Chapter Text
Las Vegas, 2014
The whole night had been going amazing. Shane didn’t care that he lost the MVP of the year, he got to finally see and talk with Ilya after six months. He won’t admit it, but he missed their hookups. After Sochi he didn’t know if Rozanov wanted to continue their arrangement or if his words meant that it was completely over between them.
Turns out it’s not.
When he saw the way he looked at him in the bathroom after they presented the award, Shane knew he couldn’t say no to whatever he wanted to do with him that night. He waited for Rozanov’s text for the whole after party. He was looking forward to what were his plans for the night with him.
When they finally got to the penthouse Shane felt like he was drunk without any alcohol. He felt drunk with the emotions, adrenaline and lust. He wanted to make it as good as possible for Ilya, he wanted to give him his own award for being the MVP of the year, and wanted to fulfil his promise.
Rozanov always made sure to make him feel good. He didn’t want to think about what it all meant, he just wanted to live in the moment and try to remember the whole thing and come back to these memories during the summer break.
When they were done they laid in bed together, Hollander with a glass of vodka, Ilya with a cigarette. You shouldn’t smoke. There was an awkward silence between them and Shane wanted to somehow loose up the atmosphere.
“Are you going to Russia this summer?” And that was the wrong thing to say. He saw that Rozanov’s body tensed up.
“Yes”, he replied and took a drag of his cigarette.
“Are you happy to go there?” And that was yet again the wrong thing to say. God why can’t I just shut up.
“I think I should go to bed. Early flight”, Rozanov said dryly, clearly not wanting Shane to stay and to talk anymore.
“Yeah, um, I guess I should go then”, he got up from bed and went to the main part of the room to get his clothes, and started to put them back on. He didn’t know why he said what he said when he clearly saw the way Rozanov’s body reacted. He felt so stupid.
When he got fully dressed he was confused on what to do. He wanted to go back to Ilya to maybe apologize to him? Maybe he should just leave without a word?
“So I’m off”, he decided on something simple. Maybe Rozanov will try to talk to him more?
“Goodnight Hollander”, Ilya said from the bedroom.
Shane left without a word. He didn’t know what he expected. They were just two guys hooking up to relieve themselves. Nothing more. Why would he expect something more from Rozanov. He just wanted to lock himself in his room and try to forget about this weird interaction. While waiting for the elevator he started feeling bad. He figured, after Sochi, that family and Russia were a tough topic for Ilya, so he should push on him like that. He took out his phone and tried to text him something to try and ease out the tension that was there.
He started typing out:
But that didn’t feel right, so he deleted it letter by letter slowly. He tried to think of something else. He typed it out before he really processed it.
He felt like shit at that moment. Shane didn’t know why it worked on him like that. They were just hooking up, nothing more. They didn’t need to kiss, but yet Shane wanted them to kiss so much. His eyes watered, he had enough of this day.
He didn’t bother with erasing the message and just locked his phone and put it in the pocket of his pants and went into the elevator that had just opened. After about five seconds he heard the door opening and someone stomping towards the elevator fastly. He didn’t want to get caught by a fan, or anyone, to be on the same floor as Ilya Rozanov’s room, so he pressed the closing button furiously. In the last second before the elevator closed he saw that it was Rozanov who stepped out of his room.
Shane was so confused. What does he want from me? He got his phone out and saw that it wasn’t locked, but most importantly that he sent the last text. Holy shit. He also saw that Ilya was typing something. After a few more seconds he received the message.
He didn’t know if he should tell him that. They already hooked up. They never saw each other two times in one day, and also Shane was so embarrassed by his message he didn't know if he could look into Ilya’s eyes right now. And yet something in him made Hollander send him his room number.
He got into his room and waited for Rozanov. What should he expect from him? Saying that this text crossed some boundary and he wants to break this arrangement off? He didn’t have much time to overthink all of it because he heard a knock on his doors. He opened them swiftly and Ilya didn’t bother with greeting or anything. He straight up came up to Shane and kissed him hungrily. It was passionate and felt as if he hadn't seen him in months. Which was right. The last time they kissed was before the Olympics over six months ago. Not counting the quick kiss they shared in the bathroom after presenting the award.
That was what Shane really wanted. He craved Ilya’s touch on him, the feeling of their skins together. He didn’t need to be fucked by him to feel so good.
They kept kissing until they were both out of breath. Hollander didn’t look into his eyes, he was kinda scared and overstimulated at the same time. He didn’t know what to feel. Ilya just came to his room to give him a kiss because he got butthurt that he hadn’t done that before. What does it mean? Did he do that just to make sure Shane will hook up with him again?
Before he went deep into his spiral he felt Rozanov's fingers on his chin and he made him look at him. Ilya’s eyes were soft, looking at him like he was the cutest, sweetest thing in the world.
“I’m sorry”, Shane said.
“For what?” Ilya replied with his thick accent, he looked a little confused.
“For the text.. I-I didn’t mean to send it.”
“Hollander.”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t be sorry”, he kissed him again. This time less passionately, he took his time tasting Shane. “Am sorry for not doing this earlier.”
“I mean you didn’t have to, I just…”, he didn’t even know what he wanted to say.
“Maybe we should talk? You seem stressed.”
“I just need a moment”, he wanted to get out of Rozanov’s hold but the moment he tried to move Ilya embraced him with his arms and hugged him tightly. Shane immediately leaned into his touch and tucked his head into the crook of his neck and exhaled loudly. He felt like some weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.
After a while he felt calm enough to move away from Ilya. Hollander sat on the edge of the bed and gestured to him to do the same. “It just felt different tonight.”
“Different?” Rozanov sat next to him and looked at him confused.
“I just felt like… I don’t know, a toy maybe?” He looked down on the floor and started playing with his hands.
“Oh”, Ilya tensed up. “Blyad. Am so sorry Hollander,” he took Shane’s hands into his own. “I didn’t mean to do that. Is just… I wanted to make you feel good and make it up for you for not talking to you.”
“Well that didn’t work out”, Hollander hissed a little.
“No”, Ilya exhaled. “Can you tell me what you expected to happen there? Except for a good fucking of course”, he tried to ease the tension with a joke, which worked because Shane laughed a little.
“I didn’t really expect anything, I just wanted…”, he couldn’t find the right words. He felt Ilya's thumbs caressing his hands and smiled at that. “I just want us to talk”, he said really quietly, almost too quietly for the other man to understand it.
“You want us to talk? Talk like how?” Rozanov said.
“I don’t know, just… It was nice when we talked after the last time we saw each other in Montreal”, he couldn’t make himself look at Ilya at that moment.
“So you want us to…”
“Be friends I guess?” Shane sighed. For a moment they just sat there in silence. Hollander felt a little awkward, he didn’t know why he told Rozanov all of that. He wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings out loud, and yet he didn’t give a second thought about telling Ilya everything that was sitting on his shoulders regarding their relationship. He started to panic when he didn’t get any reaction out of Ilya, Shane felt like he said too much. What if that’s not what Rozanov wants? What if I crossed the line?
“Okay” Ilya said, taking Hollander out of his spiral.
“Okay?”
“Yes. If that is what you want.” He kept caressing Shane’s hands with his thumbs.
Shane found the courage to look into Rozanov’s eyes. “Really?” He said in a soft voice.
“Yes.” He took one of his hands and cupped Hollander’s face. He gave him another slow, but full of emotions he won’t let out, kiss. “Is late. I should go. Early flight.”
“Yeah okay”, he let out a shaky breath. “So see you next season?”
Ilya smiled widely at him. “See you next season,” he gave Shane the last kiss of the night, “text me tomorrow da?”
“Okay”, he smiled back at him. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight Hollander.”