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My feet dangled between the cold iron fence as I watched the cars move far below. All moving and leaving as if bees from a hive, all moving together for some greater goal. Some greater goal I’m not a part of.
I sighed, closing my eyes while pressing my forehead against the railing. The cold steel offering a temporary comfort to my aching brain as I sat there attempting to lull the ever increasing pain my own thoughts brought.
I could hear the ancient doors hinges creek open as the door swinged open behind me.
I couldn’t help but let out a sigh.
I didn’t even have to open my eyes to know who it was. Who else would be looking for me at this time of the day?
I could hear him trying to cough up some type of question but he couldn’t get the exact words out. As if they mattered…
“Look, I don’t wanna hear you say a peep for as long as we’re up here for.” I angrily coughed up. The hoarseness of my voice clearly catching him off guard as he attempted to clear his throat.
For a moment, we existed in pure silence. Neither of us daring to make a sound. Even the city below began to drown out the noise with the only thing breaking it was his loud footsteps as he moved next to me.
As he stood there above me,I gazed at his shoes, those stupid run down shoes he couldn’t ever bother to replace. I turned away as he shuffled down to the ground and sat next to me.
He tried opening his mouth to say something but a quick finger to his lips shut him up surprisingly quick.
“Ah no no no. No talking for you. I meant what I said.”
He chuckled lightly and rolled his eyes as he turned away and looked up towards the sky line as I kept my gaze on the cars below.
Another moment of silence passed as neither of us said a word as I gazed below lost in thought, and as he gazed above, lost in dreams.
“ I just feel… lost, Nikolai. I’ve gotten everything I strived for. What I hoped for. Everything I sacrificed for. Now that I’m here… I don’t know. I guess I just expected it to end. It just keeps on going though.”
I swallowed before continuing.
“So many other people would kill for this position. To be amongst the best of the best from not just this country, but the whole continent. To be working for this company. Why do I feel so empty then? At first, it was exciting and new, but now that I’ve gotten used to it, it’s… it’s so dull.”
“-I mean, I had a goal, I had a purpose! I finished that purpose though. What else is there for me to find? I’ve set my whole life just to be where I am now, and now I don’t know what comes next.”
My knuckles turned white as I gripped the iron bars around my hand.
“I feel like everyone else does, for their own lives. Makes me feel like the old one now for not knowing what to do with mine.”
I lay down and closed my eyes.
“I just feel so stupid for putting in all this time and effort for me to seemingly…waste it! It just…frustrates me! I’ve wanted this for so long and now that I have it… I’m still not happy.”
I tried the best that I could to hide the tears welting up in the corner of my eyes, but I doubt I really did a good job. Considering he was just… staring at me. That pouty look on his face saying all that he needed to.
“Aw cmon don’t give me that.”
He kept looking with those sad puppy dog eyes.
“Alright alright, I’ll admit that since meeting you…things have been a lot better. I am usually happier with you around. There? Are you happy hearing that?” hosewhosuggest
I could see in the corner of my eye that dumb smile of his as he gave a chuckle.
“Yeah yeah I knew you would. Freak.” I chuckled as I hit him in the shoulder lightly as he rolled his eyes. We sat there staring at the stars above as only the sound of our shared breath filled the air.
I pushed myself off the ground and gripped onto the handle bars as I looked down. The bright streets empty with not even a singular person walking below.
“You know… sometimes it just feels like me and you in this city.” I murmured as he looked on.
He inched closer to me and put his hand a top of mine. I pulled back a bit and looked at him,
“Nikolai I-“
He grabbed a-hold of my hand with both hands, staring at me with those gentle eyes.
His gaze already telling me what left his mouth.
“█ ████ ███.”
The tears formed at the corner of my eyes as I stared into his. I couldn’t help but hiccup and sob.
“Yo-you idiot of course I do t-
I woke up to an alarm clock buzzing obnoxiously loud.
It’s awful ringing making me jolt up and open my eyes.
I quickly glanced around me before remembering last night. My eyes haphazardly turned over to the alarm clock. Staring for a second as it keepted going.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
I reached for the button up top of it.
Click.
I glanced at my covers as I tried oh so desperately not to cry again after last night. Yet I did.
I curled up under my covers and cried.
No one came to check on me this time.