Archive of Our Own

Puffs of smoke emerged into the air; Flux pushed his head back further against the rough concrete wall. 

He grips the paper-wrapping with two fingers, and takes a long drag of the cigarette. His shoulders relaxs with every puff, and he feels himself melting into the ground around the end; one hand on the cig and the other ripping out nearby patches of grass – dirt and grime getting underneath his fingernails. The air surrounding the forest is crisp. There's a slight breeze that rattles the trees; birds singing in their own communicative language, seemingly unaware of the world around them. Cars zoom down the road, engines rattling and exploding. 

He had been skipping class frequently, finding solace outside the school right next to the backdoors. Flux managed to find his designated loitering spot only a couple months ago. He mindlessly walked around schoo, and found this spot by complete coincidence. School was an endless cycle: unboundless, a dragging phenomenom that could push him further off this ledge of sanity.  His day had been the same as usual: wake up, get ready, leave early enough to make it on time to his high school, backpack over his shoulder; his dads had once offered him to drive him, instead of walking but he refuses – out of spite or he's not entirely sure. He talks to his friends before class, and makes it to his first period with only a few seconds to spare. He spends the long agitating minutes trying not to fall asleep in the classroom, and then hurridly sneaks off to the gym to meet Micro.

Flux walks towards the bleachers, and out the back door – where the locker rooms come into his vision. He pushes the door; it's thick and heavy, and walks to the back of the locker rooms. Two students glance at him before one kid shoves something in his backpack and leaves in the opposite direction. Micro smiles, waves, and Flux leaves the room $50 broker. 

He leaves mid class to take a concerningly amount of time in the “bathroom”. 

His day had been the same as last week, and the week before.Time had started to become blurred and fuzzy around the lines.  That is, until he hears footsteps behind the heavy doors. The door opens ajar and he makes eye contact with his teacher. She's wearing a purple v-neck sweater, and she's staring sternly into Fluixon’s purple eyes. She takes a brief moment to exhale, followed by a hand motioning him to follow. 

Shit. 

The walk to the principals was silent, his teachers' shoes clacking against the marble; sound bouncing off the tight corridors. The school’s hallways had always looked similar, walks between classrooms seemed never ending. 

Flux is instructed to, or rather ordered to sit on the run-down couch. His teacher was talking to the assistant at the front, informing her about the situation. He hears the sound of footsteps shift from the soft rug beneath his feet to wood, and a door swinging open and shut.

The remaining time spent in the front office is spent looking at the analog clock, watching the long blue needle pass through each minute. His focus is interrupted by typing, and he turns to observe the desk. It’s covered in papers and clutter and some janky computer from the 2000’s that looks merged into the table.

Flux waits for a good 25 minutes until the woman at the front ushers him into the principal office. He sat down in the chair facing directly proportional to Cass. The shutters against the window only half covered the blaring sun from outside, which slightly disabled his eyesight. There's a motivational poster next to the window:

“Believe you can and you’re already halfway there.” He’s read it 4 times already and he seems to despise it even more after every time.

His eyes met Cass’s, and for a moment, her stern expression wavers. Her hands, originally falling freeform on the side of her chair, move to join together on top of the desk.

“We called your father,” she continues. “He should be here any moment now. We will need to discuss what disciplinary actions will be taken on behalf of the situation.”

A newfound stillness enters the office. It wasn’t the kind of silence Flux appreciated from his smoke breaks, or the one that accompanied his room at night before sleeping; it was one that suffocated the room dry, robbing it of comfort and replacing it with an unneeded disturbance. 

“Fluixon you know I try my hardest to be lenient with you. I know you’ve had your hardships – but skipping class and smoking on school premises? That's completely irresponsible. This is what I have to do.” She lectures.

Flux’s mouth piles up with sand. He couldn’t do much other than a nod of agreement. The door cracks open, offering a slight creaking sound. Inside steps Crow, followed by Elanuelo. Flux had always been quiet. Maybe it was the strict teachings his father, though he prefers to call him Elanuelo, instilled in him, or maybe it was his own values. He never liked to talk, never wanted to speak until needed – especially in front of his fathers. 

As his dads discuss the suspension plans; he continues to keep his head down, blocking out most of the noise, only hearing the faint murmurs between the 3 adults.

“Why? Why did he decide to go that day? This could have been completely avoidable. Flux wasn’t stupid, he knew he would be caught. He knew something would inevitably come when his teacher already voiced concerns about him disappearing from class. 

“Fluixon will be suspended for the following three weeks.” Flux snaps out of his thoughts. He looks at Elanuelo, who sighs. Crow hums out a sound of understanding before the chairs beside him push back against the wooden floor. Flux watches his fathers stand up, and he follows. 

The walk back to the car was intolerable for Flux. He held his head low in embarrasment, picking the skin around his fingers hard enough to bleed – small oozes of red stained his hands red. He enters the backseat while Elanuelo opts to drive. Flux pulled out his phone, trying to pick out a song from his playlist to listen to in his headphones. 

“Phone,” Elanuelo orders, sticking out his hand directly in front of Flux’s face. Flux places the phone on his palm, not before rolling his eyes dramatically enough they could make a sound. His father scoffs before placing the phone in the cup holder. 

The drive back to his home was only 15 minutes, but Flux could have sworn the time was doubled – at least. He spent most of the time lost in thought, gazing out the window, elbow propped up against the door handle. The right side of his forehead gently squished against the car window. 

There’s a woman in a nearby car with one shoulder holding her phone to her ear with her shoulder. She's clearly irritated about something; her eyebrows upturned and she's breathing shallowly while listening to whoever is on the receiving end of her call. She’s a victim to a sudden jerking movement against her head-rest every couple seconds. Her head turns to look in the back, and Flux can see one tiny hand grip around the headrest. A man in the car in front of them begins to continuously honk, and another middle aged man wearing a white manbeater, positions his head outside the front vehicle window and jeers noisely. 

Crow, currently riding in the passenger seat, fiddles with the radio station. He carefully turning the knob until he decides on a song of his preference. The song is old, from the 70s, and it's a songs that Crow used to play when Flux was younger. Elanuelo hums along with the song before turning a sharp left turn into a familiar neighborhood.

Flux’s house was rather large – larger than most in his small town. His parents were well off financially, Elanuelo working at a bank in the middle of the town square and Crow owning a well-known bar on a bustling street. Their jobs are demanding, and Flux remembers being at home with only his siblings most nights when they were younger. Ender would take the role of babysitter. Flux remembers when he stopped asking when his parents were coming home, stopped wanting for them to step up as parents, as his parents. 

He waits for the car to unlock before beelining into his house and straight into his room, attempting to avoid all confrontation. He swiftly turns the knob to his bedroom door and ensures that he locks it after entering.

The next time Flux leaves his room is for dinner. He tries to convince Crow to let him skip it once, but Crow forces him to leave the comfort of his bedroom and make his way to the dining room.

Flux takes his seat on the far left side of the table, in between Ender and the door. Cynikka sits right across from him, and next to her is Crow. Elanuelo sits at the head of the table. 

His time at the table consists of Flux picking at the food on the plate; in lieu of losing his appetite, while Crow asks his siblings about their days – to which they usually reply with a usual one-worded very general answer.

Cynnika, wildly unaware of the events that occurred earlier in the day, turns to face Flux, curiosity blooming across her face, “Did you leave early today? I didn’t see you anytime during lunch.”

Flux moves his gaze to his plate. There’s a weird moment of silence before Crow announces the news.

Flux glares at him before using his hands to push himself off his chair and away from the table. It's only until he's out of his chair and there's one hand resting ontop of the backrest that a booming voice orders him to sit back down, Elanuelo. 

Flux complies, slumping back down into his original position but not before attempting to stare daggers at his father. He tries to make himself more angry, more intimidating, but something in him advises him to stop. The tension inside the room is obnoxiously hot, red, and angry. Flux grips the bottom of his seat in an attempt to calm himself down, but he cannot breathe. He's freaking out. His heartbeat is racing and he watches as his knuckles turn whiter with the more force he uses to try to regain control of his body. 

“We’re concerned,” Crow says. “About you.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Flux murmurs, making sure to ennuciate each syllable of the last word so his tone comes off as sarcastic. Flux is too hot-headed to remain calm, or to follow along with his parent’s conversation.

“You’re being irrational, Flux. Why wouldn’t we be concerned? Your grades are getting lower. We’ve checked your progress reports, you’re skipping class to smoke, you stopped trying to make plans with your friends outside of school. What else? You're in your room all the time, always on your phone, you stopped talking to us.” He motions over to Elanuelo “These are all things we should be worried about. “

“I’m perfectly fine,” Flux retorts.

“Well I don’t think you are.” Crow exaggerates the “I” while placing his right hand over his heart. To Flux; he sounds almost annoyed dealing with this, like his kid’s wellbeing isn’t a priority to him. 

“You don’t sound too concerned. And I don't need your pity.” Flux spats.

“You’re not allowed to speak like that to anyone, including us.” Elanuelo says, with a cold sharpness over his words. 

“This is bullshit. I’m leaving,” Flux glares at Elanuelo, disdain in his eyes while declaring his departure from the table. He makes sure that this time his entire body fully leaves his seat. He so desperately wants to leave the dining table, and his body is itching to go he can practically sprint out the room. His head never turns back, not even when he can hear his parents yelling at him to come back, and another “You’re grounded” being spewed at him. He doesn’t care. 

He makes it to the hallway of his room until he's a couple feet in, and slams the door shut, the sound disrupts the previous calmness in his room. He enters the room with a huff, giving himself room to breathe. He recounts the moments of his parents and his argument, and he strides over to the front of his bed. Flux’s body trembles, ever so slightly. He crawls into his bed, too exhausted to move, or think. 

—--------

Flux usually doesn’t have dreams – or nightmares. Most of his nights are spent in a subconscious world of blackness until he wakes up, blissfully unaware of what was spent doing in the early mornings.  

Flux dreamt that evening. 

There are mountains stacked against each other, and the tallest one towers over all of them, peaking way above the clouds. Each mountain is covered in snow, grass, trees, rock, and any possible form of natural life. They look sculpted, unreal, painted to perfection by some brilliant artist Flux would probably learn in one of his classes.. There's a small body of water in front of it, an oasis: surrounded by moss and unkept weeds. The air surrounding him feels thick and suffocating, it makes it hard to properly breathe,

Flux, amazed by the land infront of him, takes small steps, occasionally turning his head to fully immerse himself with the terrain. He walks closer to the mountains – still afar but inching with every movement. 

His feet stomp against the ground, dust particles exploding beneath him. He takes a kneel, reaching down, his hand bristling past the barren land. Flux had never seen anything like this in his life, his town was a neverending suburbia madness, houses lined against houses wrapped around in an endless cycle, striving for an unrealistic perfection. He doesn’t think he’s ever a proper mountain like this before, in real life that is, or if you can call this real life.  

After a bit of walking, Flux sees something in the distance. He squints to see a dove, in its pristine condition, pure unstained white feathers smoothed out perfectly. The bird is perched on one of the larger rocks, looking right at the boy with purple eyes. 

The bird squawks once, almost as if it's warning Flux to back away, but he doesn’t listen. He keeps moving along the rough stone trail before standing directly in front of the dove. He turns to look at it, carefully observing within an arms distance. He first studies the crown of his head, and lowers his gaze down to its wings, and then its legs. Tied right above the claw is a thin small piece of paper. Flux clicks his tongue before reaching out one of his hands to grab the paper. The dove refuses, crying out several different bird noises before flapping his wings and flying in the opposite distance. 

Flux question, seemingly and justifiably confused about the bird – and the situation. He continues to walk forward.  

He takes a few more short steps towards the hills before he hears a flock of animals in the distance, chirping noisingly. His head moves to face above the sky and notices several birds flying alongside the ranges. The bird in the very front meets his eyes, and Flux recalls it's the same dove from earlier. He can admit he doesn’t know much about birds, but he’s able to guess from this deep guttural feeling in the back of his throat. 

Their meet each others’ gaze before Flux watches as the dove communicate something before the rest of the flock changes its path of flight from moving forwards across the skyline to moving straight towards him. It takes a few moments before he’s able to realize…

Oh

They’re coming for him.

“Holy shit!”

He turns the opposite direction and bolts. Energy pumps through his body and immediately rushes down to his feet so that he's able to sprint down, trying to find anywhere to escape. He moves his head around to look at the flock, only to realize that they also increased their speed – much faster than his – and they’re flying right almost directly behind his body. 

Flux keeps running, trying to move faster, to get away from these “things”, when something hard crashes straight into his back. He tumbles forwards, rolling against the dirt, and he barely catches his head with his arms before tumbling into the dirt. His body is aching, hard, and there's a deep gash right under his elbow on his left arm. Blood seeps out the cut and stains the ground beneath him. 

He continues to breathe, slowly catching his breath before he pushes himself up. He moves his body upright, exaggerating each movement before turning to see what the fuck happened. In front of him is a sight he really does not want to see. There are, he counts 6, different birds staring at him, studying him the same way he did before they ambushed him. He moves his head to the right to see a bird lying on his side, a couple feet next to him. It lets out a little squawk, almost acting like a groan before collapsing back onto the dry land. 

Flux points to the bird, slightly offended, “You hit me,” he states. The bird slighty turns his head sideway, as if he understood the language that was coming from the boy. 

He adjusts his body to turn to the flock in front of him. Hello?? What is going on? He wants to question before realizing he's talking to birds. Is he going crazy? His thoughts are slurred, delayed from the adrenaline crash. The bird with the beady eyes is at the very front, still the same one he saw in the very beginning, looks at the ones behind him and chirps. His mouth remains agape as the birds begin to fly again. The dovet lets out some kind of bird call, and before Flux knows it, they are flying directly into Flux’s body again. 

He lets out some kind of screech – he’s going to die.

He's going to die by a bunch of dumb birds. 

Are these his last words?

Are these his last thoughts? 

Please make this quick, 

pleas–

e wakes up gasping. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale and exhale again and again.

Flux takes in his environment. The lights are off and the night is apparent. He continues to breathe heavily, and he holds onto his bedsheets like his life depends on it, until realizing he's back in his room. 

What the actual fuck?

“Just a dream” He repeats, whispering to himself. He looks around his room for another moment, and outside the window. The half moon outside is glissering, and several stars shine around it’s orbit. It’s peeking through the horizon, hiding behind the clouds. The moonlight offers rays of brightness to the land, illuminating what's caught in its shadow. He checks the time on his bredside alarm, it's 5:00 in the morning. The cold night outside is an obvious indication aswell. He shudders once, separating each finger that was interlaced with his covers. His breathing slows, returning back to its normal pace. 

He looks over the window across from his room, and walks over to unfasten the knob. Air rushes inside, turning his cheeks a slight shade of pink. It's refreshing, a dichotomy from the humid dream. He allows himself to relax, to let his arms fall flat against his body.

It's just a dream.

—--------

The sun wakes him up in the morning, reflecting a hot light on his body. He rubs his eyes grogilly, and walks downstairs. It had been a couple days since he was grounded, and suspended. The first day he woke up to no one in the house with him, except for a note in Crow's neat handwriting sitting on the kitchen counter. It mentioned not leaving with the threat of “no phone for longer”

He spent these insanely boring days doing nothing, feeling as if time was dragged out in spite of him. He’ll watch a brain-numbing cartoon playing on cable, or drag his feet along his house. check the fridge multiple times, several minutes after each other, attempting to see if any food has magically appeared. Spoiler alert: it did not. When Crow returns home mid-day for a couple hours, Flux hides out in his room, impatiently waiting for the front door to finally slam shut. 

He’ll occasionally glance over to his backpack; the zippers half open and piles of uncompleted homework lay on his desk. Flux hadn’t turned anything in at least– what a month now? His grades were dropping, and his parents had been called by several of his teachers to explain the news. But he cannot bring himself to put in any effort into his homework, there's a sense of dread, the swelling inside his throat, that diminishes any form of effort inside of him. The effort to do anything. He stopped wanting to hang out with his friends a long time ago, even his siblings, which was the biggest surprise. Cyn once asked him, weeks ago, why he stopped talking to her, her voice heavy. Flux felt as if he couldn’t speak, as if he was throwing up ashes. 

Cynnika came home a couple days into his suspension, swinging her backpack off her shoulders and onto the couch in the living room before bursting into Flux’s room unannounced. 

“Thomas asked me why you weren’t at school this week, I told him you were suspended.” 

Flux nods. “Tell him I’m coming during his next shift.”

Cynn snorts, “How are you gonna do that? You’re grounded.” 

Theres a pause.

Realization finally dawns on Cynnika’s face, “You’re going to get caught.”

He shrugs, “I won’t.”

“You will, and I’m not covering for you.”

“Watch me.”

Flux continued dreaming the nights after, and after that. His days were spent in a monotonous null, and his nights were basically the same in contrast: endless and godawful. The same dream as the night of the suspension kept popping up, and every dream after he remembered the last. He was in some sick lucid-state and had all recollection of the dreams prior. He remembered the doves, the dreary mountains, the suffocating air. He shudders at the reminder of how the birds would pick at his skin, tearing skin until he finally forced himself out of his deep slumber. He remembered the feeling in his stomach that would scream to run, he knew how this dream would end. Flux would wake up in a cold sweat, gasping for air after – metaphorically and literally being awoken from the dead. 

The suspense the night of would kill him, he tried staying up, watching the minutes pass by on his bedside clock. He couldn’t do much; he didn’t have his phone and he couldn’t talk to anyone in the early mornings. He would stare at the ceiling before sleep swallowed him under.

Flux woke up suddenly as another night passed by. He wanted to scream so hard, try to carve out the inner organs and functions of his brain and figure out why this was happening. He hated this – no, despised this. He got up to look in the mirror, the moon above illuminating light rays that showed his image. Tired was an understatement; Flux’s eyes were bright red, and the bags under screamed for sleep. Flux’s once perfect posture disappeared, his back hunched over and his shoulders tense. His mind was yelling at him to sleep, to finally relax, but something in his head continued to argue back, fearful of the dream coming back. 

He left his room and turned into Cynnika’s. The door creaked upon entering, and Cynnika remained restless in her bed, peacefully asleep. 

Flux called out in a low tone, “Cynn?”

Cynn stirs around in her bed, covered under her bedsheets. She mutters out Flux’s name, confused.

“What are you doing here? It's the middle of night.” She manages to murmur. 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Cynn pauses before answering, “What's up?”

“Bad dream,” he huffs.

Cynn, still restless from her sleep, gently pats the side next to her, signaling to lie down. Cynn curls into herself, arms wrapped around her legs, her head resting carefully against the pillow. Flux inhabits the stop on the opposite side and sinks into the bed. His body is fully still. Cynnika lets out small hums while asleep, which relieves the tension of Flux’s mind. He closes his eyes and he's finally able to sleep at last. 

—--------

The weekdays pass and it's finally the time where Flux plans to sneak out to meet Thomas. He makes sure to loudly announce to whoever's listening in the house that he’s either

A.sleeping 

or B. doing something that he really needs to focus on, like homework.

He makes sure everybody is reminded that nobody can come into his room or he threatens to scream. He is waiting for a reaction; Elanuelo nods once before holding the remote up to the tv screen to switch the channel. Cynn looks up annoyed before doing whatever she was doing beforehand. Flux takes this opportunity to return to his room, open the window, and crawl out. His bedroom is on the first floor, so he doesn’t have to worry about falling or hurting himself, god forbid. 

He pushes one leg out the window and contorts his body enough so that the front half of his torso is outside and his leg is in a bush. He moves both of his arms to the top of the window, supporting his body so that he's able to swing the second leg until he's no longer in his room. 

Flux has crawled out his window a handful of times, leaving to sneak off into Snowbird’s car, hanging out in a random McDonalds parking lot with only the Conspiracy. They’d get drunk, argue over some inane thing, and do a bunch of random shit in the early mornings. Flux closes his window shut, leaving only a small crack open, and scales over the metal fence that separates the back of the house from the rest of the neighborhood. He lands on his feet, and begins his walk to the outskirts of town. 

Thomas works at the gas station a mile away from the welcome to town sign. It's only a 15 minute walk from Flux house, and over the summer he would visit Thomas as much as possible, trying to find an excuse to leave the house. The gas station is terribly old – or used to be, built before his parents were born. He knows because there's a plaque hung right above the door. It's rusted and looks like someone could catch an infection from barely touching it. 

There was a gas explosion at the store many years ago, and the only thing that remained from the dust was the decrepit metal, barely untouched. They rebuilt the gas station, in the same spot as the last. Flux enters the store, it has one of those mechanics installed where the bell rings when the door is opened.

He turns left and traverses through the aisles stacked with different items until he makes it to the snack section. He crouches low, and grabs a packet of Sour Patches before heading to the cashier. Thomas has his head down, sorting money in the register.

“Flux,” there's a goofy smile plastered on his face. 

“Hi.”

Flux makes his way to behind the register, after paying for his candy, and sits on the back counter. Thomas and him talk about meaningless things until there's a customer, and Thomas has to redirect his attention. The person finishes paying for whatever they buy, and Flux and Thomas wait until they hear the bell chime before conversing again. 

“We had a Conspiracy meeting yesterday.” Thomas says suddenly.

The Conspiracy was an exclusive club they created back in middle school, when Flux, Thomas, and the rest of their friends formed together to blackmail Linguini, a kid in the grade above that used to bully Cynn for a while. Gotoga snuck exam papers into the backpack. Flux and Thomas reported seeing Linguini with said papers to the principal. He was suspended, and Cynikka was absolutely delighted when Flux had told her. However there was always room for the plan to fail when a teacher almost spotted Gotoga with the papers, and Seraphim promptly ran to pull the fire alarm, sacrificing herself for the plan. 

Flux hums, kicking his legs off the back of the counter. 

“About what?”

“Well, you mostly.”

Flux chews down on a red sour patch. He lets out a little mhm before Thomas continues to talk. 

“You’ve been quiet lately, since the beginning of the year. And we knew you were buying from Micro, but not about skipping class. I mean I know you’re smart enough to not get caught.”

Flux remains quiet, letting Thomas lead the conversion. 

“I don’t want to be like your parents, none of the Conspiracy does. But I think we’re worried about how you’re doing. You know you can tell me anything If it’s someone making you feel like this, we can always sic NewKids on them.”

Flux lets out a quiet laugh, something genuine. 

Thomas chuckles, following Flux, “I’m being serious. In fact all of us can kick their asses.”

His brain is like a void, derived from any thoughts or emotions. Anything he can think of gets sucked into an infinite, and there's nothing that remains, “I’m good, dont worry about me.” 

Flux looks towards the clock – he notices it's been an hour thirty, and his dads are going to barge into his room sooner or later. Flux can imagine them opening the door to realize the Flux is gone. 

“I’ve got to go,” Flux says, trying to avoid any mentions of the talk they just had. He rushes out from behind the counter, and makes his way towards the front door, but not before turning his head back to look at a currently frowning Thomas. 

He speed-walks back to his house, taking large steps to cover as much distance as possible. He makes his way back to his neighborhood, and moves to the back where the fence is. He climbs over the barrier, and climbs into his bedroom through his window. He’s fully inside his room, standing right outside his window when Ender barges into his room. 

Judging by Flux’s guilty deer-in-a-headlight expression on his face, Ender is able to come to a conclusion about what happened.

“Did you sneak out?” he questions.

“Dont say anything or I’ll tell dad that you got a C on your Calc test,” Flux quickly retorts. 

“How do you know about that?” Truth be told, Flux had been bored out of his mind yesterday, and might have been snooping through his siblings room – when he saw the test shoved into one of his folders he left on his desk. “Dont worry about that” 

“You know if they catch you, you’re only going to get grounded longer.”

“Yes I know that's going to happen, but I don’t get caught.”

Ender lets out a laugh before responding, “Alright.”

“Shut up”

“Ok well, I wanted to talk to you,” Ender lowers his voice in a way where he intends to become more comforting.” He shoves his hand in his hoodie pocket, something that Flux watched and developed as his own habit. 

“Cynn told me you came into her room a couple nights ago.”

“Please, I’m not a child, you know you dont need to baby me anymore.”

“Dreams are a tell-tale sign of depression.”

“I’m not depressed,” Flux scoffs out.

“Well I’m saying if you need to get something off your chest, I’m more than happy to talk.”

“Come on, Thomas just tried to say the exact same thing. I really don’t want to talk about this right now,” He bites his cheek. 

“Alright then,” Ender reaches out a hand to ruffle Flux’s hair before turning and making his way out of the bedroom.

—--------------

It’s another restless night of sleep for Flux. He tries his hardest to stare at the window, at the moon up above, but sleep is relentless, and it caves into his mind. 

He's back in the dreamscape. It's annoyingly suffocating and Flux has to wheeze a couple times. There's a burning sensation spreading throughout his body, prickling deep within his skin. He's around the same dry land, the same mountains perched above the sky. 

He finds the same dove, standing within the distance. Flux stares, unrelenting to change the narrative, and turns to face the opposite direction and runs. He's too scared to see what will happen, and he knows his best bet is placing one foot after the other.

His feet slam hard against the dirt as he paces away from the dove, arms moving as if to catch more speed. It's only until minutes later when he is panting does he turn his head to face behind him. 

The dove is gone, not chasing after him, it- disappeared? Relieved, he puts his hands to his knees to regain his breath, cracking a slight smile. After a while, he turns to walk back towards the mountains; there's something instinctive screaming at him to look throughout them. 

The mountains are carved as if they were sculptures. There's the lake off to the side, a little body of water. Moss decorates around the sides of the water, but other than that he sees no other life. He makes his way over to the rock from the very first dream, the one where the dove sat. His hand slides across the stone, textured and rough from all angles. He looks over and sees a trail leading around the left side of the range, one that he was never able to explore. Pebbles cover the track, and the rest of it is covered by thick blocking trees.  

He moves towards the route when he hears the same intimidating, terrifying squawk again. The same dove from the beginning yells out some kind of bird call, and the flock was rushing straight towards him again. 

Flux takes off in the opposite direction, panic pulsing through his skin. He wants to make it towards the trail, but he realizes soon enough that it's too far and the birds move much faster and quicker than him. 

He takes in his surroundings, before he set on a position nearby and rushes towards the lake. The lake was deep, or at least it looked like it did; it was only up to him and some God that he was counting on for this moment. 

He tramples over weeds as he sprints across, crossing over to the river in a few strides before holding his breath and plummeting to the bottom of the water. It's cold enough to make him shiver under, and he hides behind some sort of plant, hearing birds cry out from above. The water inverts the sound, so he only hears the muffled version of crows before he watches a bird dive head-first into the water. He covers his hand over his mouth, stopping himself from yelping and his eupnea being wasted. The bird doesn’t seem to notice him, and it communicates so until he hears the faint sound of croaking leaving within the distance. 

It's been a minute now, and he is starting to feel dazed. There's no air coming to his lungs, but he's so scared to leave, if there's an opportunity to face the raging pack. His heart begins to race and he feels he’s on the verge of fainting. After what seems like a eternity, he begins to swim up.

He washes up onto the side, his body damped. His clothes are soaked, and his hair is now damp and untamed. He gasps once and begins coughing out water within his lungs. Cough and cough again until he's finally able to contain his breath. The birds are long gone. 

His muscles strain as he pushes himself up from the mossy ground. He turns to speed-walk towards the same trail. It's in these dreams where he finds a deep gut feeling inside his stomach, pushing him to find something, or someone. The feeling becomes affirmed as he spots something near the trees. A small thin piece of paper that Flux presumably believes to be the one tied against the dove’s leg. It's rolled up, and unraveled is a small message sprawled out in ink. The handwriting is average, compared to Flux; some of the letters are bigger than the others, but it's readable. 

FIND ME.

The “F’ is smudged around and the note is stained around the corner, but the message is clear. Incomprehensibly clear; there's someone out there looking for him. Flux can only bring himself to imagine that maybe someone is in this hellish dream with him. He shoves the paper inside his palms and turns to observe the trail, the one he saw earlier. A gush of wind, strong enough to hear it has pushed out of the forest and the breeze hits him. It's refreshing, juxtaposing the air just mere feet away; bare and arid. He takes a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling before his feet move forward down the trail. 

The trees cover most daylight from entering, shadows darkening the atmosphere around. Spots of green emerge across what he understands is a forest, the dirt is muddy. The trail inclines, swirls across the mountain until he finds himself at the edge of a cliff. The area surrounded is canoping in trees, they’re high enough that they shade Flux even from the very bottom of the forest. He sees the entrance to a cave. It’s too dark to see what's inside. 

His foot steps on a branch. It emits a cracking sound, loud enough to echo throughout the woods. A voice calls out, it's unmistakingly human. “Hello?” The voice calls out. “Is anyone there?” 

Flux moves to hide slightly behind a tree. It covers most of his body. Normally he would call himself a coward and face it, but those birds have scared the shit out of him. There's a blur in Flux’s vision. He sees a faint version of a white body emerge from the dark cave. The sun illuminates against this person’s body, deeply contrasting the rest of the forest. The body looks around the forest, looking for whatever made that sound. 

He takes a deep breath before deciding to leave his spot from behind the trees and moves towards the other figure. The other notices; keeping his eyes locked on Flux. He quickens his strides to make it that they were only a few feet apart. Flux swears in this moment that he's standing in front of a literal angel. 

“Who are you? What are you doing here,” Flux asks, voice dripping with curiosity. He took in the person in front of him. White hair cascades down his shoulders and past his upper body. The boy was taller than Flux, just enough that he was slightly inching over to look down. 

“My name's Saparata. Saps,” he says.

“Saparata or Saps?”

Saps smiles, his mouth slightly upcurve and his nose scrunched. “Please call me Saps.” 

“What about you?”

Fluixon hesitates for a moment. “Flux.”

Heat spreads throughout his body. Warmth seeps into his veins and he feels something fluttering in his stomach. Something he's never felt before. 

He cannot bring himself to take his eyes off this stranger. 

Saparata breaks the silence. “You’re shivering.”

Oh. He was still wet from the lake. He didn’t even feel cold, it was probably from the adrenaline crash from earlier. He tries to ignore the voice in the back of his head that thinks otherwise. 

“I’m wet,” Flux states the obvious.

“I can tell,” Saparata replies, before taking off his jacket and handing it to him. The inside of the fabric was warmed, lined with fur. The shoulders slacked enough that it fit him perfectly. 

Flux pasues. “Thanks.” 

“Wait, is this not a dream? How are you here and how am I talking to you?” He turns to look at Flux, whose face drips with the same curiosity.

Flux wouldn’t expect a different answer. Whatever phenomenom that's taking place is existing outside the boundaries of the earth and beyond, and he’s face to face with someone for the first time within a dream.

“I seriously don’t know,” he finally answers

“Well,” Saparata makes a popping sound with his tongue. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Same.”

“I’ve been here for a couple hours. I can show you around the area.”

The other nods slowly, and follows behind as Saps leads.

Two boys are sitting in the dampen cave. It’s carved out inside, made perfectly to house only a couple people. It’s moist inside, enough that Flux could taste droplets of the thick air against his tongue. There's a dimly lit torch propped up against a small opening in the wall, and only a little bit of sun enters through the entrance and brightens the foxholes. Both boys sit opposite sides of the stone wall, their bodies positioned so that they are turned to face each other.

Flux’s hand fiddles with the small piece of paper from earlier, the one with the strangely anonymous messaging at the beginning of the trail. The paper catches Saps’ eye, and he reaches for Flux’s hand and promptly steals the note. 

He watches Saparata’s pupils bulge as he reads the message, his eyes tracking the same two words over and over again. 

His voice is barely above a whisper, “That's my handwriting.”

“Haha you’re very funny,” Flux replies flatly.

“No, I'm being serious. I didn’t write that, I would remember if I did”. Saparata reaches into his pants pockets and pulls out a note similar in size to Flux’s. Flux looks carefully, the penmanship is cursive, neat, and it looks exactly like his own. 

Flux’s eyebrow upturns slightly, he's completely dumbfounded with this information. And by judging this “Saparata” guy's expressions, they’re both thinking the exact same thing. “So,” he pauses, “how did you get here?” he asks carefully.

“There was a bird.” Saparata begins to say.

“A dove?”

“No, a crow. It had these deep purple eyes that seemed to put you in a trance – or something like that. I kept seeing it, the first time being that it sent a full horde of his friends to attack me.” He chuckles.

“But it was different tonight – the bird was right infront of me,” he emphasizes. “And it kept calling out – I couldn’t understand it, obviously, and I- I stood there. I decided “what's the point if this situation will never change?”  So I stood, and it kept coming closer to me. Then it started trying to communicate with me – like he was telling me to take the note. I took it, and then I walked here,” He gestures widely to the cave. 

Flux hums. Their stories are distinctive to each other; Flux had always been too afraid to face the bird. He thinks back to the dinner with the rest of the Aculon family, or the conversion with Thomas only days prior. It's always been in his blood; an impulse to run away, and to keep foregoing this habit, no matter how he feels about it – if it was negative or not. He just kept running, kept driving his foot into the dirt and dust, to turn his back – even if he knew how the situation would inevitably follow. 

“Flux?”

Flux lets go of his train of thought. “ Sorry I zoned out.”

Saps, for some reason apologizes too. Flux manages to notice how Flux is constantly flustered, giddy to say something else, always smiling. "This place is so strange, everything feels too vivid, like this is a memory of some sorts.” Saps apologizes. 

“Tell me about you.” Flux responds suddenly. 

“Hm?”

“I want to know who you are, if what you really say is true and you’re in my dream.”

“Hey I’m dreaming too. You’re in my head aswell.” Saps laughs, “Where do I start? 

“Where do you live?”

“California.”

“What else?”

“ My uncle and I have a house on a grape field. There’s a winery nearby, and all these people come in from out of town, sit around all day doing nothing but drink. My uncle – his name is Ish, he does voice-overs for a bunch of documentaries, and he works with this company that wants him to fully “immerse”,” he makes air quotes, “himself into the topics that he covers, so he's usually out of town. I think they flew him out to Australia, and they’re researching a species of endangered animals. But I know they’re finishing up soon, so he’ll be back.”

“What about you?” Saps asks Flux

Flux shrugs. “I don’t know. I live in Conneticut”

“Where?”

“It’s a small town, I promise you wouldn’t know. My dad’s a banker and my other dad owns a bar. They’re not around a lot either, they’re always working.” He shoves his hand in the jacket pocket. 

“Siblings?”

“Two, you?”

“None. I wish I did. Its gets boring after some time.” 

Flux lulls, thinking of what to say. Everything is seemingly awkward – that is getting to know someone for the first time. 

“-- Do you know what the red string theory is?” Saps cuts in

“Huh?”

“It's called the red string of fate. It happens when people are destined to meet together, or something like that.”

Flux sighs dramatically. “Do I really have to entertain this–?”

“Stop talking.”

Flux becomes baffled. “Did you just shush me?” 

“Yes I did!” Saps argues back, “You interrupted me.”

Flux scoffs loudly, intending for Saparata to hear. 

“Oh come on,” he drags out the last word. “You still like me though, right?,” he teases.Despite its intention, Flux’s ears grow a slight shade of pink. He covers the tips by messing with his still slightly-damp hair. 

“Tell me what you were going to say,” Flux mutters.

Saps giggles, “When two people are connected, when they’re soulmates – there is an invisible red thread that tugs them closer and closer until the universe finally lets them meet. “

Flux whines, “You seriously don’t believe that, do you?”  

“What do you mean?”

The idea of anything supernatural is bizarre to Flux, let alone the possibility of meeting your soulmate through a possibly inter-dimensional dream. Life has its many coincidences, and Flux believes this isn’t one of them. Unlike Saps who has the imagination to believe his rather inane fantasies. 

“Look if you’re asking for my opinion, I think that this is all some sort of random once in a lifetime occurrence where we happen to be in the same dream together.”

“But it's “once in a lifetime”. You said it yourself. Nothing that happens in life ike this happens without an explanation. “ 

“For all I know you aren’t real and I’m just hallucinating.”

“Well,” Saps says in a jokingly offended tone, “ I’m very real, what if you’re fake and I’m making stuff up in my head?” 

“Oh really?” Flux challenges, slightly narrowing his eyes . 

“Say what you’re thinking right now so I know you’re human,” Saps points a finger at Flux.

Flux pauses. The only thought passing through his mind being how he is enamored by the person in front of him. Can Flux call Saps a friend? Saps practically glow in this somber cave, becoming the light Flux could never imagine himself being – or being around. 

“I’m thinking about how stupid you sound right now,” Flux teases back.  

Sap’s face curves into a pout. He pauses for a second before standing up, allowing his hands to guide him off the ragged rock floors. He paces over to Flux, and offers a hand out before declaring, “I want to explore.” 

Flux takes Sap’s hand – skin against skin – and uses it to pull himself up. 

—-----------

Flux wakes up in the morning with a pained groan. 

His brain aches in the back of head, and he's woken up with a blurred memory of a dream. He remembers the doves, the walk through the forest, but can’t bring hismelf to recollect the memories he distinctly remembers having. In fact, he can’t remind himself of the face of the boy he talked to. His face – one that Flux remembered oh so indulgently admiring – has now become tainted, and awfully hazy. Flux can’t even remind himself of the boy’s name, it's on the tip of tongue but it won’t ever come to him. He can’t remember his voice, or the way he laughed. Trying to reminisce about this boy can only make his stomach churn, his heart pang, and only makes his head hurt even worse. He finds himself genuinely upset about ths. Even taking account of those terrible dreams, Flux wants to imagine himself back in the landscape, back talking to the man whose name he can’t remember. 

He leaves his room and makes his way towards the kitchen. It's a late Monday morning – his siblings and his dads are out of the house, busying themselves within their daily lives. He has two weeks left of his suspension, and until he gets his phone back. The phone’s locked in the bottom of the dresser in Elanuelo’s closet, and Flux could easily break in and pick the lock. He puts all his energy into thinking about the boy in his dreams. Flux reaches into the cabinet under the sink, and puffs out the bottle of ibuprofen. He lets the bottle slip out a couple pills into his hand, and drinks a gulp of water before swallowing them.

He spends his day moping around his house, laying lazily against the couch, repeating the same schedule as the last week. There's a strange thought in the back of his head, wishing to sleep, wishing to have another conversation with the stranger again. As his parents come home, and another strained family dinner finishes, he feels giddy – almost energetic in a sense. When the night comes, he is able to finally wish to sleep earlier than the last night. 

He opens his eyes to find himself in the cave again, only he's sitting right next to someone. Not right next though – his body is slumped against the stranger. Memories rush to his brain in a quick and painful manner, and he realizes that this is no stranger, but it's the man he was so desperately wanting to see the day prior – Saps. Flux’s knees are curled up to his torso, and his hands lay restlessly against his side. Flux’s head is leaned against Sap's shoulder, enough that the man can probably listen to his own breaths. Coming to the realization, his body betrays hims, his ears turning a slight shade of pink. He stirs slightly, trying to move his body away from Saps. 

Saps turns to face him, making eye contact. And Flux swears he's never met someone as beautiful before. Saps wears a goofy expression on his face, “Hey, so this really isn’t a one-time occurrence?”

Flux – flustered and groggy – is only able to let out a small huh in response. 

“You said yesterday that it’s only a coincidence we met each other. Look at where we are again. What's the percentage of that happening?” Saps is smiling ear-to-ear.

Flux had never gotten the chance to observe Saps so closely. Large brown eyes adorned under perfectly curled eyelashes. His hair is unnaturely blond, almost white, and he probably had to go through multiple layers of bleach to get it to that color. There are two symmetrical dimples placed on his cheeks. He looks magical, unearthlike, even in the dim lighting. 

“I still think you’re wrong.”

Flux wonders if Saps didn’t remember who he was when he woke up in his bed in the morning. He wondered if he felt the same pain in his stomach when he couldn’t remind himself what the other looked like. 

The percentage of them meeting twice was probably less likely than perfectly-aligned atoms or a star forming inside his house; he couldn’t help but wonder if his mind is betraying himself from the truth. He wondered if his mind was ignoring what could be true. 

—------------

Flux spends the rest of the week letting “the man whose name he cannot remember” or “Saps” pour his heart out – metaphorically. The awkwardness from the first day has completely depleted itself into a familiar warmth. Hell, Flux finds himself talking more than he ever would imagine saying to something. He’s able to open up, to allow his inner thoughts and word-gargle to spill out against the stone floor.  

It's benefitting his life outside of his sleep too. He doesn’t glare at his parents to, he doesn’t find reason – but in a abursdist type of way. He's even done his homework, getting rid of each late and missing assignment. He sneaks out to hang out with Thomas and the Conspiracy more often. He’s able to sleep at night now, awaiting Saps’ visit back in the dreamscape. 

​He listens to Saps talk about his aspirations within life – how he wants to spend the rest of life in a small beach house, isolated from any form of life. He hears about his cat, his life and his hobbies, and possibly anything you could ever imagine listening about. Flux doesn’t mind, he’d listen to Saps any day of the week, any time. Flux loves listening to his sweet voice whine about schoolwork. He loves watching Saps’ eyes spark full of life and excitement while passionately spilling out details of his life. He’s been able to become close to someone in such little time. He ignores the flutter within his stomach whenever Saps smiles, or when his eyes meet the others.

“Me and my friends are going to the cinemas, and we’re going to watch a horror movie. So I was going to pick them up and we we’re going to hit the gas station and buy a ton of snacks to sneak in. And I've been driving forever so I can pick them up and go wherever I want. It's a cheap car my uncle and I picked up at the dealership, however it’s super reliable. Except for one time the engine broke and I freaked out and thought it would be broken forever. But we got it fixed, so it's fine now,” Saps continues to ramble. “I love driving, it's one of my favorite things ever. One of my favorite things is driving down the coast and looking out against the beaches and the ocean. The ocean in California is so beautiful – I think it's crazy that the beach is so vast and stretches on for miles and miles. I love driving, it’s so exciting to have control of such a big thing, you can literally go anywhere.” 

Flux smiles, he finds so much peace in listening to Saps’ jabber and maunder, “I wish I could drive.”

“Why haven’t you?” Saps raises an eyebrow.

“My parents don’t want to teach me, or to pay for my lessons. I’m almost an adult and I don’t even have my permit yet, it's embarrassing. All my friends have cars, or at least they know how to drive.” Flux’s voice begins to get lower, and he fiddles his hand anxiously. “They think if I learn how to drive, I’m going to pack all my things, take the car, leave the state, and disappear – or something like that.” 

“Would you?”

“I think I would. I hate it here, I hate this stupid small town. There’s nothing to do, and I feel constantly trapped, caged against my own will. I’m stuck,” Words come spilling out his mouth, dispersing into the air in a mindless fashion. Saps’ carefully places his fingers in between Flux’s, and squeezes. His eyes are full of sympathy, or pity – and Flux hates it. He can’t stand it at all. He hates that look, he wants to leave. It makes him feel pathetic, like he’s not worthy of anything, worthy of love. And only in this moment does he never want to talk to Saps again

“If you had a car, and you could choose to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

Flux looks at Saps, his eyes slightly glossy, “Anywhere really. I think I’d come to visit you.”

Saps looks back at him, grinning. Flux see’s his cheeks grow a slight shade of red. “Would you really come visit me?” 

“If we ever meet, you promise you would teach me how to drive.”

“You wouldn’t even need to drive. I would drive you to the movie theater, or down to the beach, or anywhere you want. I’d spend all the time in the world with you and do whatever you want to do. I’d be your personal chaffeur”

“You promise you would teach me how to drive?” Flux repeats himself. 

Saps untangles his hands from Flux’s and offers his pinkie. “I promise.”

Flux accepts the pinkie, and a deep heartening laugh escapes his mouth. In that moment, Flux would never settle for someone unlike Saps. Maybe, Flux wouldn’t settle for anybody but Saps. Flux wants to spend the rest of his time in this world with him, isolated on the same beach house together. Just him and Saps, forever.

—------------

Flux wakes up again in the cave, only without the presence of Saps. The warm feeling of the shoulder usually accompanied when he first awakes is now replaced with the numb stiff wall behind him. Memories of Saps come rushing back to him, and he feels the same sting in the back of his head. 

He uses his hands to push himself up and out the grotto. The last time he left was the first day; the sun glares at his eyesight as he squints. 

The trees display a well-needed shadow under the early morning. Flux searches for any sign of Saps in the forest. He walks along the musky soil, his foot leaving a slight imprint in the ground. He feels himself slightly panicking – there hasn’t been a night they spent together in 2 weeks. Flux imagines all possible scenarios, what if Saps is gone? What if they never meet again? The thought pulses within his stomach. That is, until he spots a footstep left against the dirt, one that's not his own. The imprint is then followed by another, leading astray from the naturely-paved trail and into the trees. Flux follows; he recognizes the place – it's the area of the forest Flux explored with Saps after the first conversation in the camp. He follows; the trail leads along the side of the mountain, until he finds himself on the cliff of the mountain. The scene is something out of the movie; vibrantly colored, facing the entire land surrounding it. Flux can see, within the distance, the lake that he jumped into not so long ago. The sunrise is coming in, the world turning into all shades of orange and pink. In a way, Flux refuses that this is all a dream, how his mind was able to comprehend such beauty within the earth. 

A white figure comes into his vision, his legs casually swinging off the edge. Flux exhales in relief before coming to sit down by his side. Saps doesn’t speak, his gaze lost into the distance. The earth is silent around them,a few burst of winds flying against his face. They sit in silence until Flux hears a small sniffle coming from beside him. Saps’ eyes are tainted red, his cheeks swollen. They lock eyes before Saps casts his head down, rubbing his eyes with his jacket sleeve. 

“I’m sorry,” Saps hiccups, “I don’t even know why I’m acting like this,”  he lets out what Flux assumes to be a half a sob and a laugh.

Flux glances off into the distance.

“It's just that-” Saps cuts in again, “I feel like I’m grieving. Fuck, it’s grief! That's what it is. I can’t stomach forgetting you every time I wake up, not one more time. I feel like I’m losing a core memory, like I wake up and someone is actively ripping out my insides and tugging on my heart.” 

Flux puts a hand on Saps’ leg, “That happens to you too?”

“Yes, it does!” Saps throws his hands up. He pauses for a moment, his face contorted to a look of despair. “Do you remember me? Do you know who I really am?”

Flux inches closer to Saps, his body slightly touching against the other. His hand hasn’t left Saps’ leg, and he feels himself gripping tighter. Not uncomfortably – just enough to keep Flux closer, within proximity.

“I know who you are. I know more about you than I do about me.” He admits.

That isn’t a lie. Flux has managed to analyze every expression, every body movement of Saps; subconsciously creating habits based off of Saps or predicting what he will say. 

Flux’s eyes meet Saps’. Those oh so brown eyes that Flux longs for.

On the other hand, Flux contradicts himself. He doesn’t know everything; he doesn’t know if Saps has ever loved something like Flux loves him. He doesn’t know if that feeling is reciprocated. There’s an intense feeling in his stomach, growing and stirring up until he ends up confessing his devotion for the man sitting right next to him. His mind is betraying his heart, in adulation. He wants that desire to be shared, he just wants to kiss Saps right here. 

He reaches out to move a piece of Saps’ hair behind his ear, and the hand stays. They’re staring at each other for so long, gradually shifting closer to each other, never losing eye-contact. Saps’ hand cups Flux’s, his thumb slightly dragging against Flux’s cheek. Flux feels himself burning up – whatever he’s feeling he hasn’t felt before.

“This one time, we forget. We forget that we’re not going to remember each other when we wake up. Let's focus right now – on this moment,” Flux announces. 

“This moment is everlasting,” Saps smiles. 

“Everlasting,” he repeats. 

Saps puts his lips against Flux. They’re kissing – passionately. Saps’ hand leaves his cheeks and moves to the back of his Flux’s head, pushing him closer, pulling him harder. Flux doesn’t want this to end, he doesnt ever want to leave Saps. He feels free, free from the chains of his parents, school, his life. His worries slip away, blow into the wind. All he could think about at this moment is Saps and Saps only. Saps’ lips on Flux’s, Saps’ head touching his, Saps. 

Saps slowly pulls back, a grin apparent on his face. Flux is back at him, marking every detail of his face, his body. They’ve never been this close before. 

He pulls his legs away from the edge of the mountain and sprawls himself against the dust. Flux follows, only mere space between the two. Saps is giggling, pulling his knees into his chest. He hiccups again, but this time it's not from crying. 

“When I first met you, you said you were the bird at the very beginning. I thought it made total sense, you seemed so much like that crow – sharp and startling. So I didn’t think you could ever be like this, or be like this with me. I thought you hated me. “ Saps rambles. 

Flux’s eyes lock with Saps once again, “I could never hate you. I love you,” he whispers.

Saps’ eyes widen before grinning back, “I love you too,” he confesses. 

“I love you so so much.”

“I love you!” Saps yells. The voice echoes off the top of the mountains, bouncing back Saps’ voice. I love you I love you I love you. 

“If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets. I want you to always remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?” Saps asks.

“If I could, I would forget everybody, just to be with you,” Flux reaffirms before grabbing Saps into another kiss.

—------------

Flux wakes up back in the cave; It’s been a couple days since the kiss. He’s lying against Saps, libs sprawled out across the floor. His head lays restlessly against Saps’ leg. He turns his head towards Saps – there's a distant look in his eyes, a small frown. He’s zoned out. Flux tugs on his shirt once, before he snaps back. Flux looks at him, mumbling out a sleepy hey. Saps looks down, ruffling Flux’s hair before smothering Flux in kisses – on his forehead, the top of his head, his lips. 

“You know you snore when you sleep,” Saps acknowledges. 

“No I don’t,” Flux retorts.

“You do.”

“Shut up,” Flux says teasily.

Saps chuckles, but Flux notices something is out of place. Saps seem less engaging as usual. There's less bite to his jokes. He doesn’t smile or laugh as much as usual, and he’s picking the skin on his fingers. 

“Is everything okay,” Flux asks in a concerned tone.

“Sorry, it's just that my uncle called me. He finished filming and he's coming back.” Saps murmurs back.

“Is that not a good thing?”

“Well, I mean,” he stutters, “He also told me that we’re moving.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Flux reaches out to grip Saps’ hand, squeezing tight. “How do you feel about that?”

“Well I’m mad, and I’m upset. It's all just very sudden, yknow? Like I’m just being uprooted from my life and being moved to - I don’t even know where I’m going. I moved a bit when I was younger. I lived in Thailand for a couple months, and then Denmark, Vienna, and even Kazahstan. California has been the longest place I’ve ever lived.”

“You’re upset about losing your friends?”

“It’s not even that, I mean I’ve had friends. It’s just I’ve never felt connected to them, like I never fully got to know them. I don’t think I’ll ever get to know someone like I do with you. And I like Ish, so it’s not unbearable”

He moves his body so that he's postioned right in front of Saps, looking straight at Saps’ stern expression. He looks slightly above the collar of Saps’ jacket, the same one he wore on the first day within the mountain. There’s a small birthmark, small moles forming the shape of a spiral. Flux’s fingers move to trace it, carefully placing his thumb over the shape. He marks it over and over again in his mind, making sure to burn it within his mind. 

Saps cut off Flux’s concentration. “Weird right?”

“Do you know where you’re moving to?”

“No idea, it could be across the world for all I know. I could be spending my winter in Antarctica.” 

“I doubt you’re moving to Antarctica.”

“Hey, it's not out of the picture”

“The birthmark, it feels like it relates to this,” Flux is lost in thought, trying to connect things that seem incomprehensible to his brain. His brain is srambling to find things that make this whole dream sequence make sense to his mind. He thinks back to 

“I don’t understand.”

“Spirals have existed for forever. Naturally and not. My sister used to be super interested in crystals. It's supposed to be related to re-incarnation, or something like that. She once told me that spirals create a connectivity to our earth, or what is supposed to be our dream-like memory of earth. Whatever you can call this."

“A dream?” Saps repeats the word, the word twisting into something foreign in Flux's ear. Flux has known experiences changes his connotation of words, but it should have never had this much of a effect on his brain.

“I feel like it's not actually a dream if we’re conscious of the fact we are actively dreaming. I just don’t understand why any of this is hpapening.“

“I think that's what life is. It's supposed to be unexplainable, you don’t need to know why or how everything in this universe works.” Saps says, shrugging his shoulders.

“You don’t ever want to try to make sense of all of this? Make sense of the things going on in this world?” 

“I think it's going to drive both of us crazy,” Saps admits. 

Flux pauses, “Are you religious?” 

“Not particularly. You?”

Flux technically was – his parents were both Christans, and they went to church during the holidays. He believes that a god exists, someone worldly out in the vast universe. But he hates knowing that someone out there has all the answers to human mortality, and doesn’t pass it down. Flux wants to make sense of his existence. “Yeah.”

“What if we truly are soulmates? Maybe that's the answer to why we are here.” 

“Huh?”

“Remember what I said about the red string theory, the very first time we met?”

Yes, Flux remembers it vividly. The idea becoming eternally connected to the man he loved. Saps. That strong pull, the strong urge, to see his other. Soulmates is a whole other story within itself. Becoming so spiritually connected to one another, it feels like you're missing a piece of you. A missing organ, a lung, a heart, part of your brain. It's missing something, leaving a dull ache within your being, as a person. It traces back to destiny, and fate, and stuff that Flux has been experiencing here, in this other universe.

“I’m not as opposed to that idea anymore. I think I like the idea of being your soulmate.” Flux admits. It should feel painful, becoming so vulnerable to a person. But Flux couldn't care less, he wants to be the missing piece to Saps, he wants to be with him.

Saps grins, “I hope we are destined to meet each other. If we don’t, I think I may have to remain single for the rest of my life.”

Flux snorts, “Please don’t do that.” He wants to insist otherwise, but the idea of being with him is inherently selfish within itself. 

“Why wouldn’t I? I don’t think I could ever find someone like you,” Saps frowns.

“I want you to live your life without me. Tou don’t need me, especially when you can’t remember me for what- 22 hours of the day?”

“Flux, I would be glad to spend even a minute of your time. At least we can see each other for a little bit every day, that's all that matters.”

—------------

Flux is panicking, he’s slept soundlessly for the last 5 nights. Usually that's okay, but he hasn’t woken up in a dream, or seen the man for the last at all. His heart claws at the emptiness within his heart, one that he cannot fuffill without the presence of his friend right besides him. He can’t talk to anyone about this – because how can he explain to someone that he’s been communicating with a completely unknown and unfamiliar person for the last two weeks? Even worse, he can’t mention how badly his heart yearns for this person, and how he longs for another kiss from him. 

It's the morning of the first day back to school since the suspension. He was supposed to get advice from the man, and now he’s freaking out. Crow insisted on taking him to school this morning, so he spent the entire drive dreading the day. He gets to school with just enough to not be tardy for his first class. He’s sitting at a table with the Conspiracy, when Seraphim politely asks him to pick up her bag. She left it in the theater room, and was busy arguing with Snowbird to pick it up. Flux agrees, wanting to be a good friend, and wanting to spend some time in the day to himself. 

Even though he considers his school to be relatively small, Flux finds himself lost around this specific part of the campus. He traverses through unknown hallways, and takes several turns, many of which he was unsure about. 

Flux is nearing what he considers to be the correct room when he bumps shoulders with someone. He turns around to a boy; hair the same shade as the fluorescent lights above, eyes like cinnamon. They turn around and Flux feels a familiar flushing senscation spreading across his face. 

“I am so sorry about that,” the person said. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Flux responds, feeling slightly flustered. He turns to move on, still primarily focused on finding Sera's bag.

“Wait, please don't leave” the person pleads. He slings his backpack to the front of his body and opens the zipper, “I'm new, and I'm lost, if you can't tell," he slightly chuckles to himself. "I need to find my next class. Can you point me in the direction?" he asks with a very convincing smile.

Flux groans at the mere setback, “Where's your class?”

“Oh, yeah- sorry,“ the boy looks deeper into his backpack, probably looking for some crumpled up piece of paper containing his schedule

Flux feels a hint of familiarity, something clicking in the back of his mind – but hes not too sure what it exactly is. The boy in front of him curves his neck so he can see into his backpack more clearly. His hair moves slightly out the way and Flux sees it; a small arrangement shaped into a spiral. The memories come hitting him back like a truck; Flux feels a headache forming. Saps, his Saps, is standing directly in front of him. Is he dreaming? Someone needs to pinch him – ouch, not dreaming. A gasp escapes his lungs, and at the same time, his breathe hitches. His fight or flight mode is activated, and Flux is choosing the latter. 

Flux swiftly faces the opposite direction and quickly walks in the opposite direction. Saps’ head is still in his backpack, and soon, he’ll look up to see that Flux is no longer there.