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No matter how I talk about it, it sounds more distant than it actually is. I can't say some “this evening” without it sounding like it was a few hours ago and I can’t say “today” ‘cause that’s too broad, and I can’t say some “just now” because it wasn't just now. It was earlier. I don't know what the fuck’s wrong with me. Yeah, it was earlier that a gust of wind hit me in the face, that some wave gushed out against me and left me shook. Turbulent’s the word. I was standing and, like a wimp, I got anxious and I went outside. I know Jen got the same thing ‘cause we both hog the bathroom sometimes to cry, but she gets to do it in her bedroom more than me. This time I walked out and sat in the grass. Sat, stared. It is not an understatement when I say my boyfriend’s making me crazy. It's gotta be some reaction from being around that bitch all the time ‘cause I’m always walking on eggshells around him until I know his deal, but at least he thinks I’m a normal person. Still, I shouldn't’ve been sat out there like a fool holding in my tears like an even bigger fool. Just sitting there with an ache between my brows; my mirror told me I always look more tired than upset so nobody bothers. Jen called me in for some coffee for the night without comment.