Chapter Text
ONE
Hunting monsters has always been a favorite past time of Lohen's, ever since he was an adventurer taking on commissions. It gives him the thrill of being alive, testing his strength, throwing a bit of unpredictability into his day. Between taking on commissions for the guild and finding different kinds of monsters to take down, there was always some kind of fun. Until he started to grow bored of that routine, the same cut and dry commissions, the same travels. It wasn't as exhilerating as it used to be, didn't send the same shivers of excitement down his spine.
Honestly, the timing of his parents begging Adorno to talk with him couldn't have been better. A new door had opened, offering him some escape from a life that was quickly becoming 'ordinary.'
It was unsurprising really, that he ended up joining the Knights of Favonius.
A new change in clothes, in routine, and company was just what he needed. But best of all, being a knight still gives him an excuse to do a little bit of hunting. Sure, he has to steal Mika's surveying device to do it, but that only adds to the fun. Besides, he's still doing his 'knightly duty' or whatever. Though he hasn't been with the knights for long, at most a few months, he's quickly learned their way of phrasing things to use to his advantage.
A breezy laugh leaves him as he dodges a stray bullet from a ruin guard, just narrowly missing the swinging arms of a second. The quick movements make his side ache from where he had been slammed into a wall earlier, pushing him forward with a wild grin. With his vision, a barage of iced daggers fly right toward his first opponent's core, stabbing deep. He follows it with a quick jab of his polearm, ice crackling as it's crushed. The ruin guard freezes, shocks running along its body before it stutters and breaks down.
Jumping back, he turns his focus to the second guard as it raises its foot as if to stomp him. Rolling out of the way, its foot comes down on the guard Lohen just took out, a loud crunch filling the air. The ruin guard hardly flinches as it moves to track the young knight. Lohen doesn't give it a second chance to attack him, throwing his weapon right into the guard's middle. A dangerous yet excited gleam hits his eyes as he runs for it, leaping to grab hold of his polearm.
Planting his feet on the ruin guard's chest to keep himself up, a shadow falls over him. "For a hunk of metal, you sure put up a decent fight~," he hums, purrs melodic and pleased. "But not good enough." He gives it only a second before jamming his polearm further into its core. The shadow over him stops, the guard making some kind of glitchy sound; ice spikes sprout from its body, and the hand about to throw him off falls. Lohen pulls his polearm out with a grunt, pushing himself off of the falling robot. He lands on the ground easily, though stumbles as pain shoots up his leg and side.
He's been out around the outskirts of Mondstadt for a few hours now, going after as many monster spots as he had marked down. These two ruin guards were the final ones on his list. Satisfaction curls deep in his chest as he takes in his work. After, he turns to access himself now that there's nothing else to attack him. His leg has a rather large wound edged with ice (an unfortunate accident with a cryo whopperflower), some cuts on his face (stray hilichurl arrows), the edge of his cape is singed (thanks to some pyro slimes), and a gash on his arm (from one of the mitachurl's axes).
"Eh, not too bad." He shrugs, deeming it fine. He's had far worse before, and he quite enjoys the aches and stings across his body. It's not agonizing, but it certainly isn't painless either. A nice middle ground, leaving the young knight with a smile.
Work now done, Lohen turns and heads back to Mondstadt city. The journey back is uneventful, nothing but the sounds of crickets and the occasional bird to keep him company. He doesn't go out of his way to 'run across' any monsters as he returns, but Lohen wouldn't be upset if he does.
Alas, the roads are empty. A shame.
He zones out as he walks, body numbing to any pain—he kind of forgets he's injured after awhile. Right up until he makes it to the city's front gates. The knights stationed there jump when they see him, eyes blowing almost comically wide as he approaches. "V-Vice Captain, a-are you alright sir?!" one of them gapes at the sight of his wounds, "You're bleeding!"
Lohen stops to look at them. "A great observation," he says with a smile, timbre casual and unbothered, as if he were talking about the weather. His response only worsens the knights' painfully obvious panic, not that he cares much. He simply waves them off, "Open your eyes any wider and they might just pop out of your skulls." Continuing on his pace past them, the sound of their spooked yelps makes him chuckle.
He gets similar reactions as he walks past a few others—those that are sober enough to be aware of him, anyway (which aren't many). The sight of the usual drunks leaves him wondering if the Grand Master will be among them over at the Angel's Share, or among the sober for once. An amusing thought, though the former is far more likely. That man will take any chance he gets to drink, which would be a little concerning if it wasn't mildly impressive how much he can handle.
He's even drank wine that Lohen has spiked before, staring at him knowingly whilst he did so.
Which reminds him of the note he left on the man's desk shortly before heading out. He had expected to be out longer, hence the letter to inform the Grand Master in case he came looking. What a good and courteous subordinate Lohen was for that.
Since he's back earlier than he thought he'd be, it'd be worth taking it back. Especially since Varka most likely hasn't even seen it in the first place. It'd save him from having to write up any reports about it… if only Lohen could get away with simply fighting and not having to do the paperwork after.
Plan in mind, he decides to pay a little visit to Varka's office before heading back to his room. The chances of the man actually staying late are slim, considering how often he runs out the minute Jean has her back turned. Slipping in to take back his note should be no problem.
Thankfully the rest of the journey to their headquarters sees less prying eyes, and Lohen head inside with ease. There's usually a knight or two to keep watch over the place at night; the empty hallway that greets Lohen means whoever's on watch duty is probably doing their rounds at the moment. He doesn't envy whoever's on shift. The lights have all been put out, headquarters feels so empty and lifeless at night.
All the office doors are shut, nothing but shadows crawling out from the gaps underneath. Good. No one is around to catch him then. He has maybe ten, fifteen minutes before the night watch comes back around to check here. Enough time to grab his note and even set up a little 'surprise' for Vaka when he comes in tomorrow.
He turns right for the Grand Master's office with a smirk, pulling a clip from his pocket to pick the lock. Except, when he grabs the door handle, he finds it already unlocked. And not just that, the door sits ajar, a tiny gap between the frame and wood. It's only noticeable up close like this.
His stare narrows. Are you kidding me. Of all nights the man had to choose to not drink his muscle mass in alcohol, it had to be tonight?
Lohen pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a step back. So much for that idea then. He should leave before Varka sees hi—
"The door's unlocked you know!"
He doesn't even bother holding back his groan. Of course Varka already knows he's there. Begrudgingly, Lohen pushes the door open and steps inside. He finds Varka at his desk, tankard right beside him as he shuffles through the papers in his hand. He holds a quill in the other, sky blue eyes pulled down to whatever he's reading.
Leaning against the door, Lohen crosses his arms over his chest with a scoff. His body aches in protest, which he ignores. "Would you look at that, so our Grand Master can do paperwork after all." He tilts his head with something akin to a cheeky smirk tugging at his lips. "Here I thought you'd be out drinking with the other knights."
"Hah! Not tonight I'm afraid. These expedition applications aren't going to read themselves. So I brought the wine to me!" Varka easily retorts with a hearty chuckle. His eyes lift from the pages, moving to meet Lohen's. "I take it your monster hunting went we…" His voice breaks off, stare raking over Lohen and taking in his disheveled appearance. He sits up straighter in his chair, hands emptying themselves as his gaze widens with alarm. "What the hell happened to you?!"
Varka's concern is obvious, immediate.
Lohen's confused by it. To him, this state is normal, expected even. He comes back with injuries all the time. Yet Varka appears surprised, even worried at the sight of some scratches. What's even more confusing, he supposes, is the fact that Varka frets at all. He's still finding his footing with the knights, with Varka. He's gotten familiar with the man, of course, but surely he hasn't given him any reason to react like this.
But the Grand Master looks worried anyway. Shows it in the widening of his eyes, the tension that stiffens his shoulders.
And it's different from the stares he was getting earlier, they carried concern yes, but also nervousness, unease and apprehension. He doesn't find any of that in Varka's eyes. It almost makes him uneasy, seeing it so openly on the Grand Master's face.
He tries to brush it off. "Hm? Oh! You mean these?" Lohen gestures to his injuries. "Eh, it's fine. You should see the other guys," he says with a delighted little laugh, pleased with himself. And just to try and move away from the topic, he lets himself grimace, shoulders sagging some, "So much for avoiding that report..."
Varka's eyebrows raise before the edges of his lips lower, mouth curling into a frown. "Forget about the report, you need medical attention."
"Uh… yeah no, I can take care of all this myself." Lohen matches the Grand Master's frown with one of his own. Damn, he'd really been hoping Varka would take the bait. "I'd rather not deal with Theodore's nagging again. Anyways, I'll just make my report and get out of your hair, hm?" He smiles.
"Again?" Varka shakes his head, sighing. "That's not the point. You need to get looked at for those wounds, Lohen. Come back tomorrow morning, we can talk then."
"We can talk now," Lohen protests easily, stubborn, "might as well since I'm already here. You're acting like I'm going to fall over, Grand Master."
"Well what else am I supposed to think when you come waltzing in here like that?" Varka raises a brow. "You look like you got mauled by a wolf or two, and you expect me to believe you're fine?" He huffs, incredulous. "You're hurt. Everything else can wait, you hear?"
Lohen… doesn't know what to do with that. So he does the only thing he can think of and continues to argue. "This happens all the time, quit your worrying." The corners of his lips twitch in the hint of a smirk, "If you don't believe me, we can always spar. I've done a lot since the last time."
"…you're not going to listen to me, are you?"
"I was wondering when you'd figure it out."
The Grand Master stares at him, not responding. His eyes trail over him, lingering on his face, his side. Lohen meets his gaze head on, a silent challenge. A few injuries aren't going to stop him, something Varka should have learned quickly by now.
Varka breaks whatever stalemate they've entered first, dragging a hand down on his face. "Fine then," he sighs, pushing himself up from his seat. "Come sit, will you?"
Lohen watches him for a moment, almost wary in the way his eyes follow the man's movements. Varka doesn't say anything more, not yet. He simply walks over to one of the shelves in his office, pulling it open. He leaves his back completely and utterly exposed to Lohen, and if he were in the mood, this'd be a perfect opportunity to slip some poison into the man's drink. The only thing that stops him is the raw emotion in Varka's gaze when he saw him.
It compels him to move, walking right over to Varka's desk. He sits down right on the edge, keeping his arms crossed as he throws a leg over his lap. Varka comes back toward him just as he settles, holding a box in his hands. "I meant sit in a chair, Lohen," he says, though not a hint of annoyance lingers in his voice. It's almost… amused?
"I'm sitting, aren't I?" Lohen challenges him, curious to push and press further. He's still learning how far he can push before the man snaps. To his surprise, Varka only huffs, standing in front of him and setting the box down. The man remains an enigma to him.
"Sometimes I forget how stubborn you newer knights can be," the Grand Master chides. Lohen watches as he reaches for his armor, first unbuckling the strap around his upper arm. Once that's undone, he slides the armored pieces off, revealing his scarred skin. Lohen's eyes can't help but be drawn to it, tracing over scars that have long since healed. Little lines drag across his skin, two intersecting along the curve of his forearm. There's a set of three marks that look like they came from an animal's claws, buried deep in his arm. He spots a scar on the back of his hand as well, some jagged looking thing.
If Varka notices his staring, he doesn't say anything. He simply tugs his glove off next, leaving both of his hands uncovered. It doesn't reveal much of anything, just callouses from years of battle. With that taken care of, he brings his attention back to the box he set down, opening it.
"Uh, what are you doing?" Lohen's eyes narrow as he watches Varka's every move.
Varka pauses at the question, brows knitting together, as if perplexed. "What does it look like? I'm offering you first aid," he says. "I may not be as skilled as our medics or healers, but I can at least make sure you don't bleed out all over my desk."
"And why are you doing that?" Lohen frowns some. Varka is just one of those people he thinks he'll never really understand. Again, an enigma. Shouldn't he be pushing Lohen out the door right now? Ordering him to get medical attention (not that he'd listen, even if he did)?
"Because you're refusing to see a medic," Varka answers, simple and to the point. "It's my job as the Grand Master to make sure my knights are in top shape and taken care of."
"I don't recall personally tending to your subordinate's scrapes being a part of your job description."
"Hah! So now you want to talk about job descriptions eh, Vice Captain?"
And here's the thing about Lohen—he doesn't mind Varka, doesn't even mind the other knights. But that doesn't mean he really trusts any of them, not with something like this. He knows enough to take care of himself, to avoid surrendering himself to such limited autonomy. He'll happily help the others, disinfect their wounds, watch them squirm as the drink they love so much makes their injuries sting. But being on the other side? That's something he tries to avoid as much as possible. Trust like that isn't something Lohen is willing to give so easily.
There's a stark difference between letting companions back you up in battle and letting them close enough to watch your back.
His first instinct is to fight and run. Leap from the desk, push Varka away; if he swipes at the man's legs to destabilize him he could push him into his desk and take off. He's quick enough to do it too, he could catch Varka off guard and use that to his advantage.
But there are warm fingers grabbing his arm, a presence moving closer to his side, and Lohen's body freezes. There's nothing rough about the Grand Master's touch, not here. The skin of his hand is almost overwhelmingly warm, hardened from the hilt of his blades and the handle of tankards. But it's… surprisingly gentle. He knows Varka is strong, he knows the stories, the bards' songs. There's a reason why the man is Lohen's new 'target.' What he doesn't expect, however, is the light touch from the Knight of Boreas himself.
Huh.
Varka's gone and swiped at his legs to throw him off balance instead. Even quicker than Lohen could, before he even had the chance to.
"Mmm," the Grand Master hums as Lohen sits in his stupor, not even waiting for his response, "the cut on your arm is a bit deep. We should make sure it doesn’t get infected before bandaging it. Don't have any disinfectant on hand…" He looks past Lohen, over at his tankard, "That'll have to do." And Lohen's even greater surprise, Varka grabs a cloth from the first aid kit and dips it into his own drink.
It's that realization that snaps him out of it, and Lohen is sharply smacking those hands away, pushing himself back. A strangled noise spills from his throat, "H-Hey!"
"What? What is it?" Varka immediately freezes, eyebrows shooting up. "Was I too rough or something?"
No, but you could be if you wanted to, Grand Master is decidedly what Lohen doesn't say. "Why are you being so casual about this? I can do this myself y'know." He swipes at Varka's hands, grabbing for the wine soaked cloth, "Give me that."
"Well why wouldn't I be?" Varka holds it out of his reach. "I've patched up plenty of knights before. Can't exactly be picky about who's wrapping you up on the battlefield, haha!" he chuckles, and it only throws Lohen off more. "Now sit still and let me take a look, will you? I'll even give you a warning before I clean a cut." Varka makes it sound like a peace offering, wearing a stupidly bright and disarming grin to boot (like he can read the distrust on his face).
"…fine," Lohen relents, accepting it. A mild tingle of discomfort rolls down his back at the thought of Varka having read him that easily.
"Great! Alright." Varka nods his approval. "Take off your cape and jacket though, would you? It'll give me easier access to your injuries."
He hesitates, removing his armor is leaving him with one less layer of protection. Safety. His hand settles over the closed crossbow on his arm, holding it there. But there's something in Varka's expression that disarms him, just a little. It's so… open, human. Here is a man that he respects for his strength, unguarded right before him (and for what? To show Lohen that it's safe to do the same?).
Lohen decides he doesn't like it. It's uncomfortable and foreign, too close to something vulnerable. Had he been an enemy, Varka would be screwed. Isn't he always supposed to be vigilant? Aware? Varka needs to go back to that. Not… whatever this is.
If he wants to get out of this quickly, however, he doesn't have much of a choice but to listen. That doesn't mean he has to make it easy, though. "Asking me to undress before dinner? I thought you were chivalrous, Grand Master Varka," Lohen remarks, wanting to watch the man squirm.
It gets him the exact reaction he wants, as Varka's face quickly turns red. He steps back from Lohen hastily, stammering out explanations, "T-That isn't—I wasn't trying to—Archons, Lohen, I didn't mean it like that!"
Lohen laughs at him, "I know." He starts unbuckling his cape, setting it aside while Varka glowers at him. His peels off his layers until he's left in his chest plate and undershirt. He lets his cape and jacket lay across Varka's desk, crossbow right on top, disregarding whatever the man had there before. "Better?"
Varka's cheeks are still tinged red, even the tips of his ears. He lets out an exasperated sigh and takes Lohen's arm again. He picks up the cloth he was holding before, glancing at him, "I'll start with this wound here then." As promised, he gives the warning, and with a light brush the wound starts to sting. Lohen only relaxes at the feel of it, exhaling quietly. He tries to avoid looking at Varka as the man disinfects the cut. "You need to be more careful out there, Lohen. It won't do you any good to push yourself so hard." He frowns lightly. "How'd you even get this injured anyway, huh?"
"Take your pick—whopperflowers, ruin guards, hilichurl camps, slimes… I can go on," Lohen hums, and the Grand Master whistles.
"You sure were busy, huh?" He wipes the wound more than once, being so painfully careful each time. "Why don't you tell me about it? We'll say it's your official report."
Snorting, Lohen leans back on his desk to meet his gaze. "You just want to avoid extra paperwork, don't you?" Not that he's complaining.
Varka laughs, "Well I can't say I wasn't thinking about it, hah!"
"Fine with me."
TWO
"Alright, this here is the proposed route for the expedition."
Meetings aren't really something Lohen has cared much for, but Adorno insisted he go in the man's place since he won't be able to join the expedition himself. Lohen tried to argue at first, all this meeting stuff and ranks aren't his thing after all. As long as he can fight strong and new enemies, he's more than happy. But his protesting with Adorno hadn't lasted very long, and now he's seated between two other knights, idly chewing on bubblegum.
The entire meeting has just been logistics planning; routes, supplies, destinations, potential allies to lean on if needed. All the boring stuff. For Adorno's sake, Lohen tried to pay attention at first. His attention only lasted about ten minutes before he leaned back in his chair to stare off into space. No one seemed to notice—and if they did, they didn't say anything. Not a single person has said a word to him, really. No, from the moment Lohen entered the room and sat down, the air had immediately grown taut with tension.
"—cut through Dragonspine we'll have a direct path to Liyue," someone is saying when he tunes back in, a statement that piques his interest.
Varka hums in consideration, crossing his arms over his chest. "Not a bad idea, that'll shave off extra days of travel as well." Sharp blue eyes focus down on the map laid out, where a red line has been drawn across Teyvat, leading from Mondstadt to their end goal: Nod-Krai. "However, the climate won't make it easy to traverse, we'd need extra supplies, and setting up a camp there wouldn't exactly be practical…"
"More like impossible," Lohen cuts in, the bubble he had been blowing popping as he speaks. It draws everyone's attention to him. "With how wimpy some of those guys are, they wouldn't even last the night in the cold. I bet a few would even become Favonius popsicles." A little laugh follows his words. "Oh, and that place is crawling with Fatui and frostarm lawachurls. You're basically asking to lose half the force before we've even left Mondstadt."
He can practically feel the few pairs of eyes that glare daggers at him, not that he cares much. Lohen keeps his attention solely on Varka, who frowns some. "What do you propose we do then?" the Grand Master inquires, curiosity lacing his tone.
Lohen reclines back in his seat, folding his arms behind his head. He blows another bubble from the gum. "Eh, go around Dragonspine completely." Quietly, he mourns the loss of going through such a harsh environment. But unlike some others, the only life he's willing to risk is his own.
"That's inefficient!" the same captain from before exclaims. "Going fully around when we can cut straight through would be a waste of time and resources!"
Turning his head toward the knight, Lohen narrows his stare, glaring at the fool. "If you want to trade lives for time, then by all means, go right ahead," he says, "just don't say I didn't warn you. Though it doesn't look good for a captain to lead his men straight to easily avoidable deaths if you ask me." He shrugs carelessly.
The captain splutters helplessly, face flushing red with embarrassment. Lohen simply chews his gum and smiles politely. "You—!"
"That's enough," Varka sighs, bringing a hand up to hold his head. "You both raise good points, but I'd rather bring as many knights home from this expedition as possible." Taking a quill, he traces a line on the map, "I trust Vice Captain Lohen's judgement. He's got experience with that area. Any objections?"
Lohen casts a curious glance around, watching a few knights murmur to each other. Nothing is said.
Varka nods, "It's decided then, we'll go around Dragonspine."
— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ —
The minute the meeting ends Lohen heads out the door, stretching his arms over his head. He hears a satisfying crack from his back, grateful to be out of that chair. A restless energy floods his system now that he's standing again, hands fidgeting while his legs itch with the need to run and move around. Sitting still for long periods of time always cause him to get like this, flighty and eager for something to do. It leaves him with the need to escape, a persistent itch settling under his skin clawing at him and making him antsy.
He sighs, grateful to finally be out of that meeting. It was mind numbing. But now that it's out of the way, he can move onto the exciting part of his day: having an empty schedule to. Endless possibilities for what he can do today.
Whistling to himself, Lohen starts to head down the hall, having no intention of sticking around. A few people from the meeting linger nearby, because apparently two hours of planning just wasn't enough for them. He catches whispers every now and then as he walks past them, unfortunately all of it is boring drivel. However…
"What a brat!"
That sure sounds interesting.
Lohen stalks toward that voice, being led toward a secluded spot at the end the hall. He hides himself, breath falling silent as he edges the corner to see what's going on. The captain from before and another knight stand together, the former seemingly in the midst of a tirade. They stand with their backs toward Lohen, and he shakes his head. These knights will never learn.
"I don't know how someone like him got promoted to vice captain so fast. He has absolutely no respect for those in higher ranks than him!" the captain growls, and oh does Lohen wish he could see the look on that guy's face.
"I'll say." The other knight hums in agreement. "I've heard some of the rumors going around about him, but seeing him in the flesh doesn't come close to how scary he is." They shudder. "Did you see how he was chewing bubblegum the whole time? Right in the Grand Master's face! I don't think he was paying attention at all."
"Honestly, the way he conducts himself is shameful! Does he think he's better than us just because he's the expedition examiner?" the captain scoffs. "Badmouthing our knights, insulting higher ranking officers, not to mention his ruthlessness, he has no right being a member of the knights with such reprehensible behavior!"
"If it were up to me, I'd have his striped of his rank and kicked out. Maybe that'd teach him. But he's practically untouchable because he's got the Grand Master and Captain Adorno in his pocket somehow…"
(They miss the sound of heavy footfalls echoing down the hall.)
It's all the same things Lohen has heard before. He's aware that his way of operating is a bit… unorthodox, to say the least. His methods have either earned some knights respect or their wariness. It's a minority, but there are some who take issue with his position in the knights. He couldn't care less about what those people think about him, truthfully. Other people's opinions of him mean little in the long run.
However.
"The Grand Master really needs to put that brat on a leash."
A flash of anger ripples through him at such an insinuation, like he's some animal that needs to be controlled. While their conversation was amusing to listen to before, Lohen's had enough of it. If these two want to act so tough, then he'll see how they fare in a real fight. Yet before he can step out and challenge them, there's a presence walking past him, addressing the two.
"If you have an issue with Vice Captain Lohen, you can submit a formal complaint instead of gossiping outside like a couple of children." Varka stands tall with his arms crossed, looking at both knights with disapproval. His brows are furrowed, forehead creasing as his mouth is curved low. His stare is stern, but Lohen doesn't miss the flakes of deep sapphire gleaming with anger in his eyes. He's never seen the man look so furious before.
"G-Grand Master!" the captain yelps, voice cracking.
Lohen decides to pop out from his hiding spot as well, shadows falling over his eyes as he directs a smile at the knights. "Or!~ You can just complain to me directly," he says, a warning note in his tone, "I'd be happy to give you a first hand showing of my ruthless methods if you'd like." He makes a subtle showing of adjusting the crossbow on his arm.
The second knights looks at him with barely restrained fear, "Vice Captain L-Lohen! How… how long have you been there?"
"Long enough." Lohen's smile sharpens like the blade of a dagger.
It has the intended effect, as the two turn as pale as a sheet.
Varka clears his throat, drawing their attention back to him. "The only shameful behavior I've seen exhibited today has been from you two; consider this your first and only warning, gentlemen." His eyes narrow. "If I hear any unsavory comments like that from you again, I'll have you removed from the expedition. Understood?"
"Y-Yes sir!" The pair salute before hastily leaving, avoiding looking at Lohen and Varka.
Lohen clicks his tongue, "Caught red handed and all they do is run with their tail between their legs. Cowards."
Varka lets out a deep sigh, turning to face him now. "Ignore them, they're just upset because you bruised their egos," he says, anger starting to drain from his face. Instead, that dark sapphire softens and melts into something lighter, clearer, reminding Lohen of the blue sky above. "Although, you could've been less insulting back there y'know. It doesn't look good for you to be disrespectful to a superior like that," he chides lightly.
"Everything I said was true." Lohen shrugs in answer. "Not my fault he couldn't handle it. They can think whatever they want."
His response only earns him another sigh from Varka, the sounding bordering on fondness more than anything else. And then, that blue sky is back, and Lohen feels his lungs squeeze under the full force of Varka's eyes. How he can go from concealing his emotions to wearing them on his sleeve, Lohen doesn't know. Maybe he's just good at seeing it. "You alright? While I didn't hear everything, I uh, heard enough." He grimaces.
"I can handle petty gossip," Lohen scoffs, offended at the insinuation otherwise. "I'm not pathetic like that."
Varka frowns some, "I know you're not. But it doesn't mean it can't hurt." He reaches out then, placing a gentle hand on Lohen's shoulder. "Don't let what they said back there get to you, alright?" the Grand Master murmurs, his voice oddly soft, reassuring. "You have a place here just like everyone else." There's a care in his words that, while it doesn't throw him off as much this time, there's still a prickle of discomfort.
Lohen still hasn't quite figured out what to do with it since Varka patched him up in his office. It's not like he's never been shown care before, of course he has. But it's different with Varka, makes his skin tingle and chest squeeze uncomfortably tight. He feels a tiny bit exposed, like there's a hole in his defenses (is this what it feels like to be seen?). Around the Grand Master, Lohen's finding he needs to keep himself on his toes just as much as he does Varka.
"Mhm, yup, got it," Lohen quickly replies, waving off both the older's concern and touch. "Didn't bother me anyway." Most of it didn't, at least. He steps back from Varka, "It's almost time for my, uh, patrol, so… bye!" Without looking back he hurries off, leaving a bewildered knight behind.
"Didn't bother you, sure," Varka huffs, shaking his head. He watches Lohen walk off with an exhale, chest loosening. Put him on a leash, yeah right. I don't plan to do any of that.