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Chase runs a hand through his hair once, then again, then again. Even the monotonous task of grilling and flipping burgers isn't able to take his mind off the idea that makes his chest constrict with fear. The world around him blurs, shrinking down to just the grill before him. Is this really who I am? one thought asks. Another pervades his mind as tears sting at his eyes—What's wrong with me?
"Chase?" Riley comes up to the kitchen's counter, his face one of worry. Chase swallows and doesn't respond. "I've got an order for a Bronto Burger?"
"Oh, yeah." Chase busies himself with making the burger, the motions familiar, then brings it over to Riley, "Here you go, mate." Before he can move away, Riley snatches his wrist and pulls him in close. Chase feels his face heat up, and he hates it, yet his heart races all the same.
"Something's up." Riley says, no asking, just a matter-of-fact statement. He's getting better at reading him, and the others too. It's a little annoying, honestly. "You can talk to me, Chase, or any of us,"
"I'm great, really." Chase yanks his wrist out of Riley's grip, taking his place back at the grill. The conversation ends there. Riley takes away the burger and Chase is left alone in the kitchen. He doesn't notice the tears streaming down his face until they start hitting the grill, steam hissing back at him. He blinks, taking a deep breath. A knock on the doorframe startles him, and he jumps back, hands poised to reach for his blaster.
"No need for that, Chase." Dr. Morgan peers at him from behind her glasses, eyebrows raised and clipboard clutched close to her chest. "It's only me,"
"Right, Ken—Dr. Morgan. Sorry."
Dr. Morgan tilts her head at him, observing him intently, "You're crying,"
Chase takes in a shaky breath as he quickly wipes at his eyes, "It's nothing."
"Believe me, Chase, I am many things, but I am no fool," Dr. Morgan strides over, the click of her heels ringing in his ears. She stands before him, her gaze made of pure steel. "Talk to me." It isn't a request, it's a demand. In lieu of opening up, Chase's throat shuts, iron bars clamping down any words he'd try to say. Instead, a sob escapes. And then another. And another. It doesn't take long before he's a mess, tears and snot holding words that so desperately want to be said. Kendall sets down her clipboard and brings him into her arms. Chase digs his fingers into her vest, not daring to his lay his head down on her shoulder but embracing the closeness nonetheless. "Riley, mind closing the cafe for some time?" She calls out. At the mention of Riley, Chase goes still, something that doesn't go unnoticed by Kendall.
"I-It's fine—"
"No, Chase. You deserve privacy," Kendall makes a face, "And we don't have anyone else on shift."
That manages to get a snicker out of him, "Thanks, Kendall."
"Anytime. Now, come, lets get you something to drink." She guides him toward one of the cafe's booths. He sits, and Riley wordlessly brings over a cup of water, exchanging a glance with Kendall. She simply shakes her head and off he goes. She takes the seat across from him, watching as he drinks the water greedily. "So,"
Chase swallows and sets the glass down, "So."
"Are you comfortable enough to tell me what has you so upset?" She asks. Slowly, Chase nods. He can do this. He can do this. He can do this.
"I…um, so, I recently found something out about myself. Or, might have? Anyway, it's something that…I don't like," Chase explains, wringing his hands, a fidget he'd picked up from—nope. Not now. He shakes his head and sets his hands in his lap.
"Could you enlighten me on what this 'something' is?"
Take a deep breath, "I think I'm bisexual." Kendall blinks in surprise, her posture shifting to reflect her shock. Then, she readjusts, becoming calm and collected once again.
"And…you don't like that?"
"Not really, no. It feels…wrong."
"Maybe it's the wrong label, then," Kendall suggests. Chase's confusion must reflect on his face, because she continues, "Perhaps you're not bisexual, but some other label under the queer umbrella. Could you describe why you think you're bi?"
"Uh, well…I've recently started to feel things around guys. Well, one guy really. I-I get all warm and my heart starts to race and—"
"Okay, okay, I think I understand." Kendall holds out her hand to stop him, "You feel things around this guy that coincide with what you've felt around women, yes?" At Chase's nod, she takes a moment to consider her words, then states, "That does sound like textbook bisexuality…"
"But I…" Chase buries his face in his hands, "I can't be bisexual. I just can't."
"Why not?"
"Huh?" He looks up at her, bewildered.
"Why can't you be bisexual? What about liking both men and women makes it something you can't do?"
"I-it's just…I like women! That's my thing, I'm the hotshot, the flirt, I pick up girls like nobody's business!" Chase gestures wildly, toning it down a little at the wince Kendall makes.
"We'll unpack that sentence later…anyway, that's why you can't be bisexual?"
"Mhm,"
"All because you've tied your identity to…what you said," Kendall tilts her head again, going silent. Chase hates silence, especially now. A million thoughts are running through his head, half worrying what she would say and half still freaking out about his identity crisis. "This is less about being the 'hotshot', and more to do with the fact you're scared of something new."
Wow. She just reads him like a book, doesn't she? Chase stares at her for a moment (okay it was a few minutes), before nodding. It makes sense, he truly doesn't mind being attracted to men. Hell, it just gives him more options. What he minds is the change, the 'newness' of it all. And truly…he's terrified of who he's attracted to and what it entails.
"Yeah that's…basically it," Chase agrees, and he is pleasantly surprised when Kendall reaches over to cover his hand with her own. She smiles at him for a brief moment.
"Chase, I know that change can be scary, and discovering yourself even more so. But take it from someone who's come to terms with this a long time ago: you'll figure it out. It gets less terrifying, I promise," Kendall's voice is soft as she speaks, and it helps to dry the last of Chase's tears. Yeah, there really is nothing to be afraid of. This is just another part of him, another part for him to explore and learn and develop and—wait. What did she just say?
"Wait, Kendall, you're bisexual too?" Chase asks, in pure disbelief. Kendall merely laughs and shakes her head at him.
"Yes, Chase, I am. Now, if you're feeling better, there's some storerooms that need inventorying," Kendall says, back into her professional mode. Chase can only groan. More boring old stuff to catalogue in the exact way she wants it. "Want me to send Riley with you for some help?"
"Could I get Shelby to help me instead?" Immediate eyebrow raise from Dr. Morgan. Chase flushes and whistles to act innocent, but they both know what he's incredibly guilty of. She sighs and gives him a thumbs up, before swiftly walking out of the cafe. He runs another hand through his hair. One step at a time. He's got this.