Chapter Text
Buck had seemed of during the shift, but no one thought much of it. He had had som rough weeks after New Mexico. He probably just didn’t sleep well. So everyone thought.
What they didn’t know was that Buck hadn’t slept properly in weeks. The nightmares came the moment he closed his eyes. The sound of the taser and his own voice saying «I’m Derek».
The pills had been the only thing that helped the pain. Not just the physical pain, but the deeper ache that lived in his chest. The one that made it hard to breathe sometimes. At first, he had taken them as prescribed. But as the days stretched on and the pain didn’t go away, he had started taking more. Just one extra. Then two. Never enough to be obvious. Never enough that anyone would notice.
He knew he shouldn’t do it. Bobby was an addict. He didn’t want to do the same mistake as his work father. But the pills were the only thing that made the memories stop screaming.
He had written letters last week. He had sat at his kitchen table with a bottle of beer he wasn’t drinking, and a pen that felt heavier than it should be. He wrote to Maddie. To Chimney. To Hen.
And to Eddie.
Somehow, that one took the longest.
He sealed them in envelopes and hid them in his house, tucked them away into a shelf where no one would fined them, unless something happened to him.
«Buckley, you coming or what?» Chimney called from the kitchen.
Buck looked up from the floor. He had been staring for who knew how long. «Yeah. Yeah I’m coming.»
Eddie glanced at him as he got up, a small furrow between his brows. «You good?»
«Fine,» Buck said automatically. «Just tired.»
Eddie didnt look convinced, but he dropped it.
Hen watched Buck move through the morning with a slowness that wasn’t quite right. His movements were careful, deliberate. Like he was concentrating on things that should be automatic. She made a mental note to check in with him later.
The alarm blared. Structure fire. Commercial building on 2th.
The team mobilized. They’d responded to a hundred calls like this. Their response was routine, but dangerous.
Buck suited up like he always did. The gear felt heavier than usual, but he was used to it. Everything felt heavier. Eddie was suiting up next to him, moving with ease and efficiency of someone who’d done this a thousand times.
«Stay sharp out there», Eddie said, checking Buck’s gear.
Buck nodded. His throat felt tight. He had taken some extra pills before the shift, just enough to take the edge off. They were now making everything feel distant. As if he was watching himself from outside his body.
«Always do», Buck replied, and Eddie smiled at him.
The fire was on the fourth and fifth floors. Heavy smoke. Buck and Eddie worked on evacuation, moving through the third floor, making sure everyone was out.
The heat was intense. The smoke was thick. Buck’s breathing sounded loud in his own ears. His heart rate elevated. Was that the pills? Or the fire? Maybe both?
He moved towards another room. Eddie was behind him. Always behind him. Always watching his back. Always felt safe with Eddie there.
The fire roared. Everything was moving in slow motion and too fast at the same time.
His vision started to blur.
No. Not now. Not here.
Buck blinked hard, trying to focus. The room was spinning. His chest felt tight. Was he having a heart attack? Was it the pain killers?
His hand trembled on the fire extinguisher.
«Buck?» Eddie’s voice crackled through the radio. «You good?»
Buck tried to respond. His mouth wouldn’t work. The pills. Too many pills. The heat. The chemicals in his system rebelling against the stress.
«I—» He managed.
He fell to the ground.
«Buck!» Eddie shouts his name from the other side of the room.
Eddie rushed over to him. «Buck! Buck, come on!» He checked for a pulse. It was barely there.
Weak and erratic.
«Hen!» Eddie shouted into the radio. «Hen, I need you now!»
Hen was there seconds later. She took one look at Buck’s unconscious form. «What happened?» She asked, her voice steady even as adrenaline flooded her veins.
«I dont know,» Eddie said, his voice breaking. «He just collapsed. He just—» Hen had started compressions. Eddies hand shook as he started helping her. «Come on, Buck!»
Chimneys voice crackled over the radio. «Diaz. Wilson. What’s happening?»
«Buck collapsed». Eddie managed to get out.
«We’re coming in.»
Chimney and Ravi ran inside, while the rest of the team tried to stop the fire.
«Dispatch, man down! Firefighter down at the scene, we need an extra RA unit and more people now!»