly that he couldn’t stand the rejection.
“Well, figure it out before you make Buck worry.” Christopher stands up. “He loves you, and he has a right to know that you love him too.” The teen walks towards the door, shaking his head.
“Who’s the parent?” He calls after him, considering himself more like the child in that conversation than the adult. When had Christopher got so insightful?
“You are so start acting like it and tell him.”
Eddie is lays there thinking about Buck and him and what Christopher said could be right, when his phone goes off.
Buck:
Do you guys want to got to the zoo tomorrow with Theo and I?
Eddie looks down at his phone, and he sighs. He can’t hang out with Buck right now, he will give himself away.
Eddie:
I have too many errands.
It’s not a complete lie; he has a few errands but could wait until after the zoo, so he feels bad for lying but not enough to change his mind. He needs to lie low for a while and work on getting a handle on these feelings.
Buck:
Okay, we can do something else before our next shift if you want.
Eddie ignores his texts and buries his head in his pillow. He doesn’t think about what it would be like to go to the zoo with Buck and Theo; instead, he thinks about what it would be like to come untouched on Buck’s dick. He’s going to hell for these thoughts.
🚨🚨🚨
Eddie doesn’t take the advice from the teenager; instead, he avoids Buck until their next shift two days later. Knowing everyone would be upstairs eating breakfast, he arrived five minutes before his shift. He takes his time dressing when he hears movement behind him. He knows who’s behind him before he ever turns around.
He turns, and Buck is leaning against the locker room doorframe. He looks like shit. There are noticeable shadows under his eyes. “You’re avoiding me?”
“No,” Eddie says, turning to put his street clothes in his locker before he closes it. He composes his face when he turns back to Buck.
“Eddie, you won’t even look at me. You texted me one sentence the entire time we have been off. Last time you ignored me like this was during the lawsuit.”
“I couldn’t talk…”
“Theo keeps asking for you, and he fought going to sleep last night and cried because he wanted to call you.” Buck’s eyes pleaded with him to explain.
“You could’ve called me Buck.” Eddie feels guilty for making Theo cry; he loves that kid as much as he loves his own son.
“Can I? You refuse to return my texts, doubt you would answer the call.” Buck looks like he’s fighting back his own tears. Eddie wants to reach out to him, but he holds back.
Eddie cannot stand the guilt, so he closes his locker. “I will stop by to see Theo after shift.” He promises, and he plans to keep it even if it kills him.
“Okay, what about the conservatory?” Buck sounds so hopeful.
“Yeah, Christopher would love that.” Eddie can’t stand letting him down, but he’s also scared that being around Buck is going to make him want him more. “I need breakfast.”
He brushes past Buck and makes a beeline for the loft so he can be around more people to avoid confessing his feelings to his best friend.
Chimney, Hen, Ravi and Harry are all staring at him as he walks up the steps. “You’re late, Diaz.” Chimney is looking at him, concern all over his face.
“Sorry, Cap, it won’t happen again.” He says grabs the plate with the last three pancakes.
"Buck saved those for you." Hen points out.
“Is everything okay? If you need to talk about anything, my door is always open.” Chimney reminds him. “I will be in my office doing paperwork if anyone needs me.”
He sits down at the table as Ravi and Harry head down to the bay, and Hen sits down across from him at the table. “Buck says you’re acting weird. What’s going on?” She is studying him, and it scares him. If anyone were to figure it out on their own, it would be Hen. She always had a way of reading people; it was as if she could see into their souls.
He looks up at her and between bites says, “Nothing. I’m fine. Buck is reading to much into things.” He’s trying to keep himself together, and he is failing badly. He hopes she is buying what he is selling, but her face says she is not.
“Come on, Eddie, I know you. You’re hiding something.”
“Trust me, it’s best if we drop it.” He tells her as the bell goes off. He has never been so thankful for an emergency.
“Well, I’m here if you need to talk.” She reminds him as they both take the pole down to meet the rest of the crew at the engine truck. Eddie climbs in and Buck looks at him and smiles as their knees brush against each other.
🚨🚨🚨
When they return from the call two hours later, Chimney yells out chore orders and, as usually pairs Eddie up with Buck. Usually, he would be excited to spend his time with his best friend, but today they are cleaning the trucks, and whenever Buck reaches up, he reveals his stomach, causing Eddie to stare.
Buck pulls him out of his stupor, waving his hand in his face. “Eddie, are you going to help me or just stare at my stomach all day?”
He hears laughing coming from the loft and looks up to Ravi and Harry watching them. His face turned red, and he glared up at them. “My bad,” Ravi says, pulling Harry away both of them laughing.
“Sorry, I’m going to go wash the ambulance.” He grabs his bucket and bolts, and as he walks away, he hears Buck sigh in frustration. He needs to figure out how to control himself before this shift is over, because he promised to hang out with Buck and Theo and he is keeping his promise even if it kills him.
He finishes up the ambulance and half the fire truck, avoiding Buck, and Buck doesn’t push him anymore. Eddie has mixed emotions about whether to be upset or pleased. The rest of the shift he keeps himself busy by restocking the ambulance and making a supply order. He can hear laughter flutter over the loft, and he hears Buck tell someone to knock it off. He wants to join them, but he senses everyone has been clocking him all shift.
Eddie is getting ready to go home after their twenty-four-hour shift when Buck walks into the locker room to change. “I will just tell Theo you guys are busy.” He tells Eddie not even meeting his gaze, and he sounds disappointed.
“We want to come over, Buck.” Eddie tries to fix whatever he has broken in Buck. He wants to hang out with him; he just doesn’t want to give himself away.
“No, you don’t. You have avoided me as much as you can for four days, Eddie. It’s okay. Theo and I will go by ourselves. If Christopher would like to join us, have him call me or text me.” Buck doesn’t even bother to change; he leaves the locker room grabbing his work bag, his shoulders slumped.
“Hey Cap, I will bring this uniform back clean next shift. I promise.” He can he Buck tell Chimney.
Chimney says something he can’t quite make out, but the captain sounds concerned, and as Eddie leaves the locker room, Chimney makes eye contact with him but says nothing. Eddie’s not sure what’s worst the fact that Chimney didn’t ask him what’s wrong or the disappointed look on his face.
🚨🚨🚨
Eddie starts driving home, but finds himself in front of the Wilson house. He sits in his truck, unsure if he should go in. Deciding not to he goes to turn his truck when Hen opens the front door. The look on her face says he better not run. Sighing, he grabs his keys and opens his door, and walks towards the pouch. “Karen's pouring us mimosas. If you need something stronger, tell us.” He nods unable to speak.
They walk into the house and join Karen in the kitchen. She points to a bar stool, and he sits down. He’s not sure how he is going to explain this, but he needs to get it off his chest.
Looking down at his phone, he noticed a missed text from Christopher saying he was going with Buck to the conservatory and that he would be home later. Eddie rubs his hand across his face as Karen hands him the drink. “Okay, out with it.” She isn’t one to mince words.
“I… I don’t know how to put this into words, and I don’t know if I’m ready to tell Buck,” he admits, taking a sip of the drink in front of him.
“Eddie, whatever it is, it stays between the three of us, and you get to tell people when you’re ready.” Hen reaches for his hand. “You’re in a safe space to speak freely.” He knows he’s in a safe space, but it is difficult coming out to your friends. Especially when you’ve just recently come out to yourself. How had he not known? Was he that repressed?
“I’m in love with Buck,” Eddie blunders out, and saying it out loud made it real. Real means it can hurt, and Eddie panics. He feels as if he is drowning on dry land.
“Eddie,” Hen says, but it’s like he is hearing her through thick molasses, and he is drowning in it. “Breathe in and hold 1… 2…3…4… and breathe out.” Hen repeats the steps until he is breathing normally. “I’m proud of you, Eddie.”
“You’re proud that I love Buck?”
“Yes, but I’m also proud that you are figuring out who you are.” Hen grabs his hand again and doesn’t let go.
“I don’t know who I am. Am I gay or bi? How can I be certain?”
“That takes times Eddie, and you get to decide that no one else.” Hen squeezes his hand as she says it.
“You don’t have to have all the answers right away,” Karen chimes in.
“Karen and I will help you, and so will Buck.” Hen pulls him into a hug.
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?” Eddie asks into Hen’s shoulder. He can’t lose his best friend over this. Hen pulls back and gives him a look.
“Have you met Buck? Because that man will give you anything and everything you want, Eddie,” Hen says with no hesitation.
“I’m scared.” Tears strea,down his face, and he put his hands over his face and leans down onto the dining room table. “He’s too good for me. I will ruin him.”
“Edmundo Roman Diaz, that’s the stupidest thing you have ever said.” Karen shakes her head.
“He’s rainbows and sunshine, and I’m doom and gloom. I would just weigh him down.”
“Eddie, you saved his life in multiple ways. You’re the one who calms in ways not even Maddie can. You have stepped up to help him with Theo, and that little boy loves you almost as much as Buck. Don’t underestimate yourself.” Hen is steadfast in her opinion.
“I need time to think.”
“Don’t wait too long; you know he can’t handle it.” Hen points out.
“That’s what Chris said.”
“Smart kid. We are both here for you if you need us,” Karen reminds him as he heads for the door.
Climbing back into his car, he can’t seem to bring himself to contact Buck, so he drives home and hopes someday he has the guts to tell Buck how he really feels.
🚨🚨🚨
Their next shift starts off normally, but takes a turn at a car crash. One car had gone done an embankment, hitting some shrubbery that was unstable, and Buck insists on going down to get the driver out. Eddie stands next to Hen as Ravi checks Buck’s harness. That should be his job, and he is fighting the urge to push Ravi out of the way.
“You know, if you asked Buck, he would let you check it.” Hen said coming up behind him.
“I trust Ravi,” Eddie says a little too loudly, and Ravi and Buck glance in their direction, both sharing confused expressions.
“Ravi is he ready?” Chimney pipes in drawing everyone back to the call. He gives Eddie a dirty look before he turns back to Buck and Ravi.
“Yes.” Ravi says, turning to Buck. “You’ve got this.”
Buck climbs down slowly and carefully so he doesn’t make the car even more unstable. “Cap, he’s still alive.” Eddie hears Buck say through the radio, and he paces. Buck is in a dangerous situation, and Eddie is losing his mind. It seems like hours, yet it was only minutes. “Ravi send him down the basket.”
Ravi lowers the basket, and he can hear Buck pulling the man out. He’s not sure if Buck has gotten the man into the basket when he hears a loud noise and Buck screams.
“Buck.” Eddie runs to the edge, forgetting his safety and throwing chain of command out the window. “Buck.”
He looks down and Buck has the guy in the basket, and he’s sitting on the ground with his harness still around him. “Diaz, get away from there before we need to rescue you.” Chimney orders. “Ravi, bring them up. Hen, get ready to treat the guy, and Eddie, you need to sit out of this call. You’re done.”
Eddie goes to protest, but Hen stops him. “Eddie, please just listen to Cap. Buck is going to be okay.”
He walks over to the engine and waits for Buck and the victim to be pulled up. Hen grabs the gurney and with help from Harry. He holds his breath until he sees Buck finally pulled up and standing on solid ground. Buck, focused on the patient. He helped Ravi and Harry get him on the stretcher, then turned to look at Eddie.
Buck’s blue eyes are dark and angry. “What the hell is your problem, Eddie?”
He walks towards Eddie, anger displayed across his face. “Buck…”
“You ignore me, you keep avoiding me, but when I am doing my job now you’re concerned?” He gets in Eddie’s face.
“You could have gotten yourself killed.” Eddie screams back, his worry turning into rage. “You never think about yourself and your own safety.”
“Diaz and Buckley get in the truck, and no more talking before I have to write you two up.” Chimney yells as the surrounding crowd watches.
“Gladly,” Buck grunts as he takes off his harness and throws it into the side of the truck before climbing into it and sitting in Ravi’s usual spot. As Eddie climbed in after him, Buck refused to look at him, so Eddie gave him his space and took his normal seat. He tried to get Buck’s attention as they waited for the rest of the team, but Buck wouldn’t even make eye contact.
Guilt over the last few days sets in; he knew he wasn’t being fair. His upbringing made it difficult for him to process his feelings. Running away from his feelings felt safer than actually dealing with them, but now he just felt stupid. He thought confessing them to Buck would ruin everything, but he had done that by ignoring them. All the years of friendship and trust came crumbling down around him. All Eddie wanted to do was beg Buck to forgive him, but he didn’t have that right, at least not now.
The rest of the team finally joined them; Ravi sat in Buck’s seat, no questions asked. It was a tense ride back to the station; nobody spoke or looked in Eddie’s direction. Hen laid a hand over Buck’s knee, and he smiled at her, but he refused to make eye contact with Eddie.
🚨🚨🚨
When they all exited the rig, Chimney yelled, “Buckley and Diaz, my office now.”
Eddie hung his head and followed Chimney. Buck was a few feet in front of him, and when they entered the office, he got a good look at Buck’s face. Buck was stone-faced, and he looked like he was fighting back rage. “You two sit.”
“No, thank you, Cap.” Buck says, standing up as Eddie sank into a chair. Guilt surged through him.
“Fine, does one of you care to explain what the hell is going on?” Chimney looks back and forth but stops at Buck.
“Like I told Maddie, I don’t know what his problem is, but he has been avoiding me at all costs. So you need to ask him, because he only seems worried about me when I’m doing my job.” Buck doesn’t get angry easily, and Eddie knows it.
“Diaz?” Chimney turns to him.
“I’m sorry this is my fault, but it’s personal and I’m not explaining it while we are being reprimanded.” He's going to talk to Buck as soon as he gets out of this office; he knows this needs to be fixed now.
“I am ending your shifts and dismissing you two. Go home and figure this out before I move one of you to another shift or a new house.” Chimney says, “This is your warning. I’ll document it if it happens again.”
“That’s not fair; I did nothing.” Buck looks exhausted.
“As your captain, I don’t care. You need to fix it. As your brother-in-law.” He looks at Buck and then turns to Eddie, “And as your friend, please work this out because this shift isn’t complete if we lose one of you.”
Buck doesn’t say a word; he just walks out of the Chimney’s office, his shoulders still tense, and Eddie knows this is on him to fix. Eddie just can’t do it here in front of everyone; he needs to go home, to shower, and then head over to Buck’s place.
He walks towards the locker room, and everyone is staring at him. Hen, Harry and Ravi are up on the loft looking down. “Are you two okay?” Hen asks.
“Cap sent us home.”
“Gives you time to work it out.” Hen points out, and Eddie nods his head.
He turns back towards the lockers, and Buck is standing in his way, preventing him from entering. Eddie pleads with his eyes for Buck to move, but the beast of a man isn’t moving at all.
“Why are you being weird? Why won’t you talk to me?” Buck asks, looking down at Eddie. “I wrote you every day.”
Eddie is now lost. Buck wrote to him? “Huh? You wrote to me?”
“No... you’re being weird and dramatic, so I figured I could match your weirdness and dramatics.” Sadness and fear replace Buck’s anger. “Will you just tell me what I did wrong? Are you mad Chris fell asleep on the couch with me?”
“No,” Eddie says, confused. Had he been worried about that the whole time?
“Because that’s when you started acting weird, and if it makes you uncomfortable, I will never do it again.” Buck looks worried; he crossed a line that he can’t get back from. Buck isn’t wrong on the timeline, but he is wrong on why it started.
“Buck, I’m not upset about that. You helped me raise that kid.”
“Then why, Eddie? Just tell me?” He yelled, his face frustrated.
“Because I love you.” He blurts out, unable to hide it anymore.
“You’re mad at me because you love me?” Buck’s face looked lost. “I love you to man. It’s not that big a deal. We’re best friends, of course we love each other.”
Eddie looks up at Hen, and she nods at him. “No, Buck, I don’t just love you. I’m in love with you.”
“Eddie, you’re straight.”
“I’m not. I don’t know what I am, but I’m not straight.”
“So if you’re in love with me. Then why are you avoiding me?”
“Because I’m scared. Scared that I’m not enough. That my family, especially my parents, won’t handle it well. I don’t get how I didn’t know until now. How repressed am I?” Tears streamed down his face. How much time had he lost not knowing who he was?
“Eddie, you don’t have to figure that all out today. We can get through that stuff. I’m glad you told me.” Buck tries to walk towards him, but Eddie moves because he needs to get the rest out.
“I’m scared that you don’t feel the same way. That I could ruin everything. I…
“Eddie,” Buck stepped toward him.
“You don’t have to hide your feelings from me, and I would never turn my back on you. You are enough, and you don’t need to be scared.” He stepped just a little closer, and Eddie’s heart pounded loudly. He was only two inches shorter, but in that moment he appears smaller.
“Do you feel the same way?” He forced the question out and willed Buck to say he did.
Buck gazed down at him, with a smirk on his face, “I wasn’t aware I had permission until this moment.” He’s honest, and Eddie is thankful for that. Buck cocks his head and gazes at him, and Eddie has the impression of being a puzzle Buck is attempting to unravel. Buck closed his eyes, and Eddie braced for the letdown.
“Buck, if you don’t…” Eddie tries to give him an out. Placing a hand on Eddie's shoulder, Buck walked him backwards to the locker room’s glass wall. “Buck?”
“Eddie, stop talking so I can properly kiss you.” Buck says before his dips his head down and presses into Eddie. Their lips meet and Buck brushes his mouth across. Buck's kisses differ from any kiss he has ever had with a woman. They are warm, inviting and make his knees weak; if Buck let go of him right now, he would crumble to the floor.
Buck cups his face and deepens the kiss. He uses his tongue to part Eddie's lips and licks into his mouth. Eddie world goes fuzzy and he loses himself in Buck's embrace. It isn’t until they both need to come up for air that Buck pulls slightly back. Buck leans his forehead into Eddie’s “I’m in love with you too, just to make that clear. You never needed to run from me.”
The team cheers at them from atop the loft, he and Bucklook up to see huge smiles on their faces.
“Oh, thank God,” Ravi says.
“So glad they finally figured it out.” Harry chimes in.
Hen looks down at them. “I’m proud of you both.”
“Now go home and make out there instead of against my locker room wall.” Chimney smiles at them. “Expect paperwork on your next shift.”
Eddie is beet red, and Buck smiles down at him. “Maddie has Theo until tomorrow. Do you want to come back to my place?”
“Yeah,” Eddie replies nervously.
“No pressure, we can take it as slow as you need, and we probably should talk some more.”
“Buck, you don’t need to treat me with kid gloves, and we will set the pace together. Yes, I’m new to this with a man, but I want us to do it together as a team.”
“Okay, why don’t we meet at my house.”
“I have one errand I need to run, and I will grab dinner for us. Then I will be over.” Eddie tells him as they walk into the locker room to change.
Buck flinches because the last time he mentioned errand Eddie was running away, but then he smiles and nudges Eddie with his shoulder.
“You promise?’ He teases.
“Yes, now go home, and I will be there soon. I promise.”
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Eddie pulls into Buck’s driveway, and grabs the Chinese food and his errand off his seat. He walks up the sidewalk and knocks on the door. Hiding his hand with the gift behind his back. Buck takes a minute, but he finally answers, and he is wearing an apron covered in flour, and Eddie wants to jump him right then and there. “Sorry, I was baking your favorite cookies. Come on in.” He loves Buck’s baking. Buck baking something just for him is hot as hell.
Eddie, who had his hands behind his back, presented Buck with a gigantic bouquet of daisies he had picked up on the drive over. “Your baking and I got you flowers, and Chinese food. I’m sorry I was avoiding you.” Buck's eyes lit up as he took them and sniffed them.
“Stop Eddie, we’re past it. No one has ever bought me flowers before.” Buck lets Eddie pass him. “Can you please put these in a vase while I finish up a batch of cookies?” He gestures towards the kitchen, and Eddie follows him after setting the food on the dining room table.
“Yes,” Eddie found a vase above the fridge and arranged the flowers. Taking his time so that he can calm his nerves.
“So, what are your thoughts about us?” Buck asked, busying himself with the cookies, and he sounded just as nervous, which helped calm Eddie.
“Better now that you know. Can I ask you a question? How did you know you were bi? I kissed you and I never felt like that before with a woman, so does that mean I’m gay?” He still wasn’t sure of his sexuality, and it was intensely scary being so unsure of who he was.
“Breath. You don’t have to decide anything, Eddie until you're ready. You don’t owe anyone your sexuality.” Buck placed the cookies in the oven and set the timer. “Hi.” He turned to Eddie and blushed, stepping towards him.
“Hi,” Eddie shyly responded and leaned into Buck.
“Can I kiss you?” Buck asked nervously, and Eddie leaned in, connecting their mouths. It was like a fire burning in his stomach, and he backed Buck into the fridge. They were both now covered in flour and he couldn't care less; he pulled Buck in to deepen the kiss. Buck’s lips were softer than he had expected, and he loved the sensation of Buck’s stubble brush against his chin. Kissing Shannon had been nice, and he enjoyed it but never like this. He wanted to be consumed by Buck and never let him go. They finally had to stop to breathe, and Eddie leaned his forehead into Buck’s.
“You never have to ask,” Eddie says before he pulls him again. “God, I want you so badly.”
Buck flipped them around and pinned him to the fridge. “You’re so sexy, Eddie.”
Buck dove back in for a kiss, and their mouths and tongues couldn’t get enough of each other. Buck trailed kisses down Eddie’s neck and sucked on the spot where the neck met his shoulder. “You are so perfect.”
Eddie whined in pleasure, and then the timer went off, startling them. “Sorry.”
“Eddie, stop apologizing. That was hot.” Buck nipped at Eddie’s bottom lip and then walked to the oven to pull out the cookies. He refilled the baking sheet and reset the timer once the cookie were in the oven.
“Sor… yes I will try.” Eddie had to stop himself, and Buck just smiled at him.
“Will you go on a date with me?” Buck asked, looking at him.
“Yes Buckley, I will. When?”
“Tomorrow night?”
“As long as we spend the day with Christopher and Theo,” Eddie suggests. “I want our family together.”
“Family?” Buck gulped, his eyes wide and hopeful.
“Yes, cariño are family.” Eddie kissed him. “You helped me raise Chris, and now I want to help you with Theo.”
“Regarding Chris, what will be his reaction to this?” Eddie can see Buck is worried about the teenager's approval.
“He is fine with it. Told me to tell you sooner than I did.” Eddie watches Buck smile at his words, and while Buck takes a sip of water, informs him. “He also told me that all the people at his school think we are together, and that he did before I got together with Marisol.” He left the death lady part out. Buck chokes on his water and looks at Eddie as if he is insane.
“Does he correct them?”
“Honestly, I never asked. I doubt it.” He shrugs while Buck spirals. “Hey hey it’s okay. It all worked out in the end.”
“I know, but how long could we have been doing this if we just figured it out sooner?” Buck looks wrecked.
“I know, but that’s water under the bridge. Do you want to eat the food I brought? Hopefully, it’s not cold.” Eddie grabs some plates from the cabinets and makes his way to the table. Buck pulls the last batch pf cookies out of the oven.“We can’t go get the kids tonight, but we can tomorrow morning.”
“Does that mean you’re spending the night?” Buck blushes.
“I would like that,” he and Buck have shared a bed a few times during COVID, but it’s been years and this time is very different. He’s overwhelmed for a minute and his face must show it became Buck’s face looks worried.
“We don’t have to share a bed.” Buck sits down at the table to spoon out some sesame beef and rice onto his plate.
“Buck, we can share a bed. We could cuddle.” He’s not sure he’s ready for other stuff yet. “Maybe some more kissing?”
“Eddie, we can take it at any pace you want.” Buck handed Eddie the rice container.
“A little slow maybe get through our first date. Does this count?” Eddie asks, scooping out the rice and watching Buck stop mid bite.
“No… if we are going on our first date, we will ensure it’s done right.”
“Okay, you can pick the restaurant.” Eddie grabs the beef and spoons a large helping onto his plate.
“I have a few ideas. Can I surprise you?” Buck asked in the middle of chewing. “Yes.” Eddie blushed as he ate his food; he could feel the heat on his cheeks. It was a little more awkward than usual, but in a good way.
Buck washed the dishes while Eddie dried them, and they keep bumping into each other's hips. Eddie felt tense as he slid the last plate into the cabinet. Buck walked up behind him and pulled him into his body. “You don’t need to be nervous, babe.”
“Babe, huh?” Eddie turned around and wrapped his arms around Buck’s neck.
“Oh, so you like that?” Buck asked.
“Yes, but don’t let it go to your head.”
“Oh, it has, but that’s why you love me.” Buck leaned in to kiss him and Eddie responded with vigor.
“Can we go lie down and talk a little?”
“You want to go lie down and talk?” Buck raised one eyebrow.
“Among other things.” Eddie teased, feeling a little tension in the air.
Buck must have sensed the tension too because he grabbed Eddie’s hand and smiled shyly at him. “You are in expert hands, Edmundo.”
“Okay, Buckley,” Eddie quipped back at him as Buck dragged him down the hallway.
“Wait, so Buckley is like Edmundo? No, Evan?” “Evan is only for serious moments because people who truly know you call you Buck.” They entered Buck’s room as he said it, and Buck pulled him in and pinned him to the open door.
“You know me,” Buck whispered and kissed him, and Eddie’s knees buckled, and Buck caught him from falling
“I know you Buck I always have.” Eddie kissed him back, licking into Buck’s mouth and moaning happily.
Buck made sure he was steady and walked him back towards the bed, pushing Eddie onto it. Eddie's eyes widened as he looked up at Buck, who was still standing at the edge of the bed.
“Buck.” He whined, begging the man he loved to join him on the bed.
“Thought you wanted to talk?” Buck teased him as he motioned for Eddie to scoot back until his head hit a pillow and Buck loomed over him.
“Talking is overrated.” He grabbed Buck by his shirt and pulled him down on top of him.
“You are bossy today.” Buck licked his ear, and Eddie moaned loudly. He had never been a nosy lover before, and now he couldn’t control what came out of his mouth.
Eddie ran his hands through Buck’s soft curls. “Buck.” He gasped as Buck sucked on his neck, and he could feel the marks being left. Eddie had never been calmed by anyone before, and the experience unexpectedly delighted him.
Buck pulled back and met Eddie’s gaze. “We need to take a break before I want more than you're ready for.” Eddie whined as Buck stood and walked to his drawer and pulled out two pairs of sweats, tossing one to Eddie. “Put these on and we can snuggle.”
“If you promise to hold me.” Eddie begged. Being able to experience vulnerability with the man he loved was an incredible and liberating sensation unlike anything he had known prior. Changing out of his jeans, Eddie put on the sweats and sat down on the bed. His eyes scanned Buck as he finished pulling up his own sweats. Eddie licked his lips as Buck’s shirt came off.
“Babe,” Buck pointed to his shirt, and Eddie blushed. Buck had seen him without a shirt previously, but this felt different. He dragged his shirt off, and Buck and he locked eyes. “You’re so pretty.” Buck angled his head to avert his gaze bashfully, and Eddie’s frame stiffened as the closeness enveloped them both.
“Thank you. Can we snuggle now? I want to feel you close to me. It grounds me.” Eddie needed reassurance that this was all going to be okay.
Buck, without a word, climbed into bed and brought his hand up to cup Eddie’s face. “I love you so much.” Buck brushed his lips across Eddie’s forehead, and Eddie closed his eyes when Buck kissed both cheeks. He moved down to Eddie’s lips and Eddie's mind went blank. The kiss was soft, sweet, and intimate. Buck pulled him down, facing each other on the bed. Kissing broke when they were both out of breath.
“I love you too,” Eddie finally responded. “So, boyfriends?”
Buck frowned at the name, and Eddie grew tense. “Nope, no reason to spiral. I like boyfriend, but it feels like more than that. I want it all with you, Eddie, marriage and a family.”
“You want more kids?” Eddie asked.
“I want us to adopt Theo together. We can talk about more after that, but I am open to it.”
“Has Dedra said anything about you adopting him?” After Conner and Kameron’s deaths, they had tried to place him with family. Both sets of grandparents were just too old for a loud, very energized preschooler, and Conner’s brother had his hands full with his own kids. Kameron had been an only child. Both families had asked if they could visit, and Buck had agreed. He wanted Theo to have his parents’ families in his life.
“Dedra is working on it.” Buck says, looking down.
Eddie took his finger and slipped it under Buck’s chin and lifted it up so they were making eye contact. “I have your back. Whatever we need to do, I will do it. We already raised Christopher. We have proved we can do it.”
“Eddie, you raised Christopher…”
“And you helped me, don’t underestimate yourself, Carińo.” Eddie interrupted him and leaned in to kiss his birthmark, and Buck whined so Eddie did it again.
“No one’s ever kissed it before.” Buck admits sheepishly, and Eddie’s happy its something special between them.
“First person to buy you flowers and kiss your birthmark. I enjoy having things that are just special between us.” Eddie snuggled his face into Buck’s chest. “Also, you never said yes or no to boyfriends.”
“We can be boyfriends, Eddie, but I want more and I don’t want to wait forever.”
“Marry me, then.” Eddie mutters into Buck's chest.
“Eddie, we just…” Buck was going to spiral.
“You’re right, Buck, this is more even if we didn’t recognize it, so we should get married.” Eddie reminds him, hoping to calm him.
“Is it too soon?” Buck looks at him with a smile as if he wants to say yes.
“Maybe if it wasn’t us, but we are a well-oiled machine.”
Buck tipped up Eddie’s chin and pulled him up closer to him. “Yes Eddie, I will marry you.”
They had gone from friends to boyfriends to fiances in one day. It was overwhelming for Eddie, but he was happy. “Do I still get my surprise date?”
“Yes, Eddie, you can have your surprise date.” Buck smiled down at him, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Eddie had everything he could ever want, and for the first time, the future was bright.