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Naming A Gecko Can't Be That Hard

Summary:

Jisung brings home a female crested gecko and names her “Richard,” insisting it feels right despite Minho’s protests. Minho and Jisung get into a chaotic argument over pet names. Their friend Changbin joins in and makes everything worse by escalating the name into ridiculous royal titles. In the end, the group gives up on logic, the gecko is officially (and proudly) called Richard, and everyone agrees on nothing except that Minho is exhausted and Richard is somehow in charge.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jisung said defensively, standing in the middle of the living room with a small terrarium in his hands. Inside, a tiny crested gecko blinked slowly, judging them both equally.

“I’m not looking at you like that,” Minho replied, arms crossed. “I’m looking at the fact that you came home with that.”

Jisung gasped. “That has a name.”

Minho raised an eyebrow. “It does?”

“It’s Richard.”

Silence.

“…Richard.”

“Yes.”

“Female gecko.”

“Yes.”

“Named Richard.”

“Yes.”

Minho slowly stood up like a man preparing for war. “Why.”

Jisung held the terrarium closer. “She told me.”

“She told you.”

“Yes.”

“With what mouth.”

“With her energy.”

Minho pointed at the terrarium. “We are not calling her Richard.”

Jisung gasped. “We?”

Minho rolled his eyes, immediately regretting what he had just said.

“So you admit she’s part of the family.”

“I admit nothing. I am being held hostage by a lizard and my crazy boyfriend’s delusions.”

Minho gave a menacing look to the gecko.

Richard blinked slowly, looking at him.

She's judging me.

“Name her something normal,” Minho insisted. “Like… I don’t know. Daisy.”

“Does she look yellow to you?” Jisung said, horrified. “She is not a princess nor a flower.”

“Luna?”

“Too basic.”

“Lunatic then, because that’s what I’ll become living with you two.”

Jisung pointed at him. “See? You’re already emotionally involved. That’s a family trait. Richard fits in.”

Minho gestured vaguely at the gecko. “It is a reptile.”

“It is our daughter.”

“We are not- no. Absolutely not.”

Richard blinked slowly again, as if agreeing with Minho out of spite.

From the kitchen, the door clicked.

“What are you two yelling about?” came a voice.

They both turned.

Changbin stood there holding a snack, looking mildly concerned and deeply entertained at the same time.

Jisung immediately lit up. “Changbin! You’re perfect. Help us. We have a daughter.”

Minho deadpanned. “We have a reptile emergency.”

Changbin leaned in and saw the gecko.

“Oh.”

“Her name is Richard.”

“That’s fire.”

“No,” Minho said exhausted.

Changbin nodded thoughtfully. “But like, what if we upgrade it?”

Minho said immediately. “No upgrading.”

Changbin ignored him. “Sir Richard the Third.”

Complete silence.

Jisung whispered, “Oh my god.”

Minho whispered, “Oh my god, stop.”

Changbin continued, warming up now: “Or Richard ‘Destroyer of Worlds’'.”

“Why is she suddenly Korean royalty with a tax fraud nickname?”

“She feels like it.” Jisung said smiling.

Minho attempted diplomacy.

“We are naming her Daisy.”

Changbin choked. “Daisy? She looks like she runs a secret casino.”

Jisung nodded. “Richard owns casinos.”

“SHE IS A GECKO.”

Richard climbed higher in the terrarium.

 

»»-------------¤-------------««

 

The argument reached its peak when Changbin slammed his hand on the table.

“I have decided.”

“No, you have not.”

“Her official name is now Richard Bartholomew Han Lee Daisy Emperor of Chaos.”

Jisung gasped like he had just witnessed art.

“I want to move out.” Minho said staring into the distance. 

 

»»-------------¤-------------««

 

“Fine. It’s Richard.”

Jisung lit up instantly. “YES-”

Minho raised a finger. “But only Richard.”

“Coward” Chagbin said immediately.

“And no middle names.”

"Weak”

“She had potential.”

Richard blinked once more.

And somehow, it felt like she was laughing.


Notes:

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(I'm writing a Percy Jackson x QueerOC fanfic.
So if you like Percy Jackson, consider giving it a chance!)