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All in all, it’s been one of Chris’ better summers.
If he had to pick the worst ones, he’d probably go with the one where his dad was recovering from the shooting, the one where he was in Texas, and the one after Bobby died. This one, coming after the horrific double whammy that were the last two, is definitely ranking much higher.
Chris, the can’t catch a break teenager that he is, has still been through a lot this year. His bisabuela’s death rocked their little household, but he and his dad grieved together and faced Chris’ grandparents as a united front at the funeral. It also didn’t help that his dad got stalked, stabbed, in a car crash, and stabbed again, but he thinks both him and Dad would agree this summer is probably the closest thing to a break they’ve caught in some time.
The summer would’ve been good enough if it was like the others. Just Chris, his dad and Buck going on day trips or lounging around in the house, his dad making him do his summer homework and check out at least two books each trip to the library while Buck baked three dozen muffins in their oven and insisted on driving Dad to work in Dad’s car.
Their summers have always been peaceful, calm, a routine Chris is used to and loves even as each year passes without his dad and Buck getting together. And while the acquisition of an energetic four year old who seems physically incapable of sitting still did introduce some complications, Chris found that it mostly just made the summer even better.
Theo is a great kid. Chris doesn’t mind his demeanor that much, because what’s more important about Theo is that he’s kind and always willing to learn, catching on quickly to Buck and Dad telling him that when playing with Chris he’d have to adjust his speed. Chris never met Theo’s parents, but Buck tells Chris they were some of the best people he knew, and Chris can see that fully reflected in Theo. There’s a lot of Buck in him too, and the more Theo follows Chris’ dad around like a baby duckling, that same look of blatantly enamored awe in his eyes that Buck gets, the more Eddie he absorbs as well.
So this little Buck–Eddie amalgamation follows Chris around all summer, because he’s the one babysitting when Buck and Dad are at work, and Chris finds that he doesn’t mind at all. It feels less like babysitting and more like big–brother–ing, anyway, and Theo has decided that Chris is the coolest person to ever walk this Earth, which is certainly a bonus. So now Chris spends his summer doing his SAT prep without being asked, spending his study breaks cutting up fruit slices for Theo and sitting down on the floor to play firetrucks or legos or whatever specific game Theo’s into at the moment, and letting Theo wear his hand–me–downs and copy his every move because hey, a kid’s gotta get his ego fed.
On one of these particular summer days, Buck and Dad are at work with the promise of a home cooked dinner from Buck (with Dad “helping” by keeping Buck company), when they get back from shift. Chris has abandoned SAT prep for the day because he’s tired, and is instead heating up the lunch Buck made for them last night while Theo sits in one of Chris’ flannels, which practically drowns him, and builds one of Chris’ old legos. He’s building it incorrectly, mind you, slapping pieces together every which way. Chris plates the mashed potatoes and green beans, practically mush because it’s the only way Theo will eat his vegetables, grabs his own turkey sandwich and joins Theo on the couch.
“What are you making?”
Theo looks up at him. “A house.”
On the “ou” of house, Chris shoves a spoon of mashed potato into his mouth. Theo barely notices, swallowing around it and trying to fit two incompatible blocks together.
Chris studies the “house.” It’s more of a pile, really.
“I see,” Chris says. “Do you want some help?”
“No thanks!” Theo replies. Chris feeds him another bite. Buck has been trying to get Theo to eat by himself, but Chris’ dad has been so enamored with babying Theo that they’ve decided to let it slide for a little longer. Besides, Chris has learned all the tricks to feeding a toddler, which he mostly learned from his Aunt Maddie and Uncle Chimney. His dad, as much as Chris adores him, has been mostly learning how to deal with toddlers alongside Chris and Buck. Not that Chris holds much resentment anymore, they’ve moved on. Besides, seeing his usually so good with kids dad flounder a bit around Theo has been entertaining.
Theo keeps building for a little longer, and Chris takes the rare moment of peace as an opportunity to feed a distracted Theo as much of his green beans as he can. Five minutes later Chris is halfway through the mashed potatoes when Theo decides he’s done with the legos. He jumps off the couch, and Chris expects him to start running around or doing something else equally high energy. Instead, Theo wraps his arms around Chris’ legs and props his head in Chris’ lap, which Chris has come to know means he has a question.
“Chris?” Theo asks. Chris moves a hand to Theo’s head to pet his curls.
“Yes, Theo?”
“Is your Eddie married?”
Chris blinks. Heavy–handed question, that one. If you asked Chris, he’d say in all ways but legally. He’s not sure there’s an easy way to explain that to Theo, though.
“He used to be,” Chris tells him instead. “To my mom. But she went away.”
Theo frowns. “Like my mommy?”
“Yeah.” Chris’ heart squeezes. “Like your mommy.”
“I miss my mommy,” Theo says, matter–of–factly in the way kids do. “And my Daddy.” Before Chris can answer, he continues. “My Buck isn’t married, either.”
He stumbles on either, coming out more like ei–ver. Chris huffs a laugh.
“I know, Theo. Do you want him to be?”
“Dunno,” Theo shrugs. “My mommy and daddy were married.”
“Yeah?” Chris asks, even though he knows this. He pries a little more, hoping to remind Theo of some fond memories of his parents. “Did they make each other happy?”
Theo nods, smiling wide as he recalls them. “Super happy!”
Chris thinks back to his very limited time with both his mom and dad together. One of his favorite memories is from that very short period when they were back together, before she died. Chris had made them both macaroni necklaces, and they’d helped each other put them on. Made eye contact, smiled and laughed. Gathered Chris up in their arms.
Chris aches. He wishes both he and Theo could’ve had longer.
But they’ve made a new little family, with their Buck and their Eddie, and for Chris it’s become enough. It’s become one of the greatest parts of his life, to have the love of two people with the biggest hearts he knows. He hopes one day it will be the same for Theo.
“Marriage should make people happy,” Chris tells Theo. “I’m glad your parents were. I’m sure your Buck and Eddie will find that, too.”
They already have, Chris omits. That’s for Theo to realize on his own time.
What Chris doesn’t know is that Theo is going to realize it sooner than Chris thought. And by sooner, Chris means that very evening, when the front door unlocks.
Chris hears the voices arguing behind the door before the key even makes it to the keyhole. Theo’s down for a nap, so Chris has been playing video games on the couch. He takes one side of his headphones off his ears at the sound, and listens closely to what sounds like Buck giving Dad some kind of scolding. He can practically hear his Dad’s eyeroll.
The click of the door opening gets Chris to push his headphones fully down to his neck, mostly because he’s intrigued about whatever they’re arguing about. He catches the tail end of it as Buck steps through the door, one arm slung around a very disgruntled looking Dad, who seems like he’s trying very hard to pretend he’s not mostly being held up by his best friend. Chris frowns when he notices his Dad’s hand clutching his side.
“--It’s not nothing, Eddie, you clearly can’t walk!”
“I’m fine, Buck, it’s not even an actual injury.”
“Then why are you leaning your entire weight on me right now?”
“Because you made me!”
“So if I let you go right now, you could stand up on your own?”
“Yeah!”
“Okay, fine! I’ll do it!”
“GUYS,” Chris interrupts, before Buck actually does it and Dad exacerbates whatever injury he has out of spite trying to stay stranding. “What happened?”
Dad looks over at Chris, his entire demeanor softening. Buck’s does, too, and they both hobble over to the couch and sit down. “Hey, Chris. How was your day?”
“It was fine,” Chris says. “Just hung out with Theo.”
“Thank you so much for babysitting,” Buck tells Chris, ruffling his hair. “You’re the best kid in the world, you know that?”
“I do,” Chris says, smug. “Dad, what happened to you?”
Dad sighs, long–suffering. “Nothing happened. I’m fine.”
“His injury,” Buck says with a very pointed stare at Dad, “from being stabbed in the gut, acted up during a call. He’s been having pain since then, but he won’t admit it.”
“Dad,” Chris says. His dad looks at him, some of the resolve in his eyes leaving. It used to be the opposite way when Chris was younger, where his presence made his dad feel like he had to be even stronger. Chris is glad it’s different now, that his dad is willing to let Chris take maybe 0.05% of the load instead of 0% of it. Chris will take what he can get.
“It’s fine, Chris, really,” Dad says. Chris takes everything he just said back.
“ˆDad,” Chris says again. “Go rest. Ice it and take a nap.”
“I was telling him to do that the whole car ride home,” Buck says. “He’s being very stubborn. You have to take care of yourself, Eddie. Think of the children.”
Speaking of the children, the second one chooses this very opportune time to wake up from his nap. The door bangs open into the wall, and a newly refreshed Theo comes bounding out of the hallway. “BUCK!” He yells, even though everybody is right there. “EDDIE!”
Theo jumps right into Buck’s arms, and Buck lifts him up with a little I gotcha! and bounces him a little. “Hey, buddy! Did you have a fun day with Chris?”
“Yeah,” Theo says, wiggling a bit. Buck puts him down between Buck and Dad, and Theo gets even more wiggly when he sees Dad. “Eddie! Hi Eddie!”
“Hey, bud,” Dad says, booping Theo’s nose. Theo giggles and reaches out to boop him back, a routine they’ve started that reminds Chris of the way his Dad used to curl his finger around Chris’ cowlick when he was little. “Were you good for Chris?”
“Yes,” Theo says, sitting up straight. “Super good.”
“He was,” Chris agrees. “Theo, can you be even more good and tell Eddie to get some rest? He’s not feeling well.”
“Chris, come on,” Dad says. “Don’t use Theo like that.”
“No, no,” Buck says, predictably. He hoists Theo up by the armpits in the way Theo loves, shoving him in front of Dad. “Theo, tell your Eddie to feel better and rest.”
Theo shrieks with laughter, kicking his little feet in the air, but upon hearing that Dad is hurt, he quiets down immediately. “Uh oh,” he says astutely. “Where does it hurt?”
Buck deposits Theo in Dad’s lap, where he begins his investigations. He presses his fingers softly over Dad’s T-shirt. Dad guides Theo’s fingers to the spot right above his stab wound. “It’s just a little ouchie,” Dad tells him. “Nothing to worry about.”
“I took a nap,” Theo informs Dad. “Now it can be your turn!”
Buck smiles, triumphant. “Yeah, Eddie. It’s your turn.”
Chris nods emphatically, and watches his Dad’s resolve crumble entirely in real time, the force of three identical sets of puppy eyes wearing him down. Dad sighs, leaning back against the couch. “Fine,” he says, the most upset guy ever in the history of the world at the prospect of resting. “I’ll take a nap. Let me eat something first though, okay?”
Dad moves to get off the couch, but Buck is stopping him immediately, with one of those a –bup–bup–bup sounds. “I will get you something to eat,” Buck says. He gets up off the couch and Theo follows him curiously. Chris stays with his dad, who watches Chris play a round of his game on the TV as Buck and Theo putter around the kitchen. Buck and Theo come back a few minutes later with some yogurt, cut up fruits, and one of Buck’s muffins, all of which Dad takes happily. He smiles to himself as he eats, and Chris watches the way Buck lights up from the inside out at Dad’s reaction. Theo worms his way into Buck’s lap, observing Dad with the same careful, adoring eyes.
One thing Chris has gotten familiar with in the weeks he’s spent with Theo is the look on his face when he’s forming a thought. Chris sees it now as his Dad finishes his food so Buck helps him off the couch, pulling Dad close as they walk down the hall to Buck’s room, because, and Chris is serious about this, they’ve been sharing a bed whenever one of them crashes at the other’s place. As their figures get blurrier down the hall, Chris watches as his Dad relaxes just a bit, his body melting into Buck’s side, head tucking itself into Buck’s shoulder. If Chris squints really closely, he could even swear he sees Buck’s mouth fluttering over the top of Dad’s head.
The door to Buck’s room closes. Chris leans into the couch, heart warm.
“CHRIS!” Theo yells right into his ear. Chris jumps, Theo’s sitting back on the couch next to him now, face very close to Chris’ ear.
“Yes, Theo?” Chris asks. Theo fidgets next to him, so Chris reaches over the arm of the couch for the basket of fidget toys they keep on the table next to the couch and hands Theo something that resembles a big red squishy ball. It’s Theo’s favorite; he’d won it with Chris’ dad at the arcade when Dad was on leave after being stabbed. Nobody is sure why he likes it so much, but he does seem to be a big fan of the color red overall, as evidenced by the balloon on electrical tower incident.
“I think I know a secret,” Theo says, voice now softened to a whisper.
“Oh, you do?” Theo beckons him forward, so Chris makes a big show of leaning towards him. Theo is a really bad whisperer, but it’s the gesture that matters.
“Buck and Eddie make each other happy,” Theo whispers. “They’re married.”
Theo says it with all the certainty in the world, as if he can’t imagine it any other way. Chris tries and fails to tamp down his smile.
“You think so?”
Theo nods. “Buck makes sure Eddie is okay and Eddie makes Buck smile. Like mommy and daddy. So Buck and Eddie are married too!”
Chris can’t lie. It’s sound logic.
“Do you wanna know another secret?” Chris asks. Theo nods so hard Chirs starts to worry about his head falling off, so Chris tells him. “I think they’re married too.”
Theo giggles until his laughter becomes so loud he can’t contain it physically, and he starts running up and down the couch. Chris lets him, because he’s not the kid’s parent, and sure enough Buck hears the noise and starts scrambling down the hallway, frantic.
“Theo!” Buck whisper-yells, skidding to a stop in the living room. “No feet on the couch!”
“Okay!” Theo says, shooting his feet out from under him and landing with a big bounce on the couch. Chris bounces with it. Buck gives Chris a long–suffering look, and Chris just shrugs. He’s happy to help out, but he likes to pick and choose his battles.
Buck sits on Theo’s other side, letting Theo lean into his side and squish his ball. He’s still giggling a bit, although it’s fading out, and Buck turns to Chris, confused.
“What’s got Theo being a little giggle monster?”
“I’m not a giggle monster!” Theo pipes up.
“Yes you are!” Buck says back, tickling Theo’s side. “You almost woke up Eddie!”
Theo immediately shuts up at that, covering his mouth with his hands. His eyes go wide and guilty. “Sorry, Eddie,” he whispers, even though Eddie’s not here.
“It’s okay, bud,” Buck promises. “Just remember to be respectful next time. Now why don’t you quietly tell me what all that giggling was about? Chris, what did you say?”
“Nothing,” Chris lies, looking straight into Buck’s eyes.
“Chris,” Buck says, in his warning tone that has never been intimidating in the least. It is starting to work on Theo, though, who straightens up, looking at Buck with big eyes.
“I can’t tell you,” Theo says, very seriously. “Chris said it’s a secret..”
“So Chris did say something!” Buck looks triumphantly at him. Chris sighs.
Here’s the thing about secrets: Chris knows one. Chris, for about a month now, has known that his Dad is gay and in love with Buck. He’d come out to Chris on a quiet evening before their usual movie night. He’d been wondering about it for some time now, but finally realized when he got stabbed. Almost dying for the millionth time really makes a guy think, he’d said. So Chris had hugged him and told him how proud he was, and didn’t add that he’s known for years. He’s just happy his Dad is a bit lighter now.
Dad came out to Buck about a week later. Buck, unlike Chris, was thoroughly surprised by this news. He recovered fast, of course, telling Dad how proud he was as well, and after that life went by relatively normally except that the amount of clinginess and physical affection between Buck and Dad went up by a significant percent. And sometimes Buck’s eyes would track Dad across the room with something so disgustingly loving in them that Chris feels the need to look away. But other than that, nothing much has changed.
Dad still hasn’t told Buck the other half of the secret, the half that Chris knows. He thinks it would be too much now, with Theo. Chris had privately disagreed, but he long ago decided to let things play out with Buck and Dad on their own time. They’ll make it one day. However, Chris thinks the addition of Theo seems to actually be moving things along, because now here Theo is, already convinced that Buck and Dad are married.
Chris takes a moment to consider. He’d had a plan, this whole time, to let them be. But maybe, with his Dad finally out, with Theo unable to keep a secret for longer than 72 hours (they’d timed this once), maybe it’s okay if plans get messed up sometimes. Maybe, Chris thinks, this plan would change things for the better. It’s about time they push the final catalyst into place and knock some sense into Evan “Eddie’s a renter and he’s straight” Buckley. Yeah, Chris heard about that one from his favorite Aunt Maddie.
“Okay, Theo,” Chris grins. “Go ahead. Tell Buck the secret.”
Theo’s eyes widen, fists curling in one of his physical expressions of joy. Buck looks between the two, a healthy dose of fear in his eyes. “Am I ready to hear this?”
Chris answers honestly, “I’m not sure.” Pats Buck’s shoulder in support.
Theo beckons with his hands for Buck to come forward, so Buck does the same thing Chris did and leans forward so Theo can whisper in his ear. But, like Chris said, Theo is an awful whisperer, so Chris hears loud and clear when Theo says, “You and Eddie are married!”
Chris also hears loud and clear when Buck starts choking on air. He slaps his hand to his mouth immediately, and his loud coughing has Theo erupting into even more giggles. Chris reaches over to cover Theo’s mouth, shushing them both loudly. His Dad is sleeping.
Buck looks at Chris apologetically as his choking dies down. Chris reaches around Theo to give Buck a gentle slap on the back, because he’s nothing if not supportive. When Buck is finally finished coughing, he looks incredulously at Chris and Theo.
“Theo, bud,” Buck starts. “Uh, Eddie and I aren’t married.”
Theo frowns, looking at Chris like his favorite teddy bear (aptly named Teddy, adorned with a little firefighter’s hat and named as such partially because it rhymes with Eddie) got torn up by the garbage disposal. Which did happen to one of Chris’ stuffed animals when he was a baby, but he doesn’t blame his parents. He was being raised by kids themselves, after all. Chris knows Mom and Dad tore up the Target trying to find a replacement; it’s a story Dad tells him every year on Mom’s birthday.
Anyway. Chris disgresses. Theo’s world has just been shattered.
“But you said that Buck and Eddie are married!”
“Correction.” Chris holds a finger up. “I said I think Buck and Eddie are married. They aren’t actually married, Theo. Otherwise they’d probably live together.”
Theo frowns even harder, swiveling his head around the room. “You and Eddie don’t live here?”
Buck laughs, a little nervous. “Uh, no, Theo. I know Eddie and Chris are around a lot, but they don’t live here. They live in their own house. You’ve been there, remember?”
“No.” Theo crosses his arms. Chris snickers. He can’t say he’s not enjoying this.
Buck also swivels his head around the room, like a big lost puppy. Chris starts to feel a little sympathy for both Buckley boys, and decides it’s time to put Buck out of his misery.
“Earlier,” Chris explains, “Theo made the very smart observation that you and Eddie act married. So I told him that I think you guys are basically married. Which Theo took to mean that you actually are married. It’s not my fault he put two and two together.”
Buck looks vaguely distressed. “There is no two and two to put together!”
“Two Buckleys, two Diazes.” Chris brings his hands up and pushes them together, lacing the fingers. “Two and two makes a beautiful marriage.”
“There is no marriage,” Buck argues.
“Yet,” Chris says back.
“What do you mean, yet?”
Theo picks this time to add his own opinion. “Buck loves Eddie!”
Buck, once again, chokes on air. “Wha–I do not.”
Theo’s eyes immediately begin to water, turning huge and big. “You don’t love Eddie?”
“No!” Buck flails his arms around. “No, of course I do! I love Eddie!”
“Then you should marry him!” Theo announces, with all the certainty in the world.
Buck looks at Chris for help. Chris shrugs.
“Don’t look at me. I think you should’ve proposed years ago.”
“Okay,” Buck says, “I’m officially lost.”
Look, Chris isn’t dumb. He’s far from it, actually. He has a 3.9 GPA and the only reason it’s not a 4.0 is because AP Euro is harder than he’d thought. It didn’t take him very long as a preteen to realize there was something going on between his Dad and his Dad’s best friend. In all their years together, since Chris was four, he’s never seen his Dad let his guard down to anyone. Eddie Diaz is a carefully guarded fortress, and not even Abuela or Aunt Pepa were allowed in. Least of all Chris, the one person who Dad thought he had to stay strong for the most.
And then there was Buck.
Buck, who drove Dad places when he needed to see Chris, or Abuela. Buck, who took care of Chris when Dad was at work and Buck was off. Buck, who fought for Dad when he was trapped underground, or shot by a sniper, or taking a baseball bat to the crevices of his own mind. Buck, who’s been there for Chris longer than he hasn’t. Buck, the one person Dad can open up to without any fear. Without any hesitation. Chris knows Buck is the person Eddie trusts most with Chris, and Chris trusts Buck with everything he has.
Chris doesn’t trust his Dad with a lot of people. He barely trusts his Dad with anyone, especially after spending half a year in Texas around the people who raised him. Chris knows his Dad is someone who deserves love, deserves someone to drape a blanket around his shoulders and make him soup when he’s sick. His Dad deserves that great, once in a lifetime fairytale type of love, and Chris is far from the kid who once believed that’s what he had with his Mom. What his parents had was something else altogether, an easy childhood love broken apart by growing up. What Chris’ dad deserves now, is what he has with Buck.
Someone willing to dig into the Earth to get back to him. Someone who puts themselves under what once crushed them to pull him to safety. Who can bring him out of the corner he’s trapped himself in, who can gently tear down his facade. Who looks at him like he’s brought the moon down and hung it above the fireplace. Who now has that same look reflected in the eyes of a child, that same love in the upturn of his smile. Theo follows Dad’s sun like a little star, the way Chris has since he was small. Chris has spent eight years watching his Dad be loved like that, with the quiet intensity Buck’s always burned with.
Buck is the person Chris trusts most with his Dad. And it’s about time, Chris thinks, that his Dad is loved the way Buck does it best: loud.
So when Chris makes his decision, it’s very educated. It’s based entirely on what he believes—what he knows—is best for both his dad and his Buck. Because Buck deserves the type of love Dad gives him, too. Beneath all the entertainment Chris gets out of watching the two dance and fumble around each other, Chris just wants them both to be happy.
“Theo’s not wrong, Buck,” Chris tells him. “I know he’s four, but he’s very observant. He picked up on something I’ve known for years: you and Dad love each other.”
“Well, yeah,” Buck says, frowning. “Of course we do. We’re best friends.”
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. You love each other a lot like married people do.”
Buck laughs, a little nervous. “I’m not sure about that–”
“You tucked Eddie into bed,” Theo interrupts. “Daddy tucks Mommy into bed.”
A pained look crosses Buck’s face at the mention of Connor and Kameron, the way Theo still refers to them in the present tense. Behind Theo’s back, Chris reaches out and gives Buck’s arm a squeeze. Buck flashes him a grateful smile.
“Your Daddy loves your Mommy lots,” Buck agrees.
Theo nods. “And you love Eddie a lot. Just like that.”
Chris has got to hand it to him. Theo has some extremely sound logic.
Buck looks between Chris and Theo, conflicted. “So you’re saying…that Theo thinks I love Eddie the way Connor loved Kameron? And you agree?”
“Well,” Chris says. “I never knew Connor and Kameron. But I see the way you look at my Dad. To me, it looks like you also love him the way your sister loves Chimney.”
Buck is silent for a moment. Chris lets him ponder. Theo fiddles with his sleeve.
“Okay.” Buck takes a deep breath in. Exhales. “So I think I’m in love with Eddie.”
Chris raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You think?”
“No, no.” Buck shakes his head. “No, I know. You’re right. I love Eddie.”
Theo’s face lights up. He does his happy wiggles, claps his hands and cheers.
“Now you have to ask Eddie to marry you!”
Buck stares at Chris with an expression that clearly states HELP.
“You don’t have to ask Eddie to marry you,” Chris says. “Maybe ask him out?”
Buck’s eyes widen. “On a date?”
“Yes, Buck.”
“How do you know Eddie will even say yes? What if he says no?”
Chris thinks about the way Dad’s eyes turn to literal hearts whenever he sees Buck. “No, I don’t really think that’s in the realm of possibility.”
Buck squirms in his seat. Much like Theo does. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” Chris says. “Tell Dad you love him, Buck. He loves you too.”
Something shifts in Buck, then. Chris can tell when it happens, because his eyes light up a little. It swells in his irises—a spark of hope that has Chris biting back a smile. Confidence replaces insecurity, determination replaces hesitation. And then Buck is sitting up straighter, clapping his hands together, giving Chris and Theo a big grin.
“Okay,” Buck says, sounding a little breathless. “I’ll ask Eddie out.”
“What does that mean?” Theo pipes up.
“It means,” Chris explains, “Buck is going to tell Eddie that he loves him.”
“Ohhhh,” Theo nods, very seriously. “Can I help?”
Chris watches Buck melt, eyes gooey with fondness for Theo. “Of course, buddy.”
Theo puts his fists to his mouth, a gesture Chris knows means he can barely contain his excitement. Chris eyes the bedroom door down the hallway—still closed.
“You have until Dad wakes up,” Chris tells Buck. “You think that’ll be another hour?”
“Probably, he never naps that long—wait, why do I only have until then?”
“Buck, please,” Chris gives him a look. “You won’t be able to keep it in any longer.”
Theo giggles. “Buck is soooo bad at secrets!”
“This is true,” Chris agrees. He especially can’t lie to Dad. One time he finished the last of Dad’s favorite creamy peanut butter and didn’t even last until he went to the grocery store a half hour later before confessing to it. Dad had been very amused.
A bit of the confidence fades from Buck’s eyes at the news of his impending time limit. He sinks back into the couch, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.
“I don’t think I know how to do this,” Buck admits. “This isn’t me asking out some random person, you know? It’s Eddie. He’s special. I have to make it special.”
“I think just the fact that it’s you will make it special,” Chris says, honestly. “But if you need help, we’re here to help you. Theo, any ideas on what Buck should do for Eddie?”
Theo puts his finger to his chin, tapping it a couple times in a very endearing gesture of thinking. Buck and Chris meet each other’s eyes with that classic he’s so cute gaze.
“I know!” Theo exclaims, after a moment. “We need to get Eddie flowers!”
Flowers. Chris thinks about it, and decides it’s surprisingly perfect. In the last few weeks, Theo has taken to picking flowers from the garden in Buck’s backyard that he and Chris have been maintaining. They’ve been planting every flower from roses to daisies, and Theo has been having the time of his life making them into haphazard flower crowns for Chris, Buck, and Dad. Dad in particular always loves receiving them, his cheeks turning a little pink as he lets Theo place it on his head. He’ll carefully adjust it so it fits properly, and Buck will tell him he looks just like a princess. Then Dad’s cheeks will get even pinker.
If Chris reflects on his childhood, in all the years he’s known his Dad, one thing always rings true: his dad feels incredibly bound to the role he thinks he needs to play. He’s relegated himself to a character who doesn’t get things like flowers. Who doesn’t get asked out, but does the asking out. Who opens doors for people and pays on every date. And Chris knows he would do the same for Buck, but with Buck, it wouldn’t have to be every time.
Besides, Chris knows his Dad loves flowers. Once a few years ago, Buck had gotten Dad some. He’d come back from the grocery store holding a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand. He’d been dating his old girlfriend Natalia at the time, Chris remembers because Dad had assumed they were for her. Buck had shaken his head, handing them to Dad.
“They reminded me of you,” Buck had said, voice confident and casual as if this was a totally platonic thing to do for your best friend. Chris had smiled into his algebra homework.
And Dad? His cheeks had turned pink. He’d grabbed the bouquet, turning it over in his hands, a private little smile gracing his face. Soft, happy, and painfully surprised.
“Thank you, Buck,” Dad had replied. “They’re beautiful.”
And Buck had stammered out an answer, his own cheeks turning beet red, and proceeded to take another three years to realize he was in love with Eddie.
Back in the present, Buck seems to be reliving the same memory, because his face turns a little pink, before he snaps his fingers. “Of course! Theo, that’s perfect!”
“Nice job, Theo,” Chris adds, ruffling Theo’s hair. Theo gives them both a shy little smile, before sliding off the couch and heading for the backyard. He stops in front of the sliding glass doors, knowing he’s not allowed to open them himself, and looks at Buck.
“Can I go pick them for Eddie?” Theo asks. “Please?”
“I can make a paper wrap for them,” Chris offers. “So it’s from all of us.”
Buck’s eyes practically dance, the way they do whenever Chris or Theo says something he thinks is cute. The nonchalant teenager part of Chris begs to take over, and when Buck reaches out to tuck Chris into a hug, he pretends to move away. Buck’s arms reach him anyway, and Chris decides to give in and let himself be hugged.
“You’re the sweetest, Chris.” Buck kisses the top of his head. “Just like your Dad.”
Chris can’t help but smile at that. His dad is pretty sweet.
“And you can pick some flowers for Eddie,” Buck says to Theo. He lets go of Chris and walks over to the backyard doors to open them for Theo, who bounds out into the garden immediately. Buck sits back down on the couch, keeping an eye on Theo, who’s immediately rushed out to the daisies. Normally, Buck and Chris will cut the flowers with proper shears, but they always plant a couple boxes with the express purpose of letting Theo pull them out with his hands. That’s what he does now, returning to the patio every few minutes to put his collection down. Buck picks them up and brings them inside, carefully washing off the dirt in the sink.
Chris busies himself with making the promised paper wrap. He sits at the kitchen table and they both watch Theo out of the window. Chris cuts and folds brown paper, and he thinks about how this was not how he expected today to go.
“Hey, Buck?”
Buck turns to Chris, shutting the sink water off. “Yeah, bud?”
“How did you realize you’re in love with Dad?”
Buck places the latest batch of flowers on the counter. “You mean just now?”
“Yeah,” Chris says. Paper crinkles in his hands. “I know me and Theo kind of threw it at you, the idea of you and Dad, and you seemed confused at first. But you changed your mind really quickly. I was just curious what made you finally realize how you felt.”
Buck huffs a laugh. “Would you believe me if I said it was a split-second realization?”
“Yeah,” Chris says. “I know your brain moves fast.”
Buck walks over the kitchen table where Chris is sitting. He pulls out the chair next to Chris and sits down, his eyes tracking Theo as he runs across the backyard. Buck gets that look in his eyes that he always gets when he and Chris are going to have a serious talk, and Chris has the acute realization that it’s always been this way between them. Buck never treated Chris like a baby, he was always there to have the hard talks with him. He always, for lack of a better phrase, kept it real. That’s one of the reasons Chris loves him so much. And now here they are, with Chris much older, still having the important conversations.
“I think I’ve always loved your dad,” Buck tells Chris. “But I never really allowed myself to entertain the idea of being with him. I just shoved those feelings into a box and threw the key away. And when he came out–I knew something shifted, but I’d–I’d lost the box. But then you and Theo said what you said, and it was like you guys crawled into the attic and found the box, and I was finally able to open it and–wait, I said I threw away the keys, didn’t I? Okay, I bashed it in with a hammer, I guess, and the box opened. And all my feelings for Eddie spilled out onto the ground, and—okay. I’ve lost the metaphor.”
Buck looks at Chris, appropriately sheepish, before they both dissolve into laughter. All at once, Chris feels seven years old again.
“In other words,” Buck says when he’s finished laughing. “Even after Eddie came out, my mind never quite comprehended that being with him was an option. You and Theo putting it into words made it impossible to deny, I guess.”
Buck takes a deep breath in, and then holds his hands out on the table, palms up. Unsure, Chris slowly lifts up his own hands. When Buck nods, Chris places his in Buck’s.
“Chris,” Buck says voice serious. “I love your dad. And I know how much you love your dad. So I need you to know that I’m–I’m gonna be good to him. I swear.”
Embarrassingly, Chris feels tears welling up in his eyes. He’s never needed Buck to say anything like this to Chris, because Buck’s been good to Chris’ dad since the day they met, but hearing it aloud feels important nonetheless. It makes something that writhed in his Chris’ heart since the day he left for Texas go quiet for a moment. He regretted leaving Dad the moment he walked out the door, but he couldn’t turn back. Instead, his heart just screamed a silent prayer, let him be okay without me. And even after coming home, that part of Chris has still worried about his dad. But now, Buck puts it into words, and Chris can rest.
His Dad has his Buck, just like Chris and Theo have their Buck. He’ll be okay.
Chris squeezes Buck’s hands. “I know you will. You’ve always been good to him.”
Buck smiles, the particular smile he has that lights the world up. It’s one he often gets talking to Eddie or Chris or Theo. The smile he reserves for his family.
“Thanks, Chris.”
Chris’ sappiness quota unfortunately runs out, so he just squeezes Buck’s hand again before going back to making his paper wrap. Buck stands up from the table and opens the door to the backyard to check on Theo, who is now covered in dirt.
“I’M ALL DONE!” Theo shouts from the backyard.
“Awesome, buddy!” Buck calls back. “Remember to wipe your feet!”
Theo comes stumbling into the house with his last batch of flowers, and hands them to Buck as he wipes his feet on the doormat. Buck starts washing them off as Theo sits on the chair beside Chris, getting dirt all over the floor. They’ll clean it later.
“Hi, Chris,” Theo says. “What’s that?”
“This is paper that I’m wrapping to put Eddie’s flowers in,” Chris tells him. Buck comes up behind him and hands him the full bouquet of flowers, and Chris puts it in the wrap and ties it together with a thick orange thread from one of Buck’s yarn spools.
“Cool!” Theo stares at the bouquet with wonder. “It’s so pretty!”
It really is, Chris thinks. Theo picked an assortment of daisies, sunflowers, and marigolds, which Buck arranged into a neatly designed bouquet. Chris thinks his dad is going to love it, especially since each member of his family contributed to it.
“Hey, Theo,” Chris says. “Why don’t you go wake up Eddie?”
“Okay!” Theo says, jumping off the chair and running through the hallway. Buck calls out, reminding him not to run inside the house, but Theo disregards it as usual. Buck sighs to himself before looking at the table, where Eddie’s flower bouquet lays.
“Dad’s gonna love it,” Chris tells Buck. “He’s such a sap for stuff like this.”
Buck, who had started busying himself with making a cup of coffee for Dad, puts the mug down and curses. When Chris looks at him, questioning, he explains.. “I didn’t come up with what I’m going to say to Eddie! I have nothing!”
“EDDIE!” They hear Theo yell from across the house. “WAKE UP!”
Chris snorts. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, Buck. Just tell Dad whatever comes to mind when you think about him. Just try not to lose the metaphor, okay?”
“That’s exactly what I’m worried about,” Buck says glumly.
“I was kidding,” Chris replies. “You’ll be fine, seriously. Just tell him you love him, and the rest will come to you as you go, I think.”
Buck looks at him, thoughtful. “When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve always been wise.”
“That’s true,” Buck muses. Little footsteps pitter-patter down the hallway, and Theo comes running out to the kitchen to announce that “EDDIE’S AWAKE!”
“Thank you, Theo,” Buck tells him. Theo sits back in his seat next to Chris at the dining table, fidgeting with excitement. His fists come up to his mouth again. Buck, conversely, looks like he’s about to throw up. He’s vibrating out of his skin as he finishes stirring sugar into Dad’s coffee, and then he leans against the counter and tries to look nonchalant. Chris picks up the bouquet and sticks it in front of Buck.
“The flowers, Buck.”
“Right.” Buck takes the bouquet and holds it protectively to his chest.
“Hello?” Dad calls out from the hallway. Chris watches as he emerges from his room, the door closing with a click behind him. “Why is it so quiet out here?”
“Hey, Dad!” Chris calls. “We’re in the kitchen!”
“Okay!” Dad calls back. He enters the kitchen a few seconds later, leaning against the doorway on his non–stabbed side to support himself. He’s wearing an LAFD shirt that’s way too big for him, which Chris knows means it’s Buck’s, and a pair of basketball shorts. His hair is messed up and curling at the ends the way it always does when he’s had a good nap, and he’s rubbing at his eyes and yawning. Chris takes a look at Buck and finds him holding the flowers with a death grip, face red and cartoon hearts in his eyes. Chris sighs.
“Hey, guys,” Dad says. He pushes himself off the doorway and ruffles Chris’ hair before kissing his head. Theo stands up on his chair and pokes his head out so Dad can give him a kiss, too. Dad does, pulling away with a big mwah sound, before he leans against the counter across from Buck. In a short, robotic movement, Buck hands Dad his coffee.
“Ooh, coffee,” Dad holds the cup with both hands and closes his eyes in satisfaction as he takes a sip. Chris can tell Buck finds this very cute by the way his breathing quickens. Theo looks between the two of them and grins, sitting back down on his hands.
“Thanks, Buck,” Dad says. “Hope I didn’t sleep for too long.”
“No!” Buck springs to action. “No such thing, Eds. You need your rest.”
“Okay,” Eddie replies, a little bashful. “I do feel better.”
“See?” Buck says. “I told you.”
Dad rolls his eyes at him, but his expression is fond. Gooey and gross, Chris thinks, and now Dad has cartoon hearts for eyes too. Buck doesn’t notice, still too nervous.
“Uh, Buck,” Chris says. “Didn’t you have something you wanted to say to Dad?”
“Right!” Buck nods, as Dad looks at him, curious. “Y–yeah, I did.”
“Okay.” Dad smiles softly. “What’s up, bud?”
“I love you,” Buck says. It rushes out of him in one fell swoop. He hasn’t even handed Dad the flowers yet.
Chris facepalms. Well, that’s one way to do it.
Dad blinks at him. “You–what?”
“A–and these are for you!” Buck says loudly, shoving the flowers at Dad. Dad finally notices them, and his entire face softens even further when he sees the bouquet. He takes them gingerly, holding them as if they’re the most precious thing in the universe. And maybe, Chris thinks, to his Dad, they are. Dad runs his fingers over the petals, mesmerized.
“Are these from the garden?”
“I picked them all!” Theo says proudly. Dad looks to him, equally proud.
“You did, bud?” Theo nods. “I love them, Theo. Thank you.”
Theo’s grin grows even wider, beaming from head to toe.
“Chris helped with the paper wrap,” Buck adds. “And I arranged the bouquet. I, uh, wanted a piece of everyone in the family to be there.”
“Oh,” Dad says, his voice getting scarily wobbly. “And you made me this, because…?”
“I love you, Eddie,” Buck says, painfully earnest. Chris can feel it in his own heart. “I’m in love with you, and I think I always have been. And I–I don’t know if you feel the same, but I needed you to know. I want to make you coffee and give you flowers every day for the rest of our lives. I want to tuck you into bed and I want to watch you wake up and kiss our kids on the head. I want this life, this family, with you forever. I want you forever.”
Chris’ dad looks like all the breath’s been punched out of him. His eyes are wide and watery, big and brown as they stare right at Buck. He grips the flower bouquet tightly in his hand, his coffee mug abandoned on the counter. When he inhales, it’s shaky.
“Buck,” Dad says, voice cracking. “God, Buck. I love you too. So much.”
Chris watches as Buck breaks. The tension in his shoulders drops, his nervous expression melts into a relieved, overjoyed smile, and he’s taking steady, sure steps towards Dad, hands reaching out to grab at his waist. Eddie tilts his head up and beams at him, clutching the flowers with one hand and cupping Buck’s face with the other.
Theo turns to Chris and gasps. Chris grins back at him.
“Good job, Theo,” Chris whispers to him. “This was all you.”
Theo turns his big eyes on Chris. “I helped make Buck and Eddie happy?”
“Yeah,” Chris says, a lump regrettably forming in his throat. “Super happy.”
Back at the counter, a tear slips down Dad’s face. Buck wipes it away. Chris has to blink to keep himself from crying. When was the last time someone wiped his Dad’s tears?
“I want this with you forever, too,” Dad is saying, now. “I’m so lucky to have you and Theo in our family, Buck. You're the best friend I’ve ever had. And the love of my life.”
“And you’re mine,” Buck says back. “To both things.” He ducks his head down to press his forehead to Dad’s, and Chris feels like he should look away but he can’t. Theo can’t, either, which makes Chris feel a little better. He at least has the willpower of a four year old.
“Thank you for the flowers, by the way,” Dad whispers. “They’re beautiful.”
Buck’s smile could power all of L.A. in a backout. “Just like you.”
Dad blushes even more, if that’s possible. “Buck.”
“What?” Buck laughs as Dad squeezes his eyes shut. “I’m serious!”
Dad opens his eyes and smiles at Buck, shaking his head. His eyes crinkle with happiness. He uses his hand on Buck’s cheek to draw him even closer.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Dad tells him. “Kids, look away.”
“Okay!” Theo says obediently, slapping his hands over his eyes. Chris turns his head, but not before catching a glimpse of Buck and Dad leaning closer, both smiling so big Chris isn’t sure how they’re going to even be able to kiss. But they must succeed at it, because many seconds later, when Chris deems it safe to turn back around, he is unfortunately wrong. Buck has Dad loosely caged into the counter, their smiles pressed into each other, and Chris can’t decide if he wants to throw up, or throw his hands up and run laps around the room.
Thankfully, he doesn’t have to do either, because Theo opens his eyes at the same time, and decides the only proper reaction is to go “EWWWWW!” at the top of his lungs.
Dad and Buck break apart immediately giggling at Theo’s scrunched up disgusted face and Chris’ eye roll. “Alright,” Buck says, pulling back from Dad. “We’re done now.”
“Thank God,” Chris says. “Buck, can you make dinner now?”
Dad laughs, a bright giggle Chris has never heard from him before. Being in love and being loved back brought it out of him, Chris guesses. Buck seems mesmerized by it, staring at Dad until Theo walks over to him, hugging his leg. “Can I have mac and cheese?”
“We had mac and cheese yesterday, bud.”
“Come on,” Dad says, patting Buck’s bicep. “Let the kid have mac and cheese.”
Buck, predictably, folds halfway through that sentence. “Fine. Theo, I’ll make you some mac and cheese. I can do regular pasta for you and Chris? Sound good?”
Chris gives Buck a thumbs up. Buck puts a pot of water on the stove to boil, and Dad perches himself up on the counter, his usual spot while Buck cooks. When he adjusts himself he winces, and Buck notices immediately. He reaches out to put his hands on Dad’s waist, helping him settle into a more comfortable position before bending down to kiss his cheek. Dad does that giggle again, touching the spot where Buck kissed him, a little awestruck.
Chris wants to gag. Next to him, Theo tugs on Chris’s shirt with his mouth open, eager to ask a question. Chris leans down to hear him better, but his “whisper,” is, of course, loud enough for Buck and Dad to hear perfectly well from the kitchen counter.
“Are Buck and Eddie married now?”
Buck whips his head towards Theo at lightning speed.
Eddie frowns. “What?”
“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Buck tells him.
“I’m worrying about it a little, Buck.”
“If I had it my way, you’d never worry about a thing again.”
“That’s a little extreme.”
“No it’s not. Nothing is too extreme for you!”
Their banter fades into the background with the slowly boiling water. Chris grins and wraps an arm around Theo’s shoulders, whispering back to him.
“You know what, bud? I think we got it right earlier.”
Theo looks at Chris, and tilts his head to the side like a confused puppy. Chris tugs Theo to his side and squeezes him tight, setting Theo off in a fit of giggles. Dad catches sight of them and smiles, sappy and dimpled. Buck follows Dad’s gaze and his eyes immediately start watering. Dad takes Buck’s hand, holds it tightly in his. Chris’ heart settles in his chest.
“They’ve been married for a long, long time.”