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Sebastian always felt more comfortable in the cold. Maybe because he was born in winter, he just felt more at home in it. He didn’t mind the shivering, the numbness in his fingertips, he preferred getting to drown himself in layers anyway.
He always liked the cold, so really, his interest in ice skating only made sense.
Small as it was, Pelican Town had a great ice rink nearby. Abigail’s mother used to be a skater, and while the girl had no interest, Sebastian always longed to try, his eyes sparkling whenever he would watch even while Abigail only mocked the idea.
Robin had taken him to the rink when he was eight years old, and although he didn’t have much talent for it, Sebastian loved it. It was an isolated activity, just him and the ice and the sweet cold. He managed not to fall, and that was good enough. Robin had never seen him so happy afterwards, so she enrolled him in lessons.
Little by little, he got better. He wasn’t the fastest learner compared to some of the others, but he did okay. A couple of years later, and he had passed all the basic levels, and was starting prepare for getting competitive.
He hadn’t really intended to compete, he just wanted to skate all pretty like he’d seen on TV, like he’d seen Caroline. But once he’d reached the stage where he could, and everyone else around him was preparing for it, of course he was going to as well. Robin supported him, taking him for coaching sessions and practise as often as he needed, driving him to competitions once he got there. Thankfully, her business kept them well enough supported to fund his hobby.
His first program was to Moonlight Sonata, chosen with his coach, and he loved it. He wished he could stay on the rink all day and just skate.
It was so nice, to be alone with his thoughts on the ice, to just feel the music, hopefully look as pretty as he’d seen other skaters look.
Well. He missed the landing of the salchow yet again and skidded across the ice on his bum for a meter or so before managing to get up. So not very pretty… But it was fine. He still liked it.
“More expression!” His coach always told him, “more emotion!”
And Sebastian really did try, but he just wasn’t really the expressive sort. To him, he was expressing himself fully. He loved the music, loved skating, but apparently, it didn’t come across.
He’d always had that problem, even off ice. He never reacted appropriately enough for anyone. If he did show emotion, it was always some outburst that was deemed unnecessary. He didn't really understand. And this kind of emotion... it just didn't come naturally to him, no matter how he tried to exaggerate it.
He never won any of the competitions.
Not only on account of that—he’d always been a little behind his peers, so of course, he expected it. Robin praised him nonetheless, and Sebastian was still happy.
It wasn’t until little Maru, now four, came alone for the first time and begged to have a turn too in her high-pitched babble, that Sebastian started to distance from the sport a little.
Maru was a natural prodigy. Even so little, so young,
And just like that, what little attention he had gotten was all turned towards his little sister. She was now the priority. Robin and Demetrius, amazed by her, all but forgot about him.
And Sebastian’s safe space felt breached.
Maru advanced much quicker than he had. She blazed through all the basic levels and was onto jumps and spins in the time it took Sebastian to just get his footing. She competed, and she would sometimes get medals. She was much stronger on her jumps, quicker and more sure of herself on the ice—she was good.
But Sebastian only felt sad. Of course, he was happy for her—at least, he should be—it was just that… this was his thing. Only, it clearly wasn’t, given how much of a natural she was at it.
He quit competing, with little protest from his mother. Then he quit lessons, too.
He would just come and practise on his own. That’s what he liked best anyway. To just be free, be alone, and skate. The cold air was refreshing, the grinding of the blades in the ice so soothing. He didn’t need medals. He didn't need to learn anything new. He didn’t need to see his star of a sister. He would just continue on his own.
He wouldn’t let her take that from him.
Except… Robin could only take him there when Maru was also going. Demetrius never wanted to take him. He took the bus when he could, but it was a long journey that way.
Before he knew it, he’d stopped going. His parents didn’t really urge him to, so focused on Maru that they didn’t really notice. Sebastian withdrew into other things, his fantasies, his games and books, alone in his room. He took up keyboard instead, eventually, when Robin could spare a thought to him.
It was fine.
He missed it, though. He missed it so much when he went along to watch Maru compete.
Abigail and Sam didn’t understand.
Abigail thought it was a ridiculous “sport” and only congratulated him when he quit. Sam was never one for skating either, and was just happy that Sebastian could hang out with him more now and started showing off some new skateboarding tricks he’d learnt. They didn’t get what it was to him. They didn’t know how it felt.
But it wasn’t in him to try and explain. He was always a quiet person. He just let it go. Waited until he was old enough to take himself to the rink, to manage his own time, to not be reliant on anyone else for it. He could make do with just skating a few times, tagging along with his sister to open practises. He could wait.
*
Many years later, and he now drives himself to the rink on his motorbike. He’s, unfortunately, still living in his parents’ basement, but at least he’s somewhat independent. He makes some money freelancing, working from home, and in his free time, he goes to the rink. He can stay as long as he wants, do what he wants. It’s good.
Maru is still competing, only having gotten better over the years, along with a couple of other girls in town. He watches her sometimes, but he prefers to just focus on his own. She has her friend Penny to keep her company, and more than enough of her own drive and ambition. Her medal collection is quite extensive by this point, even if it’s mostly regional and national competitions. Sebastian has to admit it’s impressive, even if it leaves him a little sour.
At the rink, he sighs, finishing lacing up his black boots, sliding some thick black gloves on, and placing his headphones over his ears—green and frog shaped, the only non-black item on him.
He steps onto the ice, shoving his hands in his pockets as he does a few warmup laps, as always. There’s no music playing in his headphones yet, so he just listens to the sound of his blades scraping the ice as he picks up speed. He grinds to a stop at one end, pulling out his phone to choose a song.
But when he looks up, he’s surprised to see a new face at the other end of the rink.
Sebastian pauses, staring.
It’s always pretty empty at this time, the odd private coaching lesson happening and one or two couples or friends with rental skates, maybe a couple of others practising like him. But this man, Sebastian has never seen before. He would have noticed.
He’s good.
He’s only warming up, doing simple stroking exercises, then crossovers, then a simple upright spin—but he’s mesmerising.
His long, red hair is pulled back in a loose, low ponytail, a few strands hanging over his face. He’s wearing a zip up hoodie that he soon sheds, over a tight maroon shirt and tight black pants. An earring glints from beneath his hair. He’s focused on his own, doesn’t look in Sebastian’s direction, thank god, but Sebastian quickly forces himself to look away all the same, cheeks heating up.
It’s just because he’s really good, nothing more. Graceful and powerful all at once, everything Sebastian could never hope to be. Plus, the depth of those edges, the ease of his movements… Sebastian wasn’t a bad skater by any means, but he knows he has plenty of areas of improvement. He just has to look at his sister to realise that. But seeing it on this man… it doesn’t arouse that same sense of inferiority. He’s just in awe.
He shakes himself out of it, stretching his arms, then leaning against the wall to stretch his legs.
He’s here to be by himself, and just exist on the ice. He’s not here to ogle some, extremely good, maybe extremely attractive, man while he skates.
If he does keep stealing glances at him, however, who can blame him?
The next time Sebastian goes to the rink, the man is there again. And the next. He starts seeing him there quite often. He must have recently moved nearby, Sebastian thinks.
Although he keeps an eye on him, Sebastian hasn’t worked up the courage to actually talk to him or anything. What would he even say? No, he’ll just continue to admire from a distance. It’s just nice to have someone like that around there. He inspires him.
Sebastian frequently finds himself trying to copy his moves. How does he do it all so effortlessly? Sebastian has always needed several pushes to work up any speed, and he knows his edgework could be better, but the red-haired man seems to just instantly sail across the ice with just one movement.
Plus, his time away from any formal coaching hasn’t done him any favours. He can still do everything, and hasn’t felt the need to be taught again, but with years of infrequent practice and now only skating for himself, it’s only natural that he would decline a little.
He’s staring at his feet, frowning, as if glaring at them will help him figure out why he keeps flipping back to a flat or inside edge after half a second of being on his outsides. He knows how to do it, it just… well. His don’t look like that man’s. He pushes off again, only to startle at a sudden voice.
“You’re really good, you know, you just gotta lean more into it, really shift your weight.”
Sebastian stumbles, wobbling for a moment and then—lands flat on his ass.
“Ah, apologies, my bad.”
It’s the red-haired man, looking away sheepishly with a hand to his nape. Then he offers a hand to Sebastian instead.
Sebastian stares at it, and blushes. He politely refuses, getting himself to his feet on his own. He dusts the ice off his leggings and hoodie, then lowers his headphones around his neck.
“Really didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s alright. I was kinda in my own world.”
The man laughs. “I get that. I hope you don’t mind, though, I’ve noticed you since I first got here. You really are good.”
Sebastian flushes more. He fiddles with the sleeves of his hoodie. “Th-thanks… I’m not really, not like you.”
He laughs. “Well, I’ve had more experience.”
Sebastian looks up through his bangs at him, allowing himself a look at his face properly for the first time in this encounter. And he does have to look up. The man is tall. His hair is braided down the side today, still with those loose strands flowing over one side of his face. Sebastian swallows. Up close, he’s even more attractive.
“The name’s Elliott, by the way.”
“Oh. Um, I’m Sebastian.”
“Delighted to finally make your acquaintance! I won’t keep you if you’re trying to practise, but feel free to ask if there’s anything you want help with, it would be my pleasure. Or if you just want to chat in general.”
For lack of words, Sebastian just nods, offering him a slight smile.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to him or get his advice, but he’s just… he’s not good with people. And Elliott… well, his heart is racing just at this.
He quickly skates away, cheeks still burning.
Now when he glances the other skater’s way, he notices Elliott watching him, too. He had never seen it before.
He ignores it, for now, throwing himself into more spins instead.
Elliott greets him whenever he sees him at the rink, now. Always with a broad smile and a wave, never failing to use his name which always seems to make Sebastian’s heart stutter. He’s not used to feeling so seen.
He’s not opposed to it. Not with Elliott.
It starts with just greetings, then simple exchanges while they put their skates on—by now Sebastian had unconsciously coordinated his skating times to make sure it coincided with the older man’s. Nothing more than polite niceties at the start.
How was your day? I like your headphones. Did you have a pleasant ride in?
Little by little, Sebastian warms to him, though, giving just a little more detail in his answers, maybe trying to ask one or two questions of his own back at Elliott.
On the ice, they still do their separate things. Sebastian likes to just listen to his music and skate to it, unpolished as it was, but free. But Elliott notices on one of the times Sebastian had been trying to copy the other man’s exercises, and comes over to do them with him instead. Embarrassed at first, Sebastian reddens, immediately losing all competency, but then Elliott’s strong arm wraps around his shoulder as he guides him through the movements, and Sebastian can barely think anymore.
After that, they begin spending more time together on the ice, too. Elliott challenges him. It’s fun. And if he makes Sebastian’s heart beat a little faster, who’s to say. If Sebastian likes the way his strong hands feel on his arms, on his shoulder, on his own, then that’s just between him. If Elliott's commanding way with words, his confidence, his mere presence made him weak in the knees, then that was his own business.
It’s funny, Sebastian never thought he would fall for someone like Elliott. The other man is just so… different to him. Aside from the love of skating of course, it just feels like Elliott is so much more… forward, confident. Sure, Sebastian did already know he has a thing for older men, bigger men, and no one could deny that Elliott is beautiful, but he’d always thought he wanted someone more similar to him.
Then again, he’s judging the other man too quickly. He’s been perfectly respectful of Sebastian’s boundaries so far, and isn’t overly loud. They don’t need to speak much on the ice, so they don’t, communicating in their movements instead. Off ice, well. They’re only just beginning.
“Hey, what are you doing after?” Elliott asks at the benches as they’re taking off their skates after a session.
His hair is up in a bun and it looks unfairly good. Sebastian doesn’t even need to mention his body in those form fitting practice clothes. Sebastian always feels rather frumpy in comparison, in his baggy hoodie that reads ‘I Frogot’ with a bunch of confused frogs underneath, with his hair that always refuses to do what he tells it to and just flops over his face in whichever way, and his leggings that only show off how his legs are on the skinnier side of toned, not particularly strong or shapely at all. It’s not that he thinks he’s ugly, but he just isn’t up to the level of someone like Elliott. His skating he knows is a far cry from the red-head’s.
He tries not to dwell on stuff like that. It’s hard not to, though. His brain is just wired like that. With his parents, with Maru, with the way most people treated him at school and at skate lessons, when he was going… it’s all he could do.
He’s just grateful Elliott still wants to be his friend.
“Would you want to grab a drink with me? On me, of course.”
“Oh, I don’t drink… unless, coffee?”
“Coffee is perfect!”
The thought of meeting outside of the ice rink, for the first time, has Sebastian’s heart racing from more than just the physical exertion. He thinks he passes it off well enough. He doesn’t really look at Elliott’s face enough to read it in his expression what he’s thinking—he’s okay pretending. Focused on his skates. Then his bag. Then walking out. Getting to a coffee shop.
They go to one nearer the rink to save time, and as they get inside, Sebastian does appreciate the warmth that hits his face.
He does love the cold, but he can barely feel his fingers after being on the rink.
Once they’re finally sitting down, only then does he let himself really look at Elliott again, while the latter is turned to look out the window.
He’s let his hair down, and it tumbles over his shoulders in fiery waves. He rests his chin on his hand as he stares out, but then he suddenly turns back to him, catching him in his stare and Sebastian’s cheeks flush. Elliott only smiles, chuckling softly.
“So, Sebastian. Figure since we’re spending so much time with each other, we might as well get to know a little more about each other, right? All I know about you is that you like frogs, ride a motorbike, and look extremely cute when you’re flustered.”
His eyes crinkle as his smile widens, but Sebastian is only left stunned, flustering more and probably proving his point. He’s mastered the art of hiding his negative emotions—isn’t very outwardly expressive in the first place, anyway—but when someone is nice to him? Flirts with him? Surprises him? He’s never known how to handle that. It’s a rare occurrence as it is. It’s not his fault how his cheeks heat up and his words tumble over each other, how he always tries to run away.
“I— there’s— there’s not that much more to tell,” Sebastian stammers, suddenly struggling to find something to fix his gaze on. He grabs a napkin from the table and starts to fiddle with it.
“I’m sure that’s not true. How about we start with when you started skating?”
They manage to fall into conversation, learning a bit about each other. It turns out, Elliott is a retired competitive skater. He started out as a singles skater, but later switched to ice dance. Now he’s moved to Pelican Town to work on writing a book, which has long been a dream of his, wanting a break from the skating world and his old life.
He really isn’t so different from Sebastian as he thought. Moving away, living alone, working on a solitary project like writing a novel… it’s all something Sebastian would love to do.
“I had no idea you were in Pelican Town too. I don’t… really go out much, I don’t know much of anyone. Up in the mountain we’re kinda… isolated, too.”
Elliott laughs. “Nothing wrong with that. And it’s the same for my cabin on the beach. I have to say, it was a little lonely at first. I’m sorry if I came on too strong, I was just really excited to meet someone like you up here.”
“O-oh, well. There’s quite a few skaters around here actually…”
“I don’t mean just that you skate.”
“Oh…”
“Although you are a beautiful skater. And beautiful yourself. I find you fascinating.” Elliott tilts his head, regarding him intently. “If I may be a little more forward. You’ve definitely brought me inspiration for my book. There’s something about you…”
Sebastian grips his empty mug, picking it up and then placing it back down just for something to do. His ears burn.
“I’m… flattered.”
“If you’re uncomfortable, please do say. I can be a bit dense with signals, sometimes.”
“I-I’m not! I’m not, I…” he swallows, struggling to finish the sentence. “I’ve been watching you since I first saw you on the rink. I… yeah. I… feel the same. I’m just not good at… this. People liking me.”
Elliott reaches across the table and tilts Sebastian’s chin up.
“Well, you’ll have plenty of time to get used to it, my dear.”
*
“What do you say we try a lift?”
“What?” Sebastian blinks, eyes widening.
Elliott shrugs. “You don’t want to? I cannot deny I’ve been wanting to.”
“You’re not gonna drop me?”
Elliott laughs. “Of course not. Hopefully…” he adds with a little grin.
Sebastian pouts and smacks his chest.
“Only if you take it seriously!”
“You have my word! I will not drop you, my dear.”
“Okay.”
They’ve been skating together almost every session, now. Elliott helped him with his twizzles and one foot skating, and they could almost be an ice dance pair at this point with their synchronised movements. Why not add in lifts, too?
Sebastian has thought about it before, too, but in his daydreams was one thing, in actuality…
He’s not really scared. It’s not really about the possibility of falling or being dropped. It’s the touch. Being held. That closely.
They’ve gotten closer in this time, some sort of unlabelled, maybe boyfriends, maybe friends that Sebastian is happy enough with, but they rarely touch. They don’t hold hands, they certainly haven’t kissed. The most is Elliott’s hand on his shoulder, or the occasional guiding arm or helping hand while skating, gloved of course. A lift wouldn’t be too different to that, but still...
He trusts Elliott, though. He wouldn’t mind it, if it’s him. He wants it.
Wants more.
To start with, Elliott just instructs him for a simple overhead lift, supporting him by just his hands. It’s simple enough and not so overwhelming as hands on his body but, damn, Elliott is strong. And then instead of letting him down, he lowers him just to scoop him bridal style in his arms. Sebastian yelps, but Elliott only laughs, quickly spinning them around. Only then does he let him down.
Sebastian is dizzy, and it’s not from the spin.
Sebastian is breathless, and it’s not from exhaustion.
*
Sebastian is sitting out on the dock on a rainy day as has been his habit since he can remember, only now, Elliott spots him from his cabin and comes to join him. Sebastian has started bringing his umbrella with him solely because of this.
He smiles up at him, but then quickly goes back to staring out at the ocean while the older man sits beside him. Sebastian opens his umbrella and Elliott gratefully takes it.
He hadn’t understood Sebastian’s love of being out in the rain, but he often came out here anyway just to be with him. “I guess there’s a certain romance about it. It has it's charm. I’d just normally prefer to watch from my window, inside,” he had said, but he sat with no complaints. He still does. Sebastian had told him he didn’t need to, that he likes to be alone anyway, but he can’t deny that Elliott insisting to stay makes him feel warm inside.
They don’t talk much—although, the first time Sebastian brought an umbrella, Elliott was sure to affectionately poke fun at the design.
It’s dark green, with frogs around the edges. It was cute, okay? And it’s not like Sebastian ever uses it much. He doesn’t mind getting wet. It’s only for if he has to get somewhere and so can’t just enjoy the rain.
And now, for Elliott, as he sits beside him, who doesn’t much enjoy the feeling of damp clothes or wetting his perfectly styled hair, who gets cold easily and doesn’t find it comforting the way Sebastian does—at least, not when accompanied by wetness.
Sebastian doesn’t even know why he likes it. There’s just… fewer people out in the rain. It’s quiet. Peaceful. The sound puts him at ease, even in a storm, and the feeling on his skin… it’s just nice. Like a caress, like an embrace. It’s nice to just feel something. And, maybe there was a time he used the rain to mask his own tears. Just like on the ice, being in the rain feels so free. Like he can just exist, like he does exist. He isn't sure he does, sometimes. And then of course, there’s always a chance of seeing a frog in this weather. It makes his whole day whenever he catches sight of one of the little guys.
Here by the ocean, though, he just likes to watch the ripples on the surface, likes to stare out at the endless horizon. Elliott shares the fondness for the sea, albeit for slightly different reasons, but at least that they agree upon, even if he doesn’t understand his love of rain.
Beside him, Elliott shivers.
It’s funny, given that he’s an ice skater. But Sebastian supposes sitting soaked through is a little different to being on the ice, heated up by exertion, or even to taking a brisk walk in biting wind, as Elliott is sometimes prone to do.
“You can go back inside if you’re cold, really. You don’t have to always join me.”
“Nonsense, I’m perfectly fine! As long as you don’t mind me here, I enjoy being with you.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Then, good,” Elliott smiles.
There’s another stretch of silence, other than the soft rain. Then Elliott speaks up again.
“You know, I’ve been meaning to fix up that old boat by my cabin. Once spring comes, maybe I can take you for a ride.”
Sebastian smiles to himself, ducking his head a little. His legs swing where they hang off the dock.
“I’d like that.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm.”
“Sebastian, I…” Elliott tucks his hair behind his ear. He shifts a little, then sets the umbrella down to the side, turning to face Sebastian. “I think you know, already, but I… that is, I mean…”
Sebastian has grown to learn that Elliott can be a little awkward at times, not at all so confident like he had first thought seeing him on the ice, but still, seeing him struggle for words is surprising. He faces him, though his gaze fixes on his hair, his neck, his cheek—anywhere other than his eyes. His heart skips a few beats.
“I really enjoy being with you. That is, I… I really like you. And I hope you feel the same—”
“I do,” Sebastian interjects breathily, all but surprising himself.
Elliott blinks. “Marvelous! I mean, well, it’s always a relief to hear that.” He laughs awkwardly, and Sebastian suppresses a smile, looking down at his lap.
Elliott just… makes him feel so at ease. Makes him happy, too.
“And I,” Elliott continues, “I guess we’ve known each other a while now. So I… how do I ask this? Sebastian, I…”
He gently cups Sebastian’s face, turning it to meet his gaze. Sebastian follows, lashes fluttering but he doesn’t look away.
His heart starts to hammer.
Elliott doesn’t say anymore. He leans in, and Sebastian closes his eyes. His breath hitches when their lips meet.
Elliott’s are firm against his, but slowly get softer, pulling away a little only to come back in for another. Sebastian lets him, dizzy.
He hasn’t… done this before. Ever. His heart beats so loud.
His eyes remain closed when Elliott pulls away for real this time, his lips still parted. He stays close, his hand still caressing his cheek.
“Are you okay?”
Breathless, Sebastian nods. His eyes flicker to Elliott’s for just a moment before dropping.
Elliott steals one more kiss from him.
Sebastian doesn’t want it to stop.
“Elliott…” he breathes out. He’s still leaning in close, into his space. “I…”
Everything is different with Elliott. He doesn’t feel anxious with Elliott, the way he does with everyone else. Nervous, yes, but not in the same way, not anymore. He doesn’t hate his touch the way he does everyone else’s. He wants more of it. It’s… a new feeling. Something low in his core swirls just at being kissed, being this close.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” he says softly. “I’ve never… been with anyone before.”
Elliott bites his lip. “That’s okay. Nothing wrong with that, my dear. You were just waiting for me all this time.”
It’s so cheesy, but Sebastian doesn’t even hate the line. He giggles, pushing his head on Elliott’s shoulder for just a moment before pulling back. His eyes drift to Elliott’s again.
He leans up, and pecks his lips.
Just like that, Elliott’s arms are wrapping around him and he’s kissing him again, harder this time. Sebastian lets out a sound, eyes fluttering shut as he responds in kind. He doesn’t really know what to do, has no idea how to even kiss but he lets Elliott in easily, leaning into his touch, pressing closer for more. He tastes rain and he tastes Elliott, mouth parting wider to let them in while wet hands grip at wet skin, his cheek, his neck, in wet hair. His own is pressed firmly on the wooden planks of the dock, the other reaching to clutch at Ellliott’s thigh.
At last, Elliott parts, panting against Sebastian’s still open mouth.
“I’m,” Elliott clears his throat, “I’m going to go back to my cabin, before I—”
He blinks a few times, the distance suddenly huge between them.
“You’re welcome to come, if you like. If you want.”
Elliott stands, giving him a smile, and Sebastian is left to watch after him, still dazed. It takes a few minutes, staring at the space he had been, the direction of his cabin. Then Sebastian gets up, grabbing the discarded umbrella and hurries after him.
“I want,” is all he says, throwing the door open.
It’s warm inside. Elliott is already towelling off his soaked hair, but stops to take in the sight of Sebastian at his door.
“I— I want,” Sebastian repeats, shyer.
Elliott tosses the towel to the side and comes closer, taking Sebastian’s face into his hands again and crowds him against the door.
“Darling, I hope you know what you’re agreeing to.”
“I do,” Sebastian breathes. “Don’t… don’t hold back.”
“Then…”
Elliott tucks a wet lock of hair behind Sebastian’s ear, thumbing at his earring when it’s revealed. His eyes trail from his ear to search his eyes, and then drop to his lips.
Sebastian winds a hand over Elliott’s nape, and draws him down to seal the kiss.