Chapter Text
"Matthew, I like you."
The ice cream cup was left on the table unceremoniously the moment that words broke the ambience of their bonding.
Bahagyang napapitlag si Matthew at nanlalaking matang lumingon sa kaibigan. Hindi niya na magawang alalahanin ang gumulong na kutsara ng ice cream sa lupa at mabilis na hinarap ang kaibigan.
"Ha?"
"You heard me, Matt."
"Seryoso ka ba sa sinasabi mo, William?"
Matthew's face paled down as he tried to comprehend the situation. Internally, he was panicking. What is exactly happening right now?
" Matthew..yes— I like you, okay?" William gulped as he tried to grasp the older's hands in a trembling manner, "but can you please not make this awkward?" he tried to laugh at the embarrassment engulfing his whole being at this moment.
Matthew was stumped. His looks show nothing as ecstatic as what William expected. Shit.
His facial reaction now resembles more of a defeated soldier. Napatingin na lang siya ng malalim sa nakababatang kaibigan. Ang buong pagkatao niya ay nagulantang sa biglang paglalahad ng binata. Sinusubukan niyang pakiramdaman at basahin ang sitwasyon.
He sat there in a dumbfounded manner, but ultimately he decided to finally speak out after realizing he could no longer pretend that this conversation wasn't happening.
"You're not supposed to."
"...what do you mean?" William's smile twitched . His eyelids fluttered habang ang mga matay ay kapwa ng nakapokus sa tanawin sa harap ng ini-upuan nilang bench sa park kung saan sila nakilala at lumaking magkasama. He can't afford to stare at his best friend, not at this point. "What do you mean by that, Matt?"
"William.. We're friends..".he uttered with difficulty. Rinig na rinig niya kung paano nito sinusubukan gawing mahinahon at malambot ang tono ng boses, “you're not— you're not supposed to like your best friend. I think that's already common knowledge," His whole figure was stiff as he tried to utter those words that were constantly running inside his head as the realization sinks in. His best friend. confessing to him. on a random tuesday.
"But what about everything?" the younger man whispered. He clutched his sweaty palms as he remained still, wanting to hear the final verdict from his best friend's lips.
"everything?"
"William. We're best friends."
William finally started intently at Matthew for the very first time since he confessed.
Wala sa sariling napahugot siya ng malalim na hininga habang ang mga kamay na hawak ang isang cup ng mint choco na kakabili lang nila kanina. He was trying to hold the remaining sanity and self respect in his body— hoping he wouldn't cry his tears out in front of this unmoved guy.
He wanted to shout at him. Was everything that he had done would be now put under the pretext of casualness? because they're best friends?
Matthew was staring at him back. with this indescribable guilt and conflicted mood.
His reaction was so transparent. so genuine. so apologetic
There's not even a single proof of him being in denial. Not even a pang of hesitation.
so, all of these were just because we're friends?
The background music of ‘ruin the friendship’ starts playing in the corner of nowhere inside the park.
With no doubt. The whole world must've been mocking him.
Putangina naman.
Mapait siyang napangiti bago maliit na tumungo ng tingin sa sariling mga palad, habang bahagyang napakagat ng labi at muling tumingin kay Matthew.
"I am sorry."
"I just..." he paused, feeling soulless, "maybe, i saw it differently." William muttered, closing his eyes as he mustered all of his courage to admit that.
He couldn't believe he's opening his bare feelings there and then. And his whole chest aches at the realization he ruined the best thing he assumed that he could have. What would happen now?
"William, you were special."
"i know, Matt." Sinubukan niyang ngumiti ng pilit bago nilipat ang tingin sa tanawin sa harapan nila. “but please don't say it anymore.” his voice weakened. Ang mga luha ay bahagyang nagta-tangkang tumulo.
Pakiramdam ni William ay nawala na ang puso niya sa sitwasyong pinasok niya— at marahil higit pa roon. Dahil pati na rin ang pagkakaibigang minsang naging dahilan kung bakit siya sumubok na magmahal ay tuluyan na rin mauuwi sa wala.