Work Text:
“Mommy?”
“Hey you.” Erin smiled as she looked up from her Kindle. “Are you alright? Did the storm wake you?”
Seven year old Noah shook his head. He was standing in her doorway with Mudgie by his side. It was pouring outside with the occasional flash of lightning and rumble of thunder off in the distance. He still wasn’t the biggest fan of thunderstorms but as long as they weren’t too loud Noah and Mudgie got through them together. Tonight it was the last thing on his mind.
“What's the matter, sweetie?”
“Mommy, I never want you to go to work again.” Noah said.
“Why not?” Erin asked.
The question brought Dave out of the master bathroom. He was dressed for bed, just like his wife and son. His electric toothbrush was in his hand. If he would’ve turned it on he wouldn’t have heard what Noah said.
“I don’t want you to die.” Noah shook his head again. “I don’t want you to die and leave me like my other mommy did. You promised we’d always be a family. Please don’t go to work and die.”
“Oh sweetheart,” Erin tried to hold back the tidal wave of emotions that threatened to knock her over. She put her Kindle to the side, swung her feet onto the floor, and held open her arms. “C'mere Noah…come up here with Mommy.”
He rushed over and climbed up onto the bed. Mudgie jumped up there as well, sitting beside them when Noah sat on Erin’s lap. Dave wasn’t sure what to do at all. His son looked so sad but he had no doubt that Erin knew how to handle this. For now he would just go back into the bathroom. If they needed him, he would be there. Just to be on the safe side, Dave wouldn’t use his electric toothbrush. He needed to hear them and make sure they were both alright.
“You remember when we talked about how sometimes bad things happen?” Erin asked.
“Yes.” Noah whispered, snuggling closer to her.
“Well a bad thing happened to Mommy while she was at work. But I'm a fighter and I'm going to be OK.”
“But what if the bad guys come back again?” he asked.
“There are always going to be bad guys in the world, kiddo. That’s why Daddy and I do what we do. It’s our job to fight bad guys and keep people safe. It’s not an easy job because Daddy has to go away sometimes and I work late and we miss things here at home. But we do it because there are so many kids and grownups who need us.”
“I need you Mommy.”
“I know baby.” She kissed the top of his brown hair and held him tighter. “Being your mom is so important to me.”
“It’s more important than Quantico?” Noah asked.
“Yes.” Erin nodded. “It is more important than Quantico but that doesn’t mean I don’t have to go back to work. I know it’s not easy for you to understand; I wish I could snap my fingers and say it in the best way. It’s like The Avengers. Yeah, it’s just like that.”
“How is like The Avengers?”
“Loki was the bad guy and The Avengers had to fight him to save all of New York. And Agent Coulson didn’t have special powers but he stood tall and fought anyway.”
“But he died.” Noah said.
“OK, bad analogy.” She made a sound of frustration and hugged her son close.
“I sort of understand, Mommy.”
“You do? I'm sure that has very little to do with my explanation.”
“Agent Coulson was the bravest of all.” Noah said. “He didn’t have a protective iron suit or cool bows like Hawkeye. But he stood up to Loki because justice was the most important thing in the world.”
“That is exactly what I meant to say. I work in an office, Noah. I don’t usually go out in the field to beat the bad guys; that’s Daddy’s job. I'm there for my teams leading from the big ship, like Nick Fury…and I’m going to stop making Avengers analogies I promise. One of us will always be with you; both of us will always love you. I want to tell you that we’ll be around forever and ever so that you won't be scared. But I can't tell you things that aren’t true. I’ll be home for the next couple of weeks and then it’s back to work.”
“Will you call me to talk about the day?” he asked.
“That’s my favorite part of the day, sweetie. I'm not giving it up for anything.”
“And you’ll stay in the office to fight the bad guys?”
“Most of the time, yes.” Erin nodded. “We’ll discuss the other times as they come up.”
“Daddy?”
“Yeah buddy?” Dave came out of the bathroom. He looked at Noah wearing a smile.
“You're gonna protect Mommy in the field place, right? Just like Hawkeye did Black Widow in The Avengers. She has cool weapons and stuff but it’s better to have a friend when the bad guys come.”
“I will…that I can promise you.”
“OK.” Noah smiled some. Then he hugged Erin. “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you too; I love you so much. Do you want to sleep in here with us?”
She ignored the look Dave gave her. She knew he’d never reject their son for his more amorous pursuits. The truth was that Noah slept like a Kung Fu fighter. It was lucky for them that they had a California king-sized bed.
“Nope,” He shook his head. “I'm OK.”
“Are you sure?” Dave asked.
“Mmm hmm.”
“Well give me a kiss goodnight.” Erin said.
Noah smiled and kissed her lips. Then he got down off the bed and rushed to hug his father.
“Can I have a piggyback ride to bed, Daddy?”
“I think that can be arranged.” Dave smiled.
“I've got the Ben-Gay in the nightstand drawer.” Erin said, smiling as he crouched down to his son’s level.
“What's Ben-Gay?” Noah asked, climbing onto Dave’s back.
“That’s what superheroes use after long days and heavy lifting.” He ignored the creak in his knees as he stood up. Dammit if his son wanted a piggyback ride to bed, Dave was going to give him a piggyback ride. Noah wouldn’t be a kid forever. These moments were all precious. “Say goodnight to Mommy.”
“Goodnight Mommy!” Noah blew her a kiss.
Erin caught it, falling over on the bed as she held it close to her heart. The sound of her son’s laughter made her smile. There were a few thousand different ways she could’ve handled what just happened. Things could’ve gone horribly awry or they could’ve gone better.
She remembered how much her work came before her family when she and Eli were still married. At this age, and this point in her life, Erin never expected to have a small child to be concerned about. Life had a way of throwing curveballs every time it got the chance. Noah was an amazing curveball. She was Mommy again and Mommy had certain responsibilities.
It tore her apart to know at seven that her son was worried about her death. Children shouldn’t have to worry about things like that. But her son did and so many other sons didn’t because of the work that she and David did. At the very least Erin hoped that Noah slept soundly tonight. Parenting was a one day at time job and she had made it through today.
“He's not as heavy as he could be you know.” Dave walked back into their bedroom. “I've seen the kid eat manicotti. He's got a healthy Italian appetite.”
“So which Avenger are you tonight, Agent Rossi?” Erin sat up on her elbows and smiled.
“I am Iron Man.” He put his hands on his hips and did a superhero pose. “No question about that.”
“Well come over here and let me rub you down, Iron Man.”
“That sounds so sexy, baby.” He grinned.
“It’s not going to smell sexy.” Erin laughed, going into the drawer for the Ben-Gay. “Don’t forget to push the door up.”
“Maybe if we light some candles, put on a little music, I can delude myself.” Rossi climbed into bed with her. Pulling his tee shirt over his head, he laid down on his stomach. As soon as Erin ran her fingers down his back, he sighed.
“Don’t worry, I’ll talk dirty to you and you’ll never know the difference.”
“You kicked ass tonight.” He put his hands under his head. “Noah threw a big challenge at you and you hit it out of the park.”
“I don’t think it was a homerun.” Erin squeezed some of the ointment in her hands and rubbed it into his skin. “I hit the wall.”
“Noah told me that you're a superhero. I am in full agreement with his assessment. He's a smart kid.”
“I just don’t want him to be afraid, David. I don’t want him living his life that way.”
“I know. We just have to keep on talking, and let him know this is the environment where he gets to ask us anything and express all his thoughts and fears. He's sleeping peacefully now...that’s because of you.”
“Mommy saves the day.” She smiled.
“She absolutely does. And Daddy loves Mommy very much.”
Erin bent to kiss the nape of his neck and then she ran her fingers through his thick dark hair. She loved him too. She loved Noah and their life together despite the many red flags that warned her in the beginning that she wouldn’t. Yes, she was doing it all over again, after 50, because she was clearly out of her mind.
The past three and a half years since Erin became a mother for the fourth time were full of turbulence and uncertainty. With the door closing on another chapter, Erin hoped for more calm. The usual crazies were enough…let the super crazies stay to themselves for a while. The adventures of motherhood and marriage and politics were all the adventure she needed.
***