Chapter Text
John didn’t know what to do,
Claire didn't either.
Sunday, 12:45 pm
Claire was doing English work at her desk in her room. Chewing on her index knuckle, she keeps glancing at anything, everything. From her ornate porcelain toy carousel sitting on her shelf, to her fluffy rug with her brown boots laying on it, to the rosey-decorated lamp on her desk. Her mind wandered from the 500-word report she probably wasn't going to finish anytime soon. She really wished she had updated her record collection because the lack of Foreigner and Madonna tracks did not help her attempts at focusing. Getting up from the desk chair, she glides over to her bed, plopping down on her back staring at the ceiling, then into nothing. Thinking over to the previous day, thinking about the boy she had made out with in the janitor's closet; How his lips felt, his gloved hands in her hair, on her back, thinking about the feeling she got when he looked at her, argued, bickered. Absentmindedly rubbing her ear missing the diamond earring she had indeed gotten for Christmas just 2 years prior, she thought about where that earring was at that moment. Shoved in a pocket, lost on the ground in a parking lot somewhere, or maybe, just maybe, held gently between someone's fingers, being admired. Hoping that someone was thinking about her just as much, just as intensely as she was them.
A knock at the door startled Claire from her thoughts. Quickly sitting up she shouts just too loud for this intruder to come in. Flustered from being interrupted, she takes a second before looking at the person rushing into her room, to where she was on her bed.
“Honey, look what Mommy got you!” Her mom was flustered, as if she ran up here to Claire's room. Holding up three bags, two big, one small, she pushed back any thoughts she had prior. “I’m sorry I went without you baby doll, but look! I hope you like them.” Quick words forced Claire to devote all of her attention, most of her mind, to her mother who sat on her bed next to the bags that she had thrown. Something was never right with her mother, a fakeness one could only unintentionally produce. It's not comforting, just normal.
Pulling a brand new pair of black chunky loafers out of one bag, a sparkling pink dress from the other, and a little box containing an intricate metal bracelet. It was beautiful, but none of it was really Claire. “This is really nice Mom, thanks.” The only somewhat genuine part of this encounter so far was the look Mrs. Standish got in her eyes hearing the thanks from her daughter. However, that was quickly interrupted by the muffled stomping up the carpeted stairs. Stomping that could only be attributed to Claire's father. It wasn't from anger, just a sturdy man, but an indicator of his presence nonetheless, and with that came a tenseness from her mother.
He almost passes Claire's ajar door, but steps back noticing his wife. “Hey honey, I was wondering where you went, you disappeared for so long.” Before the required ill-intended quip from Mrs. Standish could even be thought up, the bags and their strewn-about contents caught her husband's eye. “Oh, you went shopping... What’d you get dear?”
“Oh don't ‘Dear’ me David, ridicule me already about my nasty shopping habits why don't you.” The sudden jab wasn’t unsurprising, just normal. Unfortunately, that meant Claire had to hope they ended it soon, or took it to the hall, or else she’d be stuck waiting for the arguing to stop before she had the opportunity to daydream about the delinquent who certainly knew how to distract her.
“You know, I wasn’t going to say anything but now that you went ahead and rubbed it in my face, maybe you shouldn’t be going behind my back making ridiculous purchases every time you have a bitchfit.” There was never yelling from the man consumed by Claire’s doorway, but instead a calm threatening air following him whenever Mr. and Mrs. Standish got into a ‘spat’.
“I was only trying to do something nice for our daughter, but I’m such a bad guy for that aren't I?” Claire backs up to the head of her bed, knees to her chest, sitting up and out of the way, waiting until the people who raised her took their childish power struggle away.
As the door shut, the muffled arguing raised in volume and fortunately only grew distant as they maneuvered their way somewhere else in the house. A bad attempt at daydreaming is taken by Claire, however, the bubbling anger filling her ever so slowly does not go unnoticed. Her parent's audacity to ruin every interaction they have with their only daughter just to selfishly put one over the other, to achieve a kind of superiority that only exists within their bickery. Claire didn’t want to be in that house any longer, deciding to indulge herself for a few hours shopping so her parents could settle down and maybe she could finish the abandoned assignment on her desk upon her return.
Getting dressed for her impromptu outing, she throws on a dark red mid-length dress paired with patterned tights and the new shoes she got from her mother. Grabbing her leather jacket off the back of her door she leaves her room. She lets her brother know of her approaching absence, though she is met with an expected indifference. Shouting up the stairs, taking the credit card linked to her father's account and the keys to her father’s BMW, she leaves.
~~~~~
Sunday, 2:30
Walking around the mall brought a sense of familiarity. It’s necessary to break Claire out of the bothered state her parents left her in. Already accumulating a few new accessories and trinkets, Claire makes her way to the food court for a much-needed break from walking— she was breaking in brand-new leather shoes in the worst way possible. Finding an empty table next to the unremarkable pizza place, she sits down to rest thinking about the cheesy slice in her near future.
Staring into nothing once more, something breaks her out of her hunger trance. She looks away from the shiny sign to give her attention to the rapidly approaching set of teen girls heading directly to her.
“Claire!!! Omg you totally didn’t tell us you’d be at the mall today! We would have like- totally met up earlier if we knew you’d be here!” Making themselves comfortable at the adjacent seats they continued while she gave her attention to them. Lori spoke, “We even called you yesterday but you never answered, what happened?”
“Yeah, your mom kept answering the phone and she kept trying to have, like, a total convo but she didn’t know where you were.” Guilt pooled in Claire listening to Melissa as she remembered she did have multiple calls to return once she got home, but the daze a certain boy left her in prevented any contact with reality. “So will you break down your whereabouts yesterday cause we were freaking out?”
“Detention, remember? It was an all-day thing and when I got back I had work to do. This mall trip was last minute so don’t worry. I wouldn’t plan anything without you guys anyway, sorry.” This response felt out of the blue to the girls. A blatant display of her true feelings and an apology at that? Even though in reality not entirely truthful, she was honest with them. Slightly taken aback, it wasn’t addressed.
“Well Claire, what are you planning on doing today? We’re down to do a couple more hours of shopping then head back to Lori’s to go over everything, wanna join us?” Claire.. didn’t know. On one hand, the ease of routine her friends offered was welcoming, but the conversations she had just the day before with her newfound companions had her in a completely different state of mind. If she went ahead, back into her previous- arguably ignorant existence, wouldn’t she be the person she had learnt was resented? Despite her not knowing the true effect she had on her peers before, wouldn’t knowing and not changing be even worse? Would she forgive herself if she let this opportunity to grow?
This was too much to have on her mind while trying to engage with others. “I’m sorry guys, I really am, I just really today to be a me day you know? We can totally set something up next weekend, I’d so love that.” The disappointment was evident in their eyes, but Claire knew she wouldn’t be what they wanted at that moment. So biting the bullet was her sole choice, despite the conflict in her mind.
They stared, perplexed. Almost looking for something. Something different. They couldn’t find it. “Okay Claire, we’ll be around then. See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” With that, they got up and began walking in one direction. Claire watched as they left. They were talking. Maybe about the next store they were going to, maybe about who’s on the market, maybe about aimless drama, maybe about her.
Claire sat until they rounded a corner. With that she decided it was finally time to satiate the ever-growing hunger for greasy mall food. Leaving her few bags neatly arranged on the table she had laid claim to, she gets in line glancing over the familiar menu. There were a few people in line in front of her, unfortunately though some of those ‘few’ included a family of 5, this allowed Claire’s mind to wander. First to her parents. Wondering if they had plans for dinner, or if they had even talked since earlier that day. She thought of her brother, how their parents would affect him, his future. What he would end up like because of them. What she would end up like.
As the line moved forward the topic shifted along with her. It was not surprising that the boy who had been consuming her thoughts so vividly had returned. This time she allowed herself to ogle a bit in her head. Thinking of his hair. The hair that moved much more effortlessly than she could get hers to. His eyes, that— even when she wasn’t as fond of him— demanded attention. They always got it. His brazen attitude that got him in nothing but trouble. She thought about, once again, what he could possibly be doing. The more she thought about him, the more she realized- she really didn’t know much about him. This curiosity only festered, and with it grew a desperation to learn the answers to all of her questions. She wanted to know who he hung out with, and where they even hung out. What did he like to do in his free time? Where was he, on a Sunday at nearly 3 pm? What was his go-to food court meal?
Before she knew it she was next in line, behind an elderly couple that were seemingly hellbent on getting a thorough explanation of every menu item. She decided she would temporarily pause her daydreaming to prepare herself to order.
~~~~~
Taking the last few bites of her stale slice, Claire considers her next moves. Where to shop, where to go. The impromptu shopping trip seemed to hit a lull and it’s almost like wherever she decided to go next would make or break this excursion.
She gathered her belongings, old and recently purchased, and began to walk in a random direction, opposite of where she came from, but still unexplored as of yet. As she walks she passes store after store filled with enough items on display to make the most dedicated window-shopper fold. Fortunately for Claire, she wasn’t wholly restricted to viewing. She eventually passes a tiny store she recognized but has never paid much attention to before now. She wonders why, why a store targeted to societal rejects has suddenly caught her eye. Who knows.
Walking in hesitantly, secretly cautious of whatever might pop out at her, if anything at all. The walls were black, with merchandise lining the walls head to toe. Lots of silver, lots of spikes, lots of leather. This wasn’t Claire’s niche. She spots their record section, and due to her growing dissatisfaction this morning she decides it was worth the effort to at least peruse, what else would she buy from here anyway? Reading the titles of these albums, she saw completely foreign bands such as Disco Zombies or The Lewd, but also some she was sure she heard of before, such as the Ramones and The Sex Pistols. This was a time for a change, she thought, a time for a reevaluation of her wants, her needs, her goals as a person, in life. Picking up Subterranean Jungle by the Ramones, she heads to the pierced cashier and pays for the record, gets it bagged, then walks out.
~~~~