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Free my soul.

Summary:

House and Wilson hooked up when they first met.
Wilson made him promise to forget it because he would never sleep with a man.
It still hunts him.

Notes:

Drift Away - Uncle Kracker

Work Text:

Maybe Wilson was Icarus, too. And House was his sun. In which case he could never get as close to him as he truly wanted, otherwise his waxy wings would inevitably melt.   

So, he gets married to another woman, cheats on her once, tells her it won’t happen again, does it again anyway and all the while he pretends he gets something out of it.  

Sex with women is fine, he gets to make them feel good so that's got to count for something.  He never left any of them unsatisfied, and he prides himself on that fact.  

He might be a shit husband, but he's one damn good lover.  

To women. He's a good lover to women.  

He was a good lover to a man once, too.  

He sinned once; he won't sin again.  

He strayed off the right track, he made a mistake, it won’t happen again.  

Still, it's the only time it didn't feel like a task.  

And isn’t that the worst part of it? 

Whether it was because it was a man or because it was House, he doesn't know. And he doesn’t want to know. But what he does know is that something so wrong should have never felt so good.  

It was a mistake, a terrible mistake.  

Clearly, he wasn't in control of himself, just divorced and freshly bailed out; the emotions simply got to him. It still doesn't excuse him indulging in such a thing.  

Adultery is probably just as bad, but it never makes him feel so wrong. Maybe because sleeping with House was the best he'd felt in years, hell, possibly in his life.  

So, he pretends.  

Pretends he doesn't think about it daily, pretends he doesn't still dream about it, pretend he doesn't imagine it when he's having sex, pretend he doesn't feel anything for his best friend.  

He pretends because it would be wrong otherwise.  

He's good at that.  

He lies. He’s gotten through his whole life lying about who he is; this is no different. 

House says he's all persona, that he becomes whatever people need him to be. Well, maybe being straight is a part of it too.  

He overanalyzes people, overanalyzes situations, and conversations too.  

He's nice, he's caring, he's mentally stable, he’s a people pleaser and he's straight.  

He wears a skin that isn't his own but it's what he needs to do.  

That's what people need him to be.  

Or at least it's what he tells himself.  

Because he's never felt anything stronger than what he feels for Gregory House.  

And that scares him more than anything else. 

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