Chapter Text
Religion. It was something normalized, something expected of you where Roy grew up.
From a young age, Roy was taught that Girls wore dresses and skirts and blouses, always covered so that nothing more then their shoes were revealed. Girls would wear pink, and purple, and maroon, but not blue (it was far too masculine).
Roy was born Rose, and had been expected to conform to this mindset, yet he had not.
An outlier was what Roy's family would call him. An outcast, a black sheep, a disgrace, a disappointment.
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Realistically, Roy's family was not the worst of them all. He had a gay uncle with a male partner, his mother was quite accepting of what she was told in regards to who he chose to love and who he chose to be.
Yet, this was never enough. To be accepted by a small group of your family was nice, but only for the sins that were 'acceptable' enough. After all, Roy's uncle was gay and the family acvepted him, yet they all still said that his uncle would go ti hell, and they all still informed bith him and his uncle of such often.
His family would accept these things, but they would nit love it, or cherish it, or give it positive reinforcement. They'd accept it because we were family, but still thought of it as disgraceful and uncouth.
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When Roy was 10, and still went by Rose, his father told him that being transgender was unacceptable. Rose had declared herself a tomboy, and her father had lashed out, thinking that she truly wanted to be a boy
(That was the first time Rose even realized it was an option to break away from the gender you were assigned at birth)
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When Roy was 12, his younger cousin came up to him to shyly ask how he figured out that he liked both girls and boys. She thought that it was possible that she was the same.
(After speaking of it a few times, always in secret, always as though it was somthing to be ashamed of, always as though she was afraid somone would here- the topic was dropped and never brought back up again. Sometimes Roy still wonders if his younger cousin ever figured out how they felt. If they carry their feelings like a guilty anvil, weighing down their chest)
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When Roy was 13, his aunt texted him, asking why their was a rainbow in his profile picture. She interrogated him as though he had commited a crime, all the whime telling him that it was okay, that he had another cousin he didnt know who had told her that theg were trans, and how she would accept him if he was queer, that if he was then he should repent-.
(The duality of religious people was startling at times, with how they spoke of accepting everyone, yet they still shunned others-)
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When Roy was 15, he realized that he was genderfluid, leaning more towards masculine presenting most of the time. It was during this that he felt so many emotions; fear, gulit, fredom, joy, acceptance, belonging, understanding.
After so long struggling with himself, he finally understood what he was feeling towards himself, and he felt like it was a step towards completion.
He felt joy towards who he was.