Work Text:
The screaming and shouting of the battlefield could be heard from miles away. Red stained the floor as if it was simple decoration, a thoughtful splatter of paint on an otherwise blank canvas. Except now canvas is tearing, the paint soaking into the tablecloth, permanently blemishing any area surrounding the premises. At the center of this conflict stood a blonde knight and a purple haired sorcerer. Both traded expressions of smugness and distaste as they danced around each other in a waltz of fatality. The sorcerer clearly held the higher ground, the knight panting and blood dripping from his forehead.
“Take that smirk and wipe it off your face. You’d do the same shit if it let you change your fate,” Tsukasa bit at Rui coldly.
“I would kill 200 people to prevent my own death?” The sorcerer’s grin widened, the whites of his eyes becoming increasingly more visible as his eyebrows curved up condescendingly. “I’m sure.”
—————
Two boys pranced through a field, laughing without a care in the world. Daisies drifted gently in the breeze as they ran without a destination in sight. Hands linked by a bond stronger than words can describe, they ran without a clue of what would happen only a few years later.
Daisies, a symbol of innocence, new beginnings, purity and joy. A metaphor for true love, loyalty and childhood simplicity, a representation of the delight in keeping a secret.
How ironic.
—————
Tsukasa coughed up a good flow of blood before charging at Rui. He disappeared before his eyes and reappeared behind the knight.
“How selfish.”
But Tsukasa knew Rui too well.
—————
“I love you, Rui.” A soft smile spread across Tsukasa’s face as he held the other’s hand higher.
“I love you too.”
Maybe that was his first mistake.
—————
Tsukasa spun around and kicked Rui square in the chest. He relished in the widening of Rui’s eyes as he stumbled back, unable to regain his balance before Tsukasa had Rui pinned down on the floor, the tip of his sword just barely incising the other’s neck.
This was really what life was about, huh.
Seeing that fear, that terror in another’s eyes. The quickening of their breath, the trembling of their hands, the tremor in their voice as they beg for mercy.
But the best part?
Driving the point in.
—————
“Why can’t we be together?” Tsukasa asked one fine day, another regular flower field meeting with regular attendees
“You’re a knight. I’m a sorcerer. That just can’t work out.”
Tsukasa scoffed and shook his head. “A difference in occupation? That’s hardly an issue.”
“Well…” Rui played around with his thumbs, twirling them around each other.“There’s a bigger issue.”
“What’s that?”
“We’re both guys.”
—————
Then why wasn’t he able to put it in?
Tsukasa’s moment of hesitation due to his reminiscing was all Rui needed to roughly push the sword off of him and disappear once again, leaving only a trail of red mist. Reappearing in front of him, his eyes weren’t full of contempt or hate, but pity.
That made Tsukasa feel even worse.
He didn’t need Rui’s pity. After he left, the last thing Rui owed him was compassion.
—————
“How’s that an issue?” Tsukasa asked, absentmindedly twirling around a daisy he picked off from the floor before tucking the cyan strand of Rui’s hair behind his ear and positioning the flower in his hair.
“It’s a sin.” Rui looked down at his feet, taking out the flower Tsukasa had placed in his hair, observing the petals and yellow center as he slowly ripped the petals out one by one, throwing the stem on the floor. “We’re gonna go to hell.”
“I would rather go to hell for loving you than go to heaven without you.”
Rui couldn’t look Tsukasa in the face as he responded. “I wouldn’t.”
—————
“Oh, spare me your grace. I don’t want your sympathy.” Tsukasa could feel his eyes burning as he spat his words out. They left a disgusting taste in his mouth, so detestable that the flavor never left minutes after the words were said.
“What happened? Why are you doing this?” Rui’s voice was much softer than it ought to be. Then it should be.
—————
“Rui, we can’t just let these premeditated things determine our actions now. Just because some book said it doesn’t mean we have to follow it!”
“Yes it does! Do you want us to suffer an eternity in hell just because you gave in to these appalling desires? Tsukasa-kun, I care about you. I don’t want you to go through that,” Rui begged. “We can’t.”
“Just because of that?”
“No! Not just because of that! What will other people think? They think it’s weird!”
“So you’re saying for us to be together, things will have to change…”
“Yes, Tsukasa-kun,” Rui finally looked Tsukasa in the eyes before looking away in shame once again. “Things will have to change.”
—————
“You were the best person I knew.” Rui’s words hit Tsukasa hard. Were.
“Shut up!” Tsukasa screamed and charged at Rui once more, slashing Rui’s side in his moment of weakness. He staggered back and clutched his side with his hand.
—————
“Then what can I do to convince you otherwise?” Tsukasa turned Rui’s head towards him with his hand on the other’s chin. He gazed deeply into his gold eyes flecked with specks of cyan, pupils darting around nervously so they wouldn’t have to face what they were avoiding for years.
“I-” Rui let out a choked noise but wasn’t able to articulate a complete thought. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let out a shaky exhale.
“Do what you must.”
—————
“You left. That’s what happened.” Tsukasa’s eyes narrowed. “Without a word. Nothing. Because of what? Some nonexistent glorified fictional character praised for things that never happened?”
Rui’s frown grew deeper.
“In a way, I should be thanking you for leaving.” Tsukasa gestured all around him. “This is what I can do. I’m changing things, Rui. Can’t you see that?”
—————
“Rui!” Tsukasa called out. “Where are you?”
Both had been meeting consistently for at least 5 years every day, what was different about today?
Tsukasa knew, but didn’t want to admit it.
He dropped to his knees as the realization of what happened yesterday dawned on him. He buried his hands in his face and screamed, remembering how good it had felt before Rui had pushed him away and ran off, crying.
They were both disgusting.
Rui was right.
“Fuck God!” Tsukasa screamed into the sky. If it wasn’t for Him, they would have been happy. But of course, nothing could work out for him. He was gross, just for doing the same things other people did but with another guy.
—————
Rui laughed bitterly. “You’re changing things? By doing what, killing the people around you in the paltry hopes that you won’t die? You can’t change fate, Tsukasa. You’re dying today. No amount of death will stop that.”
“I’m powerful. The more deaths I cause, the more I will have changed things! We’ll be the same as everyone else! The same! That’s what we always wanted, right? To make things better. Everything is perfect when everything’s the same. Everything’s the same when,” Tsukasa had a crazed, unfocused look in his eyes, desperate for Rui to understand. He crunched a plant under his boot, pulverizing it to powder. “Everything's destroyed. My death doesn’t matter. My impact does.”
“Imagine God looking at what you’re doing right now,” Rui muttered, not intending for Tsukasa to hear it.
“Oh, I don’t need God’s forgiveness. I don’t need him to fix something too far gone to restore. What I do need,” Tsukasa walked over and grabbed Rui’s hands. “Is yours
Rui shoved Tsukasa away in disgust. “Never.”
“Still plagued by the delusions of religion? Well tell me this. Has any amount of praying ever gotten rid of your sinful attraction to men?”
Rui’s eyes grew wide and he let out a strangled noise.
“Don’t bring that up now! I was weak! It was a phase, I grew out of it!” Rui shouted at Tsukasa. The raw, unadulterated vulnerability and sorrow in his voice was music to Tsukasa’s ears.
“Sure didn’t sound like a phase all those years ago,” Tsukasa smiled without humor.
—————
Tsukasa pored over ancient texts for days, trying to find a cure, some sort of way out. He threw a book on the floor out of frustration and buried his head in his hands.
He absolutely needed to find a way out.
If he could somehow cure himself, get rid of these unholy desires, then maybe Rui will come back.
Even if he couldn’t get what he wanted, Rui would still be with him.
Those golden eyes would flick over his figure before vanishing behind eyelids adorned with lilac lashes, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a smile. Maybe a soft chuckle would leave those chapped lips Tsukasa knew only too well as Rui ran over and hugged him.
“I missed you,” He’d say, and Tsukasa would be only too happy to reciprocate the sentiment.
Yet these fleeting daydreams were all for naught as a fix was never found even after months of searching.
—————
“I don’t owe you anything, much less forgiveness.” Rui scowled. “You’re nothing but a degenerate, a scumbag driven by sacrilegious lust.”
“Oh, because all this is my fault? The destruction you’ve caused just to find me,” Tsukasa gestured around, pointing out the bodies lying on the floor and clashing of swords.”All that was my fault? It’s all my fault, isn’t it?”
“Precisley. If it weren’t for you, I’d be living wonderfully with my wife. But you, somehow, with your devilish powers have ruined even that.”
“That’s rich coming from a sorcerer, of all people.” But Tsukasa’s quick comeback didn’t mask his shock at the news of a spouse, a woman too.
“Oh, now you’re acting all surprised, are you?”
Tsukasa’s eye twitched and slammed Rui against a tree, his forearm crushing Rui’s windpipe. “Fucking traitor. We had something and you, like a coward, ran away.”
Rui let out a strangled noise as he tried to respond. Tsukasa alleviated just a little of the pressure so that he could finally speak.
“We had nothing. We were children. We didn’t know what was good for us. Please, Tsukasa-kun, you can change. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want me back?” Rui pleaded.
“I can’t, Rui. Trust me, I’ve tried. I can’t change. Whatever this is, it’s staying until I die.”
The look in Rui’s eyes hardened. “Then I guess you’ll just have to do that, won’t you?” He unsheathed a dagger from his cloak, but not before Tsukasa shoved him away.
“You’re broken, Tsukasa-kun.”
“Nothing about me is broken, Rui. You’re the only one who’s screwed up. Who cares what God thinks? Didn’t it feel good? Don’t you want to do it again?” Tsukasa risked getting closer to Rui, knowing he wouldn’t stab him after hearing what he said.
Rui’s gaze faltered, his grip on the dagger loosened.
Tsukasa walked up until their faces were almost touching, he could feel Rui’s breath on his face.
Despite their proximity, Rui didn’t step back.
“Isn’t it tempting?”
Tsukasa moved his free hand to grab Rui’s. He did not push Tsukasa away.
“Don’t you find yourself thinking about me at night?”
Rui couldn’t bring his eyes up to meet Tsukasa’s, but he felt himself leaning in.
Tsukasa smiled proudly.
“That’s what I thought.”
The kiss was nothing like the ones they had shared before. When they were younger, their kisses held passion, love, and care. They communicated what their words had already said. But this one was different. There may have been forgiveness, regret or love somewhere in the mix, but nothing could be fully articulated.
All they knew was that there were two of them.
Both were bleeding, both were injured.
There were things wrong with them. They had committed unforgivable crimes, they had been guilty of cowardice and traitorous deeds.
But none of that mattered.
All that mattered was that two dead bodies lay on the battlefield, both stabbed straight in the heart. Their lips still touching, hands still on each other, eyes still open and peering into the other’s.
Maybe in another universe, they could have been together.
But it looks like this one was not kind enough to gift them that luxury.