Work Text:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are gray
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."
It was one day after Marc Anciel’s death. The only day the world fell quiet. The only day the clouds huddled in mourning, casting a darkness over Paris. The only day rain started pouring during the summer. But no rain could rival the hail of tears from his beloved partner, Nathaniel Kurtzberg.
Marc and Nathaniel were inseparable. You'd never see one without the other. Now, the redhead wallows in his own pool of despair. Alone. Detached.
Marinette could remember all too well on how Marc would barge into her room exactly one day after any date he had with Nathaniel. His elation purely animated as he would excitedly tell Marinette about the first time he and Nathaniel kissed as the fireworks exploded in the clear night sky (not that Marinette could relate with her unlucky timing regarding Adrien).
Laughter and blissfulness were always present when Marc was around. Now, all Marinette had left was Marc’s ghost of kaleidoscopic laughter echo around her room.
Nathaniel wasn’t planning to go to Marc’s his funeral at all.
Marc is dead.
That deceased man in the ivory casket isn’t Marc, it’s just who he used to be. Marc’s soul departed to a foreign place where Nathaniel cannot follow. Not yet anyway. They will be together again… one day.
6 days left.
The days before Marc’s burial blur into each other. Time was stagnant. Nathaniel only noticed the passing days when he lies in bed, gazing out the window, seeing the sky vary between light and dark blue every several hours. And of course, when Alix occasionally brings him food, so he won’t starve from grief.
“You have to eat, Nathaniel,” Alix said strictly with small concern in her voice.
A disgruntled sound escaped his lips, like someone slowly rising from the dead who didn’t want to be brought back. Nathaniel’s past shoulder-length hair shrouds his face in a curtain of dark maroon. But through the strands, Alix can see the two cerulean voids staring back at her in pure despair.
Alix chooses her words carefully.
She places a tray of food on her nightstand and sits down next to Nathaniel, who didn’t move from his curled-up fetus position. With dejection already poisoning the interaction, Alix speaks.
“This wasn’t your fault.” She states, hoping her words reached the ears and soul of her half-alive friend.
Alix reaches her hand out to Nathaniel, in hopes of giving physical comfort. Nathaniel flinches violently and moves away from her, creating the same curled-up attitude he had previously before Alix violated his glass barriers of personal space.
To Alix, it seems like she lost two best friends instead of one.
4 days left.
Max and Kim weren’t better at it either. When they convinced Nathaniel to go to a café on the outskirts of Paris, it was as if he was somewhere else while he was just sitting across from them.
The only reason why Nathaniel wasn’t wearing the same clothes again was due to Alix’s persistence for him to take a shower after three days of rotting in bed. The closest thing to a “shower” he had was when he was soaked by the rain outside the hospital. Doctors offered him to stay inside until the storm passed but he swiftly pushed past them, refusing to reside in the place that kept Marc’s breathless body.
Honestly, Nathaniel believed that the doctors were trying to get him back inside the hospital because his eyes mirrored the ones of a psych ward patient.
Nathaniel is vacantly staring out the café window – which is something he never did. Marc always occupied the window seat, but Nathaniel never understood why.
He does now.
The geek and the jock looked at each other with uncertainty. In attempt to save Nathaniel from his own mind, Max speaks.
“Nathaniel.”
The redhead reluctantly turned towards him. Still, with an absence in his eyes. Couldn’t he gaze through the window a little longer? Seeing the beauty through Marc’s vision was all he could do right now.
“You can’t keep blaming yourself.” Max states clearly.
Kim nodded in agreement, mentally advising himself not to make a joke that could jeopardize Nathaniel’s already fragile state.
“No doctor could’ve saved Marc with a brain tumour that lethal. Not even my dad could, and you know how skilled he is!”
Kim added that extra sentence to make Nathaniel feel better.
The man with auburn hair did not smile.
It was as if nobody could reach Nathaniel. Like he’s settled in a glass house where everybody is too scared to interfere too harshly – in risk of the broken shards collapsing in on itself.
Fuck that.
Nathaniel is glass. He is a glass statue in a void. Completely transparent, but no matter how much you see through it, you see nothing. Because there is nothing to see.
Nobody knew what Nathaniel was thinking. Frankly, nobody was sure he was thinking at all.
2 days left.
No one wanted to hurt Nathaniel, of course. Especially his friends. Texts and calls reach out to Nathaniel, but he does not answer. No amount of comfort was going to distract him from the truth – that he is truly alone.
Nathaniel felt sick every time he showers. Each droplet that dashes on him erased a part of Marc's touch from his skin. His sweet, sensitive touch. Even after the shower, Nathaniel felt dirtier than before.
As Nathaniel steps out of the shower and enters Alix’s bedroom, he allows himself to take in the silent space of Alix's apartment.
He smiles.
Not because he's happy. But just to know he hasn't forgotten how.
His smile doesn't feel natural on his face. It's uncomfortable, even. Like a ring too small for your finger, but just big enough to panickily slip past your knuckles before your heart drops at the realization that its stuck.
Nathaniel morphs his face back into a familiar frown.
The love of his life being taken from him was as if someone else blew out the candles on his birthday cake. He felt…violated. Abandoned. Ignored. His light was stolen from him. If Nathaniel knew Marc’s life was as fragile as a flame on a candle, he would’ve done more. He should've done more.
Nathaniel knows that death doesn’t discriminate.
But this one felt personal.
A piece of him was taken, he’ll admit that. But he can’t afford to crumble and break. If he does, he may not survive. Nathaniel has two options: Welcome the void with open arms or ignore the void until it swallows him whole.
Either way, Nathaniel has to come to terms with the truth. But he isn't ready for that yet. He doesn’t want to be a glass statue anymore. He wants to be made of hard stone, completely unbreakable.
One day, maybe.
1 day left.
Nathaniel realizes he’s been unfair to Alix for the past week(ish). When Marc started to get ill, she was always understanding on why he had to ditch her on short notices. Even when Nathaniel wanted to go alone, she would still offer a ride to the hospital.
Alix is truly too kind for him.
Nathaniel is now sitting on the edge of Alix’s bed staring idly into thin air. Alix decided it was better off to go to his and Marc’s home house to grab his clothes for the funeral tomorrow. Nathaniel isn’t ready to go back there yet.
He vividly remembers the sleepovers that Marc, Alix and himself had. The laughter, the food, that time they added LED light strips around the perimeter of Alix’s ceiling…
Nathaniel looks up.
It’s still there.
It seems like those lights are the only thing that stayed here. If he starts to think about what’s who’s not here, he might break from the inside.
Nathaniel keeps his thoughts empty until he hears keys jingling and the front door opening. As Alix went upstairs and opened the door to her bedroom, she expected to see an emotionless Nathaniel lingering inside. But instead, she was met with Nathaniel ripping away at her LED lights in a swift but brutal animation.
“What are you doing?!” Alix’s scream filling the room.
Nathaniel's thrashing gets weaker and weaker as tears flow down his face, until he collapses on the floor in defeat. Alix rushes to Nathaniel, kneeling beside him.
“I can’t go, Alix! I can’t go to his funeral…!”
Alix stayed silent, not knowing what to say to him. She only sympathetically patted his back until the messy sobs subsided.
After calming down, Nathaniel looks to Alix with a look of regret. She already knows he’s sorry, but she bets he’ll apologise verbally.
“I’m sorry about your room.”
He gestures towards the lights hanging in a damaged fashion.
“It’s okay, Nath.”
Alix gives a somber smile, grateful that Nathaniel is speaking in full sentences again.
Alix helps Nathaniel off the floor and pulls him into a tight hug. It takes a while for Nathaniel to register that he’s being hugged due to the lack of physical interaction. When he realizes, he lifts his arm and reciprocates Alix’s embrace.
“Cmon, you’re obviously tired, and so am I. Let’s sleep, okay?”
Nathaniel nods, blatantly too fatigued to speak.
It was pitch black. The room, the sky, Nathaniel’s mind. He didn’t know what to dream about. Sleeping was always the next best escape from reality for him. The first was drawing comics with…with…
Nathaniel closed his eyes as he let the rivers of the night sky sweep him away. Let’s just hope he floats this time.
“Nath!”
A handsome dark-haired man wearing a full body black swimsuit jogs over to him, blocking his shade from the beach sun. Regularly, Nathaniel would be annoyed with the slender man, but he couldn’t afford to.
“You have to try surfing with me! I swear it’ll be fun!”
Marc added that extra sentence with a beaming expression blossoming all over his face.
“Marc…”
Nathaniel’s voice mirroring the strictness of his mother. “You know that if I injure myself out there, I won’t be able to draw comics anymore.” Giving him a deadpan stare as he repositions himself in the white beach chair.
Marc’s face mimicked a kicked puppy.
“Cmonnnn, it will be fun!”
The bluenette leaned closer towards his lover, allowing Nathaniel to distinctively smell the strong salt water that has disguised Marc’s natural scent.
He smelled like the ocean.
“How about…” The freckled man tugged the neckline of Marc’s swimsuit and passionately kissed him on the lips.
“…no.” Nathaniel grinned slyly at Marc’s reddening face.
The redhead caressed his lover’s cheek longingly.
“Why don’t you stay here with me in the shade? No need to ruin your gorgeous skin.”
Nathaniel added that last part in hopes of convincing Marc to stay. He needs to stay.
“You’re no fun,” Marc nudged Nathaniel with a smile. The redhead made space on the beach chair for his handsome husband. Nathaniel could feel his partner curl towards him, laying on his chest. He could feel his green-eyed lover’s breath after each exhale. He could feel him. Suddenly, Nathaniel didn’t care about the salt water anymore.
Abruptly, the slender man spoke up in a dreamy voice.
“I love you, Nathaniel Kurtzberg.”
Nathaniel was taken aback – not because it’s uncommon for Marc to say those words but because it sounded like a formality…like a goodbye.
He looked down at him with mild concern.
“Why would you say that?”
“What? I can’t say ‘I love you’ to my husband anymore?” Marc chuckles into Nath’s chest. He felt so alive.
Machines, scanners, and IV poles were the norm after that. Still, Nathaniel holds Marc tight in the hospital bed, acting like if he were to let go, Death would rip his beloved away.
Marc, who was still as handsome as ever (at least to Nathaniel), was growing paler and skinnier by the day, as if he already died and his body is on auto pilot. Any time Marc delayed his breathing beyond Nathaniel’s standards, he would snap his head down towards the weak individual, praying he didn’t die on him right there and then.
Nathaniel caressed the noiret’s hair delicately in attempt to not disturb him. His fleeting attempts to stay strong for Marc was dwindling by the day. Nathaniel knows what’s going to happen at the end of all of this – but so does he. And Nath is fully aware that Marc is going through a harder time than he is letting on.
A muffled sound comes from the noiret’s mouth. The redhead is startled by this since Marc stopped speaking weeks ago due to the lack of brain activity from the tumour.
“What is it, honey?” The artist pulled down his husband’s oxygen mask and held Marc’s head up in an alarmed demeanour.
“Why won’t you let me die, Nathaniel?” His tone impassive mixed with a hoarse voice. “Why won’t you allow the doctors to perform the euthanasia on me?”
Nathaniel didn’t know how to answer him. What was he supposed to say, “Because I need you”??? It would make him seem selfish.
…Was Nathaniel being selfish?
“Remember that beach, Nath?” He turned to him with tired eyes.
The redhead nods.
“I want to go back there again.”
Truth is, Nathaniel knew deep down that Marc was ill at the beach. He just didn’t want his perfect fantasy to end.
Nathaniel doesn’t remember much after that. Only that he went home that evening and stayed up all night thinking about Marc’s harsh words.
Why. Won’t. You. Let. Me. Die.
That sentence stabbed him harder than any knife could.
If Nathaniel had the ability to redo everything, he would.
Maybe Marc wouldn’t have gone behind his back and performed the euthanasia that same night.
His mind brought him back to the hospital. The callous rain, the news he recently received, the doctors offering Nathaniel any comfort that his one true love died deliberately…to get away from him.
Marc never expressed any religious beliefs. But the illustrator prays every day that Marc's afterlife paradise is a beach full of fresh, blue, gigantic waves for the noiret to challenge. It's the least he could pray for.
Nathaniel confined Marc to a hospital bed for his last 3 months of life. He'll never get that time back.
“What did I do wrong, Marc?”
Nathaniel looked up at the night sky in anguish.
But there was no reply.
0 days left.
The morning of the funeral was nothing eventful. Sympathy and encouragement texts from all his friends, calls from the morticians, Alix making sure he would go to Marc’s burial even if it was the last thing she’d do… everything was moving so fast to the point Nathaniel barely comprehended the time presenting “4 PM” on the clock hanging from the bedroom wall.
Nathaniel didn’t want to stand in front of a bunch of people crying about how much he misses him. Those words are for Marc, and Marc only. They’ll never know what it’s like to have your light wither away from you. They’ll never know the days of darkness that followed after his departure. They’ll never truly know that loosing Marc Anciel was the worst thing to happen to him.
At the graveyard, it was already packed with people. Seems like Alix and Nathaniel were the last to arrive. The first people to notice were Max and Kim. Nathaniel hasn’t seen them since the time they were in the café. He gives a tight smile to both of them. Nathaniel did think about his heartless presence to his friends, but he couldn’t afford to feel bad right now. He couldn’t afford to feel.
Alix steps to the side to talk to Sabrina as more affectionate figures rushed to give support to him: Juleka, Rose, Ivan and Mylene made a suffocating hug rotation between him. He acknowledged their pity; Nathaniel even felt his eyes close for a second to embrace their kindness. He hasn’t felt that type of warmth in a long time.
As soon as the hugging ritual was over, he noticed a familiar four walk up to him. Alya gives her condolences while hugging Nathaniel with one arm (her drink is occupying the other). Nathaniel peers over Alya’s shoulder and sees Nino, Adrien and Marinette wave kindly to him.
He waves back, but notices Marinette’s face tinted with a glimpse of gloominess.
“How are you holding up?”
Marinette speaks up first, like she caught on to Nathaniel’s inquisitive look earlier.
“Good.” Nathaniel lies.
Not much of a lie if there were clear signs that he is not ok… right? Who asks someone that question after losing the love of his life? Has Marinette ever lost someone before? Clearly not if she is insensitive enough to ask such a stupid fucking questi-
Adrien breaks his venomous train of thought by patting him on the shoulder with empathic regard. Nathaniel stares at Adrien for a little too long.
Didn’t Adrien lose his mother when he was a child? How did he... survive? How did he not feel like the floor was pulled under him? How did he not feel like dying?
Nathaniel’s ogling must have gotten too uncomfortable for Adrien since he gave a mildly awkward grin and shuffled back into his original place, next to Marinette.
The loss of Adrien’s hand was strangely upsetting to him.
Words, words, and more words.
That’s all Nathaniel was processing when he heard them talk about Marc on the stand. Happy memories, embarrassing ones, y’know – the type to lighten the mood but not distract from the fact that everyone is wearing black in a graveyard for a reason. These people only think that Marc died from his brain tumour. Not that he sped up the dying process with euthanasia. They only know what he told them. And that’s all they’ll ever know.
Nathaniel’s attention was only caught when Zoé paced herself to the front of the mini crowd who is now staring at her. He barely noticed she was there. Zoé was almost just as close to Marc as he was to him.
So, for that, he’ll listen.
Her posture was stiff. Like a weak beehive pretending to keep it together. Her eyes dashed from person to person, the blonde lingering her gaze on Nathaniel for a longer time than everyone else. He lowers his head. Somber, she cleared her throat and spoke.
“Marc was… one of a kind. You’ll never find anyone else like him. And for that, his loss is the most devastating thing to happen to us. But more importantly, Nathaniel.”
Nathaniel looks up. Zoé continues.
“A lot of us have known each other since we were kids, and I’m grateful for that. But Marc was different – he understood me on another level I don’t think anyone could. He trusted me with his life… and death."
He pulled a face of inquisitiveness. What did she mean by that?
Zoé takes a deep breath and looks straight at Nathaniel.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about the euthanasia, Nath. You wouldn’t let him die when he needed to.”
*crack*
What? For the sake of Zoé’s life, Nathaniel is praying that she isn’t saying what he thinks she is.
“Marc didn’t die from the tumour. The doctors gave him euthanasia because I gave them permission." Zoé lowers her head in shame. "I was a part of Marc’s emergency contact. Since Nathaniel didn’t want to fulfil his wishes, I did.”
*crack*
All eyes were on Nathaniel, waiting for a reaction. Waiting for an outburst, waiting for something.
Nobody knew how Nathaniel was feeling. Frankly, nobody was sure he was feeling at all.
He abruptly stood up to look Zoé in the eye. Anger and betrayal outlined on his face as clear as day. Her expression was coated with pure remorse. Before he could go up her, she bolted out of the venue with tears sitting on the surface of her eyes. Sabrina runs and shouts after her.
Nathaniel, who’s face is stuck in a permanent half gasp, slowly sits down back in his chair while processing what Zoé allowed Marc to do.
“Nathaniel… Nathaniel!” Alix shakes him to grab his attention.
He doesn’t answer.
*crack* *crack*
He feels helpless. Strangely enough, less questions were answered after the truth was revealed. He was aware that Marc’s friendship with Zoé had a slight rift with her being in New York most of the time. So… why?
Just why?
7 days ago…
Marc was half laying in the hospital bed trying to read a book. It wasn’t one he’d usually read, though. Just a textbook on surgery and medical stuff to keep his mind off his inevitable mortality.
It was either that or staring out the window again. And Marc didn’t feel like reminding himself of the life he’s going to miss out on. Soon enough, Marc will never cry, laugh, or age again. One day, it will be all over. And far too soon, unfortunately.
His eyes stop half-reading the words and looks up to the familiar blonde figure who almost crept in the room without a sound. Marc smiles and waves at her presence. He couldn’t talk fully due to the tumour invading a huge part of his brain where speech is significant. Unfortunately, when Marc waved, his other hand holding the book slipped out from lack of coordination in his limbs. The book made an embarrassing *thud* on the hospital floor.
Marc watched as Zoé strolled over to him and picked up the book out of pity.
He hated that. He hated that he must be everyone’s number one priority.
Marc would be a lot better if he offed himself, so everyone wouldn’t have to take care of him. He doesn't want to be an anchor of the ship of everybody's lives.
The blonde offered the book back to the noiret, but he shook his head in refusal. Zoé didn’t know what to do with the book after that. She held it awkwardly in her hands for a few seconds until deciding it was convenient to place it on the nightstand beside Marc, until he felt like reading again.
“Hey Marc, so what did you text me for?” Zoé questioned in anticipation.
Marc picked up his phone that was resting beside his motionless legs.
Marc is typing…
Marc:
[I need you to do something for me. And not a WORD to Nathaniel.]
Zoé:
[Ok. Why?]
Marc:
[Just please don’t. I know it won’t end well.]
Zoé looked up at Marc with heavy concern. He clearly wasn’t playing around.
Marc:
[I need you to sign the euthanasia form. And before you say no, PLEASE do this for me. You know how miserable I’ve been here, but Nath won’t listen because he thinks there’s some miracle cure waiting around the corner. He came by earlier and it’s clear he isn’t going to change his mind.]
Zoé stared at him in disbelief. He wants her to sign papers to kill him? She can’t do that. She can’t second-handedly kill her best friend and lie to his husband.
Can she?
Marc reciprocated her scrutinizing with a pleading expression plunged into his face. He wants this. He needs this. Marc is aware that Zoé would never agree to this over the phone. But in person? Where he is standing face to face asking begging to let him die? Marc would smile at his wicked plan…if only he had feeling on his face. Being akumatized as Reverser never left him. He still had that cheeky malice.
Marc:
[Nathaniel loves me too much to let me die. But I know you love me enough to let me go.]
Last active at 19:27
Marc put his phone down beside him, signifying the end of the conversation. Either Zoé fulfils his wishes or not, he’ll still be her best friend. The blonde woman stood up, ready to leave. But she walked closer and gave the noiret a long hug, before smiling sorrowfully and silently vacates the hospital room.
That was the last time she saw Marc. After signing the papers, she walked out the hospital, knowing that the next time he’d hear from Marc, would be his death from Nathaniel.
Zoé waited at the bus stop until she got a buzz from her phone. Curious, she grabbed her phone from her purse and observed the notification.
Marc:
[Thank you. And I love you.]
Last active at 19:33
The blonde let out a choked-up cry, tears landing on her phone. In agony that she’s lost her best friend but also relieved that Marc will achieve the peace he’s been looking for.
Zoé:
[You’re welcome. And I love you too. ]
There was no sign that Marc read her reply.
Zoé felt the sun set behind her.
In present time
Nathaniel still sits motionless in his chair. Alix realises there no use in trying to reach him and gestures the morticians to continue the service.
His mind was ambushed with the new information he’s learnt. He felt more lost than he ever did. Why would Marc do this to him?
“…and now we will lower the casket.”
Nath’s ears perked up instantly at the revelation.
They going to bury him.
*crack* *crack*
They can’t do that…
*crack* *crack* *crack*
They can’t do that.
*crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack* *crack*
*SHATTER*
“YOU CAN’T DO THAT.”
An unnatural yell came from Nathaniel’s mouth. For a second, he can’t believe he said it out loud.
He his legs moved automatically to Marc’s white casket and marked his territory by kneeling in front of it and hugging it tightly.
“You can’t… you can’t do that, please…!”
Nathaniel’s speech was taken over by heavy sobbing. Finally letting all the despair, misery and pain he’s bottled up for so long.
“Please don’t bury him… he’s all I have.”
He sniffled between each word then aggressively and rested his head on the roof of Marc’s coffin. His medium-length crimson hair was lying on the silvery box his lifeless body dwelled in.
As the sun set, he felt Marc’s spirit slowly moving away from him. Making way for the silent night.
“Don’t leave me… please, Marc…”
Nathaniel’s voice quivered as he broke into another sob, concluding that no matter how much he begged, Marc was gone.
It was truly a pitiful sight to see. Alix, Kim, and Max ran towards him to detach him from the coffin. Unsuccessfully, all it got him to do was grip tighter.
It was obvious the ceremony was over. Distant guests who were allowed to attend the funeral murmured in pity as they left the scene. The morticians were doing their best to convince Nathaniel to let go of the coffin so they can attend another funeral service. Marinette was ready to leave with Adrien, tugging on his hand. Adrien didn’t move.
The bluenette turned her head to the blonde in confusion.
“What is it, Adrien?”
“We have to help him.”
Marinette panned her eyes to a hopeless Nathaniel clutching his husband’s casket.
“We should…”
“I'll wait for you guys in the car.” Alya said in morose.
The only figures who stayed was Adrien, Marinette, Nino, Alix, Kim, Max, and Ivan. Nathaniel’s break down was the only thing audible at the graveyard.
The first person to reapproach Nathaniel was Adrien.
“Hey…” The blonde patted the redhead’s back compassionately.
He slowly looked up. Through tears blurring his vision, he saw Adrien’s kind smile.
“Look…” Adrien began. “I’m not going to tell you everything is ok, because it won’t. When I lost my mom, it felt like the whole world collapsed around me. I’m pretty sure that’s how you feel too… right?”
Nathaniel nodded.
“You need to let go of the casket, Nath.”
More tears trickled down his face, mouth quivering and ready to say “no”, but Adrien placed his hands on the ginger’s shoulders.
“Letting go of the casket doesn’t mean you’re letting go of him. Because he’ll always be in there.” Adrien pointing at Nath’s chest, referring to his heart.
Nathaniel chuckles. A little bit because that’s the cheesiest thing he’s ever heard come out of his mouth, but also because he believes him.
The rest watch as Nathaniel’s grip loosens from the ivory casket and slowly gets on his feet to hug Adrien tightly.
This was the first time Nathaniel initiated a hug himself after Marc’s death.
While the embrace was going between the two men, Adrien gestured his hand for the others to come along and lower the casket (before Nathaniel changes his mind).
The two strongest – Kim and Ivan – carried the sides of the coffin and slowly lowered it. Everybody else had shovels, ready for the burial. Alix had given the morticians the green light to departure and attend their next service.
Nathaniel broke his hug from Adrien, observing his friends shovel dirt and throw it onto the clean white coffin. It felt agonising, of course. But he felt lighter.
He felt.
As the hole filled up with more and more dirt, barely seeing the casket anymore, the jock ran up to Nathaniel and offered him a spare shovel.
He was stunned.
“Kim! You airhead!” Max hollered. “You can’t ask Nath to bury Marc!”
The rest vocalised in agreement.
“It’s fine.” the redhead spoke up. His expression was neutral, but Adrien could see the smile creep up on the side of his face.
Nathaniel took a deep breath in and took the shovel from the jock. He then joined the others in the pit. With conviction, he scooped up a chunk from the surface and was ready to dump it on the coffin. For some reason, his hands started to tremble.
Was he really doing this?
Adrien stood beside him with an encouraging grin. Suddenly, it was like Nathaniel could do anything.
He turned his shovel and allowed the dirt to fall on the last patch of white, where the coffin was.
Marc Anciel was officially buried.
There is a silence wavering around the area. Until Nino cheered.
Alix shot daggers that the man with the red cap.
“What could you be possibly cheering about, Nino?” she waved her shovel at him in a threatening manner.
Before Nino could answer, Nathaniel laughed…loudly. To the point he is clutching his sides, falls to the ground and continues laughing.
Soon, the laughter transitioned into heavy weeping.
“Look what you did, Nino!” the pink haired individual shoves him in the chest.
“Hey! I didn’t do anything! He was laughing a minute ago!”
Alix put her temporary brawl with Nino aside. She ran over to Nathaniel, hugging him tightly. The rest followed, creating one huge embrace towards the redhead. He did his best to hold all of them at once.
“Thank you, guys.”
Nathaniel’s heart pounded as he inserted the key to his and Marc’s home. He hasn’t stepped foot in there since his death. Adrien, Marinette, and Alix offered to go to the residence but declined. He needed to do this alone.
As he walked in the house, he felt a huge absence. Marc was definitely gone. He closed the door, took in the vacancy, and broke down in tears.
Hyperventilating, the redhead sat down in the downstairs hallway to calm himself down. Eventually, he does, allowing the sound of air take up the house.
Nathaniel paces himself upstairs to their bedroom. It was still how he left it. Messed up. Scrunched up blankets, messy wardrobe, and a laundry basket containing Marc’s clothes. At least he can occupy himself with cleaning up.
He inspected the basket and pulled out a familiar red hoodie. Nathaniel clutched onto it with his life. It still smelled like the citrus perfume Marc always wore. With hesitation, he slipped on the jacket, allowing the remaining scent wash over him.
What dreaded him the most was laying in his and his late lover’s bed. But again, Nathaniel wrapped himself in the duvet meant for two and slept neutrally.
He immediately drifted off into blackness, letting the void take him in.
A shining gold hue from the sky was peering through the window, causing Nathaniel to open his eyes to the amber intrusion. The room suddenly became hazy, like a scene from a nostalgic movie. A figure was sitting on his ledge wearing a kaleidoscopic T-shirt with dark blue ripped jeans.
When Nathaniel’s vision focused on the person, he jumped. Startled at what his eyes are witnessing.
“Hey, Nath.”
His mouth was still agape in shock. How is this even possible?
“So…nothing to say?” The bluenette tilted his head.
“…why?”
“Hm?”
“Why?” Nathaniel repeated himself. “Why’d you do it?”
Marc took a long pause.
“Because I knew you were going to suffer either way. You were waiting for a miracle cure that was never going to come, Nath.”
Nathaniel fully sat up, almost eye to eye with the man.
Marc continued.
“I didn’t want you to see me deteriorate. It would’ve done worse.”
Nathaniel tears up. Because he knows he’s right. He tried to ignore his sickness, fabricate it with other scenarios, such as his dream-memory of the beach. Any time he dreamed about something positive, it always descended back to the hospital room. Back to his death.
“I did it because I love you, Nathaniel Kurtzberg.”
Those words sent the redhead into a spiral. He bent down and started crying violently, tears dropping onto the carpet. Finally, Marc slid off the window ledge and embraced his husband by holding him in strong affection. Nath remembers how weak the noiret was at the hospital. He could barely hold on to anything.
He feels so strong now, as if he never died in the first place.
Marc held his lover’s face up and wipes his tears away. The illustrator observed his husband. He looks so lively, healthy, and perfect.
“Are you planning on forgiving Zoé?”
“Hmm, I’ll think about it.” Nath chuckles. He clearly forgives her.
Just a shame he won’t be able to tell her.
Nathaniel holds Marc’s hand with a firm grip, making sure he doesn’t lose him this time.
“Marc…you know that life isn’t worth living without you in it. I feel like my purpose here is done.”
“What do you mean, Nath?”
“Take me with you.”
The writer is disbelieved by his demand. Now he knows how Zoé felt.
“Nathaniel…” he trailed off.
“You know what this means, right?”
The redhead nodded with certainty.
The two men stood up, taking in the scenery of their former room. Marc held Nathaniel’s face and lovingly kissed him. They took their time, because they had the rest of eternity to spend. The golden light shone brighter on the two, making them a part of it.
The next morning
Alix is worried. She hasn’t heard from Nathaniel for a while. She assumed that he was taking time to heal from the funeral, but it’s been too long.
She checks her phone again, re-reading the message Nathaniel sent her.
Nathaniel:
[I love you, Alix. Thanks for everything.]
Last active at 4:09 am
Something about the message irked her.
It seemed too much like a formality…like a goodbye.
Since Alix had Nath’s spare keys, it was no trouble getting into his house. When she stepped into the house, it was eerily quiet.
“Nath!”
But there was no reply.
Alix went straight upstairs to his bedroom, assuming he slept in to restore the energy that has been draining him all week.
As Alix opened the bedroom door softly, to not disturb his sleep, she saw Nathaniel lying still.
A little too still.
The fuchsia-haired woman went over to Nathaniel’s body and shook him.
He was cold.
Nathaniel was still wrapped comfortably in the duvet, while wearing Marc’s hoodie. Traces of a smile was still left on his face.
What did he do?
Alix and Marinette were sat outside the hospital, taking in the news.
“Broken-heart syndrome, they said.” The bluenette stared off into the air.
“Yep.” Alix looked down at her phone hopelessly, going over the last text message Nathaniel sent her.
She knew she should’ve run to his house as soon as she saw it. But everything in her gut told her that he was fine. Now her best friend is gone.
Seems like the weather can’t take a hint. It’s been nothing but a gold sun and clear cerulean skies. The plainess was mocking her.
“You know Nathaniel’s death wasn’t your fault, right?” Marinette speaks up.
Alix stays silent.
Then she breaks down in tears.
“But it is my fault! The one night where I wasn’t with him… he died.”
Marinette consoles her by putting her arm over Alix’s back.
“He died because his heart muscles got weak.”
“It’s extremely rare to die from takotsubo cardiomyopathy. If I were there, I could’ve called the hospital. I could’ve saved him…I should’ve saved him.”
The bluenette knows it was no use convincing Alix that wasn’t her fault. Marinette left Alix in silence, probably going to tell the others the news when she gets home.
Alix looked up at the sky with her back against the wall.
“What did I do wrong, Nath?” She whispered, her voice cracking.
Alix really did lose two best friends instead of one.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are gray
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."