Work Text:
You know those recurring nightmares where you're back in elementary school, lost in an endless loop of bathroom stalls, or worse, sitting in a classroom about to fail a math exam...?
That was pretty much how Richie and Eddie felt at first, every single time Clara and Amelia asked them for help with their homework, but after two years with the girls, they had finally found their rhythm. While Eddie handled anything related to math and science, Richie took care of the humanities and the arts. Division of labor, one might say.
It had become glaringly obvious that Clara was a Kaspbrak through and through, so organized that she couldn't even think about relaxing until her homework was done. As she sat in the living room, one leg tucked under her on the chair and the other dangling while she wrote frantically about the digestive system, Richie was making dinner and Eddie was unpacking the groceries, neatly organizing everything into the pantry.
The other thing that had become crystal clear was that Amelia had absolutely no intention of putting off her playtime. At seven years old, she was a whirlwind of hyperactivity and curiosity, essentially, a Tozier. Unless there was a bribe involved, be it a piece of candy or the promise of a trip to the amusement park on the weekend, they could hardly ever get her to sit down next to her sister and actually finish her homework by her own free will.
That afternoon, as a perfect example, the little girl didn't peek out as usual to snoop through the grocery bags, looking to see if there was any sweet treat Eddie had bought for her.
"Rich, where's Ames?", Eddie asked, noticing she wasn't anywhere to be seen.
"Uh... - Richie turned around without stopping his stirring of the pot where a chicken broth was simmering, and called out toward the living room - Clara? Clara, sweetie, where's your sister?"
Eddie's eyes widened, and he planted his hands on his hips.
"Richard, you don't know where your daughter is!? You're supposed to be looking after them when I'm out!"
"Eds, I'm cooking - Richie shrugged - Maybe she went to the bathroom? She was right here a minute ago..."
"She's upstairs! - Clara yelled out, never taking her eyes off her scribbles - She left her homework half-done right here..."
Clara pointed a semi-accusing finger at the open notebook and the flock of pencils scattered right next to her. Before Eddie could even call out for her, the sound of tiny running footsteps echoed from the second floor hallway, followed by someone rushing down the stairs.
"Daddy! Papa! Look what I found!"
It all happened in a split second. Amelia landed at the bottom of the stairs with a fearless little hop and stormed into the kitchen, ignoring Clara's disapproving glare and furrowed brow. It took Richie and Eddie a moment, perhaps a second a bit too long to identify what the leather object with metal studs that Amelia was clutching in her hand was. At first, it looked like a belt... no... no, that was definitely not a belt. Richie turned a sickly, greenish shade of pale while Eddie's mouth dropped open in pure horror when the realization of what it truly was hit them both at the same time.
"Ames, w-where... - Eddie swallowed hard, taking a step toward her - Where did you find that, sweetheart...?"
"Mmmmm - Amelia flashed a mischievous grin, brandishing the collar - I don't know! Just around!"
"Sweetie, I've told you that you shouldn't go through Papa's things without permission... Give that to me, please".
Amelia widened her eyes and looked at her parents, her gaze dropping to the collar and then flicking back to them.
"What is this, Daddy? Is it for a dog?"
Eddie was already breaking into a cold sweat. By the time he finally managed to snatch the collar and immediately tuck it away into the silverware drawer, his brain was running a mile a minute. That collar was definitely not for a dog. But how on earth was he supposed to explain that, sometimes, when her... Daddy and Papa love each other very, very much, they like to use... a freaking leash? No, no, a thousand times no. Impossible. They had already agreed that the talk about the birds and the bees would eventually be handled by Aunt Caroline or Aunt Beverly, whatever happened first. Definitely not today, not under these circumstances.
Eddie was already trapped in a whirlwind of possible evasions when a sharp sob from Richie made him snap his head around so fast his neck bones popped.
"Richie...?"
Richie had taken off his glasses, covering his face with the back of his hand. Another loud sob made his shoulders twitch almost theatrically as he shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Eds, it's just... she found it. She found Sergeant Stubby's collar".
It would have been hilarious for Eddie if he could have stepped outside his own body for a moment just to see the mixture of confusion, panic, and utter disbelief that warped his face, right before remembering he had to keep his composure in front of his daughter, who was already starting to get spooked by Richie's reaction.
"Who's Sergeant Stubby...?", Clara asked from the living room, narrowing her eyes.
"He was... - Richie began, taking a deep breath before continuing - He was the best boy. The best dog. A total delight. A show winner... the finest Pomeranian in the world".
Amelia was already pouting, her big eyes welling up with tears.
"What happened to him, Papa...?"
"Coyotes, baby. It was... It was brutal. He stood no chance. I wish I could forget. This collar... it's all we have left of him".
Eddie was frankly astounded, yet deeply impressed. The bastard was crying actual tears for a dog that had never existed, all to cover both of their asses and avoid an awkward conversation with their daughters. It was a masterstroke, albeit a highly questionable one. A classic trademark Tozier move, one might say.
"Richard, you're traumatizing the girls...", he muttered under his breath.
But Richie was already fully committed to the performance. He dropped to his knees on the kitchen floor, wiping his tears with exaggerated motions. Amelia immediately walked over and wrapped her arms around him, giving him gentle little pats on the crown of his head.
"Papa, don't cry, please. He's in doggy heaven now!"
"I know, Ames. We always keep him in our hearts and thoughts - Richie stammered, pulling back and pressing one hand against his chest for extra emphasis - But seeing his collar again just made Papa really sad... Please don't take it out ever again".
"I won't, Papa, I don't want to make you sad... I promise", she raised a small palm into the air to seal her oath.
"Thank you, kiddo. Now, go do your homework, please, before Daddy gets mad. I'll have dinner ready soon".
"Okay, Papa", the little girl nodded, rushing back to her chair next to Clara. She immediately started buzzing with her sister about the fictional dog, suggesting they should seize the opportunity to ask them to adopt a new one.
Richie stood up and adjusted his apron, suddenly noticing his husband's unreadable stare.
"What's wrong, Eds? Do you miss Sergeant Stubby too?"
"You are out of your mind - Eddie took a step toward him and rubbed his forehead - I cannot believe what you just did".
"Hey, it worked, okay? She stopped asking questions. Now you're gonna have to help me photoshop a Pomeranian into some of our holiday pictures from 2008, because she's definitely going to ask to see him".
"Yeah, it's confirmed: you're insane".
Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist, pulling him close to press a damp, loud kiss on his cheek.
"Maybe, but you're crazier for marrying me. And hey... since Sergeant Stubby's collar is already out of the box... maybe we put the girls to bed early tonight...?"
Eddie glared at him with an impatience that quickly melted away completely, giving way to that warm, tingly little feeling Richie always made him feel inside. Life as parents had changed them, but the love they shared still burned as intensely as ever.
"Deal. You'll be the coyote".