Work Text:
Paul blinked. Then blinked again. This morning felt different, his heart felt heavy, not heavy in a bad way. Heavy like when you think of someone that you love, or like when you remember a good nice memory and it just makes your heartbeat faster, and fills you with all sorts of good feelings.
That’s how Paul feels when he thinks about John.
He feels that way about everyone, about John, about George, about all of his different mates.
But yes, it is true that he feels this more deeply when it comes to John.
Paul didn’t exactly get that he was in love with John, at least not in that way. In his own mind, it was purely platonic. But if he thought about it for so long, he’d think that John was his real soulmate. That he wanted him morning and night, always and forever.
Maybe it was selfish, but he wanted John all for himself. The thought of John marrying someone! It made him go insane. It wasn’t toxic jealousy. It was bittersweet yearning that killed him, but still made him feel a little bit alive.
The reason why Paul didn’t understand this, is because to himself, he had never been in love. Not with a Woman, and that’s who he needed to be in love with. Not with John, but with a woman. A woman. It wasn’t something that needed to be told; it was just obvious.
Yet, could he love a woman, how he loves John? To think about it, he loves everything about John. He loves his thick dark sideparted hair, his pretty stern nose with a curl on each side. He loves how he smiles, how his eyes shine, and how he looks happy. His happiness was also Paul’s. Seeing John happy made Paul happy in unexplainable ways. He loves how he sleeps; how he looks like a baby. How he looks even younger, and so at peace. He wants to make John feel like that, at peace.
He wants to see the world with John, go different places, be with him. He wouldn’t care where they went, he just wants to be with his dear John. When they sing on stage, it might seem like a dream, all sorts of pretty women watching him, wanting, desiring him. It seems that he rather has a lot of options, but to be honest, when he’s on stage, he’s not watching their reaction. He’s not watching them. He doesn't sing for them, he doesn't move for them.
He does this for his John, because running out of breath, barely eating anything, having the whole world expecting great things from you is alright, as long as you have John Lennon by your side, watching you.
So yes, thinking about this, while washing his hair, was a completely normal routine for Paul McCartney. It was an every-day thing for him.