Work Text:
"Ang halata mo talaga even before, pre." Senator Migz teasingly said while looking at his phone.
"Tignan mo." He said then showed a tiktok edit of me and Risa.
I looked away focusing on some empty papers on my desk.
"2016 pa yan oh. Wala ka ba talagang balak umamin?" He added.
"Ikaw? Wala ka bang balak mag-trabaho?" I answered not looking at him.
"Akala ko talaga umamin ka na nung 2016. Tapos nagulat na lang ako, may dine-date na si Ris--"
"Wala naman akong aaminin."
"Seriously? Mag-sinungaling ka na sa lahat, Sherwin, 'wag lang sa'kin."
"Believe all you want."
"Ha! Gusto mo ba ng pruweba? 'Tong ngiti mo sa picture na 'to while looking at Risa, tignan mo nga! Titig ba yan ng pang-kaibigan lang? Ganyan ka ba tumitig sakin?"
"You're literally giving meaning to nothing, Migz. It's so exasperating. Umalis ka na nga dito. May trabaho pa ko."
He gets off the couch and laughingly walked out the door. After about a second, he opened the door again."
"Ayaw mo talaga tignan 'tong picture? Sinend ko na lang sa Viber mo. Just in case." Sabi nya habang tumatawa sabay tuluyan ng umalis bago pa ako makapag-salita.
-
Work kept me at my office for a while. My staffs left 2 hours ago. Akala ko ako na lang ang nandito sa building when I noticed a faint light in someone's office-- Senator Risa Hontiveros, the door says.
Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, naalala ko ang mga sinabi ni Migz kanina.
“Wala ka ba talagang balak umamin?”
Napangiti ako nang mapait ng may maalala ako.
“Alam mo, feel ko, bagay tayo.” Risa jokingly said.
“Nako, baka totohanin ko yan. Ligawan kita dyan.” I replied trying to play it cool. Nagdadasal na hindi nya makita kung gaano kapula ang tenga ko.
She shrugged.
“Malay mo. Ikaw pa naman ang favorite person ko ngayon.” She said then looked at me smiling.
I looked at her eye to eye hoping my own conveys the things I still don’t have the courage to say.
Tumango lang sya as if saying she understands.
Right then and there I wanted to tell her. God knows I wanted to tell her. But it’s not easy. Things just kept on getting our way. I never had the opportunity—or courage to tell her. But we both knew. There was a mutual understanding. Or so I thought.
“I made it official with him!” she said smiling.
It’s been a year or two since our last conversation about any hints of romance between us. Although we had constant conversation, personally or texts. Although I don’t forget birthdays and Holidays. Akala ko naman…
I swallowed.
“Congrats. I am happy for you.” I said hoping she won’t notice how my voice trembled.
Saktong lalampasan ko na sana ang kwarto nung lumabas sya.
“Oh! SP! Ginulat mo naman ako.”
Kapag ikaw ginulat ko talaga. I shaked my head as that absurd thought cross my mind.
Masamang impluwensya talaga si Migz sa’kin.
“I’m sorry. Kaka-alis ko lang din ng office.”
“Nako, ang workaholic naman natin.” Sagot nya sabay tumawa ng bahagya.
“Para sa bayan.” I replied with courtesy.
“Totoo rin naman. Para sa bayan.” Sagot niya habang nakangiti sa’kin. Lintek.
“It’s past 10 already. Have you eaten?” I mentally cursed myself as I felt my forehead sweating. Ano ba naman ‘to? Hindi naman ako nag-aaya ng date.
“Hindi pa nga eh. Ikaw ba? Do you want to grab some?”
“Hindi ka ba susunduin ni—”
“Hindi naman. I have something to tell you as well.” She said and looks at me with sincere smile. Jusko.
“Kinakabahan naman ako dyan sa sasabihin mo, Ris.”
“Hahaha! Sira! Catch up lang ganun. Ang tagal na rin nating hindi nag-sama, no! Ikaw pa naman favorite seatmate ko.”
Favorite seamate. Dati favorite person yan e.
“Sus! Anyway, have you called your driver yet? Gusto mo sabay na lang tayo since we’re going to eat din naman.”
“Ay, sure! Sige, sabay na tayo. I’ll text my driver na lang na h’wag na akong sunduin dito.” She replied and typed something at her phone.
“Okay na. Tara!”
“Saan mo ba gustong kumain?
“Doon na lang sa usual place natin para hindi na rin malayo dito.”
“Sure.”
A comfortable silence wrapped out journey to the restaurant. A private room already waiting for us. Mahirap na. One picture taken from a wrong angle could send us all into chaos.
“So…” I started.
“Okay. Ito na nga. I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?”
“Hmm. Sige sa bad news na lang para pampalubag loob ang good news.” I said smiling nervously.
“Bad news. I am not a girlfriend anymore.”
Oh.
“Huh?”
Please don’t let this be the thing that I’ve been dreading to hear. Please.
“Good news. I’m a fiancé!”
She said then showed me a ring seated on the fourth finger in her left hand. A blinking diamond I didn’t noticed earlier.
Oh.
Good news ba yon?
“Oh! Uhm. That’s uh—that’s really-- I mean, I’m happy for you.” I said trying not to choke.
Then my phone rings. Salamat sa kung sino mang tumawag.
I looked at my phone and saw Migz’ name written. Jusko, sige. Tatanggapin ko na ‘to.
“Excuse me lang, Ris.”
“No, it’s fine. Dito mo na lang din sagutin sa table if hindi naman yan confidential.” She replied while smiling at me. The kind of smile that demands full attention. So help me, God.
“Hello, Migz?” Please don’t talk about Risa.
“Have you seen the picture I sent you? The one with you and Risa?”
“With me and Risa?” I replied at napa-mura na lang sa utak when I realized that she’s literally seating across the table with me. Hindi ko na alam ang dapat maramdaman ngayong gabi.
“Me?” She mouthed.
“Yeah—uh, picture raw natin together sabi ni Migz.”
“Wait—magkasama kayo ni Risa? Nagd-date kayo ‘no? Oh, sige, baka ako pa pumigil sa kasiyahan mo.” Migz said then ended the call immediately.
“Anong picture?” Sabi ni Risa.
“Here.” Pinakita ko ang larawang sinend sa’kin ni Migz.
Our food arrived while she was intently looking at the picture like she was reminiscing something.
“Grabe, ang bata natin dito.” She said after a while.
“Hindi ka naman mukhang tumanda.” Sagot ko sa kanya.
“Nako, nambola pa… Ang daming laman ng larawang yan.” Sabi nya.
After that, a silence surrounded us throughout our meal. Something heavy.
The silence on our way to her home felt heavier. Ang suffocating. Feelings that was never conveyed into words.
“Risa, congrats.” I said nung hininto ko na ang sasakyan sa tapat ng bahay niya.
“But—”
“No, Sherwin. Don’t.” She immediately replied like she knew what I’m going to say.
“I see.” I replied.
“Pero diba…” I added.
Tumango naman sya habang nangungusap ang mga mata.
“Hindi ko na rin naman pinush kung ano yung meron sa picture kanina. It felt like we’re two ships passing in the night. Maraming factors ang dapat nating isipin. And I get that. Kaya nga ako nag-antay. Kaso mahirap namang nag-antay lang sa bagay na hindi mo alam kung darating ba.” She chuckled sadly.
Tumango ako sabay tumingin sa kanya. She’s been glowing lately. Na parang nakita na nya ang kapayapaang hanap ng puso niya… na hindi ko kailanman mabibigay.
“I’m really happy for you, Risa.” Sabi ko at ngumiti sa kanya. This time, the kind of smile reserved for something between regret and acceptance.
That night, the fight that was never fought ended.