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Homura could still see the look in Madoka’s eyes as she killed her.
It wasn’t fear. It was never fear with her. Madoka had her worries, yes, but she had always looked right down the barrel of a gun with a set face as she drew her bow.
Madoka hadn’t had her bow this time. She’d had tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips as Homura shot her. It hadn’t been confidence in herself that had propelled her this time; it had been an unwavering trust in Homura to complete her wish. To stop her from becoming a magical girl. To save her and the entire world as well.
Homura looked down at her shaking hands. She couldn’t do it. Madoka had placed her trust in the wrong girl. Homura was just… well, Homura. She was a girl with a heart condition who couldn’t solve a simple math problem or run a mile to save her life. Madoka should be the one saving her. This wasn’t right. None of this was right.
A tear fell onto Homura’s glasses. It coated the lens in salt, blurring her vision. Another fell, then another. They kept pouring as she stared at her hands, trying to stop them from shaking. Nothing was working. How could she save Madoka if she couldn’t even stop herself from crying? She wiped her eyes with her hands and grabbed her braids, pulling them hard.
A group of girls walked by, laughing. They glanced at her but paid her no mind. Where was she? Shouldn’t she have woken up in her hospital bed? Why was she sitting on the side of the road instead? Had something gone wrong? Had she finally messed things up completely?
“Stupid,” she muttered to herself. “Did you really think you could do this? Did you really think you could save her? Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
She hit her forehead repeatedly with the heels of her palms, harder each time, wishing her skull would just crack open and free her already. She needed all the thoughts in her brain to spill out onto the concrete and leave her alone to die.
“Hey, are you alright?”
Homura’s head snapped up. A girl was standing over her, leaning down with a concerned look on her face. She was wearing a familiar school uniform, and her pink hair was tied up in yellow ribbons. Homura just stared at her in shock.
Madoka glanced around then sat down next to Homura, placing her bag on her lap.
“I saw you earlier,” she said, “when I was with my friends. They said I should just leave you alone, but I couldn’t do it. Wait, um…” She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a packet of tissues. “Here! My mom always makes me take a bunch of random stuff like this with me. I guess it finally came in handy.”
Madoka chuckled and it was the most beautiful thing Homura had ever seen. She was here, she was alive, and she was laughing. There was no pain in her eyes from losing everyone and then herself. There were no tears begging Homura to kill her and try again. This was just Madoka Kaname, the middle school girl with a normal, middle school girl life. Homura took the tissues and used them to wipe her glasses, just so she had an excuse to tear her eyes away from the other girl.
“I’ve never seen you before,” Madoka noted. “Are you new to Mitakihara Middle School?”
Homura sniffed, putting her glasses back on. “How did you…?”
Madoka giggled. “Your uniform, silly. You were just on the way to school, right?”
“My… uniform?”
Homura looked down at her clothes. She was in fact wearing her school uniform. She’d never put it on, and she’d never woken up in it before. What was going on?
Madoka frowned and looked her up and down. She started rummaging through her bag again.
“You shouldn’t worry so much,” she said. “I know moving to a new school can be really scary, but it’s not all bad. My teacher, Ms Kazuko, is really funny, and everyone in my class is super nice. Plus, now you’ve got me!”
She smiled and pulled a piece of candy from her bag, offering it to Homura.
Homura stared at the candy and chuckled in disbelief. Not too long ago, moving to a new school had been terrifying. That first day had been awful, bad enough to almost turn her into a witch. Now, though… she couldn’t imagine ever being bothered by something so trivial. Still, she took the candy and muttered a word of thanks. They sat in silence for a while before Madoka started fidgeting with her hands and glancing in the direction of her school.
“Y’know…” she said, “I think class may have already started. Maybe we should…?”
Homura shook her head. She didn’t want to stand up, much less go to school. She didn’t need school anymore. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
“You go,” she said quietly. “Don’t worry about me.”
Madoka furrowed her brows and slapped Homura lightly on the shoulder.
“No way!” she said. “I’m not just gonna leave you here to cry. I wouldn’t be able to live with it. If you really don’t wanna go, then…” She bit her lip. “I’ll skip! Yeah!”
Madoka smiled at Homura confidently with a little bit of rebellion in her eyes. Homura stared back, sputtering a little, trying to find words. Any words. Madoka never skipped. She was a good girl who turned in her work and had near perfect attendance. Sure, she was late plenty of times, but skipping?
“Okay,” Homura whispered. “Skip school with me.”
Madoka’s smile faltered a bit. She laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of her neck.
“That’s… not how that was supposed to go,” she said. “I really thought you’d come to school with me if I threatened to skip.”
Homura looked down at her feet. Ah. That made a lot more sense. Madoka wouldn’t actually skip school for someone she’d just met. Homura was stupid for thinking she would. She was just gonna leave her there, after all. That was fine. Homura could live with that. She could.
Madoka leaned back on her hands and looked up at the sky.
“Y’know, I’ve never skipped school before,” she said. “It’s a little exciting.”
Homura looked back up at her with wide eyes. “Wait, you mean you’re actually gonna…?”
“Of course!” Madoka tilted her head to the side and smiled. “I always keep my word.”
Before Homura could process what was happening, Madoka stood up and held out her hand to help Homura up. Homura took it and suddenly they were standing together on an empty road, skipping school together. It did feel exciting in a weird way. Homura had never been able to rebel like a normal teenage girl. It had been hospital rooms for so long, then she was fighting battles against witches everyday.
Madoka grabbed her hand and started walking, dragging Homura along behind her. Homura fought to keep her grip on Madoka’s hand gentle. She wanted to hold her tightly and pull her close and never let go. Instead, she let herself be content with this single point of contact between them. It was almost enough to convince her that Madoka really still existed.
“My name is Madoka Kaname by the way,” Madoka said, glancing back at Homura with a smile. “You can just call me Madoka, though.”
“I’m… Homura Akemi. Just Homura is fine.”
Madoka beamed. “Thats’s awesome! I’ve never heard a name like that before. It’s really cool-sounding, like fire.”
Homura’s lip quivered and she laughed awkwardly. “Yeah. I’ve gotten that before.”
Madoka led them through town, passing dozens of restaurants and stores that Homura had never had the time to visit. Maybe one day, when this was all over… No. She couldn’t let hope get to her.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Cake!” Madoka said excitedly. “There’s this place with really good cake that’s only ever open when I’m at school. My mom got some for me once, and I’ve been dying to try it ever since.”
She stopped suddenly, causing Homura to trip and fall into her. Madoka laughed and helped her regain her balance, still holding her hand. They were standing outside of a small bakery decorated in pink and blue. There were cupcakes and pastries in the window. Madoka stared at them with hearts in her eyes, and Homura giggled into her hand.
“You really like cake, huh?”
Madoka nodded. “I love anything sweet!”
She opened the door to the bakery. A bell rang to signal their arrival, and the woman behind the counter turned to look at them. She studied their school uniforms and furrowed her brows.
“Shouldn’t you girls be in school right now?”
Madoka walked up to the counter and dropped Homura’s hand to kneel down and study the baked goods in the display case. Homura clenched her fist, trying to warm it back up after the loss.
“Nah,” Madoka said. “We’re skipping for cake.”
Homura and the woman gaped at Madoka then at each other. After a moment, the woman started giggling, covering her mouth with her hand.
“Alright,” she said. “Make it quick, though. If my mother sees you, she’ll drag you back to school herself.”
“Hm…” Madoka continued to look over the different cakes. “There’s too many options. I don’t know what to get.”
Homura leaned down to look. She pointed at the one on the far left. It was pink with strawberries on it.
“That one’s pretty,” she said. “Looks like you.”
Madoka looked where Homura was pointing. Her cheeks were tinted pink like the cake.
“I do like strawberries…” she said, fidgeting with her hair.
“Two slices of strawberry cake, then?” the woman asked.
Madoka stood up and nodded. “Yup!”
She pulled a coin purse out of her bag and started counting out yen. The woman boxed up the two slices of cake and rang them up.
“Now get back to school, you two,” she lectured. “It’s important, especially at your age.”
“Thank you miss!” Madoka said as they left the bakery. “We will!”
Once they were about fifty feet from the bakery, Madoka broke out in giggles.
“I can’t believe I said that!” she said. “Just admitted we were skipping! I feel crazy!”
Homura chuckled. “Yeah.”
Homura held her cake in one hand while her other dangled empty between the two of them. She wanted so badly to reach out and reconnect their hands, but she couldn’t do it. This Madoka didn’t know her. She was just helping some random girl off the street. Homura shouldn’t take advantage of that.
Madoka continued walking, still a few steps in front of Homura.
“I don’t know what’s up with me today,” she said. “It’s weird. I feel so comfortable with you, like I’ve known you for years. I’m having so much fun, and I’m not even scared of getting caught.” She stopped at a street, looking both ways before crossing. “My mom says I’m too timid sometimes. She thinks I need to be more bold. Do you think this counts?”
Homura followed her across the road. She’d never seen the town this empty. Everyone was at school or at work at this hour. It was just her and Madoka out here against the world.
“I think you’re plenty bold,” Homura said honestly.
“Well, of course you’d think that,” Madoka said. “You’ve only known me for an hour, and it’s been my boldest hour yet.”
Homura bit her lip and tugged at one of her braids. Madoka was bold. She was confident and beautiful and everything Homura would never be. She couldn’t say that, though. This Madoka just wouldn’t understand.
They stopped at a park with a small playground. Homura had been here several times, never with a friend. Madoka sat down on a swing and gestured for Homura to sit down beside her. She opened up her cake box, using the little plastic fork inside to eat the strawberry slice off the top. Homura sat down and copied her. The strawberry was fresh and delicious. It was probably the best strawberry Homura had ever had.
“Where did you transfer from?” Madoka asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
Homura fidgeted with her braid. “I was… in the hospital, actually. For my heart.”
“Oh no!” Madoka covered her mouth with her hand. “Are you alright now?”
Homura nodded.
“That’s good!” Madoka said. “If you need help catching up, let me know. Although—” She giggled. “—I can’t promise I’ll be of much help.”
They sat in silence for a while, swinging a little as they ate. The morning sun shone through the trees, casting long, dramatic shadows over the park. Some birds flew over head, singing in the breeze.
Homura wondered for a moment if she’d ever actually spent peaceful time like this alone with Madoka. It had always been about fighting the witches and stopping Walpurgisnacht. It had never been about skipping school to eat cake in a park. Homura stared down at her cake, feeling tears well in her eyes. She forced them away, though, determined not to ruin the moment for Madoka.
“I was right,” Madoka said, tossing her empty cake box onto the ground. “This cake was so worth it.”
She grabbed the chains with her hands and pushed herself back with her legs to swing properly. She kicked her legs and giggled as she was propelled into the air. Homura smiled and watched her, nibbling at her cake. She had to admit that it really was that delicious. When she finished, she dropped her box and swung idly, not going nearly as high as Madoka.
Suddenly, Madoka let go of the chained and jumped off the swing. She landed hard on her feet, stumbling forwards. Homura immediately hopped up and grabbed her before she could fall flat on her face.
“Look!” Madoka pointed at the tree line. “I think that cat might be injured!”
Homura squinted through her still-dirty glasses. She spotted the white figure instantly. Her eyes widened and she went to grab Madoka’s wrist, but the girl was already rushing off.
“Madoka!”
Homura ran after her, braids flying in the air. She’d made a promise. She’d made a promise and then she had killed her best friend for it. Madoka couldn’t be allowed to talk to Kyubey this time. Homura couldn’t let it end like this. She pulled out her soul gem, preparing to transform and--
She skidded to a stop. On the ground was a white cat with a small gash in its side. It had no extra ears or long, fluffy tail. Madoka crouched down beside it, cooing softly.
“Hey, it’s okay…”
The cat arched its back and hissed, slowly backing up. Madoka reached a hand out but didn’t touch. Homura considered approaching, but she didn’t want to startle the poor thing. She had never been as good with animals as Madoka was.
“You look liked you must have an owner,” Madoka said softly. “You must be so scared, out here all on your own.”
She reached forward a tiny bit, and the cat seemed to relax for a moment. Then, a branch snapped somewhere in the trees, and it was off.
Madoka was on her feet in half a second, running into the woods to catch it, and Homura had no choice but to follow. These woods were barely cared for, and the undergrowth crowded around her legs, threatening to trip her as she ran.
“Madoka!” she called. “Slow dow- Ah!”
All of a sudden, she was pulled backwards by her braid. The ribbon was tangled in a bramble of some sort, caught in the thorns. She tugged at her hair, but it was stuck in place. Homura glanced around, trying to find Madoka, but she was nowhere in sight. She started to panic, frantically pulling at her ribbon. This only served to tangle it further, though, tightening the ribbon around her hair.
“Madoka!” she called again with a shaky voice. She was going to fail again. Madoka was gone, taken by the woods, and she would never see her ever again. There was probably a Kyubey somewhere in the trees, waiting for just the right moment to grant her wish. Madoka was going to die again, and it was all because Homura was so weak she could be taken out by a bush. She gave up, falling to the ground and burying her face in her hands. The tears were back, smudging up her glasses all over again.
“Hey, I’m here.”
Homura looked up. Madoka was there, crouching down with a concerned look on her face. Homura sniffled and wiped her nose.
“Don’t worry,” Madoka said. “I wouldn’t just leave you like that.”
She leaned over to inspect Homura’s hair ribbon. Homura looked away, face red with embarrassment. This was twice in less than two hours that Madoka had seen her cry like this. She probably saw Homura the same way she saw that injured cat. Just a sad, pathetic creature she needed to save.
“I’m sorry,” Homura muttered. “I don’t know why I keep crying like this.”
Madoka smiled and looked away from the ribbon to brush Homura’s bangs out of her eyes and remove her glasses.
“Don’t apologize,” she said. “Everyone has rough days. I know I’ve had my fair share of days like this, where the tears just don’t stop. I’d be a hypocrite to judge you for it.”
She used her shirt to wipe off Homura’s glasses before replacing them. Homura just nodded, still not looking Madoka in the eyes. It was true. Homura had seen Madoka cry over and over again, sometimes over mundane things, but mostly over… less mundane things. That image flashed before her eyes again, of the moment Homura had pulled the trigger. She felt herself start to shake and had to bury her face in her arms again.
“This is quite the tangle…” Madoka said, tugging a little at the braid. “We might need to leave the ribbon behind. Is that okay?”
Homura nodded. She didn’t care about some stupid ribbon. Her whole head of hair could go for all she cared.
Madoka hummed and got to work untying the ribbon and untangling Homura’s hair from the bush. Homura stayed silent the whole time, unable to face Madoka with tears in her eyes. Eventually, Madoka pulled back.
“All done!” she said.
Homura peeked an eye out. Madoka had a proud smile on her face, like this was the biggest accomplishment of her life. Homura couldn’t help smiling back.
“There she is!” Madoka said, pushing Homura’s bangs away from her face. “I like it when you smile.”
Homura chuckled and wiped at her face. Her glasses were dirty, and she had to clean them again. She really needed to switch to contacts or something.
Madoka stood up and held out her hand. Homura accepted it and stood. Madoka glanced around them, frowning a little.
“I actually… have no idea where we are,” she said, laughing awkwardly.
Homura’s eyes widened. “Really?”
Madoka shook her head. “It’s fine. It shouldn’t be that hard to find our way back.”
Homura bit her lip. She didn’t want to doubt Madoka, but… The girl had never had the greatest memory. She looked around, trying to remember which direction they had come from.
“I think the park is back that way,” she said, pointing.
Madoka smiled. “Makes sense to me. Lead the way.”
As it turned out, Homura’s memory was just as bad, if not worse. After almost an hour of wandering the woods, they were still no closer to figuring out how to get back home. Madoka threw her weight against a tree, pouting.
“The woods can’t be that big,” she groaned. “How are we still stuck here?
Homura looked up at the sky. The sun was now almost at its peak, ready to start its descent. She was sweating a little under her uniform, less from the heat and more from the walking and worrying.
“Have we been here before…?”
Madoka shrugged. “Probably. Maybe we’re just going in circles. Doomed in a loop for all eternity.” She laughed at her own joke. Homura did not find it quite as funny.
“Maybe if we—”
“Shush.” Madoka interrupted her, tilting her head a little then smiling. “I think I hear water!
She ran off again. Homura grumbled under her breath and followed, getting a little sick of running.
True to her word, there was running water. They emerged into a small clearing with a creek running through it, glittering in the sun.
“I know this creek!” Madoka said, pointing at it excitedly. “It runs right by my house!”
Homura sighed in relief, falling to her knees beside the creek. Finally.
Madoka stretched and sat down next to her, taking off her shoes and socks so she could put her feet in the water.
“I think we deserve a little break,” she said, yawning. “I’m not used to all this walking.”
Homura nodded and mirrored her actions, sticking her feet in the water beside Madokas. The water was cold, and the rocks were slimy under her toes. It tickled a little bit.
“Do you think there’s any fish that live here?” Madoka asked.
Homura leaned down to inspect the water. It was mostly bugs.
“Nah,” she said, kicking a water strider away from Madoka’s feet. “It’s not deep enough.”
Madoka shook her head. “Plenty of fish live in shallow water. Like tadpoles and stuff.”
“Are tadpoles even fish?”
“...I think?”
They stared at the water in silence for a while, just listening to the sound of the birds. Homura tried to let the peace sink over her, not letting any of her anxieties infest her mind. She wasn’t very successful, but that was fine. Madoka was safe and enjoying herself. That’s all that mattered.
“Do you want me to rebraid your hair for you?” Madoka said after a while. “I have an extra pair of ribbons. They’re red.”
Homura nodded and Madoka got up to sit on her knees behind her, pulling out two red ribbons. Homura scrunched her eyebrows, only just now registering that Madoka was wearing yellow ribbons instead of red ones.
“Why aren’t you wearing the red ones?” she asked. “I think they’d look good on you.”
“Really?” Madoka asked. She pulled at her yellow ribbon a little. “I think they’re a bit too flashy. I don’t know. Wearing them would be like asking for attention, right?”
Homura shook her head. “If you like them, you should wear them.”
Madoka sighed and started to undo Homura’s remaining braid, placing the purple ribbon to the side.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I think I only wanted to wear them because I thought I should. My mom’s always saying I should be more bold if I want boys to like me.”
“Do you… want boys to like you?”
“Of course!” Madoka chuckled as she rand her hands through Homura’s hair. “Who doesn’t?”
Homura shrugged. “I’ve never really thought about it.”
Madoka paused for a moment then resumed brushing out Homura’s hair. Her fingers snagged on the knots a few times, but Homura didn’t mind. She just liked being close to the other girl without a looming threat hanging over their heads.
“I’m not sure what I’d do if I had a boyfriend,” Madoka said eventually. “Is it weird to say I’d rather spend time with friends? Like today, for example. I don’t think I’d have enjoyed it as much if I were with some boy instead.”
Homura hummed. “Yeah.”
She closed her eyes and relaxed, focusing only on the feeling of Madoka’s hands in her hair. There wasn’t a single person she’d rather spend a peaceful, slightly rebellious day with. Not a single other person she wanted to share the rest of her life with, over and over for all eternity.
“Don’t fall asleep, now,” Madoka said, tying the first red ribbon into her hair. “I’m not done yet.”
Homura blinked her eyes back open and nodded.
“Sorry,” she said, stifling a yawn. “I’m not really used to… having a break, I guess.”
“I get that,” Madoka said. “Sometimes it feels like everything is going a million miles a minute. We can stay here for as long as we want, though. There’s no rush. Not really.”
She finished the second braid, tying another red ribbon into Homura’s hair, then she pulled Homura back by the shoulder so that her head was resting against Madoka’s collar. Homura hummed and relaxed her weight against the other girl, her eyelids drooping on their own.
“I’m really happy that we met,” Madoka said softly.
Homura smiled. This was it. This was what she was fighting for. If it meant that moments like this could exist, then she would continue to fight to this girl over and over, for as long as it took. For the first time, she let herself relax, falling asleep in the arms of the girl she loved.