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"What’s wrong?” Jisung asked, setting down his backpack on the chair next to him and settling across from Minho at the library table. Minho had his head resting on his crossed arms, glaring at another table across the room. Jisung turned his head and followed his gaze, eyes falling on a familiar head of brunette hair buried in a sea of papers and textbooks. Seungmin was squinting at his laptop and tapping the end of a pen against his lip. He looked laser-focused on his work, despite the eye bags Jisung could spot even across the room.
He had a growing inkling as to why Minho was so grumpy now. “Wow, how long’s he been at it?”
“Since 5am,” Minho snipped. Jisung’s eyes widened. It was 6pm—he’d been stuck here for 13 hours? “I tried to pull him away multiple times, but I ended up getting banned from,” he lazily raised one of his arms to mimic air quotes, “‘existing within twenty feet of him before he finished this damn unit.’ Brat.”
“Has he taken a break at all?”
“Managed to get him to eat lunch. Breakfast was a no-go, and I told him that if he wasn’t done by 6:30, I’m forcing dinner down his throat whether he likes it or not.”
“Hyung, how long have you been here?” Minho groaned and buried his face deeper in his arms.
“Since 9am. Fucker snuck out early and my alarm was set for 8. I left to grab us some food and had to leave for a bit for a group dance practice, but mostly I’ve been here watching him.” Jisung smiled, safe from Minho’s wrath since he wasn’t looking at him. The older was such a good boyfriend to Seungmin. How many other college guys would stay cooped up in the library on a nice, sunny Saturday just to make sure his significant other was fed and wouldn’t collapse any minute from overworking themself?
He must’ve been quiet for too long, because Minho peeked an eye out and scowled at his amused smile. “Shut up, Han Jisung.” Jisung’s grin grew wider.
“Didn’t say anything, hyung.”
Minho rolled his eyes and stretched, leaning back against the chair and extending his limbs out, looking for all the world like a stretching cat. He dropped his arms down and crossed them against his chest, falling silent as he stared at Seungmin.
“He’s always pushing himself too hard,” he said after a beat. He rolled his tongue across his teeth, watching his boyfriend narrow his eyes at something on the screen and rub his temples. “I think he ties too much of his self-worth to his academic achievements.”
Jisung, who was unwrapping a granola bar, paused at that bombshell of an observation.
Minho closed his eyes and sighed. “I’ve barely been able to spend any time with him lately. He’s been living in the library more than our apartment. I told him to be home by 10pm at the latest yesterday, and I still had to come over here and drag him out myself at 11 because he lost track of time and had his phone turned off to avoid distractions. And that’s just one example from the past week.”
“He’s getting thinner, Sungie. When I held him in bed last night, I swear I could feel his ribs,” Minho swallowed hard. When he’d finally gotten Seungmin to join him in bed and wrapped his arms around him, something inside of him lurched at the smooth ridges he could feel along his chest. Seungmin had always been thin, but not like that.
“He’s gonna crash and it’s not gonna be pretty. But I can’t talk him out of it because grades are too important to him. This is one thing he won’t budge on.” There wasn’t much the two of them fought about. They teasingly bickered with one another a lot, but they weren’t the type to get into genuine arguments. They knew, more than anyone else, where one another’s lines were drawn. That’s why Minho had let this go on for longer than he’s comfortable with. This is one of Seungmin’s lines.
Jisung took a thoughtful bite of his bar. “You’re worried about him. You miss him. It’s understandable.”
“I just don’t know what more I can do,” the dancer whispered, a sad desperation lacing his quiet plea. Jisung’s lips thinned.
Minho glanced down at his Apple Watch and resolutely stood up. It was dinner time, no matter how much Seungmin will try to protest. He slung his bag over his shoulder and said a quick goodbye to Jisung before marching over to Seungmin’s dragon hoard of papers and school supplies. His boyfriend didn’t even look up when he approached, too focused on the screen in front of him. His lips were silently mouthing the words as he read, a habit Minho found adorable, but would never admit to Seungmin.
“Yah. It’s 6:30, which means you’re coming with me.” Seungmin didn’t even look away from the text, eyes still scanning the words. Minho’s eye twitched. “Pack up your stuff, Seungmin. It’s time to eat.”
“One second, hyung. I’m almost done, just give me a few more minutes,” Seungmin muttered offhandedly, still not even sparing him a glance. That’s your boyfriend, Minho, he reminded himself, and you love him very much. Even when he’s a disrespectful little brat.
“No, Seungmin. A few more minutes is going to turn into another hour—I know how you are. I told you 6:30, so we’re going now.” That got him a look, even if it was a glare. Minho glared right back. Two can play that game.
“If I don’t finish this section now, then I’ll be off-track. I scheduled out that I’d finish units 4 and 5 today and 6.1-6.5. I’m only on 6.2 now and it’s going to take another 3 or 4 hours to finish if I want to stay on schedule. I planned to get to 6.3 before eating.”
His adorable little dork of a boyfriend with his meticulous schedules. Minho had to send him calendar invites for dates sometimes because otherwise he’d forget and plan over them.
It wasn’t so adorable and silly right now.
“Jagi, the reason why you’re going slower than you expected is because you’re two seconds away from falling asleep and your stomach cannibalizing itself in starvation.” Seungmin was cute no matter what, but the eye bags weren’t doing his complexion any favors.
The younger’s stomach gave a protesting rumble and the boy’s cheeks pinked at the noise. Minho fought back a twitch of his lips.
“I’m right in the middle of 6.2 though! If I stop now, I’m going to forget what I already did and I’ll have to start over.”
Minho crossed his arms and sighed. “Babe, if you’re forgetting what you learned after an hour break to eat, this seems ineffective for when you actually take your tests.”
“That’s not what I—“ Seungmin stuttered out, breaking off into a growl of frustration. Except it sounded about as threatening as a disgruntled puppy.
Minho contemplated for a moment. He had an idea, but he wasn’t sure how much it was going to piss Seungmin off. The younger got frustrated semi-easily, but he was usually quick to realize that it didn’t really matter and he should just relax. With this though—Minho was playing with fire.
Fuck it, he thought. He needs to eat.
Resolve steeled, Minho crouched down and lifted Seungmin up from the chair bridal style. The brunette yelped in surprise and his arms instinctively wrapped around Minho’s neck.
“Hyung—“ Minho paid him no mind as he spun them around and marched towards the direction of the stairwell. He wasn’t taking his chances with the elevator, because that would give Seungmin too much time to think.
“Jisung,” he called out as they passed by the table Minho was sitting at earlier. Jisung slipped off his headphones and looked up at them, eyes widening and shit-eating grin splitting his face as he took in their appearance. “Guard Seungmin’s stuff for me, will you?”
“Aye-aye, captain.” Jisung gave a two-finger salute and grabbed his backpack and laptop to relocate over to Seungmin’s table.
“Don’t touch anything!” Seungmin argued fruitlessly as Minho kept trudging along and they turned the corner. “Minho, put me down!” Minho ignored him as he turned his back towards the door to push it open and carefully carried them down the flight of stairs. Luckily, they were only on the first floor. Seungmin was dreadfully light for a man his size, but Minho had been slacking off on arms at the gym recently.
Seungmin was surprisingly quiet as Minho pushed open the door to the front entrance. He must’ve been too tired to argue, which was concerning. One of Seungmin’s favorite pastimes was complaining. His boyfriend sighed and tucked his face into the crook of Minho’s neck. The dancer’s heart gave a dull pang as the younger’s arms lost some of their grip strength.
Seungmin was exhausted. That much was apparent.
He definitely made the right decision to pull him away when he did. Hell, he really should’ve done it sooner. Unfortunately, Seungmin probably wouldn’t have let him until he grew as tired as he was now.
What’s done was done. There was no use regretting the past now. Minho tightened his grip on Seungmin and kept walking.
Minho fiddled with the doorknob, careful not to lose his grip on the brunette or smack him into the doorway, and thankfully successfully managed to open their front door. He toed off his shoes and gave the door a bump with his butt to close it.
Minho shuffled over to the couch, gently settling down his boyfriend—or, trying to. The boy clung to him like a giant koala, reluctant to let go or remove his face from his collarbone. Minho, hunched over the couch still, smiled down at him fondly, secure in the knowledge that the other couldn’t see his expression.
“Yah. I need to get the food. Unhand me, brat.” Seungmin whined and nuzzled into his neck deeper and, against his demands, tightened his arms.
Minho dropped his whole body weight onto the boy beneath him.
“Ah, hyung!” That did the trick.
Minho grabbed one of the ankles of the deflated pancake and bullied its shoe off, doing the same with the other and dropping them back off at the entrance. He then made his way into the kitchen, pulling out the food he ordered earlier in preparation for dinner. He made quick work of reheating the food and setting the table at their small the kitchen table.
He peered over the couch and saw that Seungmin had fallen into a light slumber, chest rising and falling gently and expression more calm than he’d seen in far too long. Minho worried his lip, wondering if he should let him sleep for a bit or get some food in him now.
He rounded the couch, crouching down to be at face level with the boy and swept his bangs out of his eyes, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Seungmin’s eyes slowly fluttered open and he gave a little inquiring sound.
“Food’s ready, sweetheart,” he explained to him softly. The younger’s lips drew into a pout and Minho’s heart felt all warm and gooey at the sight. “I know, I know. You’re sleepy and hyung’s the worst for waking you up—but you need to eat something, baby.”
He guided a reluctant Seungmin to a sitting position and he let out another little whine before standing up. But the moment he did, his face grew pale and his knees buckled. His hands grabbed onto Minho’s shoulders the same time Minho’s arms shot forward and caught him by the waist, settling him back down carefully onto the couch, still sitting upright. Seungmin let out a shuttering breath and leaned his forehead against Minho’s chest. Concern made Minho’s chest grow tight.
A spark of something else—something that felt like anger—flashed through him. He wasn’t quite sure who or what he was angry at though.
“Too fast?” Minho asked instead of ruminating on the thought. Seungmin nodded.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. Minho could feel the word vibrate through his shirt. Some petty part of him didn’t want to say it was okay—because it wasn’t. Seungmin hurting was never okay. Seungmin hurting because of his own actions was never okay. Minho understood why he does what he does, why he pushes himself so hard—
Because he needs it to feel like he’s worth something.
Minho just wished he could get Seungmin to realize that he was more than numbers on a paper.
“We’ll go slower this time,” he said instead.
Hands still on Seungmin’s waist, he slowly lifted him up, letting the boy lean on him as they stood. He gave him a minute once they were both upright, letting him breathe and reorient himself, hoping he wasn’t blinking back spots or fighting off a bout of dizziness.
I should’ve gotten him sooner.
At least he has him now.
“Come on, baby.”
They carefully shuffled over to the table where the food was still warm and sat down.
All that work to get up, just to sit right back down.
Minho waited until Seungmin had picked up his chopsticks and took the first bite before grabbing his own. They sat in silence as they ate, enjoying the warm food after a long day.
Or, at least, Minho was.
Seungmin’s eyes kept darting from his food over to the digital clock above the stove, before shooting back to his plate. Minho held back a sigh. No doubt the younger was worried about his “schedule.” The poor boy couldn’t even enjoy a meal in peace without thinking about studying.
There’s no way Minho was letting him get back to his work tonight though. He didn’t care how mad Seungmin got at him, he wasn’t going to continue letting him sacrifice his health like he had been.
“Minnie,” Minho started, setting his chopsticks down, “I miss you.”
Seungmin’s head shot up, clearly not expecting those words. He blinked dumbly, jaw dropping open enough to see a hint of teeth peeking out behind his lips. It was adorable for absolutely no good reason.
“What? Hyung…” he trailed off, not sure how to continue.
“You’re always at the library, and even when I’m there too I’m not allowed to talk to you or sometimes even sit near you.” Seungmin’s eyes widened. “When I finally manage to drag you home—if I can manage to drag you home—it’s straight to showering and sleeping. When we’re in the same bed, all I want is for you to sleep. I can’t talk to you then because the time you allow for yourself to rest is so limited. I can’t bring myself to disturb you when you need all the sleep you can get.”
“You’re getting so thin, Minnie. I can feel your ribs when I hold you and your cheekbones were sharp against my collarbone when I was carrying you. Your hair is getting duller and your eye bags have eye bags.” Minho clasped his hands together, elbows resting on either side of his plate, and pressed his forehead against his hands. He squeezed his eyes shut harshly.
“I understand your grades are important to you. I get it. But you’re important to me, Seungmin. And it hurts to watch you wither away and I can’t do anything to stop it.” Minho heard a sharp inhale from across the table. He tightened his hands further.
“You’re so smart, Minnie. So damn smart and I’m so proud of you all the time. You don’t need every assignment and every test to tell you that. It’s okay if you do a little below your own standards sometimes—your standards are already high as hell. Employers are still going to see how incredible you are. We are still going to see how incredible you are.” All the words he’d been holding back on saying were coming out. They’d always relied on actions more than words when it came to one another, but maybe if he’d said this all sooner, they wouldn’t be in this predicament.
“You’re more than just a perfect grade or your extracurriculars or accolades. You’re the boy that still writes in his Pochacco journal every night and roots for the same baseball team even though they suck. You’re the boy that won’t let me kiss him until I’ve brushed my teeth and never follows recipes correctly in the kitchen. You’re the boy that stood by my side for hours at my halmeoni’s grave when I couldn’t move. You’re my boyfriend and I love you.”
The room fell silent, only the sound of the air conditioning kicking on in the next room could be heard.
“They don’t suck,” a small voice warbled out. Minho lifted his head and was met with Seungmin’s watery eyes and trembling bottom lip. A bark of laughter escaped Minho’s throat.
“They do suck, and you know it.”
“Fine, the Lotte Giants suck and you suck even more.” The tears in Seungmin’s eyes broke free and glided down his cheeks. He hastily brought his hands up to hide his face.
Minho couldn’t help the soft smile he knew was plastered across his own face. His silly little nerd was just too cute. He didn’t know how someone so smart could be so dumb sometimes.
“‘mss you too, ‘yung,” the younger mumbled from behind his hands, loud sniffles breaking any semblance of hiding his crying. “‘m sorry. Got overwhelmed and—…and caught up in tryin’ to be the perfect student.”
“I know, baby,” he reassured warmly. “You know I admire your diligence, but not when it costs you your health.” Seungmin let out a small, hurt noise of acknowledgment. Minho thought he needed a hug.
“Can hyung have a hug, baby?” Seungmin nodded and stumbled upright. Minho tensed as he remembered the last time, but thankfully he didn’t seem dizzy, just refused to take his hands off his face so he could barely see where he was going.
The younger fell ungracefully into his lap and curled up like a lapdog, his face once again finding Minho’s neck. His large hands fisted the dancer’s shirt and Minho’s arms settled around the taller boy squeezed on top of him.
Minho pressed his lips against the crown of Seungmin’s head, just staying there and soaking in his presence.
That sat there like that for a while, Seungmin’s cries petering off until he was just lying against Minho, secure in his arms.
“Can we go to bed?” Seungmin asked tentatively, breaking the silence. His voice was a bit rough from crying—still a little whiny like it got when he was upset. Minho’s face lit up when he realized what Seungmin was asking. That he was deciding on his own to ditch studying for the rest of the night and actually choosing to sleep. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t even 8pm yet and was way earlier than either of them usually went to sleep. Seungmin wriggled happily as he felt Minho’s lips form a smile against his hair.
“Yeah baby, we can do that. How about you go shower and I’ll clean up and tell Sungie to pick up your stuff and keep it safe.” He was going to tell Jisung to keep Seungmin’s stuff with him for the night rather than drop it off at their place—an extra safety measure to ensure Seungmin couldn’t study the rest of the night. Sue him, he trusted Seungmin, but he wanted to be thorough.
Seungmin peeked his head up and gave him a sweet peck on the lips before sliding off his lap and wandering into their bathroom. Minho watched him go, eyes wandering to his cute little butt (he was his boyfriend, he’s allowed to ogle) before setting off to put away their leftovers. There was still more food on both of their plates than he’d like, but he was going to make sure Seungmin had a big breakfast tomorrow. He had a feeling he was going to be more agreeable this time around.
By the time he finished storing the containers, cleaning, and shooting a text to Jisung (who happily agreed and congratulated him on getting through to the study monster), the shower was free for Minho. Seungmin was brushing his teeth as Minho hopped in the shower. Usually he’d be humming a tune while brushing, but the brunette must’ve felt too tired for even that. The crying probably didn’t help either.
After they both finished up their nightly routines, Minho darted into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and made his way into their bedroom. Well, it was actually Minho’s bedroom, but he had the bigger bed out of the two of them, so they both ended up in his room at night more often than not.
Seungmin was sat against the headboard, trying valiantly not to nod off while he waited for Minho to join him. The dancer thought he would’ve been out the moment he climbed under the sheets. The fact that he waited for him made Minho’s insides feel warm.
Minho thrusted the glass towards Seungmin, who stared at it for a second before wrapping both hands around the cup. “Drink,” Minho nodded towards the glass. He didn’t want Seungmin going to sleep dehydrated after crying (and definitely not drinking as much as he should’ve been throughout the day).
Seungmin took sleepy sips until he drained three-fourths of the glass. Minho nodded in approval and plucked it from his hands, setting it on the bedside table. He climbed into his side of the bed and pulled Seungmin down so he was lying half on his chest, the younger’s head resting right atop his heart. Seungmin’s left palm splayed against Minho’s bare chest. It was cold, Seungmin had always run colder than him, but it was soothing. Minho wrapped his arms loosely around him for the third time today.
“I love you too,” Seungmin’s sleepy voice murmured. “More than all that. I’d rather have you.” Minho’s heart tightened and his throat felt dangerously clogged.
“And you will. For as long as you’ll let me.”
Seungmin yawned and Minho could see him rapidly losing the battle to sleep. “Forever then,” he slurred, eyes slowly shutting and breaths evening out near instantly.
Minho blinked briskly, swallowing hard. He carefully planted a small kiss on Seungmin’s head. “Forever then.”