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So how should I begin this? I guess my jealousy started when she got with him.
We've been friends since elementary school because our parents are friends, we're both 24 now. Back in school, I'd always notice the not-so-noticeable tension between us whenever we talked about sexuality or just sex in general, she'd say we "aren't allowed" to talk about it because we're both female, I'd call bullshit and say that she's just like that because of how her parents raise her.
She has a boyfriend now, but does he ever make her cum? Does he ever make her cry? she'll never know how long I stare into those pictures wish that it was me. I guess it's different from us cause she "actually loves him."
Her boyfriend started working at the same construction plant as me... have you ever felt pure rage? I feel it every time he calls her his "bitch", or any other insult that I guess he calls "love", I can tell you that. I guess that might be kinda cringe, but you wouldn't understand unless you felt that, y'know?... I don't know.
We decided to meet up at a bar a few days ago. She told me how her boyfriend whined about her leaving as if he doesn't do the same shit - and worse - with his friends... He pisses me off so badly. I don't exactly remember how it happened, but we eventually called a taxi and went back at her house. I was standing in the doorway to her bedroom with her, licking sweat off of her forehead. It felt really... intimate, and it turned into that very quickly. Her fingers went into my mouth (gross I know, we were both very drunk at this point) as my leather jacket hit the ground. The rest of it was a blur.
I woke up in my bed, no hangover, no Katie. I realized it was a dream...
I decided I'd come clean, I'd tell her about it, so I did. A stupid, stupid decision. It was all over text, of course. I'm too cowardice to actually talk in person, let alone call! How pathetic. I explained it in excruciating detail. Starting with finally telling her about my feelings and ending it with "I hope we're still friends. I hope you don't mind." Now, I'm all by myself, sitting alone. She had blocked me after quoting a bible verse about how homosexuality is a sin, classic. I don't know what I expected, I shouldn't have told her.
Her boyfriend "mysteriously" quit the day after it happened. I had to pretend like it wasn't my fault when people talked to me about it. Maybe it's for the better. I... I feel like I can finally move on now after I messed up everything, I think that's better... I picked up poetry and song writing after it happened. Although I never posted it anywhere professionally, it was a good way to vent to the void.
Now, I have a beautiful girlfriend named Alice. She's helped me feel love that isn't one sided, and it makes me regret being so tunnel visioned on Katie before. Katie and her boyfriend had a baby before marriage, I guess that "isn't a sin." I don't need to be worrying about them anymore, but it's hard not to when you've known someone for so long. Alice helps me a lot with it though, and I'll never be able to explain to her how grateful I am for her and everything she does for me.