Work Text:
Avery Demayo had a very, very, very big problem:
His roommate, Derek Hutchins, was too much of a know-it-all.
They first met well over a year ago, when Avery set off to find Derek as a way of repaying him for warning him about Hastur in the first place. It was New Year's Eve, and even though they barely knew each other for more than an hour, they had somehow bonded so strongly that they both were willing to die for the other.
The rest of the story, everyone already knows: Derek betrayed Avery twice to save him from the King. Derek succumbed to the King's infinite power, his feeble mind flooded with all of Hastur's vast intellect and influence until it could have exploded. It should have been the end. It had to be. Derek even had a goodbye letter typed out, no longer caring about the splitting headaches as he looked away from Minecraft for the first time in months. He was willing to die alone and without anyone to know him if it meant Avery survived. He was certain this was his last day on Earth, that this would be the day Derek Hutchins's breath became air.
And yet, against the odds, it didn't happen. Derek survived and lived to tell the tale, and Avery got to find him all over again. Of course, that also meant that Hastur survived, but in the chaos of the entire event, Hastur lost most of his influence and power. He was now reduced to an annoying headmate that pestered Derek with unsolicited advice and snide comments about everyone around him. Sure, Hastur occasionally gathered enough strength to possess Derek for several minutes, but it wasn't enough to declare Hastur a threat to a Derek or Avery's livelihood, so at some point, Hastur just... Resigned himself to this fate, more or less.
It wasn't a terrible predicament, though. Sure, Derek had to sit through endless rants about how stupid Avery was, and yes, Derek had moments where Hastur deliberately ruined everything for shits and giggles. But overall? It was worth it. Derek got to survive and live with Avery, the only man in existence who truly understood what Derek went through. Avery, the only man who'd not freak out over how much Derek knew about everything. Avery, the only man, in Derek's eyes, who was worth all the pain and suffering in the world.
... And that brings Avery back to the original problem: Derek knew too much, and Avery worried it'd ruin his confession.
It was inevitable for Avery to fall in love, really. How could he not? Sure, Derek sometimes lied to keep the peace and struggled to be genuine sometimes, but that could be mitigated. Sure, Derek has an awful headmate who berates him and teases him on end. But besides that? Derek was a dreamboat. Who WOULDN'T want a man who understood you front and back, inside and out, and gave you advice that didn't feel patronizing? Who wouldn't want a man who was so strong that he could tank infinity twice for your sake? Who wouldn't want a guy who had to stop and pet every cat he met, a guy with the cutest half-smiles, a guy who exclusively wears shades of red and black bought from 3 specific brands he likes, a guy who organizes the cutlery by size and type rather than function, a guy who, despite being a grown adult, never cussed and substituted his swear words with stupid phrases, a guy who was an absolute master at everything about Minecraft except creative building and PVP... Who wouldn't have fallen in love with Derek Hutchins?
Avery wanted more than ever to confess to him how he felt. But the problem was, Avery had zero clue if Derek already knew that. Derek never admitted whether he could read Avery's thoughts as he was thinking them. (God, he hoped he couldn't. Avery daydreamed about him enough times for it to be considered maladaptive by the APA.) And even if Derek could read Avery's mind, it wasn't like Derek would outright admit to knowing it, either. No, if Derek knew something, he'd do his best to feign surprise until he couldn't. And that's what worried Avery, too: Derek's behavior hadn't changed a single bit ever since Avery developed his crush. He was still the same old Derek Hutchins who stayed in his room programming random apps and cool websites to make money online, the same Derek Hutchins who unironically watched redstone tutorials with the enthusiasm of a child watching Disney, the same Derek Hutchins who always had this air of knowing what was going on at all times but never admitted to any of it. Even the way that they interacted was the same. Derek lived around Avery as if they'd always been close friends, even though they really only knew each other for a year. Of course, this doesn't account for the fact that Derek knew every little tidbit that one could know about Avery, but that's besides the point. Derek never stopped being relaxed around Avery, even as Avery's feelings grew and grew. He wrapped his arms around Avery's shoulders, allowed Avery to lean against him like a pillow, and raised no objection whenever Avery sprawled into Derek's lap. And then again, despite Derek's casual closeness, he showed no sign of jealousy or mistrust whenever Avery said he'd be with other people. Derek stepped in whenever someone cat-called on Avery, true, but Derek didn't seem the slightest bit upset if Avery's friends joke-flirted with him or if Avery talked about how handsome another person was. Avery was as easy to read as a Dr. Seuss book, while Derek was as inscrutable as quantum theory. How infuriating... How could Avery work around a mind like that? No, how could Avery work around a mind like that, AND around Hastur, the King of Bastards and the Ruiner of Surprises? (Both epithets, Avery coined. Obviously.)
It was going to be March 29th, 2027, soon, a full year since Wifies published the second video about Derek and Avery's misadventures through the King's realms. (The video was published so late because Avery deliberately refused to publish the footage until Derek was well enough to consent to it being posted.) Both of them agreed that that week would be a little holiday for them, so they'd be finally free to do whatever for 7 whole days. That'd be the perfect time to confess, right? A full year since the world knew what happened to them, a day that was supposed to represent death and loss that now represents new life and hope.A perfect, storybook way to begin the next chapter of their lives. But as much as that sounded romantic, Derek was... He wasn't a problem, but he also very much was a problem. How could Avery make this proposal a surprise to him, so that Derek wouldn't have to sit through an entire day of cheesy romantic stuff just to tell Avery he already knew what Avery was going to say? How could he avoid that, at all costs?
Avery grumbled as he lay face down on the bed, his face buried in a pillow and his body buried under layers upon layers of blankets and random clothes that he couldn't be bothered to hang or fold. This was a nightmare. Every solution that he came up with, Avery immediately had to throw in the bin because he had a gut feeling that the second he solidified a plan, Derek would catch on with his infinite knowledge, and the jig would be up. "God damn it, how do I..." Avery resisted the urge to scream into his pillow. It was late at night, and Derek was a light sleeper. He'd hate it if he woke up Derek doing something so stupid, he knew Hastur craved pain. But Avery had to finalize the plan tonight; it was the 28th, and Avery had nothing planned for how he'd go about doing the confession! He can't just go and confess without a plan, can he?
...Can he?
Avery flung the blankets off himself and snapped up like he'd solved the Riemann Hypothesis. That's it! That's how he'd make this a surprise! He just had to NOT plan it, and that way Derek couldn't see it coming! You can't know something that doesn't exist, right? Just let it happen naturally, let it happen when it needs to, and the rest will be history.
Avery pumped his fist in the air and smiled to himself. Don't even sweat it, Avery. Just do whatever feels right at the moment, don't think about it, and Derek will be none the wiser. You've got this in the bag.
Avery smirked as he looked at Derek's room across the hall, the door closed shut with a hoodie stuffed under the gap of the door to muffle the sounds from outside. "Oh, Derek...I hope you love what we're doing tomorrow," Avery laughs softly. "You're in for an Avery Demayo special."
The next morning, Derek woke up to the smell of bacon and banana pancakes. He groaned as he forced himself out of the bed, his ankles popping as he shuffled into his fluffy slippers and reached for the doorknob. Today was the anniversary of the Wifies video, and Derek was both glad to be alive but also a little upset at the reminder of what'd transpired that day.
"Something is amiss," Hastur grumbled. "Avery does not wake up this early usually. It is we who wake early. What is this witchcraft? "
"It's the anniversary of that YouTube video. Maybe he wanted to do something to celebrate, it's not that serious," Derek sighed, wiping the sleep from his eyes as he pulled the door open. To his pleasant surprise, he sees Avery already standing there, waiting for Derek to wake up. But then, all sense of normalcy is thrown out the window the second Derek sees what Avery's wearing.
Avery is, for whatever reason, dressed to the 9's. He had a gorgeous dark-green suit, a tie with yellow polkadots, black dress pants, and dress shoes on. His hair was immaculately combed and gel-slicked in place, and he'd even found a yellow flower to clip to the front pocket of his suit vest. In his hands is a plate of bacon and pancakes, with whipped cream swirls in the vague shape of the Yellow Sign atop the pancakes. Avery bows like a butler serving breakfast to his master. "Your breakfast, sir."
"I-...A-avery, what?" Derek blinks, dumbfounded. He racks his brain for any sensible information, and only finds more baffling information to contextualize this entire scene. Apparently, Avery woke up at 6:00 AM to drive to his parents' house to ask for their help in dressing him for "a special event", and his parents immediately agreed and dressed him up in the suit that Avery's father wore while proposing to Avery's mother. His mother even used her own makeup on Avery's face to hide his freckles. (Derek thought that part was wholly useless. Avery's freckles were precious. Why would they need to be covered up!?) "W-why are you wearing the suit that your dad proposed in? What's the occasion?"
"Your food's getting cold, Derlord3," Avery announced, rising from his bow and dodging Derek's question. "I will be in the living room if you care to join me." He turned around on his heel and walked away, leaving Derek alone to puzzle together what the hell was happening.
"...Hastur, do...Do you know anything I don't?" Derek whispered, watching Avery set the plate down on the coffee table so he could open a Wifies video on the TV. It wasn't even Destroying a World that Doesn't Exist, it was another Minecraft ARG about the United States Department of Metaphysical Sciences, which was presumed to be fictional until a hacker successfully stole terabytes of data from the department and uploaded it all on multiple websites at once, until the internet had a permanent record of what the USDMS was and what it did-- Derek forced the stream of information to stop before it could cause a migraine.
"Yes. What a stupid question, of course I know something you do not. I have the entirety of infinity in the palm of my hands--"
"No, you nitwit, do you know what's going on!?" Derek hissed, turning to the side as if talking to someone over his shoulder. "Why is Avery in that suit?"
"...For a special occasion," The king mumbled. " Hold on, I just have to-- ...What is this? I...I pry into his mind to see what he is thinking, and I find nothing except plans for breakfast! Yes, Avery Demayo is indeed a birdbrain, but for even him to not have thoughts for me to read, what is this!? The future paths I see all just point to a normal breakfast and pointless celebratory practices, but nothing worthy of such a pristine suit!" The King threw his imaginary hands up in the air. "I know I did not make him succumb to madness. Did he succumb to another's? Was it my half-brother? It had to be. Nobody else would take my Vessel away from me in front of my own eyes. That cheating bastard! I swear to the seven suns, I will PULVERIZE that CALAMARI-LOOKING F--"
"Calm down, you butthead!" Derek hissed, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and index fingers to soothe an incoming headache. "We've had situations like this before. All we have to do is just wait, and we'll get a clearer view of what's to come," Derek sighed. "...Those pancakes smell delicious, though."
"Indeed. And he somehow cooked them without getting his suit dirty. He might be smarter than--"
"One more word and I'm forcing you to read Derking fanfiction against your will," Derek hissed. That shut the King up instantly.
Derek shuffled to the living room and found Avery chewing away on his own plate of pancakes and bacon, but instead of whipped cream, Avery had put chocolate sauce drizzled in the shape of a gladiator helmet and a slime. Derek raised an eyebrow as he realized Avery was eating the gladiator helmet first. He also noted that Avery made hot cocoa for himself, a drink that he always drank before doing something important. That seemed like enough of a hint that something was about to happen, if the rest of the oddities weren't sufficient evidence.
"The video only just started, you didn't miss much, Avery explained as he sliced off another bit of bacon with the side of his fork. "Your utensils are already on your plate, and I made tea to go with your pancakes." Avery sat casually on the couch, his legs crossed and the plate balanced on his lap. This was somehow normal, but that suit still threw Derek off.
"Uh, thanks, Avery," Derek blinked. He took a seat next to Avery and went to grab his plate, carefully moving the teacup so it'd be within reach from the couch as well. Derek set the plate on his lap and used the fork to cut the bacon and pancakes into equal-sized pieces, stacking them into one bite on the fork before carefully stuffing it in his mouth. The explosion of sweet cream, fluffy pancakes, and salty, greasy bacon was heavenly, and Derek may have accidentally groaned from how good it was. (Avery didn't comment, but Derek swore Avery smirked.) "Oh, wow, you went all out with this recipe! This is so good."
"Thanks! My mom used to make these for us when we were going to do something big," Avery explained. "Graduations, recitals, proposals...You name it, these pancakes were always there to prep us for the big task ahead." Avery waved a fork topped with pancake around as if pointing to a chalkboard. "She said they were fluffier than usual because they were filled with hope, or something like that."
"It's actually because she separated the egg yolks from the whites and whipped the whites," Derek explained in between bites. "She folded the egg whites into the batter and didn't mix it as much as she normally would to trap air in the batter, and that led to fluffier pancakes. You could also use sourdough discard to achieve something similar, but that changes the taste of it and can be tricky to mask."
Avery laughed. "Yeah, I know that. She literally taught me how to do it for today; there's a reason I knew how to make it this morning. I didn't just go to my parents' house to steal a nice suit from them, you know."
Derek raised an eyebrow. "So there's something big happening today?"
"No." Avery smiled, returning to eating without a second thought. Derek snorted in disbelief. There was no way Avery did all this for nothing. That's completely unlike him! ...Right?
"You're telling me you got dressed up in this snazzy suit that your DAD proposed in, and you're making pancakes specifically for big events, and you're drinking hot cocoa, which you only do when you're nervous about doing something important. You've done all this...For nothing. Not even to celebrate 1 year of life together?" A tinge of hurt colored Derek's voice. "Avery, I took off a whole week from my work schedule, and you're telling me you have nothing planned? Are you kidding me?"
"Well, how do you want to celebrate?" Avery asked, popping a large bite of bacon into his mouth and chewing slowly. "I honestly didn't really have much planned, I thought we could do somethin' simple or something, I dunno. I'm fine with whatever if it's with you, Der." Avery shrugged.
"I-..." Derek froze, not expecting the burden of planning their celebration to be thrown to him."...We could, uh. We could play Minecraft? I-I honestly kind of miss it, and we haven't touched it even though we keep interacting with Minecraft content," Derek offered, reaching for the teacup as he spoke aloud. "Or there's that cafe we could go to--"
"I want burgers." Avery blurted aloud, his eyes sparkling with sudden inspiration that seemed to come from the heavens themselves. "Could we go have lunch at that burger joint you spotted last week?"
"Oh, uh, that works." Derek blinks, his mind reeling from confusion. What the hell is happening!? Did Avery lose his pre-frontal cortex on his way to his parents' place, or is Avery screwing with him? Avery's thrown so many wrenches that at this point, Derek wasn't even sure what timeline he was on anymore.
"Avery is thinking about how you like your burgers," Hastur reported in Derek's head."Something about how he wants to make sure you won't be...filthy?"
"Filthy?" Derek thought, incredulously. "Since when did he care about that!? Avery and I literally had a cupcake war in the yard for his birthday! And he's terrible at cleaning, since when would he--What is going on!?"
"Mayhaps he finally internalized my lesson on the wastefulness of his foolishness," The King mused, a smirk growing in his tone. "About time he listened."
"No, that can't be it," Derek retorted. "Avery wouldn't learn his lesson if he and I had that much fun throwing food at each other. "
"Speaking of the food fight, Avery's now envisioning you stepping out of the shower--"
"That's enough," Derek blurted aloud, shaking Hastur's intrusion out of his head. He didn't realize he said it aloud until Avery froze as if Derek had just kicked his puppy in front of him.
"Oh, so that's a no on visiting Stitchcraft?" Avery frowned. "But didn't you tell me you were interested in that thing they do where they make your skin into a plushie? I was just telling you about that 2 weeks ago, right?" Derek felt mortified that he wasn't even paying attention to what Avery was saying. Damn Hastur.
"Wait, no, that does sound good!" Derek agreed, instinctively reaching out to ruffle Avery's hair before forcing himself to stop. Shoot, his hair's gelled up! Don't mess it up! "I'd love to get plushies with you, Avery, I really would. I think that getting our skins made into plushies sounds wonderful, and...And I'd be glad to do that to celebrate a year of us surviving the whole incident, you know?" Derek sighed in relief when Avery began smiling again.
"Oh, good! Wanna go after we finish up here, then?" Avery asked, taking a sip of his hot cocoa immediately after asking.
"Yes, that'd be good," Derek nodded. "Want to hurry up so we can get going?"
"Mm... No, I'm not really in a rush," Avery shrugged. "Besides, we've been talking for 20 minutes and haven't been paying attention to what Wifies Minecraft has been saying," Avery nodded toward the video playing on the TV. Wifies was still prattling on about a guy forced to go north until he literally couldn't. "What was that about the guy being chased by an archivist?"
"Oh, uh, there's this branch of the United States Department of Metaphysical Sciences called the Archive, they store entities and whatever. That's what they're referring to."
"Ohhh, I see!" Avery nodded, moving slowly to set his cup down. "And this relates to the guy being forced to go north because..."
"Because they brainwashed him and they're trying to see what crazy stuff they can make him do now that he's under their influence," Derek prattled off immediately. "...Really gross stuff, honestly."
Avery grimaced. "Almost as bad as Hastur, I'd say."
"Rude. I would never stoop so low in my pursuit of world domination," Hastur rebutted. "Tell Avery at once that his blasphemy is wrong and not to be dealt with lightly!"
"Hastur says you're absolutely right and you should keep talking," Derek deadpanned. Avery snorted, almost spilling his cup on himself.
"Well, thank you, Hastur!" Avery beamed, setting the cup down carefully. (Hastur swore so loudly in Derek's head that he almost didn't hear Avery continue talking.) "Okay, this suit's getting stuffy, I'm taking it off before I sweat all over my dress shirt."
"Thank goodness, I was worried you'd get hot cocoa all over it," Derek smirked. "Then we'd have two reasons your dad won't like me when we meet again."
"Hey!" Avery hissed playfully, peeling off the vest and setting it next to him on the couch. "For the record, it was my decision to ditch my family on New Year's, not yours! Let me deal with my dad next time we meet up, K? I'll be your knight in shining...uh, slime! I shall save you from the cruel grasp of my hatreous father, and we shall live together in harmony away from his hideodeous mannerisms." Avery theatrically placed his hand on his chest like he was delivering a Shakespearean soliloquy.
"'Hatreous' isn't a word, Avery." Derek's smile grew tense.
"It is now." Avery winked.
"You can't just--"
"I have decided 'hatreous' is a word," Avery insisted, picking up his fork and stabbing a pancake with it. "Add it to the Mary-and-Brewster."
"...Merriam-Webster," Derek corrected, his face falling. He could already tell Avery was about to test his patience by deliberately getting facts wrong, so Derek had the incessant urge to correct him and sound like a total nerd in the process.
"Bro knew that off the top of his dome," Avery smirked, deliberately leaning over to get in Derek's face. He propped his head up with his wrists like he was a conniving CEO. Derek resisted the urge to push him away.
"Avery." Derek exhaled slowly through his nose. "Not now..."
"Okay, okay, I'll stop." Avery smiled, backing off suddenly. Avery would have usually kept going until Derek had to physically leave to stop himself from throwing something at him. "Let's finish eating."
"Agreed," Derek huffed, turning his attention to the video in front of them and the pancakes still sitting in his lap.
The two managed to finish breakfast and focus on the Wifies ARG in front of them, with the only words exchanged between them being sporadic moments where Avery admitted he was confused, and Derek would explain exactly what was going on so Avery could catch up. (And the one moment where Hastur got sick of watching them watch Wifies's video and tried to make them watch a "100 reasons why Cthulu isn't scary" video essay.) Once their plates were cleaned and put away, they retired to their rooms to change.
Derek huffed as he picked out a maroon hoodie and grey sweatpants ("Of course you'd pick that, you styleless mangy dog") for himself, pulling them on without much thought. They were only visiting a plushie store and a burger joint for the day, so surely Avery wouldn't have kept on the formal wear, right?
...Well, given how today had already started, Derek wasn't even sure he could be sure of that anymore. Avery had flipped the script at least 6 different times today, and the clock had yet to read past noon.
As Derek pulled on the sleeves of his hoodie to hide his hands, he sparked a conversation once more with his headmate.
"Hastur. Did you find anything that'd help us figure out what the hell is going on?" Derek hissed, checking that his door was closed so Avery wouldn't hear them talking.
"...He has a ring box."
Derek almost tripped on air. "He WHAT?"
"He has a ring box, with--...Oh, it is just a coupon for the plushie store." Hastur sounded genuinely confused, which did NOTHING to make Derek feel more confident about what was going to happen. "Oh, he took the coupon out. And there are 2 rings inside, both silver. One has this green resin layer in the middle, the other has a red resin layer, and-- Uh. Why are you hyperventilating?"
"HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE!?" Derek shrieked, fingers burrowing in his hair. "B-BUT HE HASN'T EVEN ASKED ME OUT YET, IS HE SERIOUSLY SKIPPING STRAIGHT TO PROPOSALS!?"
"What!? No, you dunce, he's putting them on! The rings are for him. The rings are his size, not yours. And stop shouting, he's turning his head toward your room!"
Derek clasped his hands over his mouth and buried his head in his hood. "S-still, the matching ring bands, couldn't that be a hint at something? W-what if--"
Derek started pacing around his room. "Think about it! He's obviously preparing for something huge, right? He got all dressed up in the same suit his dad and mom got married in. He made the pancakes his mom makes for big life events, and he had the hot cocoa that he drinks when he's preparing to do something he's nervous about. A-and then he has the rings. Sure, they're for him, but what if he's just testing the waters? H-he's wearing my colors on himself to see what I say about it. H-he's gotta be trying to see if I'm ready for the next step, if--God, this is crazy! Y-you see it, right!? He's going to confess, or propose, or--something, I don't know!"
"...Except his thoughts have nothing about being in love with you or wanting to be bound to you through any marriage rite," Hastur grumbled. "You must stop thinking out of your ass! Do not assume things; that idiot's train of thought is running on half an engine fed an eighth of the coal it needs to run. Though that being said, he's putting on more red accents in his clothing than usual, and he's putting on a cologne...You might be right. That Demayo is up to something.
"Okay." Derek forced himself to take deep breaths. "It-It's all good. H-he's clearly gonna try to move things along, l-like I was assuming he would. I just have to play it cool, pretend that I didn't know what he's up to. We're just buddies getting matching plushies at the plushie store and going to a burger joint to--...To hang out. And then, at some point, Avery will tell me that he'd secretly brought me here to tell me he loved me, or that he wanted to marry me, or--" Derek's voice faltered. "...What am I even doing? I-It's Avery, man. He doesn't have a lying bone in his body, I'm just...I'm just overthinking this."
"Avery has put on his lucky boxer briefs," Hastur chimed in unhelpfully. "Someone is overcompensating for a 'hangout', I notice."
"I- Stop that, you don't have to keep prying into what Avery's doing," Derek snapped. "It's creepy as hell."
"That did not stop you from immediately using the surge of knowledge you were gifted to learn every little exclusive thing about Avery Demayo during the 3 months you spent waiting for him to return to the world on New Year's Eve," The king calmly rebutted. "You are no better than I."
"Am NOT."
"It is so. Also, Avery is now thinking about how it was worth it getting those rings to trick you into thinking you were about to be proposed to, because he is now laughing at how you sounded screaming," Hastur informed Derek. "I am proven right, as I always am."
"...I hate you, you know that?" Derek sighed, glaring at himself in the mirror and pulling at his own face.
"The feeling is mutual, Derek Hutchins. Now, let us see what that fool has in store for us."
The walk to the Stitchcraft store was surprisingly normal. Avery had indeed changed to something closer to his usual fashion tastes: a black Hawaiian shirt, a white tee underneath, khaki shorts with little Minecraft charms hanging off the belt loops, and lime-green Crocs with slime charms attached to the holes. But just as Hastur observed, Avery had deliberately hidden more hints of red in his outfit this time. His rings were all green and red, and even his Hawaiian shirt had red and yellow flowers on it instead of the typical yellow ones he exclusively wore. Derek did not comment on Avery's new outfit choices, but Avery seemed to smirk as he realized Derek was staring at him more often.
Of course, Derek didn't just stand around with the new information he'd been given. Derek had also made slight alterations to his outfit to see if Avery would notice. For one, Derek opted to wear a green shirt underneath his hoodie, which would only really show if Derek tugged at his collar or lifted his arms up enough that his sleeves would start falling. He also chose to wear green cargo pants rather than sweatpants. Avery seemed to respond positively to it, but Hastur couldn't find any damning evidence suggesting why Avery was pleased Derek opted to match with him. Yet another weird thing Avery'd done today, it seems.
They walked together in mutual silence, the kind of silence that wasn't threatening because they both were so used to the other's presence that silence no longer felt like an indication of distance, but rather just standard human interaction. Peace was rare for the two of them, so they knew to cherish it. They had already spoken at length with each other at breakfast and would surely speak plenty with each other at the store, so there really was no point in filling the space between them.
...Unfortunately for Derek, the same could not be said about the silence inside his head. His brain was masterful at filling space with whatever it damn pleased. And right now, it was filling it up with endless loads of hot, steaming garbage. His mind was overflowing with dread, uncertainty, and helplessness as, for the first time since he'd seen Hastur's face, Derek was powerless. And this time, it wasn't even due to Eldritch Horror; this time, it was just Avery. Avery, who was overly enthusiastic about a plushie store that sold custom Minecraft plushies.
Most of the mental turmoil was Hastur's fault. Hastur, horribly displeased at being bested by Avery, was now forcing Derek to sit through his endless elaborate theories (or conspiracies, depending on who you asked) about what Avery had been plotting.
"I do believe him that he wants to check out Stitchcraft, as frivolous a place as that shop is, but afterward? I cannot be certain that he truly wants to lunch with you. I see a future where he takes you down to an alleyway and shanks you with a shard of glass from a broken window. And in another, I see Avery telling you that he has to move to the United Kingdom with his uncle and won't see you ever again. And in yet another, this one I'm 70% sure on, Avery will take you to a jewelry store and start looking for matching ri--"
"That's enough!" Derek screamed in his head. "Please, no more, I'm SICK of this! Hastur, you're not helping me out here, you hear me!? I can't even focus on what's happening in front of me. My head's hurting, and I already think I'm going to puke, and we barely even made it outside. PLEASE shut up. I'm going to--"
"Do you want to be left in the dark!? I thought you hated it! Was it not true that you cried when there was no night light in your room?"
"WHEN I WAS A TODDLER, YOU LUMPING MORON! DO I LOOK 2 YEARS OLD?"
"You act like it."
"Unbelievable. Unbelievable! I am being accosted by an ancient fart the color of urine. This is the cross I have to carry, until I croak. Unbelievable."
"ANCIENT FART!?" Derek's head rang with pain, but he soldiered on. "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO AN OLD GREAT ONE THAT WAY, YOU CRETIN. BOW DOWN AND APOLOGIZE AT ONCE BEFORE THE FEET OF THE LIVING GOD, OR I SWEAR TO YOU THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU STAND AT A PLATFORM, IT SHALL BE YOU FALLING OFF THE LEDGE AND NOT THAT SLIME--"
"We're here!" Avery's singsongy voice pierced through Derek's mental altercation with Hastur. Indeed, they were standing in front of the doors to Stitchcraft, a tiny, independently run business that specialized in hand-crafted Minecraft merchandise. Derek pushed the door open for Avery, who skipped right in and headed right for the counter, leaving Derek to admire the truly impressive craftwork all around him. There was a plushie made for literally every mob in the game, even the less adorable ones like the strider or the Warden. The details were all there, too; not a single detail from the original mob was left out of the plushie. Everything was themed to look like it was from Minecraft, too. The shelves were intentionally blocky and bulky, the lights were all hanging lanterns or electric torches, and even the bell on the front desk was a swinging bell like the ones used in villager raids.
Derek found himself laughing as he picked up a slime plush that had a zipper at the bottom, revealing that the slime was actually 4 smaller slime plushes stuffed into one. "This is amazing," Derek muttered to himself as he set the slime down on the shelf. He could see why Avery had picked this store for today; this was a haven for anyone remotely into Minecraft. Besides, who wouldn't want a custom plushie based on your skin?
Derek saw Avery waiting at the front desk for an employee and decided to keep looking around, reasoning that Avery would probably be a better guy to handle interacting with the staff. Having Hastur in your brain to fill you in on everyone's backstory while you try to order lunch was never something that Derek got used to, even after a year of being bombarded with useless knowledge.
Derek scoured through the shelves filled with mobs and monsters, laughing in awe at the vast array of options until his eyes found a chest on an otherwise empty shelf with a sign written above it:
"You are real. You are special. Remember who you are.
Derek felt a strange pull toward the chest and headed straight for it. "Now, what could this be...?" Derek flipped open the latch and pulled the lid open, revealing...
A single D3rlord3 plush, wielding a sign and a book, and an accompanying TheMostMayo plush holding a wooden sword and a honey block. They sat alone in the chest, one atop the other as if snuggling each other.
"Well, I'll be..." Derek pulled the two plushies out of the box and stared at them, marveling at how lucky he was to have found this little discovery. Had he not bothered checking it out, he'd probably have never seen these at all. Derek looked around and saw that Avery was already approaching him, his jaw on the floor.
"They already made us!?" Avery gasped, gladly accepting his plushie when Derek handed it over. "W-Where did you find it?"
"In a chest with a sign above it," Derek answered honestly. "It's like the owner somehow knew we'd find our way here."
"They were merely megafans of the videos you two are showcased in," Hastur butted in, possessing Derek's body just long enough to interrupt their fantastical daydream. "You two merely came in when there were only these left in stock."
"Oh, really?" Avery laughed. "That's weirdly even more perfect for today, right, Derek?"
"Yeah, you're not wrong," Derek agreed. "I may not believe in a kind God above, but I can appreciate a miracle now and then."
"...Why don't they ever include me in the merchandise?" The king grumbled, now speaking in Derek's head instead of through his mouth. "Am I not a critical part of the Augmented Reality Game? Was it not my doing that allowed you simpletons to meet up in the first place?"
Derek scoffed. "Please, like anyone would buy a plushie of you. They'd probably only buy it so they could set it on fire, as you deserve."
"You INGLORIOUS WRETCH. MY VISAGE COULD WORK PERFECTLY AS MERCHANDISE! IS IT NOT THE CASE THAT MILLIONS RALLY EVERY DAY TO WATCH STUPID COLORFUL BLOBS FOOLISHLY BOUNCE ABOUT IN THREE-DIMENSIONAL SIMULATIONS FOR HOURS ON END!? I COULD PERFECTLY FIT IN THIS STORE OF MEANINGLESSNESS."
"So you are useless?" Derek egged. The king roared in his head.
"KEEP TALKING, AND I WILL SEND YOU BACK HOME SO YOU CAN SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY HURLING YOUR GUTS INTO THE CHAMBER POT."
Avery cut in once again, laughing. "Hey! Stop arguing with Hastur, I don't wanna get kicked out of the store before we can get these little guys. Let's get outta here, we got stuff to do!"
"Y-yes, please," Derek begged, grabbing Avery's hand instinctively. "He won't stop shouting, my ears are about to start bleeding."
The two left the store with their new plushies in hand, still holding hands as they walked toward...Well, Avery was the one taking the lead, but Derek soon began to realize that Avery wasn't heading in the right direction if he wanted to go to the burger joint. No, he was actually heading for...
"...He has no destination in his head." The king sounded stumped. Why was Hastur stumped!? If the King of all knowledge doesn't know something, then something TERRIBLE must be happening. Did Avery do occult magic behind Derek's back to blind Hastur himself so Derek wouldn't be privy to what's about to happen? Why all this effort? Why the spontaneousness!? This was so unlike Avery! "...He is just walking around aimlessly. Stop him!" Derek obeyed Hastur's advice and halted in his tracks. Avery didn't realize until he was abruptly yanked back when his arm refused to move forward.
"A-ah! W-wait, why did you stop?"
"Avery, where are we even going?" Derek asked, taking a step toward Avery. His tone was gentle, but his confusion and growing frustration seeped through the cracks. "Hastur's telling me you don't have a plan for where to go, and we passed the corner we're meant to turn right at if you wanted to go to the burger joint. Why are we going on a goose-chase?"
"Oh, uh..." Avery blinked, looking up at Derek. "I was thinking of going to the park. It's not really lunch time yet. It's 5 past 11, and I figured you're not hungry yet."
Derek blinked. "The park? Uh...Yeah, that actually does sound like a good idea," Derek agreed. "Which park, though? We passed a few of your favorite ones coming here."
"Nah, not those ones. They don't have a church in front of it," Avery explained, pulling Derek with him as he started walking. "I want one with a church and a courtyard in it."
Derek's blood ran cold at the mention of a church. "...Why a church specifically?" ....Is he actually going to propose? Or--Wait, is this because of that church in the realms? What's going on? Avery's not even religious, why does he want to visit a park with a church--
"You'll see," Avery smirked, breaking into a run and dragging Derek with him. "Come on, before the clock hits noon!"
"W-WAIT, WHY ARE WE GOING TO A CHURCH!? AVERY???" Derek yelled as they barreled through the sidewalks like a bullet. But his words fell on deaf ears, as Avery ran as hard as he could through the city until they finally, finally stopped in the middle of a park.
The park was beautiful, no doubt about it. There were several oak trees older than a century standing tall and proud, their ancient branches and trunks swirling and swaying in the wind like an impressionist's brushwork. The flowers--Blue orchids, forget-me-nots, white lilies, and roses-- were planted in neat little rows along the bushes, cleanly dividing the park from the church. Avery's pace reduced to a walking speed as he guided Derek through the bushes to the center of the park, where Derek saw a ginormous, circular stone walkway that felt eerily familiar. It didn't bear the Yellow Sign, but Derek knew right away that this park, for whatever reason, was set up the same way the platform in the cathedral was in Minecraft, down to the dimensions and symmetry. ...What?
Avery eventually slipped his hand out of Derek's and proceeded to the opposite side of the circle, turning around to face Derek, who stood in the center. "Seems familiar, right, Der?"
"I-...Yeah, it is," Derek agreed, his brow pouring with sweat. "But... But why are we--"
"Derek," Avery began, holding his plushie out in front of him. Was Avery...Roleplaying? "What's in your inventory?"
"U-uh." Derek took several healthy steps backward. Avery quickly closed the distance. "Wh-what? Avery, you're scaring me--"
"I said," Avery smirked, stepping once again into Derek's space and shoving the plushie in Derek's face, its embroidered derpy eyes boring holes into Derek's eyes. "What's in your inventory? "
Derek stumbled backward, desperate to put some space between them before his mind short-circuited. But right as he made another step back, his foot slipped off the ledge of the platform. He felt himself falling backward as he lost balance, the wind rushing behind him as the world spun, the horizon collapsing below, and the sky overtaking it all until--
Avery suddenly flew into view. Derek felt an arm snake around his back while he felt Avery's fingers intertwine with his. His motion abruptly came to a halt as Avery saved him from falling over. Derek felt his face burning as he realized the position they were in now. But it wasn't just that that sent shivers down Derek's spine. No, it was the fact that Avery's head perfectly blocked the sun in such a way that the sun's rays seemed to spill out from behind Avery's head like a halo. He looked like an angel; he might as well have been one, too.
Avery's mouth was moving, but Derek couldn't hear a word as he just...took in Avery. His breath on Derek's face, his hair, brushing against Derek's face, the shadows, and the way the light warmed Avery's skin... Derek's lips parted as he tried to speak, but nothing came out except choked stammers and short gasps. Avery laughed and closed the distance.
Wait. What is he doing? Is he about to kiss me? No. No way. No way he's about to kiss me, no WAY--
Avery baps his forehead against Derek's, breaking him out of his train of thought. "Okay, that's enough staring for you!" Avery teased, pulling Derek upright and letting go. (Derek already missed Avery's warmth.) "Did you hear a word I was saying, or were you too busy gawking at me like I'm a Matisse?"
"Avery--" Derek choked out. "W-what was--Why are you--"
"What, did you think I'd be able to save you if I wasn't that close to you? I don't have your arms, you know!" Avery jokingly flexed his biceps. "These puppies can only reach so far."
"I-...I know that," Derek grumbled, desperately trying to gather his scattered marbles. "But--But...Why did you bring me here at all? Was it just for that one bit?"
"No," Avery shook his head. "There's a giant oak tree with a bunch of bench swings hanging on the branches here. I used to visit there all the time as a kid." Avery extended a hand again toward Derek, smiling warmly. "Wanna join me?"
Derek didn't hesitate to take Avery's offer, slotting his hand again into Avery's. (It was strange how natural this felt.) "Lead the way."
Avery hummed as he dragged Derek along through the park, his plushie now stuffed in the collar of his shirt, the same way Derek had his stuffed in his hoodie. "Did you know about this place, Derek? I thought you'd know a little about this place before we came here, but you seemed shocked."
"Well, uh." Derek blushed again, his cheeks burning from some combination of embarrassment and an unidentifiable emotion. "...You've been throwing me off guard so much today. I'm kind of...I've never felt so lost before," Derek admitted. "Not ever since I saw Hastur for the first time, maybe."
Avery considered Derek's words. "Is it a good feeling, not knowing something for once?"
"N-no--" Derek began, but then he thought back to what had transpired just moments ago, with Avery so close to him, holding him tight..."...Actually? I don't mind it," Derek decided. Avery squeezed his hand tighter.
"Good! I was worried you'd get flustered and push me away. Then we'd both fall off that platform, and...Well, I don't know if your poor heart could've taken it," Avery smirked.
Derek flinched like he'd been hit. "I-I'm not a Victorian lady, Avery! Do I need to tell you I survived cosmic horror twice last year?"
"Yeah, but you clearly couldn't survive being 2 inches from my face!" Avery teased. "Some knight you are!"
"Indeed, some knight you are." Hastur chimed in, his cold smugness grating on Derek's ears. "Also, I told you I would make you fall on the next platform you stood on; I am shocked you even forgot my promise. You are welcome for that lovely memory you're now playing over and over. Wow, is that the seventh time you replayed Avery Demayo leaning forward? How amusing."
"SHUT UP, HASTUR!" Derek screamed, his voice echoing in the air. It felt as if time froze, with the way Avery halted in his tracks and stared at Derek incredulously.
"Oh, what's he saying now?" Avery raised an eyebrow. "You're redder than your hoodie now, you know that?"
"Just get me to the swings," Derek sighed, looking away in shame before Avery could comment. Avery, the graceful being he was, understood that Derek couldn't handle any further teasing and proceeded onward as if it hadn't happened. Good.
The bench swings thankfully managed to fit two adults, which was a genuine concern Derek had, given how awkwardly tall Derek was. The two sat side-by-side on the bench swing, their plushies gingerly placed on the smaller swings next to theirs, heads knocked together and holding hands. (Avery posed them that way; Derek didn't.) The two swung under the oak tree's shade, just taking in the pleasant beauty all around them. The wind sang gentle songs through the oak's branches, its leaves swaying and casting kaleidoscopic shadows below. The faint thrum of birdsong and cicadas filled the air, and all the remaining silence was taken up by Avery's excited humming (A thing that Derek knew Avery only did when he was either happy, excited, nervous, or some combination of all three).
Derek could see himself relaxing in a place like this if it weren't for the fact that the proximity to Avery was making him burn up like the sun. Why did Avery pick the tightest seat!?
Derek did his best to squeeze his legs closed, but even then, Avery's thigh was casually pressed against Derek's, his hot skin searing Derek even through his pants. Their arms were similarly sandwiched together, and Derek swore he could feel Avery's heart beating against his skin somewhere. And worst of all, every time Derek dared to glance over at Avery, Avery would immediately glance back, and they'd have to make eye contact, and Derek would yank his head to the opposite direction because he feared what'd happen if Avery knew Derek was still redder than a tomato. How humiliating.
This was supposed to be a relaxing and chill hangout. Why was Derek's heart beating like he was mid-marathon!? It was not like he was Pheidippides, running for two days over 260 kilometers to beg Sparta for help in defeating the Persians! Why was his heart pounding?
"Your hands are sweaty," Avery casually mentioned, grabbing Derek's hand and wiping it clean with Avery's shirt. Derek tried not to freak out as he felt Avery's warmth and his fingers registered the curves of Avery's stomach. "You might want to take that hoodie off if you're so warm. It's 60 degrees Fahrenheit out and sunny, you know."
"...It's 64 degrees, actually," Derek replied. "And no, I-I'm good, I don't need to take the hoodie off, I'll be fine." Derek didn't sound sure that was true, and Avery caught on.
Avery's eyes softened, squeezing Derek's hand softly. "Derek, it's fine. We're friends, remember? We've seen each other in worse states. Take off the hoodie before you succumb to heat stroke."
Derek exhaled. "Fine." He peeled the hoodie off and set it on his lap, tugging the tee-shirt underneath back down once he was finished. He hated how Avery was right; he did feel better with it off. "...That did actually help, thanks."
"Oh, you're wearing green instead of all red and black!" Avery exclaimed, pointing at Derek's shirt. "I didn't even notice!"
Derek laughed. "Well, you're wearing a bit of red, so I thought I'd match."
Avery smiled. "Aww, you do pay attention!" (Derek's brows furrowed, but he didn't ask further.) "So, since you're in all green now, should I wear all red to complement you?"
"You don't have to--" Derek started, his words torn to shreds before they could be spoken as he saw Avery take the Hawaiian shirt off so he could slip Derek's hoodie on instead.
Avery tossed his hair out of the hood as he adjusted the way Derek's hoodie sat on him, not even sparing Derek as he tugged and pulled on the hoodie until he liked how it looked. He finally spared Derek a glance as he tied his Hawaiian shirt around his waist, knotting the sleeves through the belt loops. "A little baggy, but I think I pull it off! What do you think?"
"....He unfortunately looks great in that," The king conceded. "Red really does suit him better than lime green."
"....Y-yeah, that...That works on you," Derek agreed, trying to ignore the way his limbs were quaking and how his face felt hotter than a blast furnace. This is bad. This is bad, bad, bad, bad BAD. Since when did you crumble so easily, Derek!? You were unshakable in front of Hastur, but behave like this in front of your friend!? He's just in your hoodie, calm down--
Avery proceeded to go for the jugular and buried his nose in the collar of the hoodie. "Huh. Do you still use my soap, or is this a new soap I'm smelling? It kind of works for you, Derek."
"...This creature is ridiculous," Hastur unhelpfully commented. "I do not understand why your brain is envisioning a future where you are married. You can surely do so much better--"
"W-why are you smelling my clothes???" Derek sputtered. "A-And no, it's not that I'm not using your soap, I still do, it's just--It's just the skin care products, Avery. I-I lotioned. My skin gets dry really quickly."
"Ohhh." Avery nodded. "I honestly need to do that, too. I'm getting really itchy as spring comes along, I think it's a thing my whole family has."
"Yeah, your family has naturally dry skin. I have coconut cream moisturizer that you can use for that," Derek immediately offered. For once in his life, being forced to rattle off information felt comforting. "And before you say, 'Oh, my family is actually allergic to coconut', you specifically do not have that trait from your parents, which is a good thing because you've been chugging coconut water all your life and never bothered to check if you shouldn't have because you thought coconut water and coconut were different allergens."
"...Well then!" Avery laughed incredulously. "I guess I know what I'm doing next time. Though..." Avery tapped a finger on his chin. "I can't really reach my back...Could you apply lotion to my back for me?"
"I-" Derek flinched like he was dodging an arrow. "...Sure."
"Sweet! Thank you, Derek. And if you'd like, I'd happily do yours, too." Avery reclined casually on the bench, his hands behind his head. It was then that Derek realized how baggy his hoodie was on Avery, the hoodie puffing up like a blanket as it draped over Avery's body. "I know that your back's dryer than your humor, you scratch your back all the time when you're working at your desk."
"I-...I guess I can't decline that," Derek laughed humorlessly. Internally, he was purging his mind of all the fantasies of what it'd be like massaging lotion into Avery's back. (Hastur was being a little shit and listing off how Avery's back would feel to the touch.) "Yeah, sure. Next time we're washed up, I'll do your back, and you do mine."
"Sweet. Poggers. Muchas gracias, Derek."
Derek's face scrunched as the flurry of horrid slang grated against his ears, breaking whatever tension or vibe was building between them. "You confuse me."
"Good. I always aim to keep Mr. Know-it-all on his toes," Avery grinned, turning to Derek with his full body. "And I think I can tell it's working."
"...What's up with that, anyway?" Derek raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I know you like getting under my skin, but this is a different...flavor of teasing than usual." He folded his arms across his chest, fingers tapping irritably. "You...You're doing things to get a rise out of me, but a different kind of rise. Do you even know what you're doing?"
Avery raised an eyebrow. "No...? This is just our regular-shmegular banter."
"I SENSE A LIE." Hastur jabbed his imaginary finger toward Avery. "HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING."
"You're lying," Derek declared, his face unamused. "You know what you're doing. Why are you doing it?"
Avery blinked. "...Am I not allowed to try and have fun with you?" Avery asked, a twinge of hurt in his voice. "I-I'm just trying to make sure you're having a good time, and you seemed to be fine with what I was doing, so..."
"This is--" Derek curled in on himself, defeated. "...I'm so lost. I don't understand why you've done half of the things you've done today, and I'm not used to it, and--and--...I don't know how to feel about it." Derek raised his head, finally confessing how he'd felt about the last few hours. "You've put me on this rollercoaster of emotions. You deliberately confuse me and Hastur, somehow, and when you have me disoriented, you're doing all this--all this--..."
Derek pointed at his hoodie. "This! Why are you wearing my hoodie? Why did you smell it? Why did you wipe my hands with your shirt, and why did you hold me like that after I fell!? I don't get it! I'm so flustered and on edge, I feel like I'm a clown on stage dodging pies while the audience laughs at me. Why are you toying with my emotions like this, Avery? I've been freaking out since I woke up, and you're just piling more pressure on top of it!"
"Derek, wait." Avery stopped Derek by grabbing him by the wrists. "This isn't me toying with you, I promise." Avery shook his head. "I'd rather be dead than do that to you, you know that. I..." Avery exhaled. "Derek, when you were in the hospital, you told me one of the things you missed was being surprised by anything. You could see into the future and guess what was about to happen, and it zapped the fun out of your life. I saw how it mucked with your head; I saw you losing your interest in everything you once liked. And..." Avery rubbed his thumbs on the back of Derek's wrists. "I made it my personal mission to bring that surprise back into your life. I wanted to make you finally feel surprised and interested in what was to happen next."
Derek's brows furrowed. Avery took that as a sign Derek was listening and continued onward. "It's why I started doing things I knew would annoy you, on purpose. Like the 'Mary-and-Brewster' thing, I knew it was "Merriam-Webster," but because I knew you'd get annoyed if I said it wrong, I did. And when I downloaded that gun mod into Minecraft and hid it from you until I challenged you to PVP, I did all that for the same reason. And--And yes, I knew you'd figure it out before I could properly do it, both times. But..."
Avery laughed sadly. "Could you blame me for trying? I-I just want to see you smile. Is that...Is that too much to ask for?"
...Derek's gaze softened considerably. Was Avery just...trying to make him smile? Is that all there really was to it? This entire day, with all its weird twists and turns, was specifically designed just so Derek could feel surprised again?
"...I..." Derek swallowed his Adam's apple. "...I am sorry for bursting out like that." Derek sniffled, looking away in shame. "I didn't mean to...I didn't mean to put you on the spot and yell at you." He felt Avery's hand slide up his arm until it rested on Derek's shoulder.
"Derek, you're OK. It's me who should apologize for putting you through the wringer without asking. I was already toeing the line by not planning anything concrete for today, and the rest of it..." Avery laughed sadly. "...Maybe I went too far. I-I wasn't trying to, I swear. I wanted to just confuse you enough so you'd be surprised again, and also because I wanted to..." He trails off, then continues with conviction. " I just want to say, Derek, that--" Avery's stomach abruptly cut off whatever confession he was about to say. The two men stared at Avery's growling stomach like it was a dog speaking fluent French.
"Did it seriously just..." Derek blinked.
"Wow. Guess we've been out for longer than I thought!" Avery laughed incredulously. "We should go have burgers at the joint we saw before it grows feral. What do you say?"
Derek laughed with Avery. "You know what? Yeah. Let's get burgers before your stomach eats us instead," Derek agreed, a smile returning to his face. As soon as it showed, Avery's smile grew brighter. It looked wonderful on him, Derek thought.
The two spent a few final minutes swinging together on the bench swings, laughing about Avery's loud stomach and joking about what Avery could eat if he got hungry enough. Neither of them noticed that their plushies, over the course of events, had shifted positions. No longer were they sitting with their heads against each other; they were now lying down completely, with TheMostMayo's head comfortably propped up on D3rlord3's lap and D3rlord3's hand on the small of TheMostMayo's back like he was stroking his back.
It was almost uncanny how they looked like they were always meant to be that close.
The burger joint, for some reason named "The Main Burg", was thankfully not one of those hipster burger joints that would oversell a mediocre burger for 30 dollars. No, it was the opposite: For 5 dollars, you could get a fat, juicy patty paired with the toastiest buns available, with scrumptious toppings and mouth-watering condiments to boot. And the best part? They served their food so fast that Avery and Derek already had their food before they paid. (Avery and Derek fought over who would pay until Avery snuck his debit card into the kiosk.)
They were now sitting in a booth on the quietest part of the restaurant, chewing away at their burgers with enthusiasm. Even Derek, the reserved eater he was, was struggling to keep himself from unhinging his jaw like a boa constrictor and swallowing the damn thing in one bite.
... Hastur's horrid fun facts about the cow that died to make the patty thankfully kept Derek's appetite at bay.
Avery, however, had no qualms or reasons to eat politely, but he was surprisingly well-behaved. He had the hoodie sleeves rolled up to his shoulders and a napkin under him on the table to catch any food that fell. It felt rude to say, but to see Avery eating so demurely made Derek question what planet he was on.
"Are you doing all this to protect my hoodie?" Derek tilted his head to the side. "I've never seen you eat so...Calmly, before. "
Avery shrugged as his response, chewing his food slowly to savor every bite. When he swallowed the bits in his mouth, Avery wiped his mouth with a napkin before speaking. "Yeah, did you want me to smear the Manburg special all over your hoodie? Don't think so."
Derek snorted. "Thanks, I guess. But you could've just taken it off, you know."
"Mm... Nah." Avery shook his head. "Special occasion, special wardrobe." Avery bit into his burger again, making audible grunts like a wolf butchering a carcass. (Somehow adorable, despite how feral it was.)
Derek shrugged it off, returning to chew on his burger. But in the corner of his eye, he saw Avery stealing glances at the hoodie and... Blushing? Was he reading that right?
"His body temperature is rising, but it is not due to infection. His oxytocin levels are increasing, too..."
"Why are you still doing this? Let me enjoy our moment," Derek reprimanded Hastur in his brain. "And oxytocin doesn't necessarily suggest what you're implying."
"You suddenly don't want to know why Avery is doing this bizarre game of fruitless meandering? Hm. Is it because you wish that I were not right?"
"No, it's just that it's creepy when you keep digging into Avery's head. Stop doing it. "
"Oh, so when I do it, it is problematic. But when YOU spend hours on end rehearsing what to say so your mannerisms would resemble Optimus Prime, Avery's first fictional cartoon crush --"
Derek almost choked on the food in his mouth."HASTUR. SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH--"
"At the crossroads, keep moving forward. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You may as well have just copied and pasted Optimus Prime's words, and you'd have made Avery swoon all the same. "
"HASTUR, I SWEAR TO GOD--"
"AVERY IS BLUSHING HARDER AND LOOKING AT YOU. "
Derek's eyes darted up and found that Avery was, indeed, staring at Derek with his face redder than the hoodie he had on. Avery's face lit up in shock as he realized he was caught. "O-oh, uh. I was just-- you have mayo on your face," Avery deflected, wiping Derek's face with a napkin. But as soon as the napkin touches Derek's skin, the world seems to somehow... Melt.
The outside world, with all its clamoring, chaos, and order, fades into static, until all that's left is Avery and Derek in a booth together, Avery's hand so close to Derek's cheek but not close enough to make proper contact. The warmth from his hand seeps into Derek's face just as his face spreads warmth to Avery's hand. Avery stills for a beat as he feels Derek's breath halt mid-inhale, the inevitable exhale tickling Avery's fingers.
... Avery forced himself to pull away once the mayonnaise was gone. "T-there, I got it. " Avery smiled nervously as he put the napkin on his plate.
"Thanks."Derek realized that they were now both the same shade of red, not able to make eye contact again. "A-are you alright, though? You can always take the hoodie off if you're overheating," Derek offered. "It's getting hotter due to the sun, after all."
"O-oh, I'm good!" Avery lied, shaking his head. "I-I'm actually cold, so... Yeah."
Derek raised an eyebrow. He didn't even need to tap into his endless knowledge to know that was suspect. "Cold, huh? Well, how about we fix that?"
Derek pushed his food over to Avery's side of the table and moved so he was sitting next to Avery, intentionally making this move before Avery could respond. Their bodies pressed against each other, side against side and thigh against thigh. And as he suspected, Avery's face flushed even redder, whipping his head away to look at the wall instead of Derek. But even then, Avery stayed firmly in place, not daring to separate from him.
Derek shrugged it off and returned to eating his burger, considering this a way of getting back at Avery for all the teasing Avery had gotten out of his system without a proper rebuttal. Two can play at this game.
For the first time since they walked to the Stitchcraft store, nothing was said between them. Not a single thing. They silently ate their burgers, fully aware of the contact between them but saying nothing of it. Even Hastur, who usually had something rancid to say to ruin the moment, stayed awfully silent. It was just them, chewing their food and sipping their drinks, saying nothing until...
"Hey, U-uh... I need to pee. Could you maybe move out of the way for me? " Avery tapped Derek's shoulder.
"He does not. He is trying to flee. Do not let hi-"
"Go ahead, Avery."
Derek stood up at once and allowed Avery to pass him. The second that the opening was made, Avery hurried to the bathroom. Avery's plushie fell as he ran; It landed pitifully on the bench, an arm extended out toward Derek like it wanted his help.
Derek watched Avery almost bump into a waiter in his scramble, shaking his head in amused silence. "That kid... I wonder what's going on in his head?"
"Just pry into his mind like I keep trying to teach you," Hastur grumbled. "You live in that jello brain's head 24/7 anyway; It would be akin to staring at a mirror."
Derek rolled his eyes. "... No. I'm not gonna ruin that breach of privacy. He trusts me not to pry, so I won't." Derek sat down with a thump and went to finish the rest of his burger, wiping his fingers with a napkin before reaching out to grab Avery's plushie. He fetched his own plushie and sat them on the table so they were embracing each other, square heads smushed together from how tight their hug was.
Derek watched the plushies like they'd come to life, smiling to himself as he propped his head up with his elbows, fingers intertwined together under his chin.
The peaceful moment was abruptly ruined by a certain God's nagging.
"Avery is berating himself at the mirror, it seems. He is upset you'll find something out; something he was hoping to keep away from you and me. He still has not thought about what it is, so I cannot say what it might be, much to my annoyance."
Derek huffed."Of course he doesn't want us to know; it's a surprise. Just let him reveal it himself." Derek waved Hastur off. Hastur grumbled, but gave up and stayed quiet, deciding that any further attempt to ruin the moment wouldn't be worth it because Derek had already committed himself to finding out what it was on his own terms.
Derek shifted his attention to the plushies embracing on the table, silently nudging them forward until they collapsed into each other, lying on the ground in each other's arms. "Avery, whatever you're doing today, I hope it's coming out the way you want."
"Th-this isn't coming out the way I want," Avery muttered to himself as he stared at his reflection in the shoddy bathroom mirror. "He's catching on. H-he has to be. There's no way he doesn't know by now what I'm up to." Avery ran a hand through his hair, which had finally loosened up from the gel. It was still stiff, but Avery didn't particularly care. He replayed what had just happened at the booth: Derek, deliberately sitting in Avery's space so they'd be pressed together the way Avery and Derek sat on the bench swings, so that Avery could be 'warmed up' since Avery claimed he was cold. The deafening silence between them as they ate, the way that Derek deliberately moved to keep his arm glued to Avery's. The teasing, the way he definitely knew what such things would do to Avery's brain. Derek knew something, but Avery didn't know what.
"Shoot, what do I do!? H-he'll probably not be surprised anymore if I keep going like this! Do I just rush to the end before he can piece it together? I-i don't even know if Hastur will behave long enough, he's probably listening in on what I'm saying, and--"
Avery smacked himself on the forehead."Pull yourself together! J-just go back to the table and admit your feelings when he would least expect it. It's not that hard! Just GET ON WITH IT, TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST."
With newfound conviction and determination (after splashing his face with enough cold water to freeze a lake), Avery proceeded back to the table to face his fears.
"Derek, I have something to say." Avery leaned over the table like a boss mid-rant, hands slamming the surface so hard the plates bounced. The plushies, who were hugging, fell out of the hug and assumed broken table yoga positions instead. "You're going to listen and let me speak my mind, K?"
"Sure?" Derek blinked. "But why the--"
"I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND I WANT TO KISS YOU BADLY." Avery blurted, his body shaking with effort. He didn't realize how loud he'd been until he realized that the entire restaurant went silent. Derek stared at him with his eyes wider than saucers, jaw hung open, and lips twitching as his brain seemed to fail to catch up.
Avery smiled in triumph. He'd done it! He confessed! He finally told Derek how he felt, and now they could be boyfriends and move to the next step in their rela-
Derek looked terrified. Face pale, pupils shrunken, body recoiling into the seat. That wasn't the look of awe, or adoration, or even amusement. That was mortification.
No. No, why is he scared? Did Avery do something wrong? Why was Derek not moving? Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he know? Did he know and didn't want to say yes? That's what it was, wasn't it? Of course it was. Stupid Avery. Stupid Avery, falling for a guy who was just being nice to him.
The world around him came back all at once. Avery heard people whispering amongst themselves. Some snickered, some sounded concerned. He didn't dare turn around, but he could feel judgment and amusement. He felt like he was back on that platform all over again, with a hundred million eyes staring at him and judging his every move. The music blasting on the stereo crescendoed with the whispers and mocking laughter. The colors grew harsher in hue until they collapsed into static. Avery didn't realize he was hyperventilating until he almost choked on his own spit.
... Derek was moving again. His face was softened in what looked like pity as he inched toward Avery. His mouth was moving, but Avery couldn't hear it over the noise of his heart pounding in his ears, the incessant voices, the blasting drums and guitars, the fires and sizzles from the kitchen, the blaring horns and shouting drivers outside, everything. Hot tears of embarrassment streaked down his face as he tore himself away from Derek's gaze and bolted for the exit.
"Avery!? Wait, Avery!" Derek cried, stumbling out of the booth to chase him down, but Avery was too fast. He was already crossing the street and turning the corner.
"I told you he was planning to confess to you, and you did not listen. Look, he is heading home now." The King announced it with amusement. Derek could envision him shaking his head and smirking. "He'd thrown us through all that... Just to confess his feelings for you. And he somehow blew it, anyway. That idiot..."
"..."
"I would have personally just gone ahead with the kiss instead of declaring it, but I am not Avery. I suppose, given his inability to plan, this was a stroke of genius."
"...It was," Derek agreed, still recoiling from shock.
It all made terrible sense now. The deliberate closeness, the plushies, wearing Derek's clothes, and buying food together... This was a date. It was all an attempt to set the mood for a perfect confession, but not just any confession. A surprise confession. Avery had deliberately confused Derek; overwhelmed his senses and perception so when the time came, Avery could confess, and Derek wouldn't see it coming. It was brilliant. It was brilliant, stupid, and so incredibly Avery in execution.
And Avery didn't even realize it worked.
"I hate that I must say this, but you should go and talk with him. I will not stand for it if you spend the rest of your mortal lives in this sickening limbo. Go speak to Avery."
Derek sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "Avery..." He grabbed their plushies and stuffed them in his pockets, then shuffled slowly out of the burger joint, giving the cashier a small apologetic smile before he left.
They were going to have to talk as soon as Derek came home.
"Avery?" Derek kicked his shoes off and locked the door to their apartment. Dead silence responded to him.
... That wasn't good.
He saw his hoodie tossed onto the couch over the green suit vest, the crimson sleeves damp with tears. He went to pick it up and froze as he saw makeup stains on the collar. He hung it over his arm as he headed deeper into the apartment.
"Avery?" Derek tried again, his voice softer this time. He headed toward Avery's room instinctively and reached for the doorknob, but found it locked. He heard muffled sniffles behind the door. "O-oh. Avery, are you in here? Can I come in?" Derek knocked softly. He heard a faint shuffling of sheets.
"... No," Avery's voice finally replied. His voice was broken, weak, and frail. Derek's heart sank.
"Please, Aves," Derek begged. He knew that nickname was risky to use, but he didn't care. "You can't just scream that in public and not want to talk about it."
"W-what's there to even say!?" Avery argued, the sound of something soft hitting the door. Derek guessed it was a pillow. "I-i humiliated you by doing that! Y-you had to sit through a whole day of my nonsense, all that leading to--to-..."
"...Open the door. Please." Derek's forehead pressed against the door. "I want to say something to you."
...Five minutes later, the door was opened.
Avery looked like a mess. His hair was tangled in knots, his fingernails nibbled to stubs, and his makeup melting off his face as streaks of tears dribbled down, plopping pitifully on the ground. He was hugging a pillow to his chest. Derek's heart shattered into pieces. He reached out without thinking, cupping Avery's face and wiping the tears away with his thumbs. Avery stiffened, but melted into Derek's hand, his breath shaky as he spoke again.
"... I'm sorry for causing such a ruckus all day, Derek. I wanted to make this special, but instead I just overwhelmed you and annoyed you and made you feel so confused and--"
"Avery," Derek interrupted softly. "I want you to-"
"Honestly, Derek?" Avery spoke over Derek as if Derek hadn't spoken at all. "If you don't want to be my roommate anymore, I-I'll help you pack and--"
"Avery. Can you please just kiss-"
"I'll even drive you to your new place! Hell, I'll cover your first rent, just please don't hate me. I know I don't deserve your kindness or your patience, I've already used it up today with all that crap I pulled, and--"
A sob halted Avery's words just enough for him to breathe. Derek tried again to reach Avery.
"Avery, you're not listening. I'm saying that I don't hate you." Derek's tone got snappy, but Avery babbled onward anyway, his sentences growing sloppier until they were meaningless slobbery murmurs.
Derek closed his eyes and forced himself to take a breath. "Okay, you won't listen? Fine, let me get to the point."
Derek closed the distance and jammed his lips against Avery's, their noses slotting together like puzzle pieces. He felt Avery physically flinch, the pillow he was hugging falling to the floor between them, forgotten about completely. For a beat, the only thing he felt was Avery's lips on his, and the shuddering inhale of air from Avery's nose. But just as Derek began to worry that Avery wasn't ready, he felt Avery's hands desperately latch onto Derek's shirt, tugging him deeper into the kiss as Avery finally, finally kissed back. Derek's own hands balled the back of Avery's shirt into tight fists. They stumbled backward until Avery's back hit his clothes drawer, knocking whatever was on top of the drawer to the ground. But none of them cared. None of them even wanted to pull away, even as air became scarce.
But alas, they had to pull apart. When Derek opened his eyes, he was met with the wonderful sight of Avery's face, flushed so red it almost made him look like a lobster. "I-..." Avery stammered, loosening his grip on Derek just a little. "... I was hoping to initiate that, but you know what? I-I'll take it."
Derek laughed, the sound healing Avery's broken heart. "Okay, are you going to let me talk? Or do I need to do that again to keep your attention on me?" Derek teased, his thumb running over Avery's lips. Avery pursed them together and nodded meekly.
"Good. Avery, you're ridiculous." A fond smile grew on Derek's face. "You took all this effort to surprise me, and you didn't even stick around to see if it worked?"
"Y-you looked shellshocked!" Avery sputtered, his brows furrowing. "I-I thought I was going to hear that you were straight or something!"
"Straight!? Me??" Derek was visibly offended. "Avery, I can't believe you'd think of me like that."
"I-I'M JUST SAYING-" Avery argued, before Derek shut him up with a peck to the cheek.
"Anyway, my point is this. Avery, you succeeded. You surprised me with your confession, you made me smile, and you made me look forward to something." Derek couldn't fight the smile growing on his face. "And you know what's even crazier? You did all that without Hastur interfering. He was genuinely lost on your intentions, and honestly? Even I'm trying to figure out how you did it."
Avery laughed shyly. "Oh, that? Haha, well, the thing is.. I... I didn't. I just, uh... Didn't plan it. "
Derek's smile turned confused. "... You what?"
"I said, I didn't plan it. " Avery shook his head. "All that you saw? Top of my dome, spur of the moment. If I thought it through, Hastur would've caught on and told you what was happening."
Derek's hands perched on Avery's shoulders. "Hold on. You mean to tell me that you ad-libbed your confession to me so even Hastur wouldn't see it coming? You went that far to thwart us?"
Avery bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah."
Derek sighed, shaking his head. "Avery, I think we need to kiss again. You're a genius."
Avery sputtered. "W-what!? B-but I'm a mess! Y-you have tears and makeup all over your face!"
"Don't care," Derek declared before slamming his lips against Avery's again, much less gently this time. Avery didn't hesitate to reciprocate this time either; his complaints and excuses died on his lips the second the kiss began.
They pulled away again. Avery seemed to be in a daze, his eyes sparkling as he came to terms with the fact that this was real. Derek Hutchins, his crush, his savior... Was kissing him. He loved Avery back and was genuinely amazed at what Avery had done.
... Yeah, Avery could die happy now. He'd won.
A goofy grin grew on Avery's face. "... Derek, you look so stupid right now."
Derek's fond smile immediately fell. "... You're going to say that when you look like that?"
"Wow, low-hanging fruit much?"
Avery scoffed, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "You don't have an excuse, you're the one without makeup."
"I have makeup on, just not of my own will." Derek sneered. Avery laughed.
"You got me there. We're both messes, let's clean up before I make your face worse." Avery took Derek's hand into his own, their fingers intertwining.
"Agreed," Derek smiled, his eyes never leaving Avery's as they headed for a sink. "I need to see your freckles again. I missed them."
"W-wait, you like my freckles?" Avery gasped, that familiar, adorable blush deepening on his face.
Derek scoffed. " Of course I do. They're like stars to me, Avery."
"I-..." Avery's blush grew to color the tips of his ears. "How come you're good with words when you're not writing goodbye letters?"
"..." Derek shot a glare at Avery that made him burst out laughing. "You're impossible," Derek huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "
"And you still love me," Avery smirked. "Now, you're stuck with me forever!"
Derek rolled his eyes, but the smile never left his face. "Honestly? I'll take it over dying in a hospital," Derek shrugged, which only made Avery laugh harder.
In the end, Avery had succeeded. He threw any expectations Derek had out the window, obfuscated his thoughts from the King who saw everything, and won Derek over in the end, just in time to celebrate a full year (and 3 months, but shush) together with Derek, the man of his dreams and the man Avery owed his life to. They were now officially a couple and could continue life together how they wanted, free from the shackles of the king and free to move forward together, unafraid of losing the other ever again.
His master plan had worked.
And the king would rate it a 7 out of 10. He'd seen better, but even he had to admit that Avery was clever for figuring it out. He docked 3 points because Avery should've gone for the kiss at the burger joint, or even at the park when Avery caught Derek before he fell, that was really a missed opportunity--
Hastur? Kindly shut the fuck up.Thanks.