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"Did you ever wonder, Dad?"
Edwin Chu, at first, does not move even an inch. He is a man who puts his whole soul into something. When it comes to movies, that means watching the stoic man become a statue as the TV screen flickers to life. Only the voice of his daughter could move him, mused Ellie.
Just as she thought this, she saw her father's head incline towards her. "Hmm?" It's a questioning grunt. Over the years, Ellie has learned how to categorize the various noises her father makes instead of talking. Frustrated sighs, confused hums, and questioning grunts. There should be a study on it.
Ellie fists her hands in her pajama pants. These ones are Paul's after they had another impromptu sleepover, and somehow put on one another's clothes. The reminder of her friend-steady and loyal-gives her the courage to continue. "Did you ever wonder why I never talked about boys? Or-Or about me being gay."
Here, her father finally paused the movie. He gives her a look that tells her to continue.
"Its just-I know we don't talk about it," Ellie stammered out. "Because I have a feeling it's 'cause you weren't comfortable, and maybe you were happy I never brought up dating. But, I know our relatives back home talk about it."
"Back home" meant in China where her cousins, aunts, and uncles resided in the city. Sometimes. her father gets a call and it will be the longest Ellie has ever heard him talk. She could always hear her aunt asking wether Ellie had finally gotten "a nice boy" over in America.
"And maybe you did wonder about it," continued Ellie. "But, for my entire life I never-never let myself date since I couldn't. I thought I was alone, I didn't have Paul, and sometimes I have no clue what you're thinking. Sometimes, I wonder what M-Mom would think." Years. Years of living without a mother, and her voice caught on the word like a nail under carpet. It felt too painful to say.
Her father was silent, eyes wide as he listened to Ellie. Finally, he slowly turned in his chair until he faced her before speaking. "Don't listen to your relatives, they're crazy," he began to say in Mandarin, voice low but steady. "I did see how you grew up. How you didn't go to parties and only studied, and helped me. It made me proud, but..." Here, he trailed off and Ellie feared she had lost him. And then, his eyes focused on hers like a sailor last at sea only to find the gleam of a lighthouse. Her father continued speaking.
"But, I knew it was wrong," he said. "And the words would not be the best thing to say. So, I kept quiet and let life happen. Your mother-" Even his voice wobbled a bit. "She went on and on about how she would love you no matter what. It didn't matter if you were born a girl, that you weren't good in school, that you made mistakes. I know she would have loved you forever, and she still does. And I will always love the best thing that has ever happened to me."
Ellie doesn't even realized she had also started crying until her father brushed away a tear. He tugged her into a tight hug, and held her as sobs wrecked her body.