Chapter Text
Shuuichi is three years old (almost four!) when the first photo appears. At this point in his young life, he hasn't met many other people who look anything like Mama, so he assumes it must be her in the picture, but when he shows it to Dad, he's informed otherwise.
Dad lifts Shuuichi up into his arms and says, "That's not Mama. See? Her eyes are different."
He's right – the woman in the picture doesn't have Mama's eyes (Mama's are green, like Shuuichi's, but this woman has blue eyes), but she does have yellow hair. "Is she Mama's mama?"
"No, Shuuichi," Dad answers, laughing a little. Shuuichi always likes it when Dad laughs, because his eyes wrinkle at the corner and he looks so happy. "I think she's probably your soulmate's mom."
"Oh!" Shuuichi says, as if he understands what those words mean. "What is a soulmate?"
Dad taps Shuuichi's chest gently. "Someone who will be very important to you."
That does absolutely nothing to dampen Shuuichi's curiosity, so, as Dad carries him into the sitting room, where Mama is reading a book, he bombards him with questions – like who is his soulmate, and where did the picture come from, and how does Dad know all of this.
Mama looks up from her book with a questioning glance at the noise, so Dad tells her, "Shuuichi has a soulmate," and holds the picture out for her to take. He sets Shuuichi down on the couch next to Mama and steps away to grab one of those funny-smelling markers Shuuichi isn't allowed to use from the drawer.
"This is their first birthday, then," Mama says, handing the picture back to Dad. She seems tired, but she's like that a lot these days. Dad says it's because growing Shuuichi's little brother inside her makes her sleepy.
Under Shuuichi's watchful eye, he uses the marker to write the number 1 in the white space below the picture. "I'll put it on the calendar."
A few minutes later, Dad has brought Shuuichi his plush rabbit named Bunny, kissed Mama goodbye, and left the house to go to the store. Shuuichi stays curled up next to Mama while she reads, Bunny snug under his arm, thinking about the lady in the picture. He's just about to fall asleep, despite the apparent excitement of the morning, when Dad returns, what feels like hours later but couldn't have actually been more than forty-five minutes.
He sets a wooden box on the coffee table – big enough for Bunny to fit in, so it's huge to Shuuichi's little eyes – then follows that with a small cake topped with berries.
"It's your soulmate's birthday," Dad explains, "so I thought we'd celebrate, even if they can't be here." The picture they found today, and the pictures he'll get in the years to come go in the box, Dad tells him later, as they find an easy-to-reach spot for it in Shuuichi's room, where he can look at the picture any time he wants.
And he does look at it often, sometimes more than once a day, curious about the woman in the picture and his soulmate, whoever they may be. He doesn't have much to go on just yet, but he wonders about them – whether they'll look like their mother, or if they're in England. Even after Shuukichi is born, a few months later, Shuuichi doesn't let his new little brother completely distract him from staring at the picture when he has a chance, although a lot of his time now is spent looking at the baby, too.
More months pass, and Shuuichi goes back to pre-school, and before he knows it, it's October again, and another picture arrives, sitting on his nightstand when Mama picks him up from school, as if someone placed it there. It isn't too different from last year's – the same woman, with the same pretty blue eyes and kind smile – but Shuuichi is excited to see it nonetheless.
His soulmate will never be in the picture, Mama tells him when he asks. It'll only be people or places or things that were important to his soulmate in the year leading up to that birthday. And since they're still very young, it's unsurprising that their mother would be the focus. (When Shuuichi asks why their dad isn't in the picture, too, Mama doesn't answer that. She looks at Dad for a moment, then simply tells Shuuichi that it isn't unusual for a baby's mother to be the focus. Something about that answer is unsatisfying, but Shuuichi doesn't quite have the words to explain how he feels about it; he's pretty sure his pictures will have both Mama and Dad. And maybe even Shuukichi now.)
For the next few years, it's the same woman in every photo – until, suddenly, it's not a person at all.
"A gravestone," Dad tells him, when he asks, though it's not like one Shuuichi has seen on TV before. There is no name inscribed on the stone, but that's soulmate magic, according to Dad. He's not supposed to get too much information from these pictures, for some reason. But something in the photo catches Dad's attention, because he stares at it for a moment longer. "This is in Japan," he says finally, handing the picture back to Shuuichi.
"Japan?" Shuuichi takes the permanent marker from Dad and writes the number 6 on the white space. Japan is where Dad grew up, so maybe he recognized something.
A pit forms in Shuuichi's stomach, despite the clue to his soulmate's location, as the realization sinks in: his soulmate's most important memory this year was of a grave, after it only ever having been their mother in the years past. "Did their mom die?" he asks quietly, heart hurting. He doesn't even want to think about what it must feel like to lose one of his parents. The pain seems unimaginable.
Dad looks at Shuuichi, a sorrowful frown on his lip. "It's impossible to say for certain with the information we have," he answers, but his tone tells Shuuichi that Dad agrees with his conclusion.
"Can we go to Japan?" he asks next, and Dad's frown deepens.
He shakes his head. "I would love to take you boys to Japan, but it just isn't possible right now."
Shuuichi huffs, frustrated. "Because of work?"
Whenever they can't manage to do something, it's always because of work. Whether it's a family vacation, or even just a family dinner, the excuse the is the same. Mom and Dad's job is very important, he knows, and very secret. He'll never say it out loud, but he kind of resents it. He doesn't mind watching Shuukichi – his little brother is his favorite person in the world, and, besides, Mrs. Bailey from next door checks in on them throughout the day, so it's not like he ever has much to worry about – but he misses when Mom and Dad were around all the time.
"Shuuichi…" Dad sighs, and Shuuichi immediately feels bad for being annoyed. "Even if we could go, it would be difficult to find your soulmate."
Shuuichi disagrees – quietly, to himself – because if Dad recognized something in the photo, maybe they could find the grave. And if they could find the grave, they could get a name, at least for someone connected to his soulmate. But he doesn't say any of this aloud, knowing it wouldn't amount to anything. Dad has already made up his mind. "Fine," he says finally, attempting to end the conversation there. "I'm going to go read."
Dad puts a hand on his shoulder before he can get too far, squeezing gently. "Do you want some cake first?"
That gives him pause. He doesn't want cake, not really, but it's his soulmate's birthday. They always celebrate, and it would feel wrong to ignore it, even if that person won't know the difference either way. So, Shuuichi nods. "Okay. Just a small piece."
Shuukichi is much more excited about the cake, and his giant grin does manage to lift Shuuichi's spirits a little, though he still only picks at the treat, eating the berries and leaving most of the cake behind.
His heart still hurts, an ache that feels deeper than Shuuichi's own feelings, but he can force himself to ignore it, until Shuukichi looks a him, his smile turning to a pout. "Shuu-nii, why are you sad?" he asks, and Shuuichi tilts his head in response.
"What do you mean?"
Shuukichi reaches over with his chubby toddler fingers and wipes them across Shuuichi's cheek. "You're crying."
Strange – Shuuichi doesn't feel like he's crying, but Shuukichi is right. When he lifts his own hand to wipe his other cheek, it comes away wet. He stares at it in confusion as his heart twinges again. When he looks up at Mom and Dad, they both look worried. Their concern makes him feel like his skin itches all over; he hates it.
"Can I be excused?" he asks quietly, minding his manners so hopefully they'll stop looking at him like that.
"Yes, Shuuichi," Mom answers right away. "We'll take care of your plate."
He leaves quickly, holing himself up in his room. Bunny is sitting on a shelf now – he's almost nine years old; he's too big to sleep with a stuffed animal, but he'll make an exception for this – so he pulls the rabbit down and tucks it under his arms as he crawls into bed. "I'm sorry," he whispers into the rabbit's soft fur, his body wracked with sobs from a pain that doesn't feel like his own. "I'm so sorry."
He doesn't remember falling asleep, but when he wakes, it's morning already, and he's been tucked in, Bunny still at his side.
The following year isn't much better. It's not a gravestone in the photo this time, but a man – a scary looking, angry man. Dad's face darkens when Shuuichi shows him the photo. Shuuichi has never seen that expression on him before; he doesn't like it.
He knows enough to figure out that the man in the photo is likely either his soulmate's father, or at least a close relative, which only makes the photo worse.
"I want to find this kid," Dad says to Mom when they think Shuuichi is out of earshot. His heart lurches, and he has to put a hand over his mouth to keep quiet from his hiding spot.
Mom doesn't sound happy when she answers, "Don't be rash, Tsutomu. We barely have anything to go on. How do you even hope to find them?"
But Dad doesn't have an answer for that, at least not one that he says out loud, so the conversation ends there. Shuuichi scurries away, hiding out in his room with a book, and later, when they have their dessert, Dad gives him a knowing look, as if he'd sensed Shuuichi's presence earlier. Shuuichi bows his head and refuses to meet his eye.
That night, Shuuichi has nightmares of a featureless child cowering before that man from the photo; he wakes up shaking the next morning and tells nobody about the dream.
They do end up making a trip to Japan the following spring, half a year after that disturbing photo arrived, but it doesn't have anything to do with Shuuichi's soulmate. Shuukichi has turned six years old recently, and has developed an interest in shogi, after watching a couple matches on television with Dad. One of Dad's old friends has offered his son as a mentor for Shuukichi, so they're visiting to meet him.
Still, even if the trip isn't for him, Shuuichi finds himself hopeful. They go out a few times as a family, and he looks into the face of every kid who seems to be about the right age, hoping, knowing that if he just sees his soulmate, his heart will recognize them.
Nothing ever comes of it.
They do meet Mom's younger sister and her family while they're visiting, including Shuuichi's cousin, a small toddler named Akemi. Shuuichi tries to smile at her, to put on a brave face, but he's still worried about his soulmate, and even his sunny baby cousin can't distract him for long.
When they leave Japan, Shuuichi's no closer to meeting his soulmate than he was when they arrived.
Back home, Dad sits Shuuichi down in his room and makes a confession. "I looked for the gravestone," he says, and Shuuichi's eyes widen in response. "I didn't tell you before because I didn't want to get your hopes up. I'm sorry, I never could find it."
Shuuichi deflates immediately. If only Dad had been able to find the gravestone in person, that would've at least given them a clue to go on. Disappointed, but knowing it isn't Dad's fault, he answers, "Thanks for trying."
By early autumn, the fear and worry that has been gnawing at him for the better part of ten months eases into something more carefree and lighthearted. When the next photo arrives in late October, on his soulmate's eighth birthday, Shuuichi hasn't forgotten the previous one, but it only sits at the back of his mind.
This picture is of a boy who must be about that same age, with dark brown hair and a soft grin. Although the boy is smiling, something about his posture seems almost sad. The boy appears as the focus of the photo the following two years, too, growing older alongside Shuuichi's soulmate, always beaming. It eases the worry in Shuuichi's heart every time the boy shows up, knowing his soulmate has a friend out there, someone they can rely on, who clearly means a lot to them.
Shuuichi doesn't have a lot of friends, himself, but he's fine with that. He's always been a bit of a loner, preferring the company of books to people. He has Shuukichi and his parents; he's not worried about surrounding himself in friends. There are a couple of kids he's friendly with at school, but it never goes beyond that.
Sure, sometimes the other kids tease him, call him a nerd for always having his nose stuck in a book, but even that doesn't bother him. He keeps his head down and does his homework and is respectful in class. He has his family, and somewhere in Japan, he has a soulmate waiting for him. He's never felt like he needed more than that.
The year his soulmate turns eleven, the photo Shuuichi receives is, surprisingly, not of that boy. This worries Shuuichi at first, wondering if something happened to him, before Shuuichi realizes he recognizes the woman in the picture: his Aunt Elena, Mom's little sister. She's leaning down, hands on her knees, and grinning, soft blonde hair, the same color as his mother's, falling from her shoulders, purple glasses slipping down her nose.
Shuuichi gasps and races to show his parents.
His mother's eyes go wide when she sees her sister in the photo, before her mouth turns downward into a frown. Dad looks over her shoulder and mumbles a quiet, "Oh."
This is not the excited response Shuuichi was expecting.
"Aunt Elena knows my soulmate," he says, hoping that will make them realize what needs to happen. "Can we call her and ask?"
Mom lifts her eyes to look at him. "Shuuichi, have a seat. You're old enough to hear this."
She looks at Dad, who isn't smiling as he announces, "I'll go buy a cake."
"Mom, what's going on?" Shuuichi asks as soon as Dad leaves. "Did something happen?"
Mom sits quietly for a long while; the look on her face suggests that she's considering her words carefully. Just as Shuuichi finds himself growing impatient for an explanation, she says, "Elena and Atsushi-san took a new job a few months ago. We have been unable to get in touch with them ever since."
Shuuichi frowns. There's something his mother isn't saying, something important, but he can't even take a guess as to what it may be. "Are they okay?"
"We have no way of knowing," Mom answers. Her grim tone tells Shuuichi exactly what she thinks. "Don't tell your brother any of this."
"Yes ma'am." He puts on a smile for Shuukichi when Dad gets home, and they celebrate his soulmate's birthday as usual, but the gloomy mood sticks around. For one brief moment, he thought he had found a way to see his soulmate, and now not only has that disappeared, so, too, has Mom's sister and her family.
The boy from before begins showing up in the photos again the next year, but Shuuichi doesn't have much time to dwell on that, even if it's nice to know they seem to still be friends. Only a few months after his fifteenth birthday, Dad leaves to go look into the death of Amanda Hughes and Shuukichi's mentor, Haneda Kohji, and, suddenly, the family is thrown into chaos.
Mother withdraws emotionally, becoming more and more closed off with each passing day, until one day she announces that the three of them will be moving to Japan. Shuuichi wants to be excited about this, but can't quite muster the joy. More than anything, he wants to know when Dad will be coming home.
Day by day, it grows clearer that he won't be.
On the plane, Mother announces that she's pregnant. Soon, he and Shuukichi will have a baby sister, and she wants Shuuichi to step up and help raise her, since he's old enough now, but Shuuichi has other plans. He just wants to find Dad.
As they're getting settled in their new home, he tells Mother he wants to move to the US. He doesn't tell her why – she'd never let him go if she knew he wanted to join the FBI, especially since he's now all too aware that she and Dad were once agents with MI6. He's not even really sure how he convinces her to let him go; he says a lot of things, but doesn't remember many of them later.
She isn't happy to see him go, he knows that, but she doesn't give him a teary farewell, either, her face as stony as it's been since Dad left. He hugs her anyway, and then Shuukichi, before saying goodbye and boarding the plane.
Despite her displeasure, Mother makes arrangements for him to stay with a family friend until he graduates high school, at which point he is supposed to return to Japan for university, though he knows going in that he won't be following those orders. Instead, he works as hard as he can through his remaining years of school before applying to American universities, where he continues the rigorous grind. The day he turns eighteen, he finds his own apartment to move into, and, for the first time, feels free – at least as free as he can be, while still bogged down by the search for his father.
University comes and goes. He picks up accordion, because he knows Mother would hate it, and because he finds he's somehow a natural at it, then signs up to play in bars for tips when he can manage it.
He gets his green card, and then, finally, at twenty-two years old, he returns to Japan for the first time. It's summer, the humid heat sticking to his skin uncomfortably, and the family plans a trip to the beach. Shuuichi meets his baby sister, Masumi, for the first time, a loud, boisterous young girl who pouts as easily as she smiles. Even if it doesn't show on his face, he's charmed by her, just as he is charmed by a young boy her age, Kudou Shinichi, who appears to love Sherlock Holmes as much as Shuuichi himself.
When he tells Mother he's joining the FBI, they fight about it.
He doesn't change his plans.
Though he doesn't have much time in Japan, he considers again trying to track down his soulmate – they're likely in university now; the last picture Shuuichi received was the usual boy, now a young man, grinning and holding up what appears to be his own acceptance letter for Tohto University – but doesn't want it to derail him. His most important goal is to find out what happened to his father; once he accomplishes that, then he can track down his soulmate. For now, he can't allow the distraction.
He returns to America after the trip, and spends the next few months preparing for his FBI application. He can't join until after he's turned twenty-three, and time seems to drag. In October, he gets another photo – the same man as it has been since his soulmate's eighth birthday, of course, with only the one exception. He writes the number 20 on the photo this time; a part of him finds it hard to believe that this much time has passed since that first photo. Not for the first time, he finds himself wondering what photos his soulmate has been getting from him.
He's never skipped celebrating, even in the face of his father's disappearance, even when the world felt like it was bearing down on him, and he doesn't plan to start now, though he doesn't have much taste for sweets. He makes his way down to the nearest grocery store, only a couple blocks from his small apartment, and purchases a pre-packaged slice of cake – carrot, judging by the little orange carrot made of icing on top, but the flavor doesn't really matter to him – and two cans of soda, because it's a little too early for beer. The cashier ringing him up looks as exhausted as he feels, though the kid seems grateful not to have to make smalltalk with him.
The cashier tells him his total and mutters a soft 'thanks' to Shuuichi's 'good day' as he leaves, but otherwise no words are exchanged between them.
He returns home with his purchase, putting one can in the fridge for later, before popping open the container of cake, using a matchstick as a candle, and saying, "Happy Birthday," aloud to the empty room. After blowing out the match, he sets it aside. The soda, the slice of cake, and, later, a cigarette serve as his breakfast for the morning. The cake is too heavy on his tongue, the icing too sweet, but he finishes the whole slice anyway, disinclined to throw away some of the little money he has leftover from his accordion gigs after paying rent and his other bills.
Hopefully he won't have to scrounge like this for much longer, but it's worth it not to be under his mother's thumb.
His own birthday comes with little fanfare just over a month later, and he puts in his FBI application that same day. Surprisingly, they get back to him pretty quickly, and, by January, he starts his training.
The years pass even faster from there. Training is hard, but he makes it through, and eventually starts getting brought in on actual cases. His soulmate's twenty-third birthday comes up before he even realizes three years have passed – of course, the last two pictures were of the same man as always – and the photo he receives this time actually surprises him.
He expects it to be something related to university graduation, as it would be about that time, but apparently his soulmate has been very busy this year, because what he gets is four men, three of whom are unfamiliar to Shuuichi, in dark blue uniforms with gold adornments – police uniforms. The uniforms are rather elaborate and feel more ceremonial than functional, so Shuuichi assumes they may be signifying Police Academy graduation. The implication that his soulmate has likely joined the Japanese police force is not lost on him; he feels a smile pulling at his mouth, proud of their accomplishments.
(It is also not lost on him that he has accumulated over a dozen pictures of one specific man. While it isn't impossible that a young girl became best friends with this boy, and now, as an adult, with these other men, Shuuichi has long since suspected that his soulmate is also male.
He's never mentioned that to anyone. It doesn't matter to him – his soulmate is his soulmate, regardless of their gender – but it doesn't feel like anyone else's business, even his parents. His mother will probably find out eventually, but that's a bridge to cross when the time comes.)
When he picks up a celebratory slice of cake, he also springs for a candle this time – he can afford it, and this feels even more worthy of celebration than usual.
Not quite two weeks later, in the early hours of November 7th, he wakes to a tightness in his chest and tears streaming from his eyes. He has no explanation for this – the last time it happened, he may not have known it was possible, but at least he knew why – but he knows his soulmate must be deeply hurt, for it to affect him like this. It's been seventeen years since the last time, but Shuuichi finds himself almost wishing he'd brought his old, stuffed rabbit along when he moved to America. He hugs his pillow instead, and tries to calm his aching heart, hoping that he can send warmth and comfort back through their connection.
It's less than his soulmate deserves, but it's all he can do right now.
In the months following, Jodie Starling joins the Bureau. She's cute, and she makes her crush on Shuuichi known early; he's not as interested in her, at least not in that sense – she's funny, and he loves her spitfire attitude – but decides to humor her anyway. They go out to dinner, or to some new action movie she wants to see, or occasionally hang out at his place and she cooks for them, but Shuuichi quickly decides that all he feels for her is friendship.
He lets her down gently, and she takes it surprisingly well – and then she becomes his closest friend and confidante. October 24th rolls around, as it always does, and Shuuichi preemptively makes a grocery run, Jodie in tow, in preparation for the morning. She questions him about the slice of cheesecake he picks out, though he simply tells her that it's for tomorrow, and doesn't elaborate. He still has the candle from last year, so he doesn't bother getting a new one.
She stays over that night, and he lets her have the bed while he sleeps on the couch he got at a steep discount. It's uncomfortable, and a little too short for him, but functional, and it's only for one night. He'll be fine.
In the morning, he's already been lying awake for an indeterminate amount of time when he hears soft footsteps and a quiet, "Shuu?" He grunts, acknowledging her, and sits up on the couch. She leans over the back of the couch, still dressed in an oversized t-shirt and too-long pajama pants, and hands him a photo. "This was on your nightstand when I woke up."
Shuuichi's heart drops as soon as he looks at it. Unlike last year's celebratory photo, and the many, many pictures of his soulmate's friend, this one isn't happy. Three of the men from the previous photo are there, dressed all in black, at an obvious funeral. Shuuichi can make a guess as to whose funeral it might be – the fourth friend is conspicuous in his absence.
"Shit," he mutters, forgetting for the moment that Jodie is standing nearby. He drags himself off the couch and steps into the kitchen to grab his permanent marker, writing 24 on the picture. It's been almost a year since he woke up crying, but that morning suddenly makes a lot of sense. This funeral must have taken place shortly after his soulmate's twenty-third birthday.
"Shuu?" Jodie asks, clearly worried as she follows him into the kitchen. For a long moment, she simply looks at him, clearly unsure what she should say, which questions to ask. Then, finally, she says, her voice taking on a teasing tone, "I guess this is why you weren't interested in me. You should've just told me you have a soulmate."
"Ah." Frankly, Shuuichi doesn't know how to respond to that. He'd love to be able to tell her that she's right, but it really isn't the truth. Jodie is great, but he just isn't attracted to her.
"I'm joking, Shuu," she tells him when he takes too long to say anything. And, just for good measure, she nudges him a bit. "Have you met her? What's she like?"
That first question, at least, is easy enough to answer. "We haven't met." He pauses there, mulling over his thoughts. He's fairly certain she wouldn't react badly if he told her his theory about his soulmate, but he has no actual evidence to back that up. And if it does bother her, then that's her problem, he tells himself, though it does little to soothe his nerves as he takes the plunge. "I think they're a man."
Jodie's eyes fly open at the revelation. "Oh. I see." She sounds concerned more than upset, though Shuuichi can't imagine what makes her feel that way. He expects her to ask how he came to that conclusion, but what she actually asks next is, "Are you okay with that?"
Shuuichi blinks. Why wouldn't he be okay with his soulmate's gender? They're his soulmate. Objectively, they're perfect for him, whoever they are.
Right?
He voices these thoughts to Jodie, who seems dissatisfied with his answer. "Sure," she agrees, "I think that's how it's supposed to go. But you're allowed to think for yourself. Are you even attracted to men?"
Again, Shuuichi doesn't know how to answer that. Truthfully, he can't remember a time when he's been attracted to anyone, despite being able to recognize when someone is objectively attractive. He was never interested in dating in school, too focused on his studies, and graduating, then university and finding his father.
In the end, he settles on this: his soulmate is his soulmate. Basing what he feels about them on what's under their clothes feels unnecessarily complicated.
"Alright, alright, if you say so," Jodie relents when he tells her this. "Just promise me that once you meet him, you'll think about yourself first before you jump into anything. Don't just do what you think you're supposed to, okay?" Shuuichi stares at her, and doesn't answer, so she sighs and drops the subject. "Cheesecake?"
"Cheesecake," Shuuichi repeats, thankful for change. He grabs the slice from the refrigerator, two forks, the candle and his lighter, as Jodie starts the coffee brewing.
"I think it's sweet that you celebrate your soulmate's birthday," Jodie says once they've settled in with their coffee.
Shuuichi hums. "It's something my parents started after I got the first photo. Then it became tradition."
"It's cute," Jodie says with a grin. "Do you know anything else about him? I assume you've figured a few things out from the photos."
Mulling that over, Shuuichi considers the pictures he has. Obviously, his father identified Japan early, and later pictures have only reinforced that – the picture of his aunt, the Tohto University acceptance letter, and now the Japanese police uniforms – so he at least has a general location. Aside from that, he doesn't have much to go on. "He's in Japan."
A curious, confused look makes its way onto Jodie's face. "Isn't your family also in Japan?" At Shuuichi's affirming grunt, she then proceeds to ask, "Why are you here, then? If your family and your soulmate are both in Japan, I'd think you would want to be there."
"I came here to join the FBI," Shuuichi answers, taking a bite of cheesecake so he doesn't have to elaborate. The conversation stalls there, as Jodie realizes that Shuuichi isn't going to answer too many personal questions.
A few hours later, as Jodie is walking out the door, Shuuichi stops her. "Jodie–"
"This stays between us," Jodie assures him, predicting his request. "Don't worry."
Weeks later, James calls him in to a meeting regarding a new assignment. Should Shuuichi accept, he'll be sent to Japan to infiltrate a group known only as the Black Organization, with connections to some cold cases from over a decade ago. As soon as Shuuichi sees the name 'Amanda Hughes' listed in the FBI's files, he accepts. By late December, everything has been prepared, and he's off to Japan with instructions to seduce Miyano Akemi and get a foot in the door with the Organization.
Of course, he doesn't tell James that he won't be seducing anyone – or that Miyano Akemi is his cousin. In fact, James doesn't know much of Shuuichi's personal history, because Shuuichi has always been careful to keep that to himself, lest he be excluded from the relevant investigations.
Getting himself hospitalized by jumping in front of Akemi's car may not have been his smartest idea, but it is very effective for getting the chance to speak with her. Once he explains who he is and what he wants, they begin making plans.
Just a few short months later, not only has Shuuichi, now going by Moroboshi Dai, made it inside the Organization's ranks, he's even earned himself a codename through his skills with a rifle: Rye. His role isn't glamorous, and he doesn't love it – from a technical standpoint, taking lives is as easy as a twitch of his trigger finger, but from a moral one, it eats at him every time he has to make that choice – but he justifies it, because what he's working toward is far more important.
In one of his rare missions that don't involve assassination, he's assigned to play backup-slash-bodyguard for another fairly new recruit who's recently earned his codename: Bourbon.
Bourbon is immediately fascinating to Shuuichi. While he wouldn't refer to the man as warm by any stretch of the imagination, there's a sparkle to his eyes that's absent from more longstanding agents, such as Gin or the other snipers. He's part of the reconnaissance team, and, after spending five minutes talking to him, Shuuichi thinks that's probably the perfect role for him. He's calculating, and perhaps a little too observant, and, as it turns out, not the least bit intimidated by him.
Not that Shuuichi was trying to intimidate him, that just tends to happen when he meets new people.
Bourbon is also one of those objectively attractive people, a fact which Shuuichi logs away in the back of his mind and then proceeds to ignore – or, at least, that's what he would like to do. The problem is that Bourbon refuses to leave his thoughts after their first mission together, and Shuuichi can't quite figure out why.
It had been a pretty simple task: Bourbon would be sneaking into an office building after hours to steal something – Shuuichi was not told what – and Rye was just there to keep an eye out for him.
"Do not follow me inside," Bourbon demanded before he went in, sharp blue eyes pinning Shuuichi in place. "Stay out here, keep watch, don't cause any trouble. I'll be on comms if I need you. Give me fifteen minutes."
So Shuuichi made sure his comms were on, then set a timer on his phone. If fifteen minutes passed without Bourbon reemerging, or he heard anything suspicious, he'd make his way inside.
Bourbon returned, successful, with less than thirty seconds on the clock. Shuuichi lifted up his phone to show off the timer, and Bourbon only rolled his eyes in response and said, "Let's get out of here."
By all means, it wasn't even much of a meeting, so Shuuichi really isn't sure what's come over him. Pretty people have never affected him like this before, and yet his mind drifts back to light blond hair that looks like it'd be soft to the touch, and pale blue eyes.
Their next mission together is a little more hands-on for Shuuichi, though he hadn't expected that to be literal. It's supposed to be an assassination, with Bourbon acting as the bait to draw their target (some low level politician whose name Shuuichi doesn't even remember) into Rye's line of fire, but things go sideways before they've even finished setting up, almost as though their target had received advance warning.
This puts Bourbon in an absolutely horrendous mood; in hindsight, Shuuichi should've called the mission quits there, before things got worse. He didn't.
Before he even has time to register what's happening, they're being chased by the security team, who, thankfully, have not seen their faces, only caught glimpses of their shadows. When there's enough distance between them and the guards, Shuuichi diverts their attention by tossing some loose gravel in one direction, before grabbing Bourbon by the wrist and dragging him the opposite way, into a tiny alley between two tall buildings.
They scramble up some fire escape stairs, then squeeze together into a doorway as best they can manage, hoping to keep out of sight. This moment of proximity, however, will prove to be Shuuichi's undoing.
For the first time, Shuuichi is able to take note of the exact slope of Bourbon's nose, the specks of grey in his pretty eyes, the way his eyelashes fan out against the apples of his dark cheeks when he blinks. Bourbon's lips part, his tongue peeking out to wet them, and Shuuichi finds himself intoxicated by the sight, unable to look away, the first stirring of flutters in his belly.
Internally, he curses himself, because he suspects where this may be headed – and he cannot possibly risk an attraction to Bourbon, of all people. So he chooses, instead, to focus on keeping his breathing even, and straining his ears to listen for which direction the guards went.
After five minutes of awkward silence, Bourbon deems it safe to leave, and leads the way down and back to Rye's truck as quietly as they can.
"What a shitshow," he grumbles as soon as the doors are closed. "Gin won't be happy."
"Gin's never happy," Shuuichi says, without even thinking about it. This is the most normal conversation they've had – if it can be called that – and the snort he earns from Bourbon makes his break in stoicism worth it.
The next time they meet, Bourbon is ever-so-slightly less frosty toward him.
He asks Akemi about Bourbon once, but that doesn't get him anywhere; she's heard of him through the grapevine, but they've never met. She knows even less than Shuuichi.
Then, in mid-summer, Shuuichi's world turns upside-down. He's assigned an official partner, someone who will work alongside him on nearly every mission. A fellow sniper, though apparently he's quite skilled at hacking, as well.
Scotch, as he's called, has a face Shuuichi would recognize anywhere – because he has sixteen photos of the man, at various stages in his life, tucked away in a locked wooden box in a dark corner of his closet. He makes a mental note to find a more secure location for it the next time he's home.
Shuuichi's surprise at seeing him must show on his face, because Scotch gives him a strange look, before settling into neutrality. "You're Rye, huh?" he asks, eyeing Shuuichi warily. "They say you're pretty good with a rifle."
"I do okay."
Shuuichi struggles for a long moment on whether he should say something. He knows, unless something has changed drastically in the last year or so, that Scotch is an undercover cop. He could tell Scotch what he knows, tell him about himself, gain a trusted ally – maybe even finally find out who his soulmate is.
But he doesn't. He decides that it's best not to jump into that right away; he should gain Scotch's trust first, and find out if he really is undercover, and hasn't just switched sides. Shuuichi does, however, make it his mission to ensure Scotch's safety as much as he possibly can.
After all these years, as strange as it is, he almost feels as though Scotch is a friend to him, too.
Keeping Scotch safe proves to be more difficult that he expects, because, as it turns out, the man is as reckless as he is clever, in a way that reminds Shuuichi of Bourbon, a streak of mischief that he can't quite always control. This does absolutely nothing to keep Bourbon out of Shuuichi's mind.
Scotch is friendly, though – the sort of person who can carry a conversation but also seems to know when to stop talking. Shuuichi quickly comes to appreciate that about him. He also appreciates that, although he doesn't stop thinking about Bourbon, Scotch is enough of a distraction that he's not constantly dwelling on the way his heart beats faster when Bourbon is nearby.
So, Shuuichi grows to like Scotch quite a bit – and, more importantly, he trusts him, as much as he will allow himself to trust anyone. Because even if Scotch doesn't know who Shuuichi really is, Shuuichi grows more confident by the day that Scotch is exactly what he thought: an undercover cop on the same mission as Shuuichi himself.
That's why, when Shuuichi helps Scotch carry a couple bags up to his apartment after an assigned mission and finds out that Scotch is in the process of trying to find a new place, since his lease will be up soon, he offers Scotch his spare bedroom. Scotch considers his offer for a few days before accepting, and he moves in at the beginning of August.
For a short time, everything is fine. Scotch teases him about not cooking for himself, but otherwise he's a model roommate – never too loud, doesn't seem to snoop in Shuuichi's room when he's gone (and if he does, he's very careful about it, because he hasn't triggered any of the traps Shuuichi set up, just in case), cleans up after himself. The problem, when it arises, isn't with Scotch.
It's with Bourbon.
And, truthfully, it can't really be classified as a problem by normal standards. It shouldn't be a problem that after the first time Bourbon dropped by, after Scotch moved in, his initially frigid demeanor toward Shuuichi returned full-force, for reasons entirely unbeknownst to him. And yet, Shuuichi can't help noticing the way Bourbon, who was just starting to warm up to him, now rarely does more than glare and snap at him. It eats at Shuuichi far more than he's willing to admit, even to himself.
"Bourbon really doesn't like you, does he?" Scotch observes, fascinated, shortly after Bourbon's latest visit.
Shuuichi hums to buy himself time, unsure how to answer that. He was so certain they were making progress. "What gives you that idea?"
Scotch gives him an incredulous look, and gestures toward the door, as if Shuuichi is just supposed to know what that means. Realizing Shuuichi won't be answering, he says, "He seemed angry."
"He's complicated," Shuuichi answers neutrally. Scotch only snorts at the response and, blessedly, drops the conversation there.
The first mission the three of them have together starts off on the wrong foot and doesn't really get better, with Bourbon in a bad mood from the jump, stubbornly silent unless spoken to directly – unusual, for him. Shuuichi prepares a handgun for him, as something of an olive branch, which Bourbon takes from him with a fierce glare and a terse, "I don't need your help."
"Bourbon–" Scotch starts to say, hoping to calm him, but he gets the same treatment, before Bourbon hides the gun in his ankle strap and stalks off to play his part.
It gets even worse later, when Shuuichi notices Scotch talking to an increasingly irate man, their target's bodyguard. Scotch usually has such an easy time of charming people with his friendly smile that Shuuichi hadn't considered that it wouldn't always work – and this time it isn't. The bodyguard is obviously suspicious of him, and seems ready to do something about it, so Shuuichi steps in.
He steps over to Scotch and slides an arm around his waist, putting on as convincing a loving smile as he can manage. "What's the point of going out together, if you're just going to ignore me all night?" he teases, tugging subtly on the other man, hoping the hint goes through. "Do I need to be jealous?"
Scotch doesn't miss a single beat when he answers, "It's more fun when you are."
Shuuichi shakes his head. "We'll see about that. Come on," he says, a possessive hand on Scotch's hip the whole time he leads him to a booth at the other end of the bar.
They stay there until the bar closes down, with Shuuichi occasionally looking over to the bar, even after their target leaves, full of alcohol and lighter his trade secrets, to check on Bourbon. Bourbon doesn't meet his eye a single time; if anything, he seems to be specifically looking everywhere except at Shuuichi.
(He's pretty, though, like this, if a bit unsettling – charming the people around him with smiles and drinks, a natural at leading conversations exactly where he wants them to go – a master manipulator. Distantly, Shuuichi is kind of glad he doesn't put on this same act around himself and Scotch.)
Once he's finally freed from his single shift of bar-tending, Bourbon meets them at Shuuichi's truck a few streets over, a spot they'd planned ahead of time.
"Success?" Scotch asks.
Bourbon simply nods, and says nothing for the entire trip back to his place, texting someone Shuuichi assumes to be Vermouth along the way. He doesn't seem angry anymore, but the silence somehow feels worse. Even after he's been dropped off and Shuuichi and Scotch head home, Shuuichi's mind is on Bourbon, wondering what could possibly be going on with him.
Bourbon's attitude doesn't improve as autumn arrives; if anything, he only grows colder and more distant, the wall he's built around himself taller and sturdier. Shuuichi would very much like to tear it down, to get to the root of the problem and figure out what changed, but he knows his efforts would be unwelcome.
And besides, Bourbon is a criminal in the syndicate he and Scotch are trying to dismantle. Shuuichi's attachment to him is inappropriate at best and catastrophic at worst.
Knowing this doesn't stop him from wishing things were different.
As his soulmate's birthday grows nearer once again, Shuuichi worries about how he might handle it (and tries desperately to ignore the growing guilt he feels regarding his attraction to Bourbon – his soulmate is yet another reason why Shuuichi shouldn't entertain this fascination). He's fully prepared to receive yet another picture of the man he now knows as Scotch, but he needs to make sure he's home at the time it'll appear so that he doesn't need to worry about Scotch seeing it first.
(He does reason that it probably wouldn't be the end of the world if Scotch sees the picture, whatever it turns out to be. Maybe they could even have a conversation about it. But, on the other hand, Scotch still seems somewhat wary of him. He's not ready to gamble on how paranoid the man is, or whether he'll react rashly if he takes the photo as a threat.)
In the end, Shuuichi doesn't have to plan anything. When he wakes just before sunrise on the morning of his soulmate's birthday, he can already hear the shower going – Scotch must have gotten an early start to the day. Once he's out of the shower and dressed, it isn't long before Shuuichi finds him in front of the stove, cooking the rice he'd set out to soak the night before. Shuuichi hadn't really thought to question it at the time – he rarely cooks, and Scotch does things like this sometimes – but now he's more curious.
He ties his hair up and makes himself a cup of coffee, then sits at the table and watches Scotch cook.
"I'm making sekihan," Scotch explains when he realizes he's being watched.
Shuuichi's lips twitch into a hint of a smile. "Special occasion?"
"I just felt like making it. Never done it before." A weird sort of pride fills Shuuichi's chest when Scotch's mask doesn't slip even a fraction. "I have errands today, so I'll be going out for a while."
Shuuichi hums in acknowledgment – he had already suspected as much – and leaves the conversation there. A while later, as Scotch is getting ready to walk out the door, Shuuichi can't quite stop himself from saying, "Tell your friend 'Happy Birthday.'"
Scotch turns back to him, his face a picture of utter confusion. "I'm sorry?"
Shuuichi shrugs, feigning nonchalance. "With you getting up so early to cook, I made an assumption. Perhaps I was wrong; my mistake."
"I see," Scotch replies, still sounding bewildered. "I'll be going then. I assume you can feed yourself for the day?"
"I guess we'll see, won't we?" Shuuichi answers, giving him a bit of a smirk. Scotch huffs a quiet laugh and leaves Shuuichi on his own.
With several more hours to kill before the picture is due to arrive, it's tempting to try to follow Scotch, but Shuuichi doesn't go through with it. If Scotch were to catch him tailing – and given his likely heightened paranoia in the wake of Shuuichi's seemingly out of place comment, he would catch on – that would damage any trust Shuuichi has managed to gain thus far, setting him further back in his goals.
The thought also crosses his mind to go see Bourbon. Without Scotch around to act as a buffer, Shuuichi wonders if he could maybe get through a little bit of Bourbon's barriers, figure out exactly what it is that's making him tick. But he doesn't know Bourbon's plans for the day, and besides: it's his soulmate's birthday. If there's any day of the year that Shuuichi absolutely shouldn't be thinking about another man, it's this one.
Instead, Shuuichi busies himself with a longer-than-usual shower before getting dressed and going out. It's after lunchtime already by the time he leaves, so he stops inside a cafe and treats himself for once, something he would normally only do if he has company. Afterward, he picks up a new box of matches at a convenience store – the candle he'll skip this year; he wouldn't be able to explain that to Scotch – then buys a slice of strawberry shortcake from a bakery on the way home.
He makes it back with only a few minutes left to spare before the photo appears, so he busies himself putting away the cake in the refrigerator. He hasn't been this anxious about his soulmate's birthday since he was a child, so the whole thing feels a little foreign to him now, but this is also the first time they've – presumably – been in the same country on his birthday. Perhaps, Shuuichi reasons, that's playing with his emotions in unexpected ways. Physical proximity probably has an effect on their bond, right?
Either that, or he's just worried about getting the photo put away before Scotch gets home.
Shuuichi watches as the time ticks over to 4:03pm on his phone's home screen, his heart racing. His hand shakes as he turns and reaches over to take the photo now lying on his nightstand – and then it feels like his heart stops entirely, his breath catching in his throat.
Despite his expectations, the photo isn't of Scotch this time. It isn't of the other men that were in the last two photos, either.
The person he finds staring back at him this time is Shuuichi himself.