Chapter Text
That dream again. It was the second time this week he’d had that dream.
Jack grabbed the blanket from the end of his bed and lifted it to his face, the light blue fleece tickling him slightly as he breathed in the faint aroma that still clung to it. Lemon scented cologne, winter rain, memories of happy times. It was exactly a year since he’d received the blanket, with the promise to one day return it.
Would he ever be able to?
Turning over, he attempted to go back to sleep, the blanket pulled close around him so that it almost felt like Oscar himself was there, holding him. Jack had been missing him so much recently, perhaps with the knowledge it had now been a year since they’d last seen each other in person. A year since they’d last kissed.
It was way too warm for such a fluffy blanket, but Jack endured the heat, wanting to keep the illusion of Oscar being with him alive for as long as possible. It felt like he’d been imagining them being together a lot lately - was Oscar doing the same?
It was around afternoon for Oscar now; Jack picked up his phone from the bedside table and tapped out a quick message: miss u <3.
A few seconds went by before Oscar replied, miss u too now go to sleep!!!
Jack chuckled softly and put down his phone, eventually managing to drift off a few minutes later, the blanket wrapped around him.
“I dreamt about you again.” It was the next morning, and they were in a Discord call about to launch into a recording session. “It was that one, you know, when we’re in the airport and I’m walking away from you, and though I always try to stop myself from leaving, it’s like I can’t control my legs and I just keep going until I can’t see you anymore.”
“I know,” Oscar’s voice was quiet, sombre. “I dream about that moment a lot too. I want to run after you, make you stay with me, but…”
“Yeah…”
They both fell silent. Jack looked over his monitor to the window in front of him, the sound of birdsong lowing through the crack where it was open. He always thought the birds sounded way too cheerful when he was feeling depressed, as though they were singing just to spite him. It was a bleak thought, and he hastily pushed it away.
“Anyway,” he cleared his throat, opening Geoguessr on his other monitor. “Wanna get started?”
They got stuck into the game. Though a year had passed by now, Jack hadn’t improved that much at it, perhaps because he’d been distracted thinking about Oscar the whole time. Their relationship had seemed to grow stale these past few months, both of them finding the long distance hard, but neither of them wanted to give it up. So they pushed on, though maybe only to their own detriment.
If only we could meet up again, Jack thought as he guessed Peru on an obvious Argentina round.
They’d tried to arrange to visit each other many times over the last twelve months, but every time they’d either been too busy or something had come up that had prevented them from travelling. They’d spent the anniversary of them first becoming boyfriends over Discord the other day, and Jack had spent most of it wishing they could celebrate in person.
Predictably, Jack lost the duel, and the dearest boyfriends unmuted themselves on Discord. “You played… pretty badly,” Oscar remarked with a barely suppressed laugh. “What was with that Croatia guess?”
“I knowwww…” Jack sighed. “I guess I just have other things on my mind.”
Oscar was silent at this, and then said, “Let’s just jump into the next game, alright?”
After the game, they ended the video, and almost immediately Oscar began talking. “You ok, Jacky? You haven’t really seemed like yourself today. Is everything alright?”They didn't often talk about their feelings nowadays, but Oscar sounded so concerned Jack found himself opening up.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine… I mean, I just really miss you,” he admitted, leaning back against the chair. “I thought it would get easier, y’know? But I just… I’d give anything to have you beside me right now.”
“Me too, Jack, me too. It’s not the same, just talking on Discord. I want to be able to kiss you.” Oscar’s tone was softer on the last sentence, and Jack knew he was blushing.
“I want that too…”
“And we will see each other again,” Oscar continued, sounding more optimistic than Jack felt. “I said last year, we just have to believe it and we’ll make it happen. I know it’s been a lot longer than either of us thought…” he trailed off into silence.
Jack swallowed before speaking. “But… but what if just hoping isn’t enough? I mean, maybe we just can’t be together–”
“Don’t.” Oscar sounded choked, as though he was holding back tears. “Don’t even say that. Look, this’ll all be worth it, I’m sure.”
Jack wished he could be sure too.
They finished the recording session soon after, but they knew the videos didn’t have that same energy that the previous ones they’d uploaded did. Jack was sure their viewers would notice, but there wasn’t much they could do about it.
They stayed on Discord for a while, talking about whatever random thing popped into their head, dancing around the obvious issues. Oscar told Jack about hearing there was a tiny chance it could snow later that night. “They say that every year though, and it rarely actually happens,” he said with a laugh. “It’s probably only a bit colder here than where you are.”
“Snow’s overrated anyway,” Jack replied with a fond smile. “You should come over here around Christmas and see.”
“That’d be weird - Christmas in winter,” Oscar said teasingly, and Jack could perfectly imagine the smirk on his face.
“Not as weird as having it in summer is,” he retorted, laughing too.
This is what they did most days - talking about unserious topics while avoiding the ones that mattered. Every time either of them strayed too close to mentioning something more deep, the other would quickly steer them away back onto safer ground. Sure, they both knew it wasn’t healthy, but it felt better than letting out a year’s worth of emotions.
Jack watched the sun gradually cross the sky from the window as they talked, until eventually Oscar said, “I should probably go and sleep now. Goodnight, Jacky.”
He barely had time to say goodnight back before Oscar left the call, leaving a sense of unspoken words hanging in the humid air.