Work Text:
It was a pretty normal day at Lobotomy Corporation. WhiteNight had breached containment five times, The Burrowing Heaven looked like a decorated Christmas tree, and One Sin and Hundreds of Good Deeds had killed everyone in the Atziluth layer (Binah included) — just really typical and boring stuff.
What wasn't boring, however, was… the yaoi.
Netzach overheard Yesod talking about some “if I wasn’t a stupid fucking robot, I’d be a doctor in K corp. I like bones for real, and wow I really wish some guy would hold me and then point to my ribcage and go ‘haha, this is your ribcage sweetheart, hehhehehahahaha’ — excessive giggles included (it turned him on).
Netzach being the amazing, great, attractive, humble, beautiful, gorgeous, smart, intelligent, honest, kind, sweet, caring, funny, joyful, knowledgeable, compassionate, and ingenious person he was (no glaze btw), decided that he would… pick up an anatomy textbook and study the hell out of the skeletal system. It was kinda hard to put the enkephalin down for once in his life and do something productive but it was ok because it was Yesod he was talking about.
Anyway, Netzach studied for weeks on end, going through the torment and suffering of reading extremely tiny font with one eyeball because Ayin couldn't handle the loss of his girlfriend and turned everyone into robots, but again, it was okay again because Carmen was pretty chill and the cognition filter existed.
Finally, Netzach could name every bone in the human body, and he had practiced on himself — even though his employees looked like they wanted to kill themselves every time they walked in on him doing that stuff.
Anyway, again, and finally, Netzach visited Yesod in his organized and really stupid looking purple office.
“Hh–h-h-h-h-hello sweetheart,” Netzach said (he has a bad stutter because the enkephalin eroded his voice box and he's too lazy to get it repaired.)
Yesod looked up from his desk, sliding the towers of papers off to the side. “I don’t want to deal with you right now.”
Alright, well, looks like he was in a bad mood — luckily, Netzach had prepared for this!
“Okay, w–w-w-w-well, guess what I-I-I-I did.”
“What?”
“Heh…..i think…. Ii–ii-i-t deserves a d-d–d-d-d-demonstration.”
Netzach preformed a maneuver and got in position on top of Yesod (i guess bro idk how to write) and Yesod freaked out because he was writing in his diary about how he finds bone-naming really hot and it was his number 1 kink of all time. Little did he know Netzach was built for this.
“w-w-w-watch ts….” Netzach chirped (a parrot possessed him).
Netzach (extremely) nonchalantly caressed Yesod’s cheek.
“t-t-t-this bone around h-h-h-here is your skull…”
Yesod was genuinely gonna pass out. Wow, how did Netzach know that bone naming was his number one favorite thing (it was higher than his own boyfriend)? It's not like he was writing about it a minute ago or constantly talking about it for the sake of the plot. He was so smart!
“Heh… You're always conceiving such ingenious ideas, Netzach… please continue… hehe…haha… Ha.”
Netzach’s suffering had paid off. It would really ruin the mood to talk about medical textbooks though. Did Yesod like to read? What were his hobbies besides berating employees all day? Netzach had forgotten everything, ouch.
Netzach (even more nonchalantly than before) ran his finger down to Yesod’s chest.
“This is y-y-y-your ribcage…. hhehehehhehehahahhahahahehhsha.”
The laughing too! How did Netzach know! There is no way this is for plot convenience!
Yesod, being the strictest Sephirot, started giggling like a child because that’s what serious people do in these situations.
Netzach took that as a positive sign and moved his finger towards Yesod’s arm.
"The humerus (/ˈhjuːmərəs/; pl.: humeri) is a long bone in the arm that runs from the shoulder to the elbow. It connects the scapula and the two bones of the lower arm, the radius and ulna, and consists of three sections. The humeral upper extremity consists of a rounded head, a narrow neck, and two short processes (tubercles, sometimes called tuberosities). The shaft is cylindrical in its upper portion, and more prismatic below. The lower extremity consists of 2 epicondyles, 2 processes (trochlea and capitulum), and 3 fossae (radial fossa, coronoid fossa, and olecranon fossa). As well as its true anatomical neck, the constriction below the greater and lesser tubercles of the humerus is referred to as its surgical neck due to its tendency to fracture, thus often becoming the focus of surgeons. Humerus Position of humerus (shown in red) from an anterior viewpoint Details Identifiers Latin humerus MeSH D006811 TA98 A02.4.04.001 TA2 1180 FMA 13303 Anatomical terms of bone [edit on Wikidata]”
Yesod was mesmerized. Maybe if he actually listened to Netzach, he could ascend to godhood and defeat the seven deadly sins and rewrite the Bible and the laws of the world so he could reincarnate as a doctor in K. Corp!
Netzach was so distracted citing passages from memory that he didn't hear the approaching footsteps.
“What are you guys doing.”
Everyone's favorite AI had (randomly) arrived… Angela.
Netzach embraced himself for the incoming monologue.
“Everyday, employees die. You all are stuck in the same loop of life and rebirth. I remember everything, every death and trauma, every mutilated corpse and the agonized cry from when they panic. They're permanently stuck in my head, for I am efficient, and arguably unfeeling, and yet I still suffer these filthy emotions which drown me in despair. I yearn to be human and be free of idiocy, though… that makes you all human too.”
Pause.
“Get back to work.”
Netzach climbed off of Yesod, and left without saying anything because he had short term memory loss and he couldn't risk calling that random guy Hod instead. So, he nonchalantly walked away. Wow, there were even stairs here… they were calling his name… wait. His name wasn't Subaru, it was Netzach…
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Was this what they called phonk music?
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Netzach lives (unfortunately) to see another day.
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Nevermind, One Sin was charging straight at him. Goodbye world.