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Remus wasn’t freaking out. Really, he wasn’t. Everything was completely fine.
Today in potions they’ve been instructed to make amortentia, which Remus had never thought would present a problem for him in the past. The amortentia potion is made to smell completely different to every person who smells it. It’s tailored to every single wizard and witch based on who their soulmate is. The aroma it produces presents itself as the smell of their soulmate, the person they are supposed to spend their life with.
But Remus was a werewolf. Werewolves don’t get soulmates. The soulmate bond is created at birth, so when they do get soulmates the bond is usually broken the second they get turned. Yes it’s sad, but that’s how it’s always been.
Werewolves don’t luck out in this department. So Remus didn’t have his hopes up, and he truthfully tried to never think about his love life if he could help it.
He’d take it to his grave if Sirius Black was secretly the death of him. Having a crush on his best friend was not something Remus wanted to deal with, and not something he wanted to put anyone else through either. Especially when Remus didn’t even have a soulmate. There was no use in hoping that somehow his soulmate would be Sirius – that would not work out for either of them. Not to mention Sirius liked girls, not boys. He pushed the feeling as far down as he possibly could. Thinking about it wouldn’t bring forward any positive feelings.
At least that’s what he had thought before today.
“I still can’t believe Slughorn is making us do this.” Lily says from beside him, stirring their shared cauldron.
“You know him. He can get excited. Ahead of himself.”
“Do you believe in all this? The amortentia potion?”
“Well yeah, I believe in its ability to actually be a love potion. But the smells being totally accurate to every single person about their soulmate? Seems a bit hard to get behind.” Remus says, looking down at the instructions in their textbooks and grabbing more peppermint.
“I don’t know, I think the idea is rather sweet. I just hope mine doesn’t smell like rubbish.”
Remus laughs and sprinkles in the peppermint. “It’ll be done in a minute so you’ll get to judge it yourself.”
“What do you think yours will smell like?” Lily asks, tapping the spoon against the cauldron and setting it down on the table, the potion now waiting to completely finish.
“I doubt anything at all. Y’know how it is for me.” He says.
Lily is the only person who knows about his problem outside of the Marauders. It’s hard to keep a secret from the person you have to constantly patrol with, especially when he’s gone every full moon. She’s a smart girl – she put together the pieces.
“Stop being so self-deprecating. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a soulmate.”
“Yeah yeah. Whatever. I truly don’t care though.” Remus says.
He eyes the room and finds Sirius and James being graded by Slughorn a few tables up. James is grinning ear to ear after just smelling his cauldron, and keeps looking over towards his and Lily’s workspace. Sirius on the other hand looks shocked, like he’s just smelt a ghost. He looks from the cauldron and follows James’ gaze over to their table. When he makes eye contact with Remus he quickly looks away and back towards his textbook.
“Done!” Lily exclaims.
“You go first.” Remus says, sitting comfortably down in his chair and propping his chin up with his hand.
Lily steps towards the cauldron and takes a sniff of the fumes wafting up. Closing her eyes she starts to focus on the individual smells, reading them off.
“Mm, the first one is apple pie for sure. Then I think ink on parchment, and… the last one is weird. It’s like, wood? Not normal wood though it smells like wood with broomstick wax.”
Remus looks at her dumbfounded, like he knows something he shouldn’t. He doesn’t mention to her that it sounds like she’s describing James, or how he knows James’ favorite dessert is his mother’s homemade apple pie.
“Sounds promising enough.” Remus says.
“Okay your turn!”
Remus sighs and rolls his eyes, but shifts himself towards the cauldron. He takes a whiff and closes his eyes. He’s shocked to find any smell at all.
“Leather. Pumpkin bread, and… wet dog..? Why a wet dog?” He opens his eyes almost laughing when he looks at Lily. She cracks a funny smile and lifts her shoulders, not knowing either.
Remus looks up from his station to find James and Sirius’ table again, and finds Sirius staring right at him with a look Remus can’t place on his face.
The smells waft back into his nose as he looks.
Leather. Pumpkin bread. Wet dog.
The wet dog is Padfoot.
Oh no.
His eyes go wide and he nearly stumbles back in his spot.
“Well at least we know you do have a smell!” Lily says, laughing. “Even if it is wet dog. Your soulmate is a very lucky person.”
“Yeah…”
His heart is racing. He’s just smelt Sirius’ leather jacket, favorite snack, and Padfoot in his cauldron. It can’t be a coincidence.
He didn’t even believe in any of this before. This shouldn’t be freaking him out. It shouldn’t be. It’s not even real.
But he meets Sirius’ gaze again and his heart flutters. Something in the world shifts.
Oh, Merlin.
Sirius Black is my soulmate.
— — — — —
This was bad. It was really bad. Not only was Sirius’ soulmate Remus, but it was a boy?
Could Sirius like Remus?
Did he figure it out when he smelt the amortentia?
The week after was awful. Remus was doing his absolute best to avoid the other boy, but for some reason Sirius was clingier and constantly looking for him.
In normal circumstances this would be a great thing. Amazing even. The boy he’s liked for years is actually his soulmate. But he was a werewolf. Werewolves don’t get to keep their soulmates. The bond breaks and the other half is left soulmate-less as well.
The guilt was eating Remus alive.
He took away Sirius’ soulmate by being a werewolf. How could he even face him?
He’d leave the room early in the mornings to get to the Great Hall for breakfast before anyone else. Sirius would show and sit right next to him, bumping his shoulder and smiling playfully with a Hi Moons. Remus' face would go bright red and he’d make up some excuse for having to go to the library before class, just to get away as soon as possible.
If anyone was confused with his behavior they didn’t ask. But he could tell after a week of this people were starting to notice.
Especially Sirius.
Sirius with his beautiful dark curly hair, and his beautiful twinkly smile, and his beautiful bright eyes, and his beautiful long fingers, and his beautiful pink lips–
Sirius would give him weird looks in between classes, or every time Remus would panic and leave for the library when he started changing in their room. He’d go out of his way to join Remus in walking to his classes. Even when their afternoon classes were on separate sides of the castle and he knew Sirius was making himself late.
“I hate that class, I’m always late anyways.” He’d say.
It was safe to say Remus was a wreck. He couldn’t get Sirius out of his head. He started to absolutely consume him, and if he thought it was bad before when it was just a crush it had multiplied by a thousand now that he had the title soulmate.
He laid in bed restless at night, unable to stop thinking about how Sirius was sleeping in the next bed over. Thinking about how badly he wanted to go over there and lay with him and hold him and kiss him senseless.
Soulmate.
What did that even mean?
He always knew Sirius was fine with him being a werewolf, but Remus knew that couldn’t and would never translate into him being fine with having a relationship with one. No one wants to spend the rest of their life with a dark creature. Let alone one that turns into a ravenous beast once a month.
Remus wondered what things would be like between them if this was a normal world, and he was a normal real boy. A world where he didn’t have a broken bond with his soulmate.
His soulmate that is Sirius Bloody Black.
He couldn’t stop paying attention to him in public, in classes, as he got ready and unready in their room daily.
When he’d laugh so hard with James in the hallway and his eyes would crease underneath where they close.
When his shirt would slip up every time he’d reach for something on his top shelf next to his bed.
He’d watch Sirius biting the bottom of his quill which he always does when he focuses really hard, and Remus used to find that disgusting and now it was endearing. He’d become jealous of a quill for crying out loud.
Remus even started spying on their Quidditch practices, and he hates Quidditch. But Sirius loves it, and Merlin does he look good when he plays.
He can’t stop thinking about what Sirius could have possibly smelt. Did he smell Remus too? What did that mean for them now?
The soulmate bond was broken, but… He’s still here isn’t he? It’s not like they had never met.
That Saturday Gryffindor plays Slytherin in a Quidditch game. Remus sat with Peter in the stands, watching the boys fly around. He was supposed to be paying attention to the game, but the only thing his mind could stay put on was Sirius.
Sirius in his Quidditch uniform.
Sirius’ hair pulled back into a bun, with the extra strands of hair flapping around beside his face.
Sirius’ legs wrapped around his broom, and Remus flusteredly and selfishly cannot look away from that.
Sirius and James had played perfectly as always, and it led to winning by 10 points at the end of the game. It’s a triumphant victory, and everyone in Gryffindor is ecstatic. A party starts the second everyone gets back to the common room, and when the players show the crowd roars in excitement.
There was music, drinking, and dancing. Sirius came to find Remus and Peter immediately to boast about his win and ask how did I do? Did you see how I–
Sirius’ hair was still put back in that bun, and it was one of the only things Remus could focus on. That and his smell. And how his hands wrap around his cup. And how his fingers tap the side of it to the beat of whatever song is playing. And how when he takes a drink from it his lips get wet and glossy. And how much Remus wants to kiss it off of him. And how he’s still in that damn Quidditch uniform.
Okay so maybe the only things he can notice are anything to do with him.
That’s how it goes for the entire party. He tries to seek refuge on the couch while everyone plays a drinking game near the tables. But Sirius finds him, ditches the game, and sits so close to him their shoulders and legs touch in every spot. They sink into the couch together, and Sirius begins to pester him.
“You never want to play any games like that.”
“Yeah well, I don’t see the point in drinking even more, even faster than I already am.”
“Whatever. You’re too good.” He says, and playfully knocks his shoulder into Remus’.
“I’m too good?”
“Yep. You always follow your rules. Can’t even break your habits to play a simple drinking game.”
“Okay, but you’re not playing the drinking game either?”
“Because I’m over here with you, wanker.”
“I didn’t ask you to be. You can easily go back over there.”
“Can’t. Too far away, just wanna stay here.”
“Right. Too far away.” Remus laughs, even though his heart is swirling in his chest.
“Yup. I fear my legs have stopped working. Must be sore after the amazing game I played… and won, if you didn’t know.” Sirius says, turning more to face Remus and tilting his head downwards with a smirk. The way he always does when he’s playing around. This time it makes Remus go crazy.
“I think I’ve heard it a few times.” He says, bringing his drink up to his face and covering his lips and nose with it, somehow thinking if Sirius can’t see him it will make the flustered feeling go away.
Sirius brings his drink to his lips and takes a large swig, finishing the rest of his cup. When he brings it down he starts to stand up. “Gonna go change into better clothes. Lily said something about a smaller afterparty.”
“Did she now?”
“Yep. Don't wanna be in this all night.” He says, bringing his free hand to the top of Remus’ head and rustling his hair around. Remus laughs and tries to swat his hands away before he can make a total mess of him. “I’ll be back.”
Remus remains on the couch alone in shock, carding his fingers through his hair as if he’s feeling for the ghost of Sirius’ hand.
When Sirius comes back he’s wearing shorts that are too tempting to be around and one of Remus’ jumpers he constantly steals. Every time Remus gets it back and puts it through the laundry it somehow manages to disappear again, only to be found on Sirius’ frame days later.
How is he supposed to survive this?
After the drinking game him and Sirius missed the party starts to die down, people heading up to their rooms in large groups, leaving only the Marauders & Co. behind.
They gather around the couches and listen to James, Sirius, and Frank talk about the game – and complain about how Slytherin’s are horrible sports. Remus sits on a single chair, too worried that Sirius would sit next to him again, and he just can’t deal with that now in his new clothes.
Remus’ clothes, that is. It should be criminal for Sirius to wear dark blue around him. He looks too good in it. His hair is also still up in that bun to keep the hair out of his face, and his shorts ride up on his thighs, revealing too much skin for him to stay sane. Remus has to look away to keep himself from salivating, or the alcohol in his brain will make him stare too long for it to become noticeable and weird.
He swears his heart is fluttering so hard in his chest it’s going to come out his throat.
He zones out, trying to focus on the fireplace, and he doesn’t notice how the conversation turns to the amortentia potion, but it does. When he tunes back in, his stomach drops.
“Mine smelt like sunscreen. Sunscreen. Not the sweet kind either.” Marlene rolls her eyes. “Not all of us can be as lucky as you idiots.” She says, pointing to Frank and Alice cuddled together on the couch.
“Stay jealous, Mckinnon. Your time will come.” Alice laughs.
“Sunscreen is bad, sure, but at least it wasn’t Remus’ wet dog.” Lily blurts.
Fuck.
The room snickers and they all look at him, but James sitting across from him pales.
“Remus smelt what?” James’ mouth drops.
FUCK.
“Wet dog. I know, I thought it was weird too, but hey, whatever makes him happy.” She shrugs.
This cannot be happening.
He can’t even manage to look over to where Sirius is sitting. The Marauders are the only people who know the other Marauders can turn into animagus, but this means that James, Peter, and Sirius definitely know something could be connected here. Specifically a dog in particular.
“It is getting– it’s awfully late– I’ve gotta go. To bed. I’m going to bed.” Remus gets up abruptly, bumping into the table beside him hard and catching him mid-stumble.
“Oh, Remus, c’mon we’re just kidding around. Stay.” Lily says.
“No, really. I must go to bed. Right now.” Remus says, quickly turning and waving a hand over his shoulder. “See you tomorrow.”
When he turns the corner of the stairs he runs up to the room, not looking behind him. He gets to the door and shuts it fast behind him. He stands in the middle of the room and rubs his hands down his face in agony, groaning loud.
The door opens abruptly and Remus whips around to see Sirius standing in the doorway, slowly closing it behind him.
Remus stands there motionless, not knowing what to say or do. Sirius looks at him intently, words on the tip of his tongue it seems he just can’t get it, continuously opening his mouth, then closing it and thinking harder.
Remus takes a deep breath, hands shaking.
This is it.
“Am I your soulmate?” Sirius blurts.
Nothing will ever be the same now.
“Yes.” Remus says, barely missing a beat. “I am so, so sorry.” He says, shutting his eyes hard.
“Sorry–? Remus I–”
“Yes. Sorry. I took this away from you. You finding an actual soulmate, because the bond is broken, because I’m, y’know, a bloody werewolf. I’m an embarrassed, sorry idiot, and I wish it wasn’t me because you don’t deserve a broken bond. You deserve so much better than that.” He says, keeping his eyes closed and bringing his hands to his face to close them tighter.
“Remus.” Sirius says slowly, almost apologetically.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop being sorry. You’re freaking out. Can you look at me for a second?” Sirius asks, sounding closer this time.
Remus opens his eyes and finds Sirius standing right in front of him.
“The bond doesn’t seem broken to me.” Sirius says, slightly smiling and shrugging his shoulders.
Remus looks at him dumbfounded. “But I’m–”
“Stop. Stop saying that. I don’t care about any excuse you try to raise.” He cuts him off and looks at him seriously. He takes a shallow breath and blurts “Do you want this? Do you want me?”
Remus’ eyes widen as he looks at the boy. Dressed in Remus’ clothes. Perfect curls framing his face. Lips still wet from alcohol and eyes burning holes through his skin.
“Yes.” He whispers, because he doesn’t have the heart to lie.
He doesn’t have time to think about anything else before Sirius lunges forward and engulfs his lips in a kiss. Remus kisses back and he thinks no one before has ever been right about describing a first kiss with your soulmate, because this is so much better. It’s fireworks and melting hands on faces and your stomach turning to molten lava and the best taste you’ve ever tasted.
This is what it’s like to love.
Sirius’ hands tangle in his hair, making a mess of it like he did earlier in the night, and Remus wraps his hands around his waist, pulling him in as close as possible, not wanting to ever let go.
It’s slow like they’re taking their time with one another and then it’s fast like they want to devour one another. He tastes perfect, and he smells perfect, and he feels perfect, and of course he does because it’s Sirius Black.
Sirius Black is kissing him right now because he’s his soulmate.
The bond isn’t broken. If anything the way Sirius pushes against him and kisses him hard makes it seem like it’s anything but broken. It’s alive and growing and wrapping itself around the two of them like ivy trying to keep them together.
Remus pushes away from a kiss and Sirius chases him, planting a kiss on his nose and the outside of his lips, and he can’t help but laugh.
“What did you smell? In the amortentia?” Remus asks.
“You, obviously.” Sirius leans in again and presses a harsh kiss against his cheek.
“You know what I mean.” Remus rolls his eyes and smiles. He’s met with another quick kiss on his lips before Sirius slightly pulls away, snaking his hands down Remus’ biceps.
“Chocolate, and the smell of your jumpers, and Moony.”
“You smelt Moony?” Remus laughs.
“Is that so weird? You smelt Padfoot, idiot.”
“No, it’s not, I just didn’t know Moony had a smell.”
“Mm, yes he does. I love it. It’s earthy and rainy, and smells like the deep parts of the forest where he loves to take me.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I’m your idiot. This idiot is your soulmate.” Sirius grins at him, rubbing his hands up and down his arms.
“Yeah, he is.” Remus’ heart flutters. “Looks like I’m stuck with him.”
“Forever. You can’t get rid of me now.”
“I wouldn’t want to.” Remus says, leaning forward and placing his chin on the top of Sirius' shoulder.
“What did you smell?” Sirius asks.
“Well, Padfoot, obviously. Wet dog and all that. Leather, like from your jackets, and pumpkin bread.”
“Mm I do love pumpkin bread.”
“I know you do. The cauldron even knew.”
“Y’know what I didn’t know? That my long horrible crush on you would be solved with a simple amortentia potion. I should’ve brewed it myself ages ago.”
“You’re such a liar.” Remus laughs, pushing his shoulder playfully.
“It’s the truth!” Sirius says, flinging himself towards him and wrapping his arms around his neck, dangling off of him playfully and using his feet to rock side to side.
“How long?” He asks, snaking an arm around Sirius’ back to keep him steady.
“Since fourth year.” Sirius says.
“I’ve got you beat. Third.”
“You’re horrible! You should’ve said something!” Sirius says with a fake shocked face and playfully knitting his eyebrows together angrily.
“You didn’t say anything either! I didn’t even know you liked boys.”
“But I tried to make it so obvious, Moons.” He whines.
“Hah! Right. Give me one example of you being obvious.”
“I touch you all the time.” He says dramatically as his face goes stone.
“You touch everyone all the time.” Remus rolls his eyes.
“Yeah but with you it’s super intentional.”
“Okay fine, sure. We’ll say that.”
“It’s gonna be real intentional now.” He smirks.
Remus uses his arm to bring him up and kisses him on the lips. “It better be. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted that.”
“I’m guessing since third year?” Sirius places a finger to his chin as if he’s thinking.
“Har har.” Remus mocks.
“You were so anxious this week. I hate when you ignore me when you’re anxious. It was because of the amortentia wasn’t it?” Sirius asks, bringing his hands back to Remus’ arms and rubbing up and down.
“Yeah. I didn't really know how to not be anxious about it.”
“I was really anxious too, if you can believe.”
“How’d you feel right when you smelt me in class?”
“Scared, obviously. I was worried it wouldn’t be reciprocated." He pauses, thinking before continuing. "My family has this dumb thing where they don’t believe in or follow any of the soulmate stuff, and for most of us it’s not a reciprocated soulmate bond. I’ve been taught to just ignore it.”
“But you didn’t ignore it.”
“No. I didn’t.” He smiles fondly. “Don’t think I could when it turned out to be you. But still, anxious. I was just trying to get any hints at all that maybe I was yours too.”
“Hence the following me like a puppy.”
“I don’t do that.” He responds annoyed. “But sure, and I told James. I mean he knew, he put together the pieces real quick from what I smelt in the cauldron. He told me I needed to tell you immediately – you know how he is.”
“He’ll be very happy about this conversation then?”
“Oh ecstatic. I’ve been ranting about you to him for years.”
“James knew you liked me?”
“Of course he did. I had to tell someone, it was eating me alive, Moony.”
“That explains his reaction to Lily saying I smelt wet dog downstairs.” He laughs.
“He practically pushed me up the stairs after you left.” Sirius laughs, pushing the fringe of Remus' hair back and planting multiple quick pecks on his forehead.
“Do we have to go back down there?” Remus asks, cringing.
“No. Can we just stay here?” Sirius asks, grabbing Remus’ hand in his own and pulling him towards his bed.
“Please.” He says, allowing himself to be dragged.
They roll onto the bed and draw the curtains, climbing under the sheets. They kiss more, and more, and more. When they’re both too tired Remus places his head on Sirius’ chest, and Sirius wraps an arm around his neck, bringing him closer.
Sirius plants a kiss to the top of his head and Remus plays with Sirius’ fingers, eventually intertwining them and bringing them to his lips to kiss them too.
“Goodnight Moons.” Sirius says sleepily and muffled from his lips being in Remus’ hair.
“G’night Siri.” He responds quietly, smiling to himself in the dark.
He sends out a quick thanks to whichever evil genius created amortentia, and falls asleep warm and safe in his soulmate's arms.