Chapter Text
Connor had been anxious ever since he became deviant, he was usually able to deal with it fine. It just became apart of his life, something he had to deal with.
Yet, the past few months were different. The realisation that, if something terrible were to happen, he could not just be replaced, made him feel utterly sick with uncertainty.
Those anxious thoughts in his head suddenly got louder, more constant. More intrusive.
He’d get an extremely intense urge to do whatever action those intrusive thoughts told him to do to. Ignoring it did not feel like an option, it felt like a rule that he had to follow. For his, and Lieutenant Anderson, and Sumo’s safety, he needed to follow those instructions. He felt like he was responsible for them all. And he couldn’t fail them.
₵ⱧɆ₵₭ ł₮ ₳₲₳ł₦ ØⱤ ₴Ø₥Ɇ₮Ⱨł₦₲ ₮ɆⱤⱤł฿ⱠɆ ₩łⱠⱠ Ⱨ₳₱₱Ɇ₦.
So he’d check the lock again, and the bad feeling would be gone within seconds. It worked. He felt safe. And he was one hundred percent sure that the door was locked. Nobody could get in. Nobody could harm him or his family.
₮ⱧɆ ₵Øł₦ ĐØɆ₴ ₦Ø₮ ₣ɆɆⱠ Ɽł₲Ⱨ₮ ł₦ ɎØɄⱤ Ⱨ₳₦Đ. ₣łӾ ł₮, ØⱤ ₴Ø₥Ɇ₮Ⱨł₦₲ ฿₳Đ ł₴ ₲Øł₦₲ ₮Ø Ⱨ₳₱₱Ɇ₦.
₮ɆӾ₮ ₮ⱧɆ ⱠłɆɄ₮Ɇ₦₳₦₮. ⱧɆ ł₴ ₲Øł₦₲ ₮Ø ĐłɆ ł₣ ɎØɄ ĐØ ₦Ø₮ ₵ⱧɆ₵₭ Ø₦ Ⱨł₥.
₴Ø₥Ɇ฿ØĐɎ ł₴ ₲Øł₦₲ ₮Ø ฿ⱤɆ₳₭ ł₦ ł₣ ɎØɄ ĐØ ₦Ø₮ ₮₳₱ Ø₦ ₮ⱧɆ ₩ł₦ĐØ₩ ฿Ɇ₣ØⱤɆ ₴ⱧɄ₮₮ł₦₲ ł₮, ₵Ø₦₦ØⱤ.
₴Ʉ₥Ø ĐłĐ ₦Ø₮ Ɇ₳₮ ₳₴ ₥Ʉ₵Ⱨ ₣ØØĐ ₳₴ Ʉ₴Ʉ₳Ⱡ. ₮₳₭Ɇ Ⱨł₥ ₮Ø ₮ⱧɆ VɆ₮₴. ⱧɆ ł₴ Ʉ₦₩ɆⱠⱠ.
Constant, odd thoughts that would display on his HUD whenever he walked past the door, or fidgeted with the coin that once brought him comfort to hold.
Now it just felt like a necessity, something he couldn’t leave the house without.
The thoughts weren’t even just about him anymore. He just felt responsible— he wasn’t even sure what for.
Connor knew that being able to feel wasn’t always a good thing— he’d seen humans have meltdowns and mental health crises before, but he never realised it could develop into something so triggering and overtake his life as much as it did. He never imagined it would be so terrible. Yet, he still did not ever mention it out loud. That meant facing it, and Connor had more important things to do than that.
That’s what he told himself, anyways.