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One of the true hallmarks of a birthday celebration is a birthday cake with candles. The cake could range from the simplest to the most elaborate, depending on whose birthday it is. The candles could be placed one by one totaling the age of the birthday boy or girl, man or woman. Or the number of candles, if the age is great, could represent the age. There are even candles that are actual numbers that could show the person’s age easily.
Once the details for the cake and the candles are settled by the person in charge of celebrating the birthday honoree, only a few more details remain. There is the presentation of the cake, followed by the “oohs” and “ahhs” acknowledging the beauty of it from the guests gathered around the delectable treat. Then, there is the inevitable smile and gratitude from the one celebrating his or her big day. And finally, there are the two steps that seem to go hand-in-hand, although they signify two different acts.
The first is the thoughtful process of closing one’s eyes, reflecting on what’s most needed and wanted in his or her life and making the decision to make that the all-important birthday wish. And the second is likely not seen as being as important, but it most definitely is. It is the step when the person making the wish blows out those carefully placed candles. While the resulting action of the flames going out happens quickly, the release of that breath or breaths is the person’s way of sending out their wish and their belief that the wish will be granted. There has to be a belief that the chosen wish will come true, and that’s what the moment right before the breath comes signifies.
All of these things were in play the first time Ilya and Shane celebrated Ilya’s birthday together at Shane’s cottage.
For Ilya, birthdays had not meant that much since his last one with his mother. Even though she was dealing with the effects of her depression at the time, she made sure that Ilya had known how happy she was that he had been born. After she was gone and it was just Ilya and his father and brother, both of whom had little to no affection for him, birthdays turned into just regular days for Ilya. When he got older and found himself back in Russia on his birthday, Ilya and Svetlana often celebrated the day and night at clubs where there wasn’t much of a focus on the birthday itself, but rather finding ways to forget it altogether.
But as Ilya looked at the cake that Shane had placed in front of him on the table, he wanted that moment and that memory marked in his mind forever. He wanted to remember waking up in the cottage with Shane in his arms. He wanted to remember how sweet those three words he’d said had sounded– “Happy birthday, Ilya”. While he had heard those words from others in the past, none of those times compared to how they sounded coming from Shane. Although when he heard them hours later from Yuna and David, he felt quite an emotional punch then, too. After he’d met them once he and Shane told them that they were together… and in love, Shane’s parents had been nothing but accepting and welcoming of them, their relationship, and Ilya himself.
So, as he looked at the cake with its rich icing and burning candles and then at Yuna, David, and Shane-especially Shane, Ilya knew exactly what he wanted to wish for when the time came. But before he could make the wish after a quick rendition of “Happy Birthday” was sung by the trio of Hollanders something happened. Shane saw it first. As Yuna’s breath caught, David saw it, too. Ilya’s eyes had tears in them, all set to fall. And as one stray did, Shane’s thumb caught it and gently wiped it away. Ilya wanted to lean into the touch, but Yuna recentered everyone with a simple directive.
“Alright, alright everybody. It’s time,” she said, clearing her throat, trying to hide how emotional she was feeling. “Ilya, it’s time to make your wish and blow out the candles.”
Ilya let out a slight laugh as he nodded before looking back at the cake and the candles.
“Ah, yes. A wish,” Ilya replied, as he nodded once again. He looked first at Yuna and David, taking a moment to imagine how nice it would have been had his mother been there, as well. Although it didn’t take him long to realize that she was and always would be. Then, he looked at Shane, who had slowly slipped his hand in his once he’d seen Ilya’s tears. And when he saw the wetness in Shane’s eyes, Ilya thought that there was no wish that could give him more than what he had surrounding him around that table at that very moment. And that was exactly when he realized what his wish would be. So, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and blew. And that was that. He had made the wish with all the faith in the world and released it into the universe.
Now, years later another birthday had arrived. And the tradition of it being just Ilya, Shane, Yuna, and David at the cottage for Ilya’s birthday celebration continued. While they were now married and their relationship no longer a secret, Ilya had never wanted to change how the four of them had first celebrated his birthday together. It was, as it was then, small, intimate, and full of love from those who were his family now and had been by his side through so much. And there, after the singing, were Ilya’s cake and candles. Then… a wish.
While Shane would never ask Ilya what he wished for, that night after Yuna and David had gone, he did have a question for Ilya. He asked it as they were in front of a fire outside. It was a fire reminiscent of the one they had sat around the first time Ilya visited the cottage. And just like that first time, Ilya was laid across Shane’s thighs, looking at the fire, as Shane’s fingers gently made their way through Ilya’s curls.
“Did you enjoy your birthday?”
“I did. Very much.”
Knowing that made Shane happy because, in a sense, Ilya’s happiness was also his happiness.
“I know that you’ve said every year that you don’t want to change how we celebrate your birthday,” Shane replied, as he heard a soft “No” from Ilya.
“So that got me thinking and you don’t have to tell me what it is. But I wanted to know, do you ever change the wish you make, or do you keep making the same one every year?”
Shane could feel the sigh from Ilya before he answered.
“The wish I made that first year was one I really wanted and hoped would come true. When it did, it was truly beyond what I thought it would be. Because of that, I could never risk not having it. So, yes, I make the same wish every year. And lucky for me, it continues to come true, with the only change is that it gets better and better.”
That’s when Ilya sat up slowly and looked at Shane as he had done so the first time they celebrated his birthday there. The tears were all set to fall, as he smiled at the man who had indeed made his dream of a life together and full of love come true year after year. But this time, it was Ilya’s thumb that caught the stray tear that had begun to fall from Shane’s eye. That’s when they shared a smile and an embrace that allowed them both to feel how much they were loved by the other.
“I love you,” Ilya whispered softly to Shane.
“I love you, too,” Shane replied, as he whispered one more thing. “Happy birthday, Ilya.”
And with Shane in his arms, Ilya had indeed had the happiest of birthdays.