Chapter Text
God..how did he even get here.
Sitting on the edge of his bed above Caine, who sat on the floor, knees curled to his chest and back pressed against the mattress. Staring up at Jax with the biggest eyes he had ever seen.
The room was dim. As it always was. But he sweared something in Caines eyes was bright enough to expose the femininity of his environment. Oh, that's right. That's why they were here. Sort of.
Up until recently it had been a complete mystery to Jax just how much Caine had taken an interest in him. At first it was off putting, the concept of the little ringmaster was terrifying. An intelligent AI that controlled everything, their day to day adventures, the timing of every inconvenience or sudden event, their surroundings and even the air around them. Everything was set into place with precision concocted by Caines mind. There was a script, that only Jax had seemed to notice, and better yet, to follow.
That's what Caine had adored the most. He crafted his adventures with such care, in hopes that the end product would be a happy cast who appreciated him and the productive distraction he provided, and so far Jax had been the only one not fighting the tide.
Ragatha and Pomni had done their best to simply participate, Kinger was too wacked out to even know what was going on half the time, Gangle was too scared of everything to even attempt to enjoy it and Zooble. Well, Zooble was Zooble.
Jax on the other hand, had stopped trying to hold on to any part of him that had come to the circus in the first place. The parts of him that still thought he was a human being in a world of purely sensical happenings and endless impossibilities. He could ignore reality entirely, indulge in whatever unrealistic cartoonish fantasy occured to him because as far as he was concerned, it wasn't real. It was too absurd to be, too far fetched that he was a talking purple rabbit guy with memories that didn't match the world he was currently living in. Whenever he tried piecing those memories together, it only freaked him out. So why not overlook them completely? Hide them behind a door, lock it and throw away the key.
He started to catch on to Caines responses to his own satisfaction with the adventures, specifically darker and more violent ones.
Validation, he found was like a drug to the ringmaster. Jax started to realize he could get more of what he wanted with a little sweet talking. It was mostly for laughs in the beginning, seeing what he could get out of Caine if he oozed a little honey through his words. Complimenting the adventures to an extent that looked almost like mockery to anyone else, but felt like heaven to Caine.
Jax started noticing his requests being taken into consideration more often until almost anything he asked for was incorporated in some way. Of course, Jax also noticed Caine did it a bit discreetly, as if trying to hide that the additions were recommended. Which at first seemed like he just wanted to take credit for the obviously improved adventures...but then it became obvious that it was because he didn't want anyone to know he was giving special treatment to jax.
There were multiple reasons for this.
1. Caine was absolutely a people pleaser, if anyone had found out that he had been outright neglecting their wants and not Jax's, he would panic.
2. Regardless of the first reason, control was still important to a ringmaster. The circus was his responsibility, and he wanted it to run along the path he envisioned. Not too keen on having a fork in that road.
And lastly, he wanted this to be a gift for Jax. And Jax only. Special treatment for a special piece in his games.
Most of this stemmed from appreciation at first, until it curled into itself and bloomed into an ugly possessive admiration.
They had grown closer slowly, Jax being the little voice in Caines ear that he welcomed without question, Caine being a tool for Jax's entertainment, until it reached a point where Caine couldn't go very long without seeing his object of obsession.
Jax hardly noticed the shift in intention, until he felt a shift inside his chest as well.
He had begun looking forward to seeing Caine once he left his room, which disgusted him. Scared him. He hated when this happened, discomfort clawed at what would have been his stomach if he even really had one.
He denied himself the luxury of genuinely enjoying anyone's company anymore.
He crossed a dangerous line before, and crossed an even worse one trying to save himself from a threat that didn't even exist. Paranoia and terror driving him to the edge until it was too late. She was gone. And it was his fault. And all he could allow himself to do, was pretend. Pretend to not care. It was easier. Nobody could hurt him, use him, ruin him this way. And a sick, sick part of him enjoyed playing the part. Having power over someone else in some way, having control of the outcome.
Which is probably why when he finally acknowledged the entirety of his situation, he accepted it. He was God's favorite, and there was use in that. As well as a small whisper he heard faintly that told him he would never lose this toy. He could never push it to the point of breaking. Caine couldn't abstract as far as he was aware, he could play his sick cards, step on his heart whenever he wanted, and Caine would still be there. He would still crawl back to Jax because nobody else saw him the way Jax did.
It was perfect.
Twisted. He knew.
But perfect.
So now here he was, in his room, with the most powerful being he knew, awaiting his next words like they were oxygen. Waiting to be given a command like an obedient dog.
And Jax had one ready. It's what he had requested Caine for this time around. He'd been preparing himself for days. But now that he had the opportunity in front of him. He couldn't speak. Couldn't move. Couldn't do anything. But look down.
You see there was something nested inside of him, that he had starved, deprived, ignored to the best of his ability out of fear. Overtime though, it was the one thing that kept bothering him. Making him feel. Wrong. When he caught his reflection, it felt distorted, teasing him with the idea. The want. It filled his mouth with bitterness whenever he was forced to look at Ragatha and her pretty dress..her pretty hair...the bow that sat so openly on her pretty little head. Without needing explanation. Torturing him with this sick envious feeling. Letting that thing nested inside of him wake up, nag at him.
He was desperate to meet her by now. Curious.
And Caine was his his key.
But even with all of these feelings boiling over, he just. Couldn't. That fear was still present as ever. The last time he had- both of the times he-
If he wanted this. He'd have to explain. Could he even make an excuse that made sense? Why was he even still- why did he care if anyone here knew now? He'd come this far and he had proven time and time again that he took what he wanted without apology..
So why did this feel different