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Every winter, the park transformed.
For most of the year, it was nothing special—a quiet stretch of pathways winding between bare trees and small ponds at the edge of the city. You could see families walking together during the day, couples holding hands and feeding each other and, of course, students passing by on their way to school. No one viewed it as anything special during long, summer days.
However, from late November until the end of February, it became something else entirely.
The first thing Nakamaru noticed was the light.
Millions of tiny bulbs stretched across the park like fragments of fallen stars, draped through bare winter branches and woven around every railing, archway, and lamp post. White lights shimmered overhead in vast curtains while rivers of blue flowed beneath them, transforming ordinary pathways into glowing streams. Somewhere farther ahead, golden lights pulsed in slow waves to music drifting through hidden speakers.
The entire park looked unreal.
As if someone had taken a piece of the sky and shattered it across the ground.
Unlike other traditional festivals, winter illuminations are not usually rooted in ancient customs, religious ceremonies, or seasonal rituals. Instead, they are modern celebrations of light, warmth, and togetherness during the coldest and darkest months of the year.
The main purpose of it is transforming ordinary spaces into places of wonder during a season often associated with stillness and isolation. For Nakamura, all it did was make the feeling of loneliness even more powerful.
His classmates seemed to be having fun tho. Their voices carried through the crowd, excited and carefree.
"Look over there!"
"Take a picture!"
"No, wait, let's all get in this one!"
Laughter erupted from somewhere ahead.
A cluster of students gathered beneath a massive illuminated tree whose branches glowed silver against the night. Nakamaru could see them raising their arms either to embrace each other in a side-hug or to take a picture.
Nakamaru remained several steps behind, feeling more out of place than ever.
What was I thinking? Why would going out make me feel better?
That was the real reason he had come tonight. Not because the festival interested him and certainly not because he particularly cared about the lights. But because sitting alone in his room after what he'd learned would have been unbearable.
Hirose had a girlfriend.
That thought occupied his mind the entire week. He had been unable to do anything without that sentence creeping somewhere in his mind. Not cruel enough to drown him, but just evil enough to slam him against the waves of his inner conscience.
It was an all-consuming, devouring stab that attacked him after the Valentine's day and has not stopped it's relentless attack since.
The worst thing is—Nakamura wasn't all that surprised.
It's not like he actually thought that he would date Hirose. That they would hang out after school, go to the movies or even listen to his favorite music together.
They probably would never hold hands, take long strolls in the city or do anything a regular couple would do. Nothing he and Hana are already doing.
That part was also killing him.
As the lights reflected in hundreds of smiling faces, Nakamaru thought the entire park looked like a celebration of human connection.
Which made him feel more alone than he had all year.
He took one last look at his classmates, before deciding to part ways with them, as quietly as possible. He found a bench overlooking dozens of families, friends and decided that he would stay unnoticed as to not sour anyone else's mood.
*
"Kawamura told me I'd find you here," someone said quietly as he approached.
You've got to be kidding me.
As Nakamura looked up, his nightmare got confirmed. A familiar side-part, black and dull eyes, and an even darker hair came into his view.
Matsumura Kosei.
He could not believe his luck. I mean what is he even doing here? I thought only our school was at this event. Had someone invited him?? Who could even be his friend—except for Hirose, of course, but that's only because he is an angel and could befriend anyone. Even the lowest scum like him.
Now after a second, he figured that that opinion was not valid anymore. He had to admit that Matsumura was a big help some months ago. If it weren't for him, Nakamura would have been lost on what to do to help that child find his mother. It was a good thing overall that he was there to assist the situation.
Still, never mind. Not like I am gonna vent to a guy like him.
Nakamura wasn't the type to open up easily. When emotions were involved and there was nothing he could control or fix, talking about them never came naturally to him. Even if there was nothing he could do, he'd rather carry the weight alone and let it wear him down in silence.
So, as expected, Nakamura didn't answer. The idea of responding barely crossed his mind. Matsumura knew him well enough not to expect one, but the tension between them lingered all the same, heavy in the cool night air.
Nakamura sat on a bench, his tired eyes drifting across the city lights and distant buildings. For a moment, he lost himself in thoughts of strangers living lives completely separate from his own. There was something oddly comforting about it, even if the feeling was wrapped in sadness.
Matsumura took a seat beside him. When Nakamura didn't object, he turned his attention toward the view as well.
"I've never come here before," Matsumura said, trying to ease the silence.
"What are you doing here, Matsumura?" Nakamura asked flatly, getting straight to the point. He wanted to be left alone with the emotions gnawing at him.
A hint of disappointment crossed Matsumura's face, but he continued anyway.
"I wanted to check on you," he said gently, glancing toward him.
"I'm fine," Nakamura replied without the slightest change in expression. "You can forget about it."
His impatience was already beginning to show. Deep down, even he knew how irrational he was being. He had the entire night to himself if he wanted it, yet the moment someone he cared about came looking for him, he pushed them away without hesitation.
"I don't want to forget about it," Matsumura said. "And I don't think you're fine."
He could feel Nakamura retreating behind his walls again. The only response he got was silence as Nakamura kept his eyes fixed on the familiar city skyline. In a few hours, dawn would arrive and wash away the beauty of the night, just like so many good things seemed to disappear.
"Nakamura, talk to me."
Matsumura's voice carried genuine concern. Finally, Nakamura turned toward him, irritation flashing across his face.
"I don't want to talk, Matsumura. And even if I did, it definitely wouldn't be with you."
The words came out sharper than intended before he looked away again.
Matsumura let out a quiet sigh.
"Well, I don't see any of your other friends showing up to check on you."
"I don't need a friend," Nakamura replied immediately. "And I don't want to talk to you. You're just a creep finding ways to annoy me."
Silence settled between them.
For a moment, Nakamura thought he'd finally pushed him far enough. Surely Matsumura would get angry, leave, and give him exactly what he'd been asking for. Then he could sit there alone and regret driving away the one person he felt closest to.
"Nakamura."
Matsumura spoke again, surprisingly calm.
He reached out and rested a hand lightly on Nakamura's arm.
"Please. Talk to me. I'm worried about you."
His voice was quiet but unwavering.
"And I'm not going anywhere until you do. If I have to sit here all night, then that's what I'll do."
The familiar stubbornness in his tone almost made Nakamura give in. Almost.
But the hurt he was carrying won out.
"Fine," he said coldly. "Stay here as long as you want."
He rose from the bench. "I'll leave."
He was already preparing to walk away and spend the rest of the night feeling lonelier than before when Matsumura spoke again.
"Go ahead, then. Keep it all to yourself." His voice stopped Nakamura in his tracks.
"The same way you've kept your feelings to yourself this whole time."
Nakamura froze. His hand tightened around the strap of his bag.
For a moment, the sounds of the illumination festival seemed to fade into the background. The laughter, the music, the chatter of passing strangers—all of it became distant.
Slowly, he turned back toward Matsumura. "What?" The word came out quieter than he'd intended.
Matsumura didn't answer immediately.
For the first time that evening, he looked uncertain.
"Sit down. Let's talk." He patted the space next to him which was occupied mere seconds ago.
Nakamura looked around himself, analyzing the people around him, checking if anyone was close enough to overhear their conversation. After deciding it was safe, he took a seat right next to the taller man.
"Good. Now, are you cold? Do you want to drink someth-"
"What did you mean by that?"
Now it was Matsumura's turn to look stunned. He paused for a moment and a small scoff escaped his lips, "You know what I meant by that."
"I mean—How? Does anyone else know? Was I too obvious? Did someone see me do something—"
"Wait, wait, calm down. Take a deep breath." He patted his shoulder for a second, letting Nakamura catch his breath. "No one else knows."
That sentence seemed to calm him down, and he dropped his head, now staring at the ground and breathing loudly.
"What did you even do to make you so anxious?"
Instead of an answer, Nakamura just he pressed his palms hard against his temples, as if trying to hold his thoughts in place. When he started tugging at his hair is when Matsumura reached out and stopped him.
He closed his fingers around the other boy's wrist and pulled the arm towards himself. "Hey, stop that, idiot. You don't want to pluck out all your hairs while you are still young. It looks nice just like that."
That seemed to get Nakamura out of a trance and he let out a low laugh, "Huh. You complementing my hair. Sure."
Matsumuru looked puzzled for a second. "You don't think your hair looks nice?"
He laughed quietly again and added, "Sure, keep the compliments coming, like that is going to make me feel better—your insecere words. Just what I needed."
Too stunned to answer, he decided to ruffle the shorter boy's hair and lightly smack him in the neck. "Hey-"
"Don't be stupid. Look, it even looks better now. Nakamura rolled his eyes and they fell into a silence once again. A comfortable silence, for once.
In front of them, the festival was as beautiful as ever. The kids were jumping around, significant others shared food and friends walked with their arms interlinked.
He wonders if everyone has it easier than him. Not to get him wrong, he does not wish for misfortune of others, but sometimes, Nakamura feels like the most pathetic person in Japan. Like everyone is doing much better than him in every aspect of the life.
Hell, even his sister is probably gonna turn out more successful than him. Happier. Luckier in love.
That thought would have infuriated him 10 minutes ago, but now, with another person sitting next to him—sharing the same scenery, he does not feel as lonely.
It turns out that the scenery was not the only thing they were sharing in this moment.
"I've had a crush on Hirose for years."
Everything stilled. The time stopped for a second. The crowd could have disappeared in that moment and Nakamura wouldn't have noticed—the only thing on his mind was the confession.
It was not even that surprising. Nakamura could have guessed it. In fact, he pretty much knew about it. But what surprised him the most was his tone—calm, gentle, determined. Not at all shy, weak or insecure, the way Nakamura's would be if he had said it.
The confession must have felt nice. Nakamura has never explicitly told it to someone. Who could I have told? No one knows that I'm gay and he is over here just casually saying it out loud? That prick.
But none of that comes out, only a weak, "When?"
"A lot longer than you knew him."
He does not know how to answer to that. Is he know supposed to comfort him?! Ugh.
The silence must have stretched out for longer than he thought, because Matsumura spoke up again. "You know that it's okay, right?"
He continued, 'It's okay to be jealous, angry, frustrated and disconnected. We are all just humans, trying our best to satisfy everyone, even though we know we are doomed to fail at it every once in a while."
"And that's okay too, we were made to bear it and wear it proudly—our heartbreaks, disappointmentents, everything. There is nothing you can't handle, I promise. You just need to have a little faith in life that it will get better.
Silence followed, but Matsumura added anyway, "Just don't bear it alone. You are allowed to shoulder that burden with someone else—someone that will understand you. Help you. Make sure you're alright throughout the day. Occasionally check up on you."
"And that someone should be you? Hah, yeah, right." As soon as Nakamura finished the sentence he regretted it. Because the way he looked at him—it was magical.
Wait, what?
It wasn’t an obvious look. Nothing dramatic about it. But when he looked at him, it felt like the rest of the world stopped being important enough to notice. His dark eyes didn’t flicker away or search for anything else—they stayed, steady and unguarded, as if looking away would be a waste of something he didn’t get to have often.
And the strangest part was how quiet it made everything else feel.
The guilt was slowly building up in his throat, consuming him. I mean the guy had a crush on Hirose for longer than he even knew him and was genuinely trying to be helpful. Yet, Nakamura was being cruel to him.
"I'm sorry. I guess I am to depressed to be a good company. Hirose... I just want him to be happy. And I am shaken by the fact that his happiness is not automatically mine..."
"Don't worry about it. I understand how you feel. However your feelings shouldn't rely on his. You two are not soul-bond together. You shouldn't feel the same things anyway."
Nakamura thought about it for a second. Coming out of his mouth, the sentiment seemed true, tho he supposes that it will take some time for it to truly settle.
"I have a question... about earlier."
"What do you mean?"
"Earlier—when you confessed to having a crush on Hirose."
"Oh right." Matsumura looked at the sky, thinking. "It's probably not that big of a surprise for you. About when it started-"
"No, not that either… The way you said that,” he continued, slower now, “it didn’t sound like you’re still hung up on it.”
Matsumura’s expression didn’t change much.
“It isn’t the same anymore.”
Nakamura frowned. “Because he has a girlfriend?”
“Partly.”
“And the other part?”
Matsumura didn’t answer immediately.
The pause felt long enough that Nakamura felt it in his chest.
Then Matsumura finally said, almost casually: “Because there are other things worth paying attention to.”
Nakamura went still. For a second, he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly.
“…Other things?” he repeated.
Matsumura looked at him then. Really looked at him. For the first time that night, the steadiness in his eyes felt like it had a direction.
“It’s not that complicated,” He said quietly.
“…Matsumura,” he said slowly, “what are you saying?”
A faint pause.
Then Matsumura looked away again, like he was giving him space to choose not to understand.
“I’m saying you don’t have to carry everything alone,” he said. "I know you brushed it off just now, but, think about it. Please. If not for mine, at least for your sake."
"If not for yours?!"
'I mean—no, I just—."
They were interrupted. The sound came before the light. A distant crack—sharp, almost like something splitting open in the sky.
Nakamura barely had time to register it before the first burst bloomed overhead.
White fire scattered across the night, spreading outward in perfect silence for a brief, suspended second, as if even the world itself had paused to look.
Then the sound caught up.
A deep, rolling boom that echoed through the park and through his chest.
One by one, the sky began to open.
Gold fireworks unfurled above the illumination festival, spilling sparks that drifted downward like burning snow. Reds followed—brighter, louder—bursting into wide circles that briefly painted the faces below in warm light before fading back into darkness.
The crowd reacted instantly. Almost, as if he could hear the cheers from his classmates and the sound of camera clicking, trying to capture the moment.
But Nakamura barely moved.
He was still turned slightly toward Matsumura.
The world above them had begun to burn, but he couldn’t quite pull his attention away from what was closer.
Matsumura’s face flickered under the shifting light—gold, then white, then a fading red that softened the lines of his expression.
For a moment, he looked different. Not because he had physically changed, but because the light had finally made it impossible to pretend he was just part of the background. He saw him under a different light. In a new way.
Another explosion cracked open the sky.
This time blue—deep, almost unnatural—spreading outward like a silent ocean breaking into stars. The sound hit a second later, rolling over the park in waves.
Matsumura shifted slightly on the bench, just enough to face the fireworks properly.
But his shoulder remained close, too close for Nakamura to ignore.
“You’re not even looking,” Matsumura said quietly, without taking his eyes off the sky.
“I am,” Nakamura replied, though it wasn’t really true.
Another burst shattered overhead.
Gold again.
This time slower, lingering longer, as if the sky itself was reluctant to let it go.
Matsumura glanced at him, with an adoration that he could not describe. The only thing he could describe was that everyone else was staring at the sky, but them. They held gazes for so long, they do not know where one's pupils started and where the sky ended.
Nakamura felt his throat tighten for no clear reason.
Around them, the sky kept breaking open.
And for the first time that night, the noise didn’t feel like it belonged to the world they were in.
It felt like something happening somewhere else entirely.
For the first time that night, Nakamura was glad that he went to the festival.
The lights of the festival became symbols of perseverance, representing the idea that even after periods of darkness, renewal remains possible.