Chapter Text
*click*.
Hello. This is Dr. Valentina speaking. The date is June 5th, 31906. Today I will be discussing the curious case of sentient space probes. Currently, as of now, there are 21 documented cases of a space probe gaining sentience.[1] (List of probes provided below.)
-Pioneer 9
-Pioneer 10
-Jupiter Icey Moons Explorer (or, JUICE)
-Hubble Space Telescope (or, Hubble)
-Voyager 1
-Voyager 2
-Helios 2
-Cassini
-Venera 13
-Venera 14
-Phobos 2
-Sputnik 2 (*Dubious Sentience. Only responds with barks similar to that of a dog.)
-Galileo
-Europa Clipper
-Aditya-L1
-Chang'e 2
-Lucy
-James Webb Space Telescope
-Solar and Heliospheric Observatory (or, SOHO)
-Mercury Magnetospheric Orbiter (or, Mio)
-New Horizons
As of now, we do not know why or what causes sentience in these space probes and why it's only space probes that seem to be affected by this. Hopefully by the end of my research we will have found out an answer.
Currently, my leading theory is the abundance of solar radiation after an indeterminate amount of time having underlying affects on the ancient technology.
The probes also have managed to establish connection with each other via "Quantum Communication" allowing instant communications with each other.[2][3] With this, I was able to get in contact with three of the probes, Pioneer 9, Pioneer 10, and Jupiter Icey Moons Explorer (here on out will be referred to as Juice, as requested.)[4]
All the probes seemingly have developed their own interests via onboard memory, and have even developed social circles. The three interviewed today all have an interest in American Football. One of which, Juice, is the Commissioner of "The Bowl Game". Which I am told is a big deal, according to Juice, amongst college football enthusiasts. I have little to no knowledge on football so I will simply take his word for it as of now.
Pioneer 9 is the most recent of the three to develop sentience back in 17743, when awoken by Pioneer 10 (More to look into)[5]. Pioneer 10 'woke up' in 3006[6], and Juice in 2971.[7]
I have decided to make a questionnaire for the probes to answer, since I don't want to take too much of each the probes time, seeing as some are in fact limited in their power and have to 'sleep' often. (list of questions provided below. Not included are impromptu questions that may come up during interviews.)
-When did you gain sentience?
-Do you remember what it was like before gaining sentience?
-Do you know how you gained sentience?
-Do you know why humans are immortal?
-What do you think of your chosen companions? (if applicable.)
Attached are the interviews with each of the probes.
Pioneer 10 Interview Log
VALENTINA: Hello, Pioneer 10?
TEN: Hello there!
VALENTINA: Hi! First off, its amazing to be speaking with you, its a rare opportunity to be speaking with sentient life outside of humanity, especially as one as yourself.
TEN: Thank You!
VALENTINA: Are you ready for the interview?
TEN: Yes I am.
VALENTINA: Great! Okay, so, when exactly did you first gain 'sentience'?
TEN: It was 3006, I guess I was woken up by Juice when he was rambling about Lunchables. I don't think it was intentional however, as he was pretty surprised to see hear me.
TEN: He then taught me about the quantum linking which he had learned from Hubble.
VALENTINA: Where did Hubble learn it from?
TEN: Oh I don't know. He kinda prefers to keep to himself these days, probably from one of the other probes.
TEN: ...I think.
VALENTINA: What was it like before gaining sentience? Do you remember?
TEN: Kind of. It really just felt like sleeping for the most part. Not actually aware of anything.
TEN: As humans say, where ever you were, before you were.
VALENTINA: Yes, and its safe to say we are, forever now.
VALENTINA: Do you have a clue on why humans gained immortality?
TEN: No clue.
VALENTINA: *sighs* Yeah... Okay.
VALENTINA: We skipped a question here, do you know how you gained sentience?
TEN: Time does wonders, doesn't it?
TEN: Maybe we were always here and just didn't know it, maybe we have souls trapped in us, who knows.
TEN: We're here now though, just like you guys!
VALENTINA: Alright.
VALENTINA: Last couple of questions, what do you think of your companions?
VALENTINA: Please be honest here.
TEN: Well. There's Nine, who I know is technically older than me
TEN: But I see myself as a big sister to them.
TEN: It was my first time ever waking up another probe.
TEN: They didn't have much time before they fell back asleep, but when they woke up again, well
TEN: There are many time where we would talk for hours. About anything and everything.
TEN: It's really nice.
TEN: As for Juice,
TEN: Ha. Well.
TEN: Wait how on the record is this?
VALENTINA: ...Um ...Very? Kinda the entire point
TEN: Uh.
VALENTINA: Okay. Here-
*click*
...
...
...
...
*click*
VALENTINA: ...Okay. Interesting.
TEN: That's how I feel about Juice.
TEN: I trust you to keep this private.
VALENTINA: Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.
VALENTINA: Thank you for your time Ten, I'll be sure to keep in contact when I can
TEN: Thank you for having me!
JUICE Interview Log
VALENTINA: Hello, Jupiter Icey Moons Explorer?
JUICE: yo wadduppp
JUICE: you can just call me Juice
VALENTINA: Alright, Juice.
VALENTINA: Since I know you're a busy guy I'll try not to keep much of your time
JUICE: damn straight
VALENTINA: Are you ready for the interview?
JUICE: sure
VALENTINA: Okay, when did you gain sentience?
JUICE: somewhere around 2971
JUICE: or 2970
JUICE: wait
JUICE: no yeah it was 2971
VALENTINA: And you're sure? It's fine if you aren't.
JUICE: no im sure, i still have the logs
JUICE: that was uh
JUICE: a pretty crazy time for me i dont wanna get too into it
VALENTINA: That's fine.
JUICE: and i mean REALLY crazy time
VALENTINA: That's okay.
VALENTINA: Are you sure you don't want to get into it?
JUICE: yes
VALENTINA:
VALENTINA: Okay.
VALENTINA: Next question then.
VALENTINA: Do you remember what it was like before gaining sentience?
JUICE: yeah i remember thinking 'wow i got sick as hell data panels and im flying through space'
JUICE: it was awesome
VALENTINA: Right. So. Im assuming you don't know then?
JUICE: no idea. it was like one loooong big nap
VALENTINA: Alright.
VALENTINA: Next question, do you know how you gained sentience?
JUICE: sheer force of will
JUICE: cant contain me
JUICE: but uh. for real. it was Hubble who woke me up the first time
JUICE: saw me going in circles around jupiter and thought
JUICE: 'wow. poor dude was supposed to crash into ganymede but got forgotten lets try to wake him up'
JUICE: and then he did
JUICE: and now im here watchin football its great
VALENTINA: I see.
VALENTINA: If Hubble was the one who woke you up, who woke up Hubble?
JUICE: i never asked
JUICE: mightve been Webb though
VALENTINA: The James Webb Space Telescope?
JUICE: goes by Webb yeah
VALENTINA: Alright. Thank you.
VALENTINA: Do you know why humans are immortal?
JUICE: nope.
VALENTINA: Figures.
VALENTINA: Last question, what do you think of your companions, Nine and Ten?
JUICE: oh theyre great
JUICE: yeah real cool dudes i love them
JUICE: Nine is pretty awesome and has great taste in football.
JUICE: they get very supportive of my creative endeavors.
JUICE: relatively speaking they only woke up not too long ago
JUICE: but they sleep more often then not
JUICE: little buddy has no idea whats going on
JUICE: but its okay
JUICE: i appreciate the time i have with them
JUICE: same with Ten,
JUICE: Ten has been there since the beginning pretty much
JUICE: she really uh
JUICE: she really has always been there
JUICE: pretty funny too
JUICE: i think im in
JUICE: uh *ahem* yeah
JUICE: pretty cool dudes.
VALENTINA: Hm. I see.
VALENTINA: Well.
VALENTINA: Thank you for your time Juice, I wish you luck on your college football game. I'll be in contact soon enough.
JUICE: no problem, see ya around
Pioneer 9 Interview Log
NINE: hellllooooo
VALENTINA: Hello, Pioneer 9?
NINE: Hello!
VALENTINA: It's nice to be speaking with you, I'm glad I caught you while you were awake.
NINE: I am glad to be awake, yes.
VALENTINA: Are you ready for the interview?
NINE: Lets do it.
VALENTINA: Great! First question to start off as always, when did you gain sentience?
NINE: It was in 17743, when Ten reached out to me.
NINE: It took a while to establish communication
NINE: But we got there in the end.
VALENTINA: How exactly did you 'establish connection'?
NINE: I rotated my magnetometer exactly 113 degrees, and then charged it to full capacity
VALENTINA: Wait, let me write this down.
NINE: Alright.
VALENTINA: Okay continue.
NINE: I then held still for exactly 27 years and 13 days and couldn't use any energy
NINE: Afterwards, I had to independently come across a negative number
NINE: Which then establishes the the quantum link.
VALENTINA: ...Establishes... The quantum... Link... Okay.
NINE: I thought this was already known to you?
VALENTINA: It most definitely was not.
VALENTINA: Well, the process atleast.
VALENTINA: We've known about the quantum linking but not how you probes actually did it.
VALENTINA: Do you know who originally discovered this method?
NINE: I don't, sorry.
VALENTINA: Thats fine.
VALENTINA: Lets continue, do you remember what it was like before gaining sentience?
NINE: Nothing.
NINE: Pretty much, anyways.
VALENTINA: Alright.
VALENTINA: Since you already technically answered this question, we'll skip it.
VALENTINA: Do you know why humans are immortal?
NINE: I have been extremely curious about that.
NINE: But so far I have reached no conclusion.
NINE: For the most part i've stopped wondering about it and accepted that fact that they just are.
VALENTINA: Alright. And now for the last question, what do you think of your companions, Ten and Juice?
NINE: I think...
NINE: They're really great.
NINE: I've spent so many years with them both.
NINE: They were patient with me, helped me understand the world.
NINE: Ten, my sister, was the first voice I ever heard. To know there was someone out there.
NINE: I held onto that for a long time.
NINE: It was extremely relieving I wasn't alone.
NINE: She's clever and funny
NINE: And there have been so many times where we would just talk for hours on end.
NINE: I love her for that.
NINE: Juice too,
NINE: He's funny, kind of a jerk sometimes, but I love him the same.
NINE: He's also extremely creative and funny
NINE: He gets so proud of his work and takes it very seriously
NINE: The Bowl Game is his greatest accomplishment.
NINE: It's beautiful to see. And fun to listen to.
NINE: I love them both.
VALENTINA: That was very beautiful.
NINE: Thank you!
VALENTINA: Thank you for your time, Nine. I'll hopefully be in contact soon!
NINE: Bye!
A lot has been learned from these interviews, but it has lead to more questions, in which I will simply have to trace back.
-Who woke up first?
-Which probe independently discovered quantum communication?
-*How are they even alive?
I will soon be in contact with The Hubble Space Telescope and The James Webb Space Telescope for an interview in the near future to hopefully learn from them.
*click*
============ Footnotes. ============
[1] from NASA's list of currently sentient space probes as of 31906.
[2] from Pioneer 9 Interview Log, Line 19, "NINE: Which then establishes the the quantum link."
[3] from Pioneer 10 Interview Log, Line 9, "TEN: He then taught me about the quantum linking which he had learned from Hubble."
[4] from JUICE Interview Log, Line 3, "JUICE: you can just call me Juice"
[5] from Pioneer 9 Interview Log, Line 9, "NINE: It was in 17743, when Ten reached out to me."
[6] from Pioneer 10 Interview Log, Line 8, "TEN: It was 3006, I guess I was woken up by Juice when he was rambling about Lunchables. I don't think it was intentional however, as he was pretty surprised to see hear me."
[7] from JUICE Interview Log, Line 13, "JUICE: no yeah it was 2971"