Chapter Text
Just a minute ago, Nakamura was clutching the drawings Kawamura drew, now he was clutching the cold bars, his knuckles already turned white.
With his thoughts a disgusting mess, he opened his mouth to get a fresh air but it was impossible.
His brains, organs, his heart felt like they were on fire, and he didn't know where to get water.
His stomach was churming, his brain was working faster than ever with multiple thoughts, but all of them screamed the same thing in the end: he didn't have a right to live in this world. He was not normal, therefore he can never find a place on the earth.
Nakamura knew that wasn't true, but with his scrambling mind, he couldn't form a single argument as to why.
It was obvious no one will let him be an important character on their life, he was wasting the air other generations might desperately need.
If this world were mathematics, the equation would be higher when you take him out of the equation.
Nakamura rested his head agains the bars, trying to form a decent argument against the thoughts who were spreading through his mind like a virus, but his mind was forming a blank. With each passing time, he felt himself losing consciousness and he was slowly agreeing that those thoughts were right. He is wasting air that great, normal people can use to make life easier to live for useful people of the society.
He raised his head to look at the view, his eyes open as can be, his face a crying a crying mess even though he was smiling. With every part of his body vibrating, from the wind and adrenaline, he found himself on the other side of the railing.
"...Maybe i will be an octopus next time..." He whispered to himself, thinking about how life would be easier if he were an octopus. He wouldn't be the weird one here, would he?
... Maybe he would, for being a weirdo loser was his only personality. Maybe even the octopi would be disgusted with him.
Maybe he would die with an octopus strangling him and eating him.
... He hoped this was his last life.
Looking at the ground below, he finally found a reason to go back, a desperate attempt to get his mind on track. " W-what about icchan... Who will feed him if not me... What if he feels lonely now..." Unfortunately for him, he knew that İcchan will be happier without him, unless they turn him into an octoweiner.
They will probably send him to someone that knows how to take care of him, and that person won't ramble about his life to an octopus because he won't be a loser, unlike what he was now.
Nakamura realized that Icchan wasn't lively today, probably thought about how he made him live with a weirdo and got upset.
Or, maybe Icchan knew long ago what would happen, and was expressing his condolences for him?
The wind was strong, which made him realize that it was the universe telling him to go for it.
Everyone, everything, would be better if he wasn't a part of this world, and the universe seemed to know that.
The whole world was big to the point of being overwhelming, but suffocatingly small at the same time.
When he hit his head on the ground, his last thought was if anyone will find their body.
... The answer was, for the first four days, no.
After a whole night without Nakamura, the family started getting anxious but didn't call the police, thinking he might be at a friends house. To not make things scary for children, Nakamura's parents talked to all of Nakamura's classmate's families, but on the third day they needed to question the kids too. Sadly, no one knew where he was.
They called the police on the fourth day, but the one who found him was no other than Hirose.
"Where could he be... Is he sick? Why didn't i get his LINE before?" Hirose was whispering to himself, looking at Nakamura's empty seat. It was the 2nd day Nakamura was on that hill, though he didn't know that yet.
"Well, that's all for today. Who can give these notes to Nakamura?" Hirose quickly got up. He didn't even realize a whole day passed already, he definitely didn't remember eating lunch or talking to Hana today.
"I will!" Hirose was sure Nakamura was just sick, but he couldn't help but feel uneasy.
"Maybe after seeing him, i'll feel better... And get his LINE for sure!" While he was pumping himself up, with the notes in one hand, he didn't realize his friends' confused looks nor did he realize Hana who was waving at him.
When he came to the location teacher gave, he took a few steps back. The door was open, and there was a black-haired girl with eyebags leaning on the doorframe, eyeing him up. She still had her school uniform, with a bag on her hand. She looked like she was slightly younger than him.
"Hi, are you Nakamura's sister? I'm here to give some notes to him." He kneeled down slightly, giving her a warm smile and a wave, though the girl hadn't smiled back at him.
"Is he at home? We were all worried about him so..." Hirose's easygoing and cheerful voice faltered, seeing the girl's eyes filled with unshed tears.
"Worried? As if." She stood silent for a while, trying to get a deep breath. "... He is not at home. Or anywhere. No one knows where he is, so fuck off." She slammed the door shut, put her shoes on and quickly walked past the chestnut-haired boy.
"And stop acting like any of you care about him, at least not when he can't deny it." she disappeared into the street, her strained voice hanging in the air, leaving the boy dumbfounded.
"What..." Is all he could manage, before hearing the door creaking open.
"H-How can it be?? Isn't there anywhere he can be at??" Hirose asked, almost spilling the coffee the woman made for him.
"We are looking for everywhere but..." Nakamura's mom shook her head, a defeated smile on her face. "We were asking the parents of the classmates of him, but considering you are here, we won't be able to get good news from that either." She looked away, her smile a shield to whatever was going on inside of her head.
"Miss, i am sure he will be back, don't you know him? He wouldn't leave you guys unannounced," Hirose softly said, to reassure the woman but also himself, "Right?" They were both smiling at eachother, failing to give comfort to one another.
The air stilled.
Nakamura's mom took a breath, sipped from her own cup, and answered Hirose. "... I don't know about that."
When the door closed on him, the boy realized he didn't remember how he got home. He stared at the ceiling, Nakamura's papers in one hand, his phone on the other.
"Nakamura..." Is all he could manage before choking on his words. No one knew where he was, and the worst part is that, he wouldn't even know something was wrong if he hadn't thought to give his papers.
Each passing minute made his stomach churn more, the concerning possibilities invading on his mind. He chewed on his lip a bit before he stood up, running fingers through his hair.
"...That won't do. I need to find him somehow. Where could he possibly be???" With that, he got out of his house, informing his sister he might be late, and started searching for places he might be.
It took him another day to finish searching, and a lot of effort to not think about why Nakamura was nowhere to be found.
That day, Hana had dumped him, simply because she understood how hard things might be for him. She knew he couldn't act like a boyfriend right now, and also knew Hirose wasn't too excited about being with her, so they broke up.
And honestly, Hirose was glad for that. He hoped they will stay friends after this.
After the sun had set, he lifted his head to look at the only place he hadn't looked for.
"No... No. Stop overthinking things, Aiki! He can't possibly be..." But his mind was already met with this possibility, and he found himself walking up the hill.
After walking for a while, his eyes met with a familiar object, and he needed to take a few steps back, feeling the world shift underneath him.
"No... No... Nakamura!!" Hirose exclaimed while running, almost tripping on Nakamura's dusty bike.
Hirose, looking at the place where Nakamura was, couldn't hold himself together. He slumped on the ground.
He slowly crawled towards the two books that was lying on the ground. One of them was the BL manga Hirose found Nakamura reading on school, even though he tried to deny it, and the other was a notebook titled: "The everyday life of Hirose and Nakamura."
Hirose silently flipped through the notebook. The pages were about them eating together, going on places together, laughing together. But each of them had dried teardrops on them, as if reading these hurt the reader more than any sad movie would.
Then he found the one with most teardrops. It was almost unreadable, almost.
" I like you just the way you are."
Oh.
Oh, no.
Hirose's shoulders trembled, his mouth agape, he stiffly moved his eyes towards the railing.
The night was chilling, but Hirose felt his whole body going untolerably hot, tears threatening to escape his eyes.
Not daring to look anywhere else or move closer, he dialed 9-1-1.
"Surely this is all a dream, it's a terrible nightmare that i need to wake up on. Come on, Aiki! Wake up! Wake. Up!" The ambulance found Hirose and quickly got him away from the place Nakamura fell and started investigating. The police tried to ask him questions, but Hirose was sure this was a dream so he just waited to wake up, not giving anyone information.
When Hirose's sister took him home and he sat on his bed, alone, is when it dawned on him.
He cried the whole night, occasionally flipping pages from the notebook, filling the cute drawings with new teardrops.
At the dead of the night, his sister knocked on the door to inform him that Nakamura was, thankfully, still alive. He was in a coma now.
Hirose, not daring to talk for fear of crying for the umpteenth time, just nodded, then got the other book Nakamura had there. He opened the first page, and was surprised to see it was a signed copy from the author. To Nakamura.
It read: Go For It, Nakamura! And had drawing of a person similar to Hirose.
"Nakamura..." was the last word he could get out before falling into a deep sleep.
When he woke up, he found himself in a highschool, with a uniform similar to his.
And standing in front of him was no other than the boy he was looking for for days.
A dark-haired, tall, shy boy.
Nakamura.
Alive, safe, sound Nakamura, who looked at him like he just saw a ghost.
... Well, Hirose wasn't on a place to judge because he had the same reaction too.
... And Makunouchi.
And Taku.
The characters from Nakamura's BL, Lovely Lunches.
"..." The rooftop was deadly silent for a long time.