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The cold air from the empty feeling night in Dortmund ran throughout the small hotel room. Marco was crying, crying hard in Robert's arms. He had one of those horrible thoughts again. Robert had always knew ever since they had gotten close that things like that had always made Marco crumble into a million pieces. Even though Marco was perceived as a playful, tough, extroverted person in public, he was different in private. Very different, like someone else had taken over his body. And tonight was one of those nights. Again.
"Marco, You know I would never leave you. You're the love of my life, and it would kill me to part from your arms," Robert whispered into Marco's ear, embracing him into a hug. Marco nuzzled his head into the crook of Robert's neck. He breathed in his cologne, the cologne he had gotten for Robert only months back for his birthday. He wore it everyday, although he had so many others. Marco liked that; kind of like how he still had a part of the blonde with him. Marco sniffled a little bit, trying to get over that Robert might leave him even though he was promising Marco that he wouldn't.
Robert scratched at the back of Marco's head, rustling his beautiful blonde hair. "Why would you think that I would ever leave Dortmund? Reus, You know that's not me," Robert reassured him. Marco let out a deep sigh in response. He lifted his head back up to look at his lover.
"Robert..I…I just can't shake the feeling. It's dumb, I know. it's not something you would do. I'm sorry," Marco wiped his tears on his shirt collar.
"It's fine Marcinho." Robert pulled him into a deep kiss Marco had been longing for. It was one he had not felt in a while, especially from his public relationship, from his "girlfriend.' She never gave Marco that loving kiss that all relationships should have once in a while. Only Robert ever gave him that. Marco immediately leaned into his soft lips that he loved every minute of.
Marco remembered the first time they had kissed like that, the first time Marco felt full. Full of love for the first time. It was amazing, right after Dortmund had won it all. The blonde wasn't able to contain his excitement and love for the Pole after he had scored the winning goal against the opposing team. While they were celebrating after the final whistle had blew, Marco had taken the first step forward. He had found Robert's lips with his own for the first time, and it was the best thing that he had experienced in his life. Not winning a league, not scoring as many goals as possible, not winning against a rival team, but this. Robert had understood the meaning and leaned right back into him. They were covered by a scarf Marco had been wearing, but everyone knew. Everyone had seen them share the kiss together.
That's why they had to keep it a secret. The media still framed them as a couple (which they weren't wrong) but the pair had to keep it something between them so their careers wouldn't be ruined completely. But Robert and Marco had made it official to themselves that they were together, souls intertwined. They knew that they were soulmates that day. It was a vivid memory that somehow always made it back to Marco. It was his favorite out of them all.
Marco latched his fingers onto the front of Robert's shirt, pushing him back onto the cheap hotel bed. The blonde rolled off his body to the other side of the bed, letting out a sigh. Robert twisted his body to lay on his side, facing Marco. He waited until Marco turned to face him as well, those dazzling blue eyes almost glowing in the faint moonlight. Robert gave him a small smile, one that reached fully to his eyes. Marco wanted to just kiss him until they had both passed out. But he was too tired for all of that. Robert opened his arms for Marco to roll into him.
He pressed against the Pole's warm chest, his face still wet with tears. Robert wrapped his hands around his body and gave Marco's forehead a small kiss.
"I love you, and I'm sorry," Robert muttered under his breath. Marco only caught a lick of the sentence.
"What?" Marco peeped. He was half-awake, and wasn't listening too hard to things around him.
"It's nothing. Goodnight Marco, I love you." Robert's warm breath hit Reus' neck, making him feel a little dizzy from how lovely Robert was. Gosh, he has to have been the best thing that has ever happened to me, Marco thought.
The two dozed off not too long after, but Marco swore that he felt Robert crying a little bit. Maybe that small chat they shared just had made him too emotional.
Robert was a liar. A good fucking liar. Even though he promised Marco that he would never leave, that stupid gut feeling was right. He left for that god damn FC Bayern Münich. Marco knew—an very small part of him knew—that he would betray him in someway, but Bayern? Out of every club, it had to be Bayern Münich? That was a strike to the heart. No wonder he had been crying that night, he knew. He knew that he was keeping a secret that would break their relationship. Something that would stand between them, almost like a wall. But only one of them tried to make the effort to climb over; and fail. Many times.
And Marco hadn't gotten over him. Like, at all. He was still completely devastated from the sudden move, though it was mostly foreseen from the rest of the team. It had only been a few months since he had seen the Pole, but it was probably for the good. He would probably never see him again, at least in private. Only on the field or on screen. They hadn't contacted each other aswell, though Marco contemplated doing so multiple times. He couldn't give up the little hope he had left in his body, though that had seemed to be fading.
He kept thinking on how he had just moved on. Almost too fast, like he was planning on this to happen (well, he kind of was). Marco had only watched maybe 3 of Bayern's games after he left, hate-watching every match. His eyes were always glazed with tears that always fell from his face when he saw that chiseled face he used to mark up every day. He had a breakdown the first time he saw Robert wearing the rival team's colors. And it had just about killed Marco when he had that same, small intimate interactions with his new teammates. The interactions that only they were supposed to have. It frustrated Marco so much that he had to change the channel from time to time. And that was an understatement, since Robert was a goal scoring machine in Bayern. It was like that for every celebration. That small, soft touch he used to give Marco that was now being used for his new, more talented team members. It made a fire burn inside of the blondes body, but not exactly a good one. Like he wanted to destroy Robert (In both ways).
Marco wished everyday that Robert was still here, next to him. Not in Münich, but in Dortmund. Playing right by him. Not against him. Robert got away, away from everything that he was supposed to have forever. He wanted to be the "Golden Boy" of football, for his legacy and country, and staying at Dortmund just wouldn't have worked for him. Marco knew that. But it still pained him everyday to think about it. The lies that Marco believed had come back to bite him. And they bit very hard.
Marco had kept himself far away from the media ever since it happened, knowing reporters and interviewers would constantly nag him about his so called "best friend" leaving Dortmund. It seemed that Robert had aswell, the only news reports of him were just him having a successful transfer to Bayern Münich. Nothing else. It was very quiet on his side.
But at the same time, Marco didn't want it to be quiet. He wanted to be loud and obnoxious. One part of him wanted to boast and babble all around the media on how horrible Robert was for betraying Dortmund and him, his own best friend. He wanted to show the world his real, raw feelings about the situation. And he bet that Robert had wanted to do the same in some way, maybe a little less harsh about it since he was, well Robert Lewandowski. He couldn't mess up his stupid perfect posture.
He didn't tell the media. He couldn't pull himself to do so. At the end of the day, they were just two perfessional football players who separated themselves so they could continue their long career in different paths. Marco would've followed him, but he would be portrayed just as much as a betrayer as Robert was in BVB fan's eyes. He couldn't do that to the team he loved most. Marco had everything to lose in Dortmund and Robert was just a boy from Poland wanting to make his country and his dad proud. Lewandowski had nothing to lose, and it made Marco seeth with anger every time.
The cold December air hit his face. He was staring at the TV screen again, his face wet from watching another Bayern match. They had won. Again. Just too good. Marco wiped his face with his shirt collar, but it was pretty damp already from the immense sobbing he had released earlier. Marco had never cried this much in his life. Not when he lost a family member, or when that one "perfect" relationship with his now ex-girlfriend had ended, or when Dortmund had lost in the finals. He lifted his heavy eyes from the ground and looked around his living room. It was dark, the television being the only light source. The sky was clear, the moon illuminating the atmosphere. It reminded him of how bright Robert's eyes always were when he scored a goal.
Marco walked up and closed the windows. The space seemed even darker now, only a small space being lit up. He didn't want to do anything that night, even sleeping wasn't something he wanted to do. The only thing he wanted to do was to contact Robert. He wanted to confront him, but also confess aswell, and tell him how much he missed his love and his delicate but rough touch, every aspect of him, even though Marco still hated his guts so much for lying and leaving him.
And that stupid Thomas Müller, taking Marco's place as his new best friend on the team. God, that made him hold a grudge for the man. Obviously he couldn't exactly hate him, as they were still teammates for the national team. A ton of Bayern players were actually, so it was kind of hard to do so. But anytime he say the two embrace in celebration, Marco clenched his jaw or balled his fists together in pure frustration and jealousy. It was like Thomas knew exactly what he was doing. He probably knew that Marco was watching on a screen far away in Dortmund, sinking in jealousy from their connection together.
Marco curled himself back onto his couch and covered his cold body with a larger blanket. He guessed it was going to be one of those nights again, crying himself to sleep in his living room since he couldn't get himself to stand up and walk himself to his bedroom. The weight of too many emotions pushed him down too far down that he couldn't push himself back up again. He tapped his finger on a half empty beer bottle, lightly sipping on it until it emptied.
He checked his phone. 2:34 AM. Of course. The bags under his eyes were only getting worse. Marco had tried to fix that, going to sleep more normally, but some nights he wasn't able to. He closed his eyes for a moment.
Marco gave Robert that crooked smile again after they had kissed. It was amazing, the taste of Robert made Marco shiver from excitement. Robert smiled that opposite of Marco's smile, that perfect pearly smile back at him, wrapping his arms around Marco's waist. "Do you know how much I love you, Marcinho?" Robert kissed his forehead as Marco snuggled up against the older man.
"I couldn't tell you the exact amount, but I would guess you love me too much." Marco chuckled, looking up into the Pole's breathtaking blue eyes. "Good enough in your words." Robert laughed along with him, finding Marco's lips again for another one of those deep kisses. Marco melted into his touch.
The blonde covered his face with a blanket and cringed. God, he missed it too much that thinking about it made Marco sick. Past Marco never would have thought he would have to deal with something like this. Ever. And nobody felt kind enough to help him through something like this. He couldn't, because Marco knew he would let that precious little secret slip off the tip of his tongue. Then everyone would know the real truth; why Marco and Robert have both been weirdly absent in the media, how they haven't contacted each other since, or how Marco looked a complete train wreck anytime we was spotted.
He didn't want to become something he had always feared of becoming. But it was almost too late to change himself. Robert had changed him; in both ways in a short amount of time. It was terrible.
Before Marco finally drifted off into a sleep that he didn't know he needed, a message popped up on his phone screen.
"Merry Christmas Marco. Please Don't Call."
He didn't respond. Marco knew what would happen if he tried to. His fingers twitched in anticipation to type a message back to Robert, but Marco knew he wouldn't respond or even read what Marco sent.
They both knew. Finally, Marco knew. Robert had known. They both knew that it was over between them, for good. They would have to go separate ways, no matter the circumstances. And Robert took the first step forward in something that would break them forever. Marco didn't even know. But now he did.
Marco set down his phone on the coffee table and planted his face into the pillow.
No matter if they were soulmates, destined for eachother, to be forever interwoven together in love, romantic or platonic, they had to split apart just like that. Marco swore that they would be together forever, conquering the football world together, hand in hand. But just like that, it would never happen. His dreams of them doing everything together had been erased in the blink of an eye. He didn't know a simple message like that would make him snap just like that. Just make everything they built together fall into the dust just like that.
Marco cried himself to sleep again, even if he wasn't planning on doing so. He didn't the same thing every other night after that. He didn't know if he would ever recover from the pain only a small message and transfer did to him.