Chapter Text
Pomni pulls her legs up against her chest and watches the dozing creature through half-lidded eyes. Its body rises and falls along with hers; even though it has no lungs, and has no heart, and doesn't even need to breathe. But then again, neither does she.
Are either of them really human anymore?
It seems, in an ironic twist, that Jax had been right all along. None of it was real. Not their names, not their bodies, not even themselves. It's a strange, sobering realisation that she might turn over in her head on sleepless nights or randomly remember while cleaning her room.
And with it, the thought that she might understand Jax better now. He's deeply flawed, and not in the tragic, romantic way they write about in poems.
There's a brittle shard of glass he lets stay buried in his ribcage. Fragile, but so, so sharp against soft flesh and tender hearts. He's never tried to remove it because it keeps people away. Except there is no distinction between the people who want to help and the people who want to hurt.
There are only two types: the ones far enough, and the ones far too close. Pomni knows now which category she falls into.
“Would you do it differently, if you could?” she asks the yawning darkness.
It doesn't answer, but it doesn't need to. Because he has done it. Again and again and again. An inevitable push and pull like he doesn't know if he wants to get closer or get the fuck away.
Maybe it's just in his nature – to not know how to be anything other than what he is.
Put like that, it's much easier to understand the reasons behind the actions that seemed to have none. But it's far too late for understanding to do anything for him now.
“Of course you only talk to me after you've abstracted.” She pulls her legs closer to her chest as her voice takes on a horrifying wetness.
“I hate you,” Pomni whispers, with a lack of feeling that belies how little she really means it. “I wish…I wish that didn't have to be the last time.”
It feels silly, whispering to herself in the dark. Until something whispers back.
“...Pom..ni…”
Pomni freezes. “...Hello?”
The tent is still empty and silent and the abstraction still dozes peacefully. She shakes her head and tries to pretend she's not hearing voices, or responding to them like the idiot who dies first in horror movies.
She supposes it's not out of character for the girl who once ventured into abandoned buildings to film youtube videos. She'd practically been begging to get mauled and for her mangled body to end up as a clickbait thumbnail.
Luckily for her, monsters aren't real. Other than the one already in the tent with her.
She tilts her head at it. But he doesn't look much like a monster like this, she thinks. Docile and quiet, there are no more wicked snipes disguised as jokes or masks disguised as smiles.
Is it wrong to miss it?
It stirs for a moment, bright eyes fluttering, casting kaleidoscopes and shadows along the floor. Pomni holds her breath as they move past her, looking but not seeing. They close and the tent is dark again.
Does he know she's here? Would he care if he did?
Maybe he'd sneer and call her soft. Maybe he'd close off and run away. Maybe he'd hug her and tell her he hates her in the same breath. So many possibilities, but in every one she still sits here with him. A way of saying: "I'm here. I care."
Because they share the same streak of stubbornness. The stubbornness that pushes him to run, and her to chase.
But a rabbit's legs have evolved over fifty-five million years for the sole purpose of running from predators. Just like humans could never catch up to rabbits, Pomni could never catch up to Jax.
And now, as she slides closer to the creature that no longer runs from her, she wishes that were still true.
Run, fight, do something.
It does nothing, even as she sits right next to it, far closer than Jax would ever let her. As disappointing as it is expected.
Which is why she almost screams when something pokes her side. The abstraction flinches back and blinks at her cautiously.
Pomni shakes herself. “...Jax?” she whispers.
It twitches, though it's unclear whether it's responding to the name or her voice. It shifts closer and Pomni hesitates before stretching her fingers to meet it halfway. She barely grazes the angular dark mass, letting out a small gasp when it wraps around her hand impatiently. It's surprisingly not as sharp as it looks, almost…squishy. It stops moving and goes still, seemingly content despite having no face to express it.
“Okay…”
Pomni doesn't know how long she sits in the dark holding onto it, but it's enough time to discover that the darkness of the tent isn't just calming for abstractions. Her eyes close without much of a fight.
When they open again, there's no ceiling. Instead, an open indigo sky glitters with stars – no, fireflies. They twinkle so similarly, but their lanterns emit a warmer and fuzzier glow than any space rock.
Waking up outside isn't any weird phenomenon. She could've clipped through the wall while sleeping, it happens. No, it only starts getting weird when the fireflies start singing.
"You would not believe your eyes If ten million fireflies Lit up the world as I fell asleep..."
Pomni blinks. What.
She turns her head to the side where sprawling, rolling green hills stretch on forever. Absurdly long grass sways and brushes against her like a gentle caress. Something bright streaks through the sky. Then another, then another.
"Oh, shooting stars,” she murmurs, captivated. “I wonder if my wish would come true if I made it now.”
"Bioluminescent starfish, actually,” a familiar voice says. “But who knows, maybe it'll still come true.”
Either I'm dreaming or it already has, Pomni thinks. Because Jax lounges on the grass next to her, arms pillowing the back of his head and looking for all in the world like he has no other places to be. His legs have been replaced by a pink seal tail which he flicks boredly as if he'd been born with it.
Pomni sits up quickly, mouth opening and closing like a fish whose sunken treasure had been pilfered. Bubbles drift out of her open mouth, which is weird until she realises they're underwater. And that all the sprawling, rolling hills, including the one they're on, are actually massive turtles with seagrass sprouting from their shells.
She touches the side of her neck, fingers prodding delicate ridges that flutter with each breath she takes. A tail fans out in front of her, golden bells attached to the ends of each fin. Pomni gives it an experimental flick, transfixed at the way the warm light from the fireflies makes the iridescent scales shift between blue and red and a shade of purple she can't quite describe. The little bells jingle pleasantly like a windchime.
“Congrats, your tail's perfect for letting sharks know when their dinner's nearby,” Jax says, but the jab doesn't quite land.
Pomni ignores him. “Is this…real?”
Jax barks out a harsh laugh. “Look around us Pomni, does this feel real to you?”
Pomni gazes up at the sky that shimmers and moves like the water's surface, at the little singing fireflies, at Jax and the way the fuzzy, warm light softens the sharp edges of his smile.
"To ten million fireflies I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes I got misty eyes as they said farewell...”
"No," she says, almost wistfully. “It feels like a dream.”
"Guess it must be then,” Jax throws out cryptically.
It's not a confirmation or denial, but it's good enough for Pomni. She settles back down on the grass. If it is a dream, it's far from the worst one she's had.
She relaxes, tail swishing contentedly as the fireflies rearrange themselves into constellations she can't name and the starfish fall like stars.
"So whose dream is it?" she wonders absentmindedly.
"Can't be mine," Jax says without missing a beat, "since I'm dead and all.” He says it so casually he may as well be talking about the weather. So casually that it takes a few seconds for her to process the meaning.
Pomni stiffens. “That's not funny.”
“Wasn't meant to be.”
The fireflies have stopped singing. "You're not dead," she says, for lack of anything else to fill the silence.
“You and I both know I might as well be.”
“No, don't – don't say that. We're going to find a way to bring you back.”
He lazily cracks open an eye. "You really believe that?"
“We're not giving up on you,” Pomni says quietly. “Even if you do.”
Jax goes quiet. “I already have.”
“Pomni?” Ragatha pulls the blanket to the tent aside and Pomni has to squint against the blinding light that filters through the opening. “Hey, you've been gone a while. We were looking for you.”
"Oh, uh, sorry. I'll be there in a minute." She detaches herself from the abstraction who doesn't resist, wondering if she's only imagining the faint scent of sea salt in the air.
Ragatha stops and gives her a soft, sideways look. "He's not gone forever, you know."
"I know," Pomni says. But even though she has no tastebuds, somehow her words still taste like a lie.