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The squeak of rubber against polished hardwood was the only sound cutting through a beat looping for what might as well be the twentieth time.
The HYBE building never slept. Its practice room was lit by a dim light, despite it being well past midnight.
In the middle was Jungwon, whose eyes were glued to the mirror, focused not on his face, but on his left shoulder. Sharp, and agonisingly imperfect.
Practice ended hours ago, maybe around 7, but he didn’t take notice as he would be staying behind anyway. He didn’t usually lock himself in a room for eternity, really, he convinced himself that he wasn’t overworked. He just wants to refine a few moves and let his group have a nice comeback without him falling behind.
The song ends again with repeats of It’s a knife, only to start all over again. Jungwon grunted in frustration at one painfully simple move he couldn't get right. No matter how many times he tries, his shoulder just looks…off.
Get it together, a voice hisses in his head.
By the fifth or tenth replay, lyrics had mushed together and now he isn’t able to tell which is Korean and which is English that was echoing off the walls.
His reflection grew sloppy, legs not catching up to the beat quick enough.
Panic flared up in his chest. He wasn’t going to leave- couldn’t leave until he got it right.
Distant footsteps sounded from outside the room, quiet enough to escape Jungwon’s notice. They wouldn’t, if he wasn’t paying all his attention to his movements.
The door opened without any prior knocks. Jungwon turned his head slowly, hoping it would be a staff or the manager.
“Jungwon?” Screw that hope. Jungwon knew that voice.
Out of all the members, it had to be Jay. It just had to be Jay.
“Uhm…”
Jungwon stood still, fidgeting with the hem of his oversized shirt. He looked pointedly at the floor.
“It’s really late. You weren’t answering any of us.”
Jay turned off the music and walked over to him, spreading his arms as he pulled Jungwon in a hug. His hands found Jungwon’s waist and shoulder.
“You could’ve texted at least? I was worried something might’ve happened to you.” His fingers ran through Jungwon’s hair, briefly massaging his scalp.
“I didn’t mean to make you worry,” Jungwon replied. Guilt washed over him as he glanced at his phone, untouched since who knows when. He could’ve texted, at least.
“You’re tired. You didn’t have dinner, right?”
“I just skipped once,” Jungwon mumbled. “It’s not like I’m starving.”
Jay stepped back, frowning, and Jungwon looked at him, really looked. His eyes held a bit of exhaustion that might be from staying up, and god did Jungwon pray it wasn’t because of him. He was dressed in a white button-up, with a few buttons undone in a way that suggested he did them in a rush. Not that Jungwon was complaining. No one would complain at that sight. Jungwon was merely human.
“You’re hungry.”
Jungwon sighed. Suddenly, the idea of something warm and savory was impossible to resist.
“Is that how you talk to your hyung?” Jay feigned a scowl.
“Fine. I’m hungry. Happy?” Jungwon winced at his own words.
“I am too. Let’s…hm…go for a convenience store run.”
Jungwon shook his head. “It’s unhealthy.”
“Just once. If skipping a meal just once is okay, then this should be as well.”
Jungwon flinched. Great, now his logic was working against him. Jay noticed, and instead of making any further comment, he laced his fingers with the younger and pulled him towards the door.
“Ah- no, I said no,” Jungwon retorted, though the curve of his lips said otherwise.
“You don’t get to disobey your elders, Jungwonie.”
Jungwon pouted, legs dragging on the hardwood stubbornly. That only made Jay laugh.
“Aish, you’re so cute. Has anyone ever told you that?” He said.
“Fine, I’m going.” Jungwon ignored the compliment, desperately hoping his face wasn’t heating up. “Wait, my phone-”
“Already got it,” Jay held up Jungwon’s phone, when did he get that, with that stupidly charming smirk on his face. Jungwon hated himself for being charmed.
Jay led him outside the building. The cold breeze hit Jungwon’s skin, making him shiver.
“Did you walk here?” He asked.
“I took the bus. But we’re definitely walking back.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I’ll carry you if you get tired though,” Jay said sheepishly.
“You won’t have to. You don’t have to.” Jungwon turned away.
Jay laughed lightly. “I’m just saying, if you get tired, which, by the way, has a very high chance of happening. I think you’re already tired.”
Jungwon flushed. It’s not that he didn’t want to be carried. Hell, his feet were numb and his legs were aching, but it would not do good for his sanity if he were to be held by those arms and get a closer view of his biceps and maybe ask for a headlock and-
Jungwon cleared his throat in hopes it would clear his mind. Surely a cough, while fake, would eliminate these thoughts.
After five minutes or so, they ended up in a store near the dorm. The moment Jungwon stepped in, he shivered even more. Staff set air conditioners to around 16 degrees Celsius most places, which was…disadvantageous.
“I’m getting rice balls,” Jay declared.
Jungwon gave him an absent-minded nod.
“What are you getting?”
“Whatever you’re getting.” Jungwon shrugged.
“So I have to choose for you now?”
Jungwon nodded again, not finding the energy to say much.
“Is Jungwonie cold?” Jay’s breath somehow reached the back of his neck. Oh so now Jay was behind him. Funny, Jungwon swore Jay was just in front of him seconds ago.
“Don’t-!” Jungwon yelped when he felt Jay’s arms wrap around his torso, then he relaxed into the embrace.
“It’ll be quick,” Jay retraced his hands, reaching for his wallet.
Jungwon nodded. His neck was starting to hurt and he thought he could be getting a tad dizzier.
They sat at a small table Jungwon chose, though the reason for his choice wasn’t very secretive, seeing how far away the table was from the air conditioner humming from the ceiling.
Jay and Jungwon opened the wrappings carefully, avoiding the hot rice balls inside the seaweed.
“Mhm..it’s good,” Jungwon said.
“Anything is good when you’re hungry,” Jay snorted.
“Mean.”
“Am I? Sorryy,” He replied, stretching the “y” in a way that was certainly unnecessary.
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
The walk back to their dorms is nothing short of unpleasant for Jungwon. It’s not just the cold that’s pestering him anymore, it’s also the exhaustion in his legs and shoulder catching up with him.
Jungwon’s eyelids were becoming increasingly and alarmingly heavy with each passing second. He was sure that he wasn’t going to fall asleep mid-step or anything like that, but with Jay’s consistent offer to carry him, he might.
One, two.
One, two.
Jungwon figured the best way to stay steady was to count his footsteps.
“Jungwon, you look like you’re about to pass out,” Jay said, albeit there was more concern than teasing in his voice now. He saw how Jungwon’s walking was slowing down.
One, two.
“You’re seeing things. I’m just really tired.”
One, tw-
“You know carrying you from here won’t be much of a hassle, right?”
“What about you? Aren’t you tired too?” Jungwon cut in, knowing damn well he was deflecting.
“If you think this is a good way to refuse help, then you’re wrong.”
Jungwon bit his lip, partially to stop his teeth from clattering, mainly because he couldn’t find anything to say. He kept his gaze on the wet road underneath his feet, ignoring how his vision was blurring slightly.
“Jungwonie, look at me,” Jay called out, softer than before.
Jungwon tilted his chin, just enough to meet Jay’s eyes.
“It’s totally fine to…y’know.” Jay gestured vaguely with his hands.
“I get it,” Jungwon croaked.
“So can I?” Jay asked cautiously, noticing how Jungwon’s bottom lip wobbled.
Jungwon nodded.
That was all Jay needed before putting one of his hands on Jungwon’s neck and the other behind his knees. He lifted Jungwon with an ease that made Jungwon’s stomach do weird fluttery things.
“Just a couple of minutes. We’re almost there.” He whispered, feeling Jungwon go limp in his arms.
Jungwon didn’t register anything but the tenderness in Jay’s touch, the warmth of his whisper, much less what he was whispering. He didn’t need to know; whatever Jay said, it was for Jungwon and that’s all Jungwon could care about.
Ding dong! Ding dong!
Jay rang the doorbell once, twice, and before he could ring it a third time, the door opened to reveal a disheveled Heeseung.
“Why the hell can’t you open the door yourse- oh,” Heeseung trailed off when he saw their unmoving leader. “Is he asleep?”
Jay looked wary of the one in front of him. His face and ears were flushed a highly suggestive pink- Jay made a note to himself to ask him about that later.
“‘m not sleeping, just tired,” Jungwon said weakly, eyes still closed.
“Heeseungie, is Jungwon back?” A slurred voice- Jake’s - sounded from the living room.
“Yeah, Jay’s carrying him,” Heeseung yelled hoarsely.
“Hyung, he addressed you informally,” Jay’s eyes narrowed.
Heeseung laughed nervously.
“Ah- Hoon- shit-” Jake’s breathy whine echoed.
“..what happened while I was gone?” Kicking off his shoes, Jay stepped into the entryway, throwing one last glaring look at Heeseung. Heeseung merely scratched the back of his neck, suddenly finding a patch of empty air next to the shoe rack incredibly fascinating.
“We got bored. And, um, drank a little.”
Jay entered the living room and his jaw fucking dropped at the mess. Pillows were flung haphazardly across the floor, some remains of a snack that scattered on the table and a few empty bottles sat by the fridge.
The two people that should be cleaning up, because they obviously made the mess, were definitely not cleaning up. Jake was straddling Sunghoon on the couch, tongues shoved in each other’s mouths. Jake gripped Sunghoon’s shoulder while the other had one hand firm on Jake’s waist and the other hand running across the smooth expanse of skin exposed by Jake’s shorts-
Jay tore himself away from the sight so hard he nearly gave himself whiplash. He knew there was something odd about them, some underlying shift in their relationship he could never quite put his finger on, but he would’ve vastly preferred a method of clarification that wasn’t making out in the middle of their dorm.
“Sorry you had to see that, Jay-ah. Just…go to your room and let Jungwon rest. I’d rather not interrupt them,” Heeseung muttered in a hurried whisper.
“Sure,” Jay choked out, “Good night.”
(As soon as Jay shut his door, Heeseung immediately turned around and reclaimed his spot on the couch.)
“Jungwonie, I think you need to shower,” Jay nudged Jungwon lightly.
Jungwon stirred, blinking up at Jay, then gave away a small yawn.
“You’re gonna get the bed dirty if you don’t.”
“Fine. And you’ll be responsible if I collapse in the bathroom.”
“C’mon. Hurry up, I need to shower too.”
Jungwon paused, his sleep-deprived brain whirring for a split second as he looked from Jay, to the bathroom door, and back again. A lazy, slightly mischievous tilt curled the corner of his lips. “Why don’t we just shower together?”
Jay froze, staring down at him as if he’d grown a third head, five antlers, twenty four eyes and a neon green nose.
Jungwon shrugged, not waiting for a response when he shuffled past Jay and grabbed a towel. He made his way to the bathroom door, leaning on it while he looked at Jay expectantly.
“We’re both boys, it’s fine. Isn’t that what you told Jake and Sunghoon in I-Land?”
Jay’s eyes went so wide they nearly flew out of their sockets. “How- How..”
Jungwon gave him a sheepish grin. “I watch things. Engenes are…very good at making memes.”
Jay stood paralyzed for another three seconds as he tried to figure out when and why Jungwon had been digging through old 2020 clip compilations. But before he could formulate a coherent defense, Jungwon had already turned around and vanished inside.
Sighing heavily, Jay dragged a hand over his face and followed him into the cramped space, locking the door behind them.
Jungwon was already peeling off his clothes while Jay could only stand there, gaze fixated on his small figure.
“Don’t look at me, do your own thing,” Jungwon muttered.
“Right- right, sorry.”
“Share,” Jay grumbled.
Jungwon sighed as the hot water hit his skin. He didn’t bother leaving any space for Jay, who was currently freezing outside the glass shower box.
“I am sharing,” He replied.
Jay pushed Jungwon aside to take the water for himself. “You’ve had enough.”
To say it was awkward would be an understatement.
Both of them had their backs facing each other. The only thing heard was the sound of lathering soap and…
“Hyung, turn on the water.”
“Which towel is yours?”
“Both of them are mine,” Jay grumbled without any real heat in it. “Just use it, I don’t mind.”
Jungwon wrapped the stolen towel around his waist, not feeling even a shred of remorse as he padded out of the steaming bathroom. He was so thoroughly exhausted that his feet felt like lead weights against the cool floorboards of their bedroom.
He didn’t even bother pulling the duvet back properly. Jungwon simply collapsed face-first across the mattress, his limbs sprawling horizontally over the sheets. He was half-convinced that if he closed his eyes for more than three seconds, his consciousness would completely leave his body.
A minute later, the bedroom door clicked open again. Jay walked in, wearing a pair of loose gray sweatpants and drying his damp hair with his remaining towel. He paused at the edge of the bed, staring down at the limp, unmoving heap that was their leader.
"Jungwonie, get under the blanket properly or you're going to catch a cold."
A muffled groan was the only response he got from the pillow.
Jay sighed, a soft, defeated smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He tossed his towel onto a nearby chair, climbed onto the mattress, and grabbed Jungwon by the waist. With a gentle, practiced hoist, he dragged Jungwon’s heavy, dead-weight body up the bed until his head was finally resting on a real pillow.
“You’re warm,” Jungwon buried his face in his chest.
“Right. And you’re gonna use me as your heater,” Jay muttered, feeling Jungwon pull him closer.
Jungwon let out a content sigh. “Just sleep. I don’t have any energy left.”
Jay pressed a soft kiss to Jungwon’s forehead.
“‘Kay. Good night.”
“G’night.” Jungwon mumbled, his eyes already shut.
Just as Jay was about to drift into dreamland, his door burst open. The loud noise made Jungwon flinch, making Jay instinctively shield him away.
What the fuck, he thought.
Jake walked in, clearly drunk, followed by an equally-drunk Heeseung, whose hand was on Jake’s waist for a suspicious amount of time.
“Wait- Hee, this isn’t my room,” He whined when he saw Jay on the bed. Jake quickly turned around, heading for the exit. He yanked Heeseung’s sleeve, motioning him to follow.
“Why exactly would Heeseung-hyung be following you to your room?” Jay noticed that Heeseung’s shirt was worn inside-out and he was only in his boxers. He closed his eyes to protect his vision.
“Here, Jake’s room is over here,” Sunghoon’s muffled voice came from afar.
Heeseung dragged Jake outside by the waist, not bothering to apologise for their intrusion. Jay had half a mind to leave his bed, crash Jake’s room and demand answers, but the idea left him completely when Jungwon tugged his collar lightly.
“What did they want?” He said in a small voice.
“Nothing, Jungwonie.”
“Are you going to leave me in my room once I fall asleep?”
Jay paused.
“No, you’ll still see me when you wake up.”
“Promise me?” Jungwon asked.
Before Jay could reply, however, he heard a small snore from the younger that told him he was out like a light.
Jay looked down. It was a horrible decision, because now his gaze was stuck to Jungwon.
With his face softened by sleep, a faint pout lingered on his lips. His thumb moved automatically to brush a stray strand of hair away from Jungwon's forehead.
He knew Jungwon was sleeping. He knew Jungwon wasn’t going to register it. He knew Jungwon wouldn’t even hear it but-
“Of course.”